The Queer & Pregnant thread - January/February 2008! - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-01-2008, 09:16 PM
 
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Congratulations Scalpel! I will be finding out at my 20 week ultrasound on March 14 if the baby cooperates.

Number # 2 due 5/19/2011.
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Old 03-02-2008, 02:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Congrats Scalpel! I go for my 18-week ultrasound on Wednesday, and can't wait to find out!

Okay, does anyone want to volunteer to start a new thread for March? I'm headed out of town for ten days this month, so it might be a good time for me to take a break from being threadkeeper. Duties are pretty minimal- you just copy the info from the first page, and make updates as needed. Let me know if you're interested. Thanks!

A, partner to J, mama to O, now with a new username!

Building queer family since 2008!

(and oh, did i mention we're having twins?!?)

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Old 03-03-2008, 04:48 PM
 
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Becca EDD 10/16/08
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Old 03-05-2008, 11:29 AM
 
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Hi Becca! Welcome and congratulations!!!

So I'm checking in to let you all know that birthing class sucked. It really did. I was all pumped and ready for it, and it sucked. Their were 4 couples in the class, the other three of which were VERY typical early-30's middle class white heterosexual married couples. The nurse/teacher was very old-school and REPEATEDLY used the word "Dads." Over and over again. Like, "So, Dads, what would you do?" And "Now remember Dads, such and such is an important job!" After the 3rd or 4th time, I looked at DP and said "Should we just go? Because we are totally invisible in this room." We stayed, and we didn't say anything, and I don't know if either was the right choice.

I know I can't run away and quit every time someone tries to illegitimize our family. I know that at every PTA meeting, every soccer game, every chorus concert, there will be someone who doesn't believe our family is as good as theirs. But it hurts. And it sucks. And we have no other option but to go back to that sucky class because it's the only one that's offered and I have NO IDEA HOW TO GIVE BIRTH. I know the teacher wasn't doing it on purpose, and she was actually filling in for the "real" teacher. If the new one isn't any better, we will have to discuss the issue with her. Whew...

In more exciting news, our friends are throwing us a shower/brunch this weekend, and it should be really fun. Lots of friends from all over are coming in for the occasion, and we'll get to touch base and hang out and relax and have a nice time. Plus, there will be cake.

And that is a very big plus.
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Old 03-05-2008, 12:41 PM
 
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Originally Posted by msjodi View Post
The nurse/teacher was very old-school and REPEATEDLY used the word "Dads." Over and over again. Like, "So, Dads, what would you do?" And "Now remember Dads, such and such is an important job!" After the 3rd or 4th time, I looked at DP and said "Should we just go? Because we are totally invisible in this room." We stayed, and we didn't say anything, and I don't know if either was the right choice.

I know I can't run away and quit every time someone tries to illegitimize our family. I know that at every PTA meeting, every soccer game, every chorus concert, there will be someone who doesn't believe our family is as good as theirs. But it hurts. And it sucks. And we have no other option but to go back to that sucky class because it's the only one that's offered and I have NO IDEA HOW TO GIVE BIRTH. I know the teacher wasn't doing it on purpose, and she was actually filling in for the "real" teacher. If the new one isn't any better, we will have to discuss the issue with her. Whew...

In more exciting news, our friends are throwing us a shower/brunch this weekend, and it should be really fun. Lots of friends from all over are coming in for the occasion, and we'll get to touch base and hang out and relax and have a nice time. Plus, there will be cake.
Popping in to this thread....Ms. Jodi, I'm so sorry to hear that the childbirth class was so bad. Ugh.

I had a couple of thoughts--one, do you know of any childbirth instructors in the area who aren't currently teaching? You might be able to find one through the Lamaze or Bradley organizations--I know my friend who is a childbirth instructor does private sessions with people (we are in a rural or relatively underpopulated area)--it may be worth exploring. Your local LLL might be able to point you towards people too.

If the 100% "dads" language continues, I'm glad to hear you plan to address it with the instructor. It could be intentionally exclusive, but it's probably not likely to be so, and the instructor may be open to constructive feedback. You could be helping the *next* queer couple who comes along in that way.

As far as the illegitimizing your family goes... honestly, we have never really had that happen, and our daughter is 5, and in her second year of school (Montessori). We do live in a moderately conservative rural area, and I anticipate there will be issues and concerns in the future, but it has been much less of an issue than I ever anticipated. The common bond of being parents has outweighed prejudice in many cases, and we have developed relationships with people that we otherwise never would have (and I suspect opened a few minds along the way).

Oh, and the giving birth thing? I was the PP who missed *that* class--the what to do during labor one--because I was giving birth. Even if you can't imagine it in your mind, your body 100% knows what to do!!

I hope you have an excellent brunch/shower this weekend--that sounds like a blast. And good luck with the class--I'll cross my fingers that the sub was just a fluke.
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Old 03-05-2008, 09:19 PM
 
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MsJodi - I'm sorry. Sounds really sucky and like all of our worst fears. I hope your real teacher is more sensitive than the one you had

AngelaM - When's your u/s - have you already had it? I'm dying to know!!!

One gorgeous solstice babe 12/08, two smitten mothers - mothering consciously with conscience and compassion. Birth & Postnatal Doula. Student Midwife. Expecting #2 November '12.

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Old 03-05-2008, 09:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay, I'm catching up with everyone!

MsJodi: I am so sorry. No one should have to deal with that, ever. I hope that things work out better for the next class...

Becca: Welcome! We're glad to have you here!

My news: ultrasound was today, and... it's a girl!

Okay folks, I'm leaving Friday morning, and won't be here to update the thread. Anyone want to start a March thread? Anyone...?

A, partner to J, mama to O, now with a new username!

Building queer family since 2008!

(and oh, did i mention we're having twins?!?)

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Old 03-06-2008, 09:55 AM
 
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Congratulations Angela! That's awesome! Even though I don't really know you I imagined you with a little girl. It just seems right.

Re the birthing classes - when we had our first we went to those classes at a hospital in the city, in the cultural capital of Australia (Melbourne), and they STILL referred to the partner as Dads. We were there (with a Dad and 2 mums), but other people were there with their sister or their mother - as in, many people don't have a partner and there are a lot of different versions to their traditional Dad. So I was very surprised at how backwards it was. Our teacher seemed quite uncomfortable about our situation - I was sure she was a closet dyke - it's always the most uncomfortable/homophobic that are suppressed queers!

Angela - I'm happy to be thread keeper. Between an 8 month old baby and my PhD and pregnancy I'm finding I have very little free time, and the free time I have a generally want to sleep, so I can't promise I'm going to be the most on-the-ball thread keeper. But I'm happy to give it a crack.
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Old 03-06-2008, 11:44 AM
 
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msjodi and angelam, thank you for the welcomes! This is my first pregnancy and I am not going to go to childbirth classes. I am grilling my doctor about everything. I swear she must hate me because I call her all the time with trivial questions, but that's what I pay her for, plus it makes me feel better lol. msjodi, I'm sorry you had to deal with that crap. There was this woman where I used to work and she would tell me that she was going to find a good man for me and then I would see how wrong my lifestyle was. Even though I probably should have decked her, I simply smiled and said that my lifestyle is not wrong and that everyone has their own opinion and I would appreciate it if she kept her opinions about my lifestyle to herself. She was a little unpleasant at first but then she warmed up and we were able to work together. So I wouldn't be hurt, I think you should keep going to those classes. Don't back down. Kill them with kindness!

angelam....congrats on a baby girl, that's what I'm secretly hoping for!
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Old 03-09-2008, 09:33 AM
 
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Re new thread manager (as I think Angela's away) - can we just keep using this thread, or do you have to have a new thread every month or something? Or for someone to take over thread keeping responsibilities from Angela a new thread needs to be started? Anyway, I'm the only one that volunteered so I guess I should start a new one? I'll do that tomorrow or something because I don't have time now...

Today was a little scary because I was attempting to fix the washing machine, and stupidly stuck my hand in the back when the power was on, and got quite a painful electric shock. Then I got worried about the baby so I went and googled pregnancy and electric shock - the first site I went to said the baby may be fine but may also seem fine then die a few days later! Oh my god, that sent me in to a real flap! I rang the nurse on call and she asked me a series of questions, then said if I don't get any bleeding or feel strange (in terms of hearing, heart rate, sight etc) then I'll likely be okay. But now I'm just paranoid and worried. The next few days are going to be very slow! The shock wasn't prolonged, but it was quite painful. But I keep trying to think to myself that in the scheme of electric shocks, it was probably nothing. What a stupid thing to do! I'm going to have to learn to look after myself a lot better than that!
We had another look at our 20 week scan to see if we could figure out the sex of the baby, and same thing - you just can't see past its crossed legs. Now I feel all frustrated all over again!

Anyway, enough of my whining - I hope everyone is doing fine. A couple of people said they weren't out and were struggling with what to do about it. I'd love to hear how it went if you've made a move - it's such a big issue with so much complexity...
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Old 03-11-2008, 01:02 AM
 
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Beccalina

kk_davey Sorry to hear about the shock. That must have been an awful experience. I'm sure the baby is fine. They're very protected.

Angela A girl! I'm so happy for you. I go on Friday for my ultrasound and I hope the baby cooperates. I kind of am thinking boy for the same reason you thought boy, but I would really love to have a girl. I will love the baby either way, but it's kind of hard to name a boy after my mom.

Number # 2 due 5/19/2011.
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Old 03-11-2008, 10:29 AM
 
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I had an u/s yesterday and heard my baby's heartbeat! It was the most beautiful sound in the world! I thought I would share a pic of him/her

http://i250.photobucket.com/albums/g...90057_4596.jpg
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Old 03-11-2008, 12:52 PM
 
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Becca- Congrats on the heartbeat! Such a wonderful milestone...

So I'll be 33 weeks pregnant tomorrow, and I have to say that this week has been really tough. I'm starting to hurt and ache in places I didn't before, and sleeping has been more of a chore than a refreshing time of relaxation. I must have peed 8 times last night, and every time I wake up it takes 15 minutes to get back to sleep because my littlest cat needs to purr and knead and get some lovin.

I feel tired all the time now. We had a baby shower last weekend, which was AWSOME, but it left me absolutely wiped out. I have decided though, that lesbian baby showers ROCK! There were no stupid games that no one likes to play anyway... just a great bunch of women eating brunch and having a couple of cocktails (not me, of course) and enjoying each other's company. It was exactly how I had hoped my first baby shower would be. It kind of even made up for the total suckiness of the birthing class.

So seasoned mamas, is this what mid-3rd trimester is like? I can't imagine being bigger. I just can't. And I can't believe I still have 7 weeks to go.

OK, now I'm done complaining. How's everyone else doing?
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Old 03-11-2008, 05:07 PM
 
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HeddyBee, due October 19th with first baby
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Old 03-11-2008, 05:40 PM
 
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HeddyBee, due October 19th with first baby
Congrats!!

I had a question that maybe one of you lovely ladies could answer. I see that some people on this site have links to their blogs at the bottom of the posts. my partner has recently started a blog and I thought it would be neat to link hers since it is all about her feelings about this pregnancy. Anyone know how??
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Old 03-11-2008, 05:47 PM
 
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Re new thread manager (as I think Angela's away) - can we just keep using this thread, or do you have to have a new thread every month or something? Or for someone to take over thread keeping responsibilities from Angela a new thread needs to be started? Anyway, I'm the only one that volunteered so I guess I should start a new one? I'll do that tomorrow or something because I don't have time now...
Busting in 'cause I can answer this. Yes, you'll need to start a new thread so that you, as threadkeeper, can update the opening post. The easiest thing to do is choose "quote" on that first post, then copy all of the code out of there and use it to start your new thread.
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Old 03-11-2008, 08:35 PM
 
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Welcome HeddyBee - congrats on your first pregnancy!

Thanks Frog for the instructions. If all went well the new Queer Pregnancy - March/April thread is at:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=862670

Sorry Beccalina, I'm not sure how to do that. Can you just paste the hyperlink? Or do you want to put it behind some other text?

And awesome re hearing the heart beat - isn't hearing it for the first time the biggest ever joy - suddenly the idea becomes so real!
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