Queer TTC January 2008! - Page 9 - Mothering Forums

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#241 of 598 Old 01-14-2008, 11:29 AM
 
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Deal Frog!!! You're too funny.

DS Alexander Joseph born 6/29/09
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#242 of 598 Old 01-14-2008, 11:36 AM
 
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Originally Posted by BurtsGirl View Post
Still not charting and that's really helped the strees/emotional levels.
Good to hear that I am not the only one here who doesn't chart! My AF is so ridiculously regular that it never really occurred to me to do so, but seeing that almost everyone does was giving me second thoughts.

Is it bad that I kind of like not knowing every single detail of my cycle? : Don't get me wrong - I can definitely see why it is important, especially for those trying to time assisted IUIs and all. But I just assume that since my cycle is 28 days long, I O sometime near day 14. Worked for me last time, so here's to hoping.

And Pranava - I too have a friend who has had two kids and never got a positive pee stick. She had to have it confirmed by blood tests both times.

lemurmommies, loving wife to ruvalokiteshvara, proud moms to our intact son E (12/06), and mourning the loss of our daughter Noelle (stillborn 12/08).
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#243 of 598 Old 01-14-2008, 11:59 AM
 
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pranava, frog, burtsgirl, jenn - :

angela

sorry not so talkative this morning (obviously just emoting) - but could I get a group yell at my ovaries?:

OVULATE ALREADY!

Sheesh.

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#244 of 598 Old 01-14-2008, 01:46 PM
 
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JenInMlps Maybe your ovaries need a little jolt : There - that ought to do it!

What I need is a safe with a timed lock to put my thermometer in. It should open only at 6am, retrieve the thermometer out of my mouth at 6:05, and keep it locked up and out of my reach the rest of the day. I woke up last night at 2 am with cramps and immediately temped becuase I'm anxious and obsessed. 97.7!!! A full degree drop from the day before. Thus ensued major FREAK OUT complete with crying and begging the fertility goddess. I was sure af was right around the corner. I finally went back to sleep. Woke up at my usual time of 6:30 am to a temp of 98.4. Whew! What a relief, although that is a bit below yesterday, so I'm a little worried. Anyway, BFN again this morning, but it's noon now and no AF. If I don't see a BFP tomorrow, I'm calling the doctor for a blood test!

Thanks for all the support!! You guys help me stay semi-sane over here

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#245 of 598 Old 01-14-2008, 03:38 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lemurmommies View Post
Good to hear that I am not the only one here who doesn't chart! My AF is so ridiculously regular that it never really occurred to me to do so, but seeing that almost everyone does was giving me second thoughts.

Is it bad that I kind of like not knowing every single detail of my cycle? :
I temped for pretty much an entire year last year. This is our fifth attempt in 6 cycles. For me, being chained to the thermometer and constantly analyzing my chart was really starting to make me crazy and the emotional toll was enough for me to take a break. Since we time our insems with a doc and OPK's I saw no reason to temp and it has been a huge release. I'm not quite as obsessed as before, still a little, but I don't really have anything to obsess over. I think there is definately something to be said about not knowing every single detail. I have no idea when I O'ed and at first, because I'm a control-freak, that freaked me out but once I relaxed and realized it will happen when it's supposed to happen I was a little more ok with the unknown. Sometimes, at least for me, ignorance is bliss! This is my life lesson, letting go.

-Rachel

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#246 of 598 Old 01-14-2008, 07:01 PM
 
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KK That's so reassuring to know you didn't get a BFP till 14dpo. That may still be 2 days away for me since I can't really tell what day I o'ed.

Enough about me, I haven't seen you posting much lately. How are you doing? Everything progressing well?
Oh you're very sweet for asking! I'm really well...well, actually I'm STILL nauseous/vomiting, which I feel really ripped about because this is my 18th week! I think I'm gonna be one of the unlucky ones that gets the awful 1st trimester symptoms all the way through their pregnancy

But all in all I'm really enjoying being pregnant. I have the ultrasound to determine sex on 1st Feb, which I'm really excited & impatient for (although I really don't care if it's a boy or a girl or a hermaphrodite). Apparently I should start to feel him/her kicking now but I haven't noticed a thing! I had the 12-week ultrasound, which was amazing because you could see this little baby sitting there with his/her ankles crossed and playing with his/her hands in the amniotic fluid. It was really very cool!

I just remembered that if you look at FF's 'research' articles, one of them is about average DPO for a BFP. The mean was day 14 from memory, meaning 50% of people don't get a BFP until after day 13. So you're totally fine!

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KK- It's great to hear from you! Come join us in the Queer and Pregnant thread, if you feel like it.

All's well on this side of the fence. I'm at 11 weeks, have heard the heartbeat and seen the baby, and am finally feeling confident that this might be a sticker. Thanks, folks, for being such a great, supportive group.
I'd love to come join the queer & pregnant thread - I kinda' assumed there was one, I just never got around to looking for it, so thanks for that!

Isn't hearing the heart-beat for the first time just magical?! It makes it all so real! Awesome that you're almost through the 1st trimester. It's so goddamn nerve-wracking isn't it?! I found I was constantly trying to stop myself getting too focussed and attached to the pregnancy just-in-case, but how the hell do you do that??!

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KK: Nice to see you 'round these parts. Hope your pregnancy is treating you kindly. How old is Ali now? Is she wonderful?
Hi hi! I was wondering when/if you'd pop up again - I've been wondering how every thing's going for you?? Ali's 7 months old now and really really cute! She's so much more fun now because she's really interactive, and heaps smiley - she just loves people! We really couldn't have asked for a better little girl...except for the sleeping thing. She's still not sleeping through the night, not even nearly - some babies sleep through at 6 weeks! We're gonna have to pay a specialist to come and help us because it's driving us nuts. Annie hasn't slept more than 3 hours consecutively in 7 months, so she's pretty tired! And once the next baby (which we've nicknamed Rua - number 2 in Maori) comes along we won't have the energy for 2 of them to be up all night, at different times - can you imagine! So Ali's got just a few months to get her shit together. If only you could talk reason to them!!
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#247 of 598 Old 01-14-2008, 08:08 PM
 
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my son didn't sleep through the night until he had ALL of his teeth in.


: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#248 of 598 Old 01-14-2008, 08:53 PM
 
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my son didn't sleep through the night until he had ALL of his teeth in.

Mine's 13 months and there's no sign of sleeping through the night either... la la la.

lemurmommies, loving wife to ruvalokiteshvara, proud moms to our intact son E (12/06), and mourning the loss of our daughter Noelle (stillborn 12/08).
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#249 of 598 Old 01-15-2008, 07:47 AM
 
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Oh man you guys have just ruined my blissful ignorance and baseless hope!

That's insane - you don't get all of your teeth until about 2 years old do you?! And 13 months is double what we've already done!

Did you guys try control crying or get a midwife to spend a night with you or any of those options? We're tossing up all of these type options but don't really have a clue what we're doing We started sleeping her on her stomach 3 nights ago because we figure she's strong enough to move her head around, and it put a stop to the waking up every 45 minutes. Which she was doing literally all night every night for a while. But there's still a long way to go!

Anyway, I don't want to take up a ttc thread with young baby struggles.

Pranava - during my first 3 weeks (well, my first trimester but particularly my first 3 weeks) or pregnancy I got so many cramps, just like period cramps, constantly. I kept being so sure that I was about to miscarriage. It felt just like my period, and came on and off all day. But apparently that's completely normal. Which sucks for paranoia!
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#250 of 598 Old 01-15-2008, 07:50 AM
 
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Did you guys try control crying or get a midwife to spend a night with you or any of those options?
Gently, you should know that discussions about control crying or crying it out don't go over well on MDC. I think it's in the user agreement that it won't be discussed/advocated.

One gorgeous solstice babe 12/08, two smitten mothers - mothering consciously with conscience and compassion. Birth & Postnatal Doula. Student Midwife. Expecting #2 November '12.

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#251 of 598 Old 01-15-2008, 09:58 AM
 
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Anyway, I don't want to take up a ttc thread with young baby struggles.
Honestly, it gives me hope to see people talk about, you know, actual babies.
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#252 of 598 Old 01-15-2008, 09:59 AM
 
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I can't keep my pants snapped this morning. Every time I move, they pop open. I've had these pants for a while, now, and this has never happened.

I'm amused.
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#253 of 598 Old 01-15-2008, 11:01 AM
 
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I hate when that happens! And yet...I still drive right past the gym on the way home...gym bag nestled safely in my trunk.

So...yesterday I went to see an RE about possibly switching to IUI in the next cycle or two...if this one doesn't take of course. Bad news...they only work with sperm banks that are registered in our state. The other bad news is...I have to go to this RE if I want my insurance to cover a good portion of the costs. I work for a medical system...and they give us really good coverage for AI if we go to someone here within this system. I'm not sure if I'd run into the same problem elsewhere...but I'm just not ready to switch banks. I guess we'll stick it out a while longer with at home ICI.

The good news is...my chart is making me happy today. The temps are back up after the dip..and actually higher than they were before!

DS Alexander Joseph born 6/29/09
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#254 of 598 Old 01-15-2008, 11:04 AM
 
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I hate when that happens! And yet...I still drive right past the gym on the way home...gym bag nestled safely in my trunk.
See, that's the weird part: I've lost weight since the last time I wore these!

Yay for a happy-making chart! Woot!
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#255 of 598 Old 01-15-2008, 11:22 AM
 
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Mine's 13 months and there's no sign of sleeping through the night either... la la la.
Mine woke multiple times until 20 months, when we nightweaned. Nightwaking is totally developmentally normal, much to the dismay and sleeplessness of many
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#256 of 598 Old 01-15-2008, 12:30 PM
 
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That's insane - you don't get all of your teeth until about 2 years old do you?!
No, you don't, and that is exactly when T started sleeping all night, every night, was when those molars came in and were through. Around 2 years and 3 months (luckily he got them in early, some kids don't get them all until nearly 3). Up til then we just got by. There was a lot of rocking, a lot of nursing (night nursing for food every night through 1 year old and beyond), and a lot of singing and rocking on the part of my wife. A lot of sleeping in the rocking chair, too.

We were just tired, and that was the reality. We were frustrated until we realized that the whole situation was beyond our control and that we just needed to adjust our expectations. I would get so mad at T for just being awake, and it took a lot of work on my part to deal with the fact that he couldn't help it, and I still had to be a good mom. And honestly? I still deal with this and I am not as good of a nighttime parent as my wife.

With your new baby, you may need to divide and conquer - you sleep with Rua in a different room while someone else tends to Ali during the night. Because no matter what you do or try, if she isn't ready to get her shit together, she isn't going to and forcing her to do so isn't going to be good in the long run. Those babies who sleep through at 6 weeks old are few and far between.

And it's not really insane - I know someone (in this forum ) who didn't sleep through the night until she was twelve. Now *that's* insane.

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#257 of 598 Old 01-15-2008, 12:53 PM
 
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So...yesterday I went to see an RE about possibly switching to IUI in the next cycle or two...if this one doesn't take of course.... I'm not sure if I'd run into the same problem elsewhere...but I'm just not ready to switch banks. I guess we'll stick it out a while longer with at home ICI.
hi Jenn -- we did 2 at-home IUI cycles with my partner as the inseminee, using 2 different friends who were a nurse and an about-to-graduate nursing student and me as the hand-holder... I'd be happy to talk more with you about how that worked, if it's something you'd be into considering. All we paid for was the donor sperm, though we offered to pay our friends, who declined.

JD
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#258 of 598 Old 01-15-2008, 01:05 PM
 
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We're doing at-home IUIs with a midwife. Very affordable.
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#259 of 598 Old 01-15-2008, 01:15 PM
 
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Thanks snoopy! Yeah...if this cycle doesn't take...I'd really like to talk to you about that. I mean...I was very leary about going to an RE for this anyway. I would much rather do it at home...but I was concerned about how to go about that. So, if there are ways...I'd definitely be interested! Thanks again!

DS Alexander Joseph born 6/29/09
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#260 of 598 Old 01-15-2008, 01:17 PM
 
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Yup, I also did the at-home IUI route, mostly with a nursing-student friend, occasionally with a midwife-to-be friend, and one cycle with a homebirth midwife. My friends wouldn't accept payment, so all I paid for there was the sperm and shipping. The homebirth midwife (who was great) charged $100/insemination, with no required pre-visits, testing, whatever, so this was still a lot cheaper than going to a clinic or an RE (which my insurance wouldn't pay for).

And I echo snoopy- feel free to PM me if you have questions about logistics.

A, partner to J, mama to O, now with a new username!

Building queer family since 2008!

(and oh, did i mention we're having twins?!?)

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#261 of 598 Old 01-15-2008, 01:25 PM
 
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Wow...that really gives me hope then! I kind of wanted to go the IUI route...but I just didn't have a clue how to go about it...that's why I went to see the RE. It's not as much of a cost issue as a control issue. I don't want to have to rely on some clinic...or have the impersonal feeling. I just kind of wanted it to be at home for a more comfortable situation for me and DW. We are the first of our friends that have started this process...so it's great to be able to come here for advice. Thank you guys sooo much!!! I think I'll maybe look into the midwife thing. You guys are the best!!

DS Alexander Joseph born 6/29/09
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#262 of 598 Old 01-15-2008, 02:43 PM
 
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Hi all.

Bleh, this is supposed to be a very exciting week for us... sperm arriving on Thursday.. Looking to inseminate Friday / Saturday. But now my DP is sick with a stomach flu. She has been layed up in bed all day yesterday and today and this morning she was running a fever... 99.7... so there goes the charting! And then I wonder if we should even try when she is sick. Grrr...

Then on a funny but not so funny note... last night the vaginal speculums that I ordered arrived and i couldn't wait to try them out! (Weird I know). Well, first of all she was sick and not really too excited about the endeavor. And then it was a comedy of errors. I'm in the medical field and thought I would be able to do this no problem... Well, it didn't go as smooth as I hoped and I think I ended up pinching her cervix. Ouch!! I did however get to see a lot of lotiony CM on CD10 and that was kinda fun. There wasn't much going on there til last night.

And speaking of do-it-yourself IUI, I had entertained that thought thinking I could certainly do that at home. I've placed lots of urinary catheters... it couldn't be much harder than that could it? Well, apparently I have some speculum skills to master first! I'm not even sure if I'm going to try the speculum again. We are doing ICI right now and there really isn't a need. I think I was more traumatized by my ineptness than DP... she really was rather nice about it all.

The crazy stuff we do TTC!!

Well, off to work...

Frog, I am really hoping this is it for you... that would be great!

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#263 of 598 Old 01-15-2008, 02:50 PM
 
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Bad News - My temp dropped this morning and I think af is here now. BFN again this morning - just checking to be sure. I don't know what could have happened. With af 3 days late, those super high temps, and symptoms, I can only suspect it was another chemical pregnancy maybe? Now DW and I are trying to decide whether to give it one more month at home, or move on to doctor assisted IUI. We don't know where the money's going to come from, so I'm Waiting to O now, but may need to Take a Break when we evaluate our finances tonight.

Thanks everybody for your support the past couple of days. For those of you out there who are already moms, is it worth all this heartache? Sometimes I think I cannot go on trying.

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#264 of 598 Old 01-15-2008, 02:56 PM
 
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Oh, pranava.
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#265 of 598 Old 01-15-2008, 02:57 PM
 
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Pranava, s.

Sorry about your news.

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#266 of 598 Old 01-15-2008, 02:59 PM
 
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Bad News - My temp dropped this morning and I think af is here now. BFN again this morning - just checking to be sure.
Oh hugs to you. I'm really sorry to hear that. And no matter how hard it is to do, try to remember that you aren't doing anything wrong. BFNs just happen, and some people take longer to get pregnant than others, queer or not.

lemurmommies, loving wife to ruvalokiteshvara, proud moms to our intact son E (12/06), and mourning the loss of our daughter Noelle (stillborn 12/08).
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#267 of 598 Old 01-15-2008, 03:08 PM
 
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Oh man you guys have just ruined my blissful ignorance and baseless hope!

That's insane - you don't get all of your teeth until about 2 years old do you?! And 13 months is double what we've already done!
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No, you don't, and that is exactly when T started sleeping all night, every night, was when those molars came in and were through. Around 2 years and 3 months (luckily he got them in early, some kids don't get them all until nearly 3). Up til then we just got by. There was a lot of rocking, a lot of nursing (night nursing for food every night through 1 year old and beyond), and a lot of singing and rocking on the part of my wife.
As Jen said, nope, most kids don't get all of their teeth until sometime in their third year (between their second and third birthdays.) DS is 13 months, and a very good night is one where he only wakes twice to bottlenurse. He bottlenurses for food each and every night, taking about 12 ounces. He's in no way ready to nightwean, and I am certainly not going to force the issue. As another pp said, it is completely developmentally normal.

DS' sleep actually played a large part in timing TTC #2. Our known donor was in town in November, and we could have given it a shot then. But DP and I talked seriously about it and decided that if we did get pregnant, out DCs would be just too close together for us to really handle. She's not so good at the nighttime parenting, since she works outside the home and really needs her sleep. And if we had two getting up at night, she'd HAVE to help. So we waited a few more months. My hope is that with a spacing somewhere around 24 months, DS will be a lot closer to sleeping through the night than he is now.

lemurmommies, loving wife to ruvalokiteshvara, proud moms to our intact son E (12/06), and mourning the loss of our daughter Noelle (stillborn 12/08).
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#268 of 598 Old 01-15-2008, 03:10 PM
 
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sorry to hear that, pranava.
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#269 of 598 Old 01-15-2008, 03:56 PM
 
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Pran- I'm so sorry, sister. If you need to talk feel free to PM me.

-Rachel

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#270 of 598 Old 01-15-2008, 03:58 PM
 
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Pranava, big, big hugs. I know that this process can feel so gutting and overwhelming, and fill you with despair.

I don't have a kid yet, so I can't answer the "is it worth it?" question (though all of my child-raising friends assure me that it is), but I can tell you that the six cycle attempts it took me to get pregnant, which were full of heartache and trauma, faded away completely once I got that BFP. I know that sounds crazy, but it's honestly true. When I read back on my old posts, I know logically that I really did feel that desperate, depressed, at the end of my rope, etc., but those feelings just disappeared completely once I got pregnant.

In terms of moving on to IUI, many of my friends who tried ICI at home for several months did find that moving on to IUI was helpful. And as I posted earlier, it doesn't have to be prohibitively expensive. We did most of ours DIY, but even the midwife who came one cycle only charged $100/insem. If you do two IUIs per cycle, that's still not going to cost you anymore than the three vials of sperm you used for a home ICI this time, right?

I know too that the money stuff gets really stressful, and "only" $200 starts adding up quickly if you're not flush, so please don't think that I'm being insensitive to that, or to the need to take a break for financial reasons. Most of my babymaking was financed by student loans, and I don't know what I would have done had that not been an option.

In any case, know that my thoughts are with you.

A, partner to J, mama to O, now with a new username!

Building queer family since 2008!

(and oh, did i mention we're having twins?!?)

KnittingTigers is offline  
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