The Queer & Pregnant thread - January/February 2008! - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
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#61 of 137 Old 01-26-2008, 06:16 AM
 
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i'm starting to have one. spotting this morning, and emergency ultrasound showed there's nothing growing in there. it's called blighted ovum. i can either wait for it to happen naturally or get a D&C. for now i am waiting. and may get D&C next week if it doesn't happen on its own.

i am going to leave these lists for a while, best of luck to you all. virtual life is not as interesting when real life is so lousy.

sadly, JD
I know you probably won't see this (my internet has been down so I've only just read all of your posts - I hope the damned thing works long enough to send this...) but I just wanted to say how terribly sorry I am that things have gone this way for you. You of all people deserved the baby and the pregnancy to work out, given the medical issues you're dealing with already. Life's so god damn unfair. Why you?? I just feel really terribly sorry that it went badly for you. Not that that helps you at all at the moment.

I was really enjoying your posts and getting to know you as well. So it'll be sad not having you around here any more. Though of course I understand - I would want to stay away from all things pregnancy related too.

I most of all want to say to you don't blame yourself. You did nothing wrong so I really hope you're not beating yourself up about anything.

Thanks heaps for your response to my post talking about feeling unreal and like a play. It really helped and made me feel normal and not like a crazy freak.
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#62 of 137 Old 01-28-2008, 02:46 AM
 
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Hi - I'm sorry I am not responding to others, because I haven't had time to read the whole thread yet! But please add us! me (momma & pg both times) and DP (mum) are TryingMommas and our second little one is slated to arrive the first week of October 2008.

Thanks!
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#63 of 137 Old 01-28-2008, 12:51 PM
 
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Hi everyone. I haven't been on in a couple of days, but I wanted to say how deeply sorry I am for Snoopy13. I know she probably won't see this, but I just want to put it out there. I can't imagine the sadness she and her family are feeling right now. Much love and light are being sent out to them.

Not much new here with me. Plugging along. 27 weeks in two days. I've been battling a head cold for a couple of days and it SUCKS. I haven't slept well due to the coughing, sneezing, congestion, etc... so the days at work seem reeeeeeeeally long. I took a benadryl at my midwife's suggestion, and went into a complete panic for 24 hours afterwards. I swore that the baby wasn't moving and demanded an ultrasound. Of course, the little one was squirming away as usual and I just couldn't feel her as strongly. I'm realizing that it's better for me to just follow my gut at all times...

How's everyone else?
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#64 of 137 Old 01-28-2008, 02:54 PM
 
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i'm still around... didn't really succeed in staying off-line. i go in for the d&c tomorrow after a weekend of on-and-off bleeding/cramping... i feel ok about it, more or less... it's sad but not unexpected, i'm 40 and my donor is 53, both factors increase the chance of early miscarriage to about 50%... and nothing indicates that i would have any greater risk of future trouble.

and now i can get an MRI to find out if there's something new causing the numbness -- although the numbness has been subsiding -- so it really may have been hormonally-triggered -- and am going to get an appointment with a myelitis expert in baltimore for a second opinion...

so i will likely be lurking around this thread till i can rejoin as a member, and wish everyone the best. in the meantime, i'm drinking a little caffeinated tea, enjoying klonopin and ibuprofen, and look forward to lifting heavy objects and soaking in hot tubs sometime soon.

JD
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#65 of 137 Old 01-28-2008, 10:34 PM
 
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Snoopy 13, I'm so sorry to hear your story. I hope your healing goes well and you're back soon.

I'm new on this thread but I'm at 36 weeks now. We're due with our first on Feb. 24 or thereabouts. We actually had a terrible car accident last week and although we're all fine, I did end up in the hospital overnight in early labor. It was very scary. We were out of town so I didn't have my mid-wife. Instead I was hooked up to all kinds of things in a hospital with an OB. Not exactly the birth we were planning. I'm happy to say, though, they were able to stop the contractions and we're all back home safe and sound.
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#66 of 137 Old 01-29-2008, 02:02 PM
 
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I am sorry for your loss

: DD 8/29/08 and twin boys 11/3/09
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#67 of 137 Old 01-29-2008, 06:55 PM
 
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i'm still around... didn't really succeed in staying off-line. i go in for the d&c tomorrow after a weekend of on-and-off bleeding/cramping... i feel ok about it, more or less... it's sad but not unexpected, i'm 40 and my donor is 53, both factors increase the chance of early miscarriage to about 50%... and nothing indicates that i would have any greater risk of future trouble.

and now i can get an MRI to find out if there's something new causing the numbness -- although the numbness has been subsiding -- so it really may have been hormonally-triggered -- and am going to get an appointment with a myelitis expert in baltimore for a second opinion...

so i will likely be lurking around this thread till i can rejoin as a member, and wish everyone the best. in the meantime, i'm drinking a little caffeinated tea, enjoying klonopin and ibuprofen, and look forward to lifting heavy objects and soaking in hot tubs sometime soon.

JD
JD I hope it all works out for the best in the long run - that you get to figure out the source of the numbness, AND get to be pregnant, all in the not so distant future.

That's a really awkward situation about how to brooch the donor question with your donor, given his recent loss. Are he and his partner trying again or are they leaving it for a while? I'd imagine it would be pretty hard to jump back on the wagon after their experience?? It would be difficult for you to be back at the donor question again though.

Hot soaks in the tub sound awesome right about now! I've been sick for the last couple of days, and there are so many restrictions on what you can do/take to make yourself feel better! My partner got sick too and it was difficult watching her embrace the feel-good options I couldn't!

tryingMommas & Jentina! Jentina - I wish I was 36 weeks along! This is my 20th week and I'm so god damn impatient to get to the end. Partly because I don't like how all over the shop I've become emotionally, but mostly because I'm so curious to meet the little one! My curiosity is way bigger than the 20 weeks I've still got to go!

I need to take a leaf from Angela's book - be calm, stable & stoked!

On Friday I have the sex-determining ultrasound that I'm counting down the hours towards! I'm also scared as hell because every time someone who knows I'm pregnant sees me they say how I'm not very big for 20 weeks. (People at work haven't even figured out I'm pregnant yet!) I'm starting to worry that something's wrong, and that I'll find out about it on Friday. I know this is probably a very controversial subject, but the 3 of us (my partner and the baby daddy) have all agreed that if the baby has spina-bifida or something in the same league that we would abort. Rob's brother is severely brain damaged and he says he just couldn't go through it all over again. (Not that spina-bifida patients are necessarily brain damaged.) Anyway, I'm scared to death that something will be wrong. There's no way I could abort at this stage. I just couldn't. So I'm just hoping I'm small just because I'm small. I have pretty good stomach muscles, and that apparently makes a difference to how you carry? And my mum said she was always small also. So hopefully it's attributable to those sorts of things.

I hope everyone is chugging along happily and well
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#68 of 137 Old 01-29-2008, 08:39 PM
 
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I got to hear the heartbeat today and see the baby. We saw a foot and a hand. It was so exciting! My DP was so excited as we watched the baby on the screen. Truly amazing... Just wanted to share my good news...

Number # 2 due 5/19/2011.
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#69 of 137 Old 01-29-2008, 08:42 PM
 
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I'm sorry for your loss, snoopy13.
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#70 of 137 Old 01-29-2008, 08:42 PM
 
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I got to hear the heartbeat today and see the baby. We saw a foot and a hand. It was so exciting! My DP was so excited as we watched the baby on the screen. Truly amazing... Just wanted to share my good news...
Yay!!!
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#71 of 137 Old 01-29-2008, 09:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey folks,

Sorry I've been so out of touch. I've been reading everyone's news, just not being so good about responding.

Snoopy- We've talked already in other places, but I just want to say here as well, I'm so sad about your loss. Selfishly, I feel sad for myself as well, since we know each other in real life, and I have already started planning for how our kids are going to be best queerspawn friends. Of course, that will still happen, I'm just sad that it won't be this cycle. Please know that we're all here, loving and supporting you, and keeping your place on this list warm.

TryingMommas- Welcome! We're glad to have you here!

Jentina- Oh my god, I'm so sorry to hear about your accident, but relieved that you're all okay. That must have been so terrifying. It's funny, I've always driven a small, crappy car, and since getting pregnant I find that I'm far more worried about safety, other drivers, etc, than ever before. Will the accident and early labor have any impact on your ultimate delivery/birthing plans? I hope not...

KK- Good luck at the scan! I'm sure that everything is going to be better than fine, but yes, it's always anxiety-producing to not know... I've also been thinking about what sorts of pre-natal and genetic testing I want to do. I haven't come to any firm answers, but it's a stressful, challenging subject, no matter what your beliefs are. I'll be thinking of you on Friday!

Solejean- Congrats on the heartbeat! Isn't that just the most amazing thing? Hearing the heartbeat with the doppler, and then seeing the baby on the ultrasound, was the first thing that made my pregnancy "real."

MsJodi- Hope you're feeling better. Everyone and their sister seems to have a cold here. I'm hoping to avoid it, or at least, avoid anything fever-bearing.

As for me, I'm doing well. My "morning" sickness has finally mostly abated, and though garlic is still banned from my proximity, everything else seems to be palatable, which is nice. I missed appreciating food, you know?

On a less rosy note, I toured the hospital last week and FREAKED OUT. Turns out that I hate hospitals and have no desire to give birth in one. Unfortunately, my insurance won't pay for a homebirth, and I feel like I've spent so much money on getting pregnant that I really can't borrow more for this, you know? The good news is that I love my midwife, and feel really positive about delivering with her. I'm also reading Ina May Gaskin's guide to childbirth, which has helped me think about what I want my birth to look like. Even though I'll be in a hospital setting, the book has given me a sense of what to ask for, what I want to have happen, not happen, etc., which is empowering.

Anyway, hope everyone else is doing well. I'm having a very intense craving for a bean burrito right now, and am trying to decide if I'm committed enough to actually leave my house and go get one... (Probably not, but who knows, cravings are powerful things...)

A, partner to J, mama to O, now with a new username!

Building queer family since 2008!

(and oh, did i mention we're having twins?!?)

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#72 of 137 Old 01-29-2008, 10:37 PM
 
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HI guys,

Just dropping in to let you all know that Florence was born early in the morning of the 23rd of January, scraping in for a vaginal birth just 8 hours before our scheduled section for postdates! She is gorgeous and we are thrilled to have a girl - we didn't know which made it very exciting for us and her big brothers!

She is breastfeeding really well and gained 4oz in her first week and for the first time we have a sleeper - she sleeps in 4-6 hours stretches at night, unlike her older brothers who were more of the 90mins between feeds variety. Don't know if it'll last but it's quite pleasant!

So sorry about your miscarriage Snoopy, take care.
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#73 of 137 Old 01-30-2008, 01:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Congrats NZmumof2!

Our first graduate! Many happy wishes to you and your family. And I'm so glad you got the vaginal birth you were hoping for!

Now, if you can bottle the secret of babies that sleep through the night, I'm sure the rest of the list will appreciate it...

A, partner to J, mama to O, now with a new username!

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(and oh, did i mention we're having twins?!?)

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#74 of 137 Old 01-30-2008, 01:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay folks, I think I've got all the updates, and I added a category to our front list for those who have suffered losses and will hopefully be back with us soon. Obviously if anyone would ever rather not be listed there, that's totally fine, I just thought it was a nice way to keep space here for those of us who have been pregnant, and then aren't.

Let me know if I've missed any changes, and feel free to PM me with suggestions, additions, corrections, etc.

A, partner to J, mama to O, now with a new username!

Building queer family since 2008!

(and oh, did i mention we're having twins?!?)

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#75 of 137 Old 01-30-2008, 09:25 PM
 
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Okay folks, I think I've got all the updates, and I added a category to our front list for those who have suffered losses and will hopefully be back with us soon. Obviously if anyone would ever rather not be listed there, that's totally fine, I just thought it was a nice way to keep space here for those of us who have been pregnant, and then aren't.

Let me know if I've missed any changes, and feel free to PM me with suggestions, additions, corrections, etc.
Thank you so much for facilitating this group, Angela. It really is awsome to have a place to go and chat that feels like home, kwim?
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#76 of 137 Old 01-30-2008, 09:43 PM
 
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congrats anna and leah! and thanks angela for the new category... lv jd
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#77 of 137 Old 01-31-2008, 01:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you so much for facilitating this group, Angela. It really is awsome to have a place to go and chat that feels like home, kwim?
No problem. I just felt so out of place in my due date club sometimes. There's one other semi-single mother who participates in it, and no other queers. I just feel like this forum is so much more comfortable and safe for me. And too, for those of us who have participated in the Queer TTC list, I think it's nice to have a space to continue the relationships and bonding that happen during the ttc process.

In other news...

I have been having the least productive days of my life lately. I thought that once I got pregnant I would feel some impetus to step up my work on my dissertation, so that I could hopefully finish a big chunk of it before the baby comes. In my first trimester, when I was sick and tired all of the time, I gave myself a reprieve from working too hard. But now I feel fine, and the truth is, if I have any dream of finishing my PhD by May 2009 (when my fellowship funding runs out) I need to be working my butt off NOW. And yet, I am so unmotivated...

Anyone else having trouble staying focused on the things they need to be getting done?

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(and oh, did i mention we're having twins?!?)

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#78 of 137 Old 01-31-2008, 03:02 PM
 
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Thought I would share a pic of our peanut with you all. I have them posted all up at work and even made a computer screensaver out of it hahaha obsessed much?

Anyway here is the sprout at 8w4d.

http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h1...ade/peanut.jpg

: DD 8/29/08 and twin boys 11/3/09
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#79 of 137 Old 01-31-2008, 05:33 PM
 
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Scalpel- YAY! What a beautiful photo of a beautiful little one! That's one fine lookin yolk sac he/she's got there... you all must be so proud! Wait til you see the little bugger dancing in there!

AngelaM- Get To Work! No excuses now sister; if you're not puking or sleeping, you should be working! (The funny thing about that is that I have barely done a single productive thing for my ENTIRE pregnancy thus far. I, like you, have no motivation for all the "stuff" I have to do...)

Things here are trucking right along. I can't believe I will be in the third trimester next week. The whole thing is just wild. Sometimes I catch my reflection in the mirror or a shop window and I can't believe that the lady with the belly is actually me.

I just finished up our registries and splurged on a newborn cloth diaper package... can't wait til it arrives!

how's everyone?
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#80 of 137 Old 01-31-2008, 07:29 PM
 
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I've done sweet nothing since I got pregnant. Actually no that's a lie. In my first trimester I worked my butt off because I had to get an abstract for a conference done. So amidst dashes to the bathroom I worked my little heart out. Then we had Chrissy break, and now nothing seems important anymore. I think doing a PhD is sometimes really hard to self motivate because all the deadlines seem miles away, and you're not affecting anyone else by being a lazy so and so. So it's so easy to just take a chill pill and go back to bed.

I know I've only got 4 months of work again, then a years break. So whatever I don't do now I'll do when I get back. And right now baby things seem so much more interesting and relevant.

Our current baby has been sick and hasn't slept properly for the last 3 nights, so tempers around here are starting to fray and I'm falling asleep on my work and can't concentrate. I guess the great thing about a PhD is that instead of just having to be at work pretending to do something you can just sleep and wait until you're ready to really do something.

I have my scan this afternoon. Simultaneously bouncing off the walls with excitement and terrified. The books say I should be feeling kicks frequently now, but I still don't know if I've felt one at all! My placenta is sitting at the front which apparently means I won't feel the kicks until a little later than everyone else. But still, it's freaking me out a little.

I'll be back in the arvo with an update...
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#81 of 137 Old 01-31-2008, 11:24 PM
 
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NZmumof2 Congratulations!

As for getting anything done - I've been too tired to get anything done. Plus my brain only seems to want to focus on pregnancy. So Angela you're not the only one.

KK Can't wait to hear about your scan.


Scalpel What a cute peanut!

Number # 2 due 5/19/2011.
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#82 of 137 Old 02-01-2008, 05:21 AM
 
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Well, bit of a mixed bag at the scan today. The baby's absolutely fine, which is the main thing and is such a relief because I had really talked myself in to something being wrong (when did I become such a hyper-paranoid person?!).

But unfortunately the baby had it's legs crossed tightly so you couldn't see it's bits, and we still don't know if it's a boy or a girl! How unfortunate! And because it's the last necessary scan for tests, there won't be another one before it's born. So now we're going to be in that 'keep it as a surprise' category of people (who don't want to find out), which I really didn't want to be in!

The ultrasound technician lady said that if she had to choose, she'd guess it was a girl because we couldn't see any dangly bits, but she really wasn't at all sure, which she kept reminding us about over and over.

I don't want to keep the surprise - the baby itself is enough of a surprise for me on the birth day! I want some of the surprise joy now!!

We were all so sure it was going to be a boy for some reason (something to do with the last scan) that it was a good warning to start thinking of girls names, which we're really struggling with. You think finding a name that 2 people like is hard, try 3 - it's impossible!

How is everyone else going on the naming front? I only seem to like unisex girls names, which Rob is okay with but Annie doesn't love. At the moment the only consensus on a girls name is Fin. Which I really love. But it would be good to have a few to choose from when we meet the baby. Any girls name suggestions I can pilfer?!

I'm interested to hear about the genetic & other tests done in America. In Australia the standard tests are a down syndrome test (1st trimester involves a blood test + ultrasound, or you can wait until 2nd trimester and just do it via blood test), and a spina bifida scan at 18 - 20 weeks (the one I had today).

The government will pay for the 2nd trimester down syndrome blood test and the spina bifida scan, but if you want the downs test in the 1st trimester you gotta pay for it.

Does that sound anything like the American system? I'm just curious to see how they compare...
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#83 of 137 Old 02-01-2008, 12:18 PM
 
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kk davey- Hmmm... I don't really know about what the government will pay for over here. I think most of it just depends on what type of insurance you have. Do you have a universal health care system in Australia? I am on dp's insurance, and we are very lucky that it is awsome. Paid for all our TTC costs (including IVF), excluding sperm and embryo storage. (I call them our "siblings on ice," my brother thinks that sounds like Icecapades!)

So our insurance basically covered any testing we wanted to have done, and any scans or ultrasounds. I also work for a women's health clinic, so I confess to having a quick peek at her a couple of times during slow days.

We are naming our little girl Delaney. No middle names yet, but I am hoping dp will agree to Rain. Something about Delaney Rain just sounds so perfect to me. We also liked Jayna, Anya, Tess, Sage, and a couple of others... none of which are gender neutral.

And I LOVE LOVE LOVE the name Fin. One of our cats is Finn, but that's short for Finnegan.
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#84 of 137 Old 02-01-2008, 12:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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KK- I'm so glad everything turned out healthy and happy! Congrats!

I too though would be going crazy to not know the sex of the baby! I already have the day picked out for our 18-week ultrasound. I've been thinking about names, but somehow I feel like I can't get too serious about it until I know whether it's a boy or a girl. Which is funny, because I want a gender-neutral name either way... Now, of course, your story has me worried that I'm not going to get to know ahead of time!

In terms of testing and scans, as MsJodi said, there isn't one standard protocol here. It depends both on the midwife/ob practice you see, and on what your insurance company will pay for (which varies widely depending on the company). MsJodi, that's great that yours payed for IVF. My state mandates that insurers pay for infertility treatment, but only for straight married couples. : As you can imagine, this makes me crazy. I was lucky in that I got pregnant without too much medical intervention (I basically just payed for sperm for six months of trying- I mean, that was still expensive, but nothing compared to IVF). One of my good friends, however, is a single lesbian and is having some significant fertility issues as she ttcs, and it makes me crazy that her insurance won't pay for the things for her that it would pay for a married hetero couple. Grrr...

Anyway, in terms of my own scans, tests, etc.- my midwife's practice doesn't do the first trimester downs scan, because the insurance of the most of the women they work with won't pay for it. So, I didn't have that done, though I'm wishing now that I had. It seems to be one of the best non-invasive indicators for downs, but it's not standard practice everywhere in the States. (It is, I believe, in the UK, and more places here are starting to offer it.) I'll have a scan at 18-20 weeks to determine the sex and check for any anatomical abnormalities. There's a blood test (the quad test) they can do at 15 or 16 weeks that indicates potential risk of downs or spina bifida. The problem is that it has an extremely high rate of false positives- for every 50 women who test positive on it, only 1 will have a baby with downs or spina bifida. And the only way to confirm the downs or SB is with an amnio. I think I'm going to do it, and just pray that I test negative on the blood work. I'm terrified of the idea of having an amnio (needle in the stomach! my worst nightmare!), especially since even with a positive blood test result, there's only a 2% chance that the amnio will reveal anything abnormal. Anyway, I'm sure my baby will be absolutely fine, but I have spent a lot of time worrying about this, for some reason...

Okay, off to try and get some work done!

Hope everyone's having a good day...

A, partner to J, mama to O, now with a new username!

Building queer family since 2008!

(and oh, did i mention we're having twins?!?)

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#85 of 137 Old 02-02-2008, 02:49 AM
 
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KK I think some coverage depends on the state you live in as well. I know in California some of the early testing is covered if a woman can't afford to have it done. I have pretty good insurance and could have done the early testing - blood work, ultrasound and chorionic villus (SP?) testing, but I decided to do the AFP blood test at 16 weeks and then if that isn't good then I might consider amnio. But with the false positive I don't know if I want to risk anything with an amnio. Guess I will cross that bridge if I come to it, but I am thinking positively that my baby is just fine and the test will come out just fine.

I go in March to get my 20 week scan - seems like a long time from now. I hope the baby cooperates because my DP really wants to know the sex.

I love the name Johnny, Sam, Jamie, Charlie for a girl.

Number # 2 due 5/19/2011.
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#86 of 137 Old 02-03-2008, 01:30 AM
 
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Wow, America couldn't be more different on the health front! The whole concept of health insurance depicting your quality/style of health care is very strange to me. What if you can't afford insurance? From a purely financial perspective, wouldn't it be cheaper for the state if they paid for the tests and then didn't have the subsequent expense of a special needs person for 50+ years? Or would the state not be covering the medical expenses of, for example, a spina-bifida patient? (Sorry - it sounds so callus talking about people purely in financial terms, but I'm just thinking of it in terms of state.)

Doesn't the current system also mean that the tests you get very much depend on the standard of your midwife/OB, and how informed they are??

I didn't realise there was such a high false positive rate for the blood test - we have it here and they mentioned it was a possibility but didn't quote stats like you guys are saying. Doesn't the amnio bring a risk of miscarriage with it? It would be hard to come to terms with if didn't need it in the first place & then miscarried.

Angela - I can't believe the health insurance companies have to cover married people but not queers/single?! (Australia's very homophobic in its policies also.) It seems amazing that you pay the same health insurance cover but don't receive the same coverage!

msjodi - good that they recognise your relationship and allow you to be on your DP's insurance? I don't think Australia would even get that far! Plus, I would LOVE to be able to sneak a peak whenever work was quiet! Then I would be able to determine the sex! I also love the name Delaney. It makes me think of good quality literature for some reason?! Australians would butcher it though. We're a very unsophisticated bunch, and all (nick)names have to end in 'ie' (like Billie) or 'o' (Stevo), and anything above 2 syllables is a definite no-go. I like Anya. I haven't heard that before. It has a smooth, pleasing sound to it.

Solejean - those are all the names I chose for a girl! But Annie wouldn't have it. I love Jamie and Charlie especially. I just think of a little girl with those names and think of a cheeky little thing with strong character.

Rob's friend is a radiographer, and has offered to do an MRI for us for free to try to determine the sex. The only problem is, I remembered having to sign a form saying I wasn't pregnant when I had my MRI done. I did a bit of research and the state of affairs seems to be this: there's no known problems for pregnant women, but hospitals only do them if there's a significant problem that can't be handled with any other imaging (e.g. ultrasound). I.e. they try to avoid them where possible. I spoke to Rob's friend though and she assures me that it's fine. She says they image pregnant women all the time. When I mentioned it to the ultrasound technician though, she said no don't do it. So I'm totally unsure now. I'd really love to but it's not worth a risk at all.
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#87 of 137 Old 02-05-2008, 05:14 PM
 
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Hi all, I havent caught up on all the past posts yet, but I just found this thread. I hope it doesnt die out! I am pregnant with our 2nd and 3rd (twins), due in June or July, and have a 2 year old with my wife Kari.

I am sooo glad that there is a place to talk about this, but I thought I would put something out there and see if anyone has some similar experiences or advise. My partner is a manager of a local hardware store (yes a total cliche, but she loves it and is really good at what she does ) needless to say she works with a lot of guys and most of them and the customers have had...well not so much exposure to lesbians (that they know of) or at least lesbians who are out and proud.

Well, having twins, and I guess I remember this when I was pregnant with ds#1 too, makes for a weird situation for her. She totally realates to couples talking about having kids and especially lately anyone who has twins, but surprisingly finds herself censoring what she sais in the name of professionalism. I think it must be so hard for her. I mean, I can obviously talk about her and being pregnant (I am a teacher in a very open community) but I dont know what to say that would help. I sure wish she felt like she could talk about expecting and me being pregnant and all....

sigh...the life in a homophobic (even if only subtly) society.
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#88 of 137 Old 02-05-2008, 05:47 PM
 
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MollyKenzie

I don't have any advice, but my DP, Lydia is in a similar situation. She works at an auto repair company. Lydia has worked there for around 14 years, but never has been out to them. When we discussed her taking off time from work for the birth of the baby she had to make some tough decisions. She came out to most of the people she works with and asked for time off in August. They were completely cool, but I know she still censors herself because in that environment there is some homophobia. I feel bad for her having to deal with that every day. But I am very proud of her for coming out and getting time off for the baby's birth.

Number # 2 due 5/19/2011.
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#89 of 137 Old 02-05-2008, 10:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Welcome MollyKenzie!

Twins! How exciting!

Hmm, that must be challenging for both you and Solejean's DPs. I too feel very lucky in that I work and study (I'm a grad student) in a very open, liberal environment, and have always been able to be very out about my sexuality, and now, about my pregnancy.

So, I had an exciting, nervewracking experience today, that relates to our earlier conversation about insurance coverage. I testified today, along with another queer friend who is ttc, at the State House, in support of a bill that would expand Rhode Island's infertility coverage to single women and lesbian couples. Currently infertility coverage is mandated, but only for heterosexually married women. This bill passed the house and senate last year, only to be vetoed by our governor, who said that he could not support a bill that would encourage children to be "born out of wedlock." Grrr... Anyway, the bill is back up for consideration in the house, and we spoke before the house committee that is dealing with it. It was my first time testifying at the state house, and although I'm generally a very confident public speaker, I definitely found it intimidating to talk about the very intimate personal details of my life to a room full of bored looking men in suits. But, hopefully it will make some difference. The governor will no doubt veto it again, but if we can get enough support in the legislature, they can override the veto. :

Alright, I'm off to Mexico for six days of vacation on Thursday, and need to do about 8 million things before I leave. The other day I tried on my favorite bathing suit, only to discover with horror that my annoyingly pregnant boobs could no longer be contained by it. Oh dear... Anyway, if there are any changes or updates to be made, I'll be back next Wednesday, and will make them then. In the meantime, good luck to everyone! I hope to come back and find that the entire TTC thread has graduated and joined us!

A, partner to J, mama to O, now with a new username!

Building queer family since 2008!

(and oh, did i mention we're having twins?!?)

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#90 of 137 Old 02-05-2008, 11:23 PM
 
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MollyKenzie, we're in a similar situation. My partner is out to some of her friends at work, but not her supervisors, and she is somewhat worried about how they will receive the news. I actually feel the same way - I am a teacher and I know the gossip will spread like wildfire both because it's triplets AND because of my family structure. I will not lie, so if they ask about a husband or anything, they will know. I am really NOT looking forward to it. I'm a good teacher, I love my job and I hate that we have to worry about these things.
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