Queer TTC May 2008 - Page 18 - Mothering Forums

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#511 of 534 Old 05-30-2008, 09:58 PM
 
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quasar, if y'all are still working with MacGuyver Midwife, I'd see what she thinks.
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#512 of 534 Old 05-30-2008, 10:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Heart - so sorry about AF

Quasar -Hang in there sister. Maybe you should try vitex to regulate your O day? Vitex makes your LH surge stronger.

CoCo -I hope you get the all clear with very little pain and trouble.

Twilight and DM - :

I had a few hours of mild nausea today, but I'm not getting my hopes up becuase I've had that before and we all know how that ended.

On another note, tomorrow is the last day of May. Any June thread takers?

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#513 of 534 Old 05-30-2008, 11:16 PM
 
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I am crushed.
My two fallopian tubes are blocked.
RE says there is nothing to do now but IVF.

I am so angry. I dont think I have ever been this angry in my life. This is probably a consequence of violence I have been through as a teenager. I am so angry that they can get to me still... and take away what I want the most in life......................

Coco

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#514 of 534 Old 05-30-2008, 11:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am so sorry CoCo. I don't even know what to say, except take care of yourself, allow yourself to be as angry as you need to be, vent as you need to - we'll listen.

Does your insurance cover IVF? Are there any surgeries to clear tubes?

Life is strange and wonderful.  Me read.gif, DP lady.gif, DS (3/09) blahblah.gif , 3 dog2.gif  and 4 cat.gif

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#515 of 534 Old 05-30-2008, 11:37 PM
 
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Delurking here to give Coco big hugs and tell you how sorry I am to hear your news.

At least, thanks to modern medicine, you can still have a child if you want to!

Just a hurdle, not a complete roadblock...

OK, back to crossing fingers and sending to everyone in secret...

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#516 of 534 Old 05-31-2008, 12:10 AM
 
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Coco, I am so sorry both for your news from the dye study and for whatever you experienced in the past. They had no right... We're here for you. Be as angry as you need to be. It's very understandable. All I can say is if you're able to do an IVF, at least that is some way to reclaim yourself and want you want. Big hugs to you for what you're having to deal with.


Thanks for being there through my craziness guys. frog, we have been talking with Macguyver for the past few days. I think I am just more frustrated with myself than anything. I guess I would rather sit this cycle out than to inseminate without things lining up. If I get a positive by Monday and things look better, we'll go ahead. For now, I think I'm just going to hold off on doing anything.

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#517 of 534 Old 05-31-2008, 03:07 AM
 
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pranava- I'm a little leery of using vitex. There was one cycle that I used a tincture that had vitex in it and my LP was the shortest it ever was, my breasts were sore the whole LP, and I had some spotting that really got my hopes up that it was implantation only to be disappointed... If I were to take vitex, I think I would probably have to chart for at least a few months to see how it was going to affect the length of time for things. I know I only used it for about a month and a half, but when I did it I didn't really like what I saw of it. So I don't know if I'm willing to do it again. Thanks for the suggestion , though. I guess I'm just not ready to try it again at the moment.

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#518 of 534 Old 05-31-2008, 07:24 AM
 
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Coco, I'm so, so sorry.
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#519 of 534 Old 05-31-2008, 08:01 AM
 
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Hey everyone

Thanks for your words.

I think our insurance covers a part of the IVF treatment, like maybe some of the meds... but its still extremely expensive. My family has said they would help. I have wonderful parents.

My gf is also exceptionally wonderful, allowing me to go through what I feel, and giving me the space I need right now. I am just so angry.... its twisting my guts... and I am so hurt... I think this is the most... the most angry and depressed that I have felt in at least 15 years. Its brigning me back to what probably caused this... I dont know exactly what I need to get through... I know that I can do IVF, with the financial support of my parents I know its possible too... but that didnt take away the worse of what I am feeling.

Before we were going to the fertility clinic just because we were two girls. We just had to go through that to have a baby... it was almost like it was a part of life for us because of being lesbians. Now... I have a real problem... I am unable to get pregnant on my own... they broke the part of me that was the most important to me.. my ability to have children.

I fear that people around me wont understand me well over the next few days... I know that it seems like I should just look to IVF, be happy there is another way and smile my happy ass to the clinic... Its not like that... It has opened up my pandora's box...

I am so angry.........................

Coco

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#520 of 534 Old 05-31-2008, 01:46 PM
 
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Coco I don't know what more to say, but I pray you find support in those around you. And just let your anger out as you need to.


Sounds like we all need a fresh start and a new month around here. Yay for June starting tomorrow! May it be a more fertile month than May.
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#521 of 534 Old 05-31-2008, 06:14 PM
 
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Coco, I'm holding you in my prayers. You have EVERY right to be angry. You have every right to whatever you're feeling. Keep talking here as long as it's helpful. We'll keep reading and supporting you.

AAM: I'm I'm NOT pregnant, I'm going to have a VERY LONG CONVERSATION WITH GOD ABOUT WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON WITH MY BREASTS. They are tender like never before and I swear they're growing as I type this. Freakin' circus boobs. :
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#522 of 534 Old 05-31-2008, 07:11 PM
 
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Coco- delurking also to send you some love and healing. Take care of yourself. The right path will come to you when you are ready to walk it.

frog - yay sore boobies! fingers crossed for you and all in the tww.

One gorgeous solstice babe 12/08, two smitten mothers - mothering consciously with conscience and compassion. Birth & Postnatal Doula. Student Midwife. Expecting #2 November '12.

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#523 of 534 Old 05-31-2008, 08:03 PM
 
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Freakin' circus boobs That's a new one frog... I hope it's a good sign!!!

Hmm, well... I think I *might* have gotten a positive OPK last night? Maybe? Of course, I ran out of the internet ones that I had been using and had to switch to the CBE sticks a few days ago where the lines don't stick around so I can obsess over them and compare them to each other. The line at noon today was about the same as it was last night- an 'almost' positive. Still no peak on the monitor. Still unsure what to do. It's not like the sperm costs nothing and like I should just inseminate and assume that things have surged. But the cervix gazing seems to be going better, and looks more fertile. Temps are still low, so no ovulation yet. What do you think you guys would do? I am leaning towards last night's OPK being positive, which would mean doing the ICI tonight, and the IUI tomorrow morning. If this was you, would you inseminate, or would you just sit this cycle out? I still plan on testing tonight around 12-2am before we would inseminate. This has driven me completely nuts this time around in case you haven't noticed...

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#524 of 534 Old 05-31-2008, 09:47 PM
 
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At this rate, Frog, you are going to get a postive pregnancy test before Quasar gets a positive OPK.

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#525 of 534 Old 05-31-2008, 10:52 PM
 
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Ok... I went to CVS and got some of the Answer OPKs. I still had a 'sample' from either 2am last night noon today (not sure which one I spilled out and which one I kept but they both had similar results to each other on the CBE test strips). I know you guys probably think that's really gross to still have it left over, but after that one time I found those crystals in my urine, I just like to make sure that they don't show up again. Besides, the OPKs have been toying with me all this time, so I wanted to have something just in case I wanted to recheck it. I tested the earlier sample again, and I am about 99% sure that it is positive! I also did a strip on a 2pm sample from today. I haven't used the Answer tests, but they're very similar to the internet ones that I had, so now I can more effectively look at the results and obsess. Phew, I feel so much better about that. So, when smartycat gets home from work, I'm going to show her these and and see what she thinks. Maybe we can get some babymaking going on tonight! Woohoo!!! :Next step (if smartycat agrees that it's positive) is to call our midwife and see if she's available at all tomorrow on such short notice...

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#526 of 534 Old 05-31-2008, 11:29 PM
 
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Was just wondering if anyone has taken the thread yet for June? I might feel up to the challenge if no one else has offered yet. Just let me know.

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#527 of 534 Old 06-01-2008, 01:52 AM
 
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Coco ... I am so sorry that your journey took this unexpected turn down a dark road. I've dealt with infertility for many years, if you want to PM me about anything, please do. I'll be thinking of you, hon.

dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
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#528 of 534 Old 06-01-2008, 10:01 AM
 
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At this rate, Frog, you are going to get a postive pregnancy test before Quasar gets a positive OPK.
:
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#529 of 534 Old 06-01-2008, 11:07 AM
 
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Coco, I'm so sorry. I'm heartened to hear that your family and gf are helping you through. I'm still so angry for you, though!

AAM: Me and AF are going out for sushi.

Mom to DS (3) and a new baby!  Geeked to be married to my love love.gif

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#530 of 534 Old 06-01-2008, 04:16 PM
 
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AAM: Me and AF are going out for sushi.
Oh, honey. As JenInMpls used to say to me (before she got knocked up and started hanging out at that other thread...), be the tree! :
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#531 of 534 Old 06-01-2008, 05:04 PM
 
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I don't hang out here because that would seem inappropriate but I miss you all terribly because that other thread is extremely quiet which is hard for a yacker like me and besides you wouldn't want to listen to me going on about how all I want to do is barf but I do pay attention to what's going on here and I cheer and hope and think baby thoughts for all of you and : and

It is odd, though... this thread is the best group of women I've ever found on MDC, ever ever, which is saying a lot considering how close I still am to some members of my Sept 04 DDC, and you get so excited to be a "graduate" of Queer TTC but then you land in the Queer and Pregnant thread and there's maybe one or two posts on that in a week. And the DDCs are so gigantic that you can't find a small gaggle of grrls to just be yourself with, although we created a little queer thread for the Dec 08 DDC. Still... it's awfully quiet.

That wasn't meant to sound self-pitying or anything... despite how thrilled I am to be knocked up, I was not happy to have to take a step back from this group socially.

omg, I sound like a processing lesbian. heeeeeelp! Going back into lurkdom now... :

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#532 of 534 Old 06-01-2008, 09:23 PM
 
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I don't hang out here because that would seem inappropriate but I miss you all terribly because that other thread is extremely quiet which is hard for a yacker like me and besides you wouldn't want to listen to me going on about how all I want to do is barf but I do pay attention to what's going on here and I cheer and hope and think baby thoughts for all of you and : and
My sentiments exactly! Always thinking of you and silently sending you baby juju.

One gorgeous solstice babe 12/08, two smitten mothers - mothering consciously with conscience and compassion. Birth & Postnatal Doula. Student Midwife. Expecting #2 November '12.

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#533 of 534 Old 06-01-2008, 10:55 PM
 
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Coco, heart, & pigirl - big hugs to you all. I know that you're all going through tough times right now. Remember that we're all here for you, however small a measure of consolation that may be.

And hooray for sore boobs frog. When I got pregnant with E, I was literally coming home from work and icing my chest with frozen peas for about 5 days before we POAS (which we didn't do until CD 28.) I hope it's a great sign for you too!

lemurmommies, loving wife to ruvalokiteshvara, proud moms to our intact son E (12/06), and mourning the loss of our daughter Noelle (stillborn 12/08).
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#534 of 534 Old 06-02-2008, 12:21 AM
 
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In case you missed it.... the June thread is

Over Here

Thanks Quasar

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