The Queer & Pregnant thread -- June, July, and August - Page 15 - Mothering Forums
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#421 of 468 Old 09-02-2008, 09:19 AM
 
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2HM - yay for feeling the baby move so much!! I can't wait till I start to feel baby move!

Jen - I hear ya about freaking out about things. I get so anxious about every little thing that *might* hurt the baby and get myself all worked up. But, I have to keep reminding myself, I can only do the best I can and some things are out of my control.
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#422 of 468 Old 09-04-2008, 02:20 PM
 
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We just told my parents. They have reacted to the news by ignoring it. They are doing the same thing our German Shepherd is doing, which is hiding their heads when we try to talk about it.

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#423 of 468 Old 09-04-2008, 04:15 PM
 
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smarty ...

Want me to go to your parents' house and set up camp on their front lawn?
I can bring people. Lots of lovely queer people, armed with poms poms and signs. We can parade back and forth on their front walk, for all the neighbours to see, with placards that say things like, "Burying your head in the sand is for ostriches ... are you an ostrich?" or "The appropriate response is: WE'RE SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!" or "CONGRATULATIONS, GRANDMA & GRANDPA!!!"

I'll do it. I really will. I'll even wear a bikini and write "queer spawn" on my baby belly.

dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
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#424 of 468 Old 09-04-2008, 04:31 PM
 
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Smarty - I'm so sorry. dp is very worried that her family will react similarly. It can be so bittersweet to have a happy time when your family isn't as thrilled for you as they should be. Here's hoping they come around quick.

I think I'm ready to join in on the pregnant thread. It's still very very very early, but this pregnancy is all I think about, so I may as well have somewhere to come talk about it

We haven't had our first OB appointment yet, but it's scheduled for the 15th. According to the internet we're due May 10th-ish.

Still madly in stillheart.gif with jb after 10 years and chasing after my precocious toddler jog.gif    

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#425 of 468 Old 09-04-2008, 04:42 PM
 
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We just told my parents. They have reacted to the news by ignoring it. They are doing the same thing our German Shepherd is doing, which is hiding their heads when we try to talk about it.
Gak. I'm sorry smartycat. If it's any consolation, my father totally ignored the fact that I was pregnant until I was about 30 weeks. Then he started warming up to the idea, and now he's E's biggest fan. And the feeling is mutual. I hope they come around soon.

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Want me to go to your parents' house and set up camp on their front lawn?
I can bring people. Lots of lovely queer people, armed with poms poms and signs. We can parade back and forth on their front walk, for all the neighbours to see, with placards that say things like, "Burying your head in the sand is for ostriches ... are you an ostrich?" or "The appropriate response is: WE'RE SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!" or "CONGRATULATIONS, GRANDMA & GRANDPA!!!"
I'd be up for joining in, although if I write anything on my tummy and then try to march, it'll be hard to read because of the flab jiggling...

As for us, we told Ru's parents yesterday that E is going to be a big brother. They were shocked. It apparently never occurred to them that we might want more than one kid. They seemed happy though.

lemurmommies, loving wife to ruvalokiteshvara, proud moms to our intact son E (12/06), and mourning the loss of our daughter Noelle (stillborn 12/08).
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#426 of 468 Old 09-04-2008, 05:14 PM
 
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Smartycat Sometimes family can be such... I am so afraid to tell DP's parents. I just know her mom is going to say hurtful things. We've agreed to wait a few more months, but we'll have to tell them before Christmas cause I'll be showing then. And we are not telling them that DP's brother is the donor until a couple months after baby arrives... course, if it's a boy, they might wonder why we named him after his uncle...
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#427 of 468 Old 09-04-2008, 06:11 PM
 
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thanks for all the humorous and supportive responses. Boy did we need that. My dad has been in his bedroom since about an hour after we told them. Mom sat and read the carpet classifieds. We went out to the garden to do some work. It was kind of frustrating because we were getting no reaction at all. Mad would have almost been better. my mom just went in to talk to my dad and he is going on about how we can't take care of the dogs and how we are ruining his life... blah, blah, blah. Of course, I ruined his life when I put a tiny dent in the car when I was 20, so it doesn't take much.

Well, at least it is out of the way. It is up to them to be reasonable now.

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#428 of 468 Old 09-04-2008, 07:00 PM
 
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I got a BIG ol' belly (with stretch marks) we can write on, AND I've got family in the area, so I can stay someplace. Count me in on the pro-quasar-smartycat demonstration!

Plus can we all go eat fish and chips at that great place in Northville again!!!!?? please???

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#429 of 468 Old 09-04-2008, 10:14 PM
 
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oh smartycat (and quasar), i feel your pain. i hope things get better.

my parents are in scotland and when i called to tell them the good news, my mum said "well, i hope you're happy because i'm not" and passed the phone to my dad. he didn't talk to me, handed the phone to my sister and i could hear him in the background saying "you can't tell her that!" and mum replying "well, that's how i feel". (this wasn't any big surprise, we had shared our plans during our committment ceremony the year before).

i was stunned and in tears and couldn't talk to my sister (i did call her back later that day and she and my bil were very excited). i immediately called dp (we work close by to each other) and we went for a walk so i could calm down - it's not good for a 3 months pregnant woman to be in such a state.

at that point i decided i would never mention my pregnancy again (at least not directly, i did keep emailing my dad with updates) because it wasn't healthy for me or the baby. dp did try and smooth things over by mailing note with a very well-written message but mum emailed her back ranting about how i was an embarrassment and she was having to lie to her friends about me and that i was brought up better than that and that she didn't believe in bringing a child into that kind of relationship. dp wanted to respond but i asked her to drop it and she did.

at the same time as all of that, i had to be on eggshells with my brother and sil as they had suffered 3 m/c and an ectopic that resulted in sil losing a fallopian tube...the last m/c coming a month before i told the family. sil couldn't talk to me for the entire pregnancy (they now have a 3 month old daughter).

when our son arrived, i only called my sister and had her tell everyone else.

since then, when i talk to mum she never mentions her grandson. she does send cards and presents although i think a lot of that is because of my dad. the weird thing is that she prints all the photos i email and shows them to her friends. i don't know what story she's told them about our son but it strikes me as very bizarre. and she tells everyone how much he looks like me when i was a baby.

i do think if they lived here or we lived there things would be different because she would actually see him as opposed to just via email.

on the flip side, dp's family is very supportive. he is loved and accepted by everyone. which is how it should be.

sorry this was such a long post!!!

g

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#430 of 468 Old 09-04-2008, 11:06 PM
 
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My mom is the epitome of doting grandmother. We found out we were pregnant with T on Christmas day in 03 and by the next day she had a little tiny Christmas stocking for him. Always been a superb support. Came to our second-parent adoption hearing. This time around when we go to visit her she goes outside and plays with T and lets me sleep on the couch.

My MIL didn't know what to say when my DW told her we were expecting, sat around like a slug and allowed me to provide her with meals for about 10 days when she came up to visit and "help" with the new baby (ha, hahaha, she would barely change a diaper much less do any housework whatsoever), and then the clincher: she told all of her friends that her daughter 'had adopted a son'. No mention of her partner who carried the baby for 42+ weeks. And we lived in 6+ years of silence about DW and me being married and 3+ years of not saying anything about the existence of our son to my DW's grandma and uncle for fear of being cut out of grandma's will. We raced to try to beat death when DW's grandma was dying but we lost the race and she never, ever got to meet her great-grandson which I think is a crying shame. DW's uncle didn't care a lick about the fact that his niece is a dyke with a partner and a kid and our son actually did a lot to cheer him in his grief. As for all of the money in the will, well, we never saw a cent of it and it has nothing to do with sexual orientation and everything to do with shady investments and DW's uncle.

I just cannot understand families who stuff themselves so far nto the closet on behalf of their queer children that they can't allow themselves the sheer joy of welcoming a child into the family. :

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#431 of 468 Old 09-04-2008, 11:24 PM
 
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smarty - i'm sorry your folks are having trouble with this. it's such an exciting time, it's hard to understand why not everyone feels as ecstatic as you.

I'm 6 months pregnant, with a protruding belly and DPs dad is yet to acknowledge the pregnancy at all. Poor DP sees him almost every day and he's never said one iota about the pregnancy to her. He's not even speaking to me. When I walk into a room, he walks out. It bothers me only because I'm sure it must upset DP but she won't really talk about it.
I'm really hoping that once Squeak is earthside, it'll all change. Very often, that is the case.

Fortunately for us, both of our mothers are UBER excited and have been since before Squeak was even conceived.

One gorgeous solstice babe 12/08, two smitten mothers - mothering consciously with conscience and compassion. Birth & Postnatal Doula. Student Midwife. Expecting #2 November '12.

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#432 of 468 Old 09-09-2008, 02:46 PM
 
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Just checking in. I'm 13 weeks now and everything is going fine with the pregnancy. I still feel kind of ambivilent about it at this point. DP (or I guess ex-DP now) is moving out this Thursday. It's a very sad and confusing time. She's moving in with her new fling becuase she says "this thing will either work, or burn itself out." I vote for "burn out", but who knows. I still haven't decided if she will get to be in the baby's life or not. I do want her to be, but she has a lot to prove in the next 6 months.

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#433 of 468 Old 09-09-2008, 03:22 PM
 
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pranava, do you know (or sense) that if it burns out, she's going to expect to be able to come back to you? If so, that's chutzpah.

how's everyone else doing? I just hit the 3rd trimester and a complete readiness to be done. Had a follow-up ultrasound yesterday in which the tech determined that his heart is perfectly fine and everything else is developing well. No more scans!! I had to fend off the nurse who insisted that she was drawing blood for an antibody screen (no, you're not, because my first donor was Rh neg, my son is Rh neg, and this child's donor is Rh neg) and then she said "and I'll be giving you a rhogam shot, too" - NO, YOU WON'T. And right after all of this she took my blood pressure?!!! :

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#434 of 468 Old 09-09-2008, 03:26 PM
 
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Sorry it's still not going well Pranava. I hope your finding lots of support around you in the meantime.

I'm having this weird dizzy/lightheaded thing almost everyday around lunch time. The weird part is it happens after I eat. I feel really bad for a few minutes and then it goes away. I would understand if it happened before I ate lunch (low blood sugar, whatever), but not after I finish eating. Anyway, things are going well other than that. Unless you're DP and get the other end of my wrath and crying for no apparent reason... she gets big kudos for being so supportive in the midst of my hormonalness!
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#435 of 468 Old 09-09-2008, 05:31 PM
 
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pranava

I just hit the 5 wks mark this past weekend. I'm still feeling pretty good, although I did have an emotional outburst last night - but that's not atypical for me. I have my first OB appointment on Monday but I think it will be too early for anything substantial to happen.

Still madly in stillheart.gif with jb after 10 years and chasing after my precocious toddler jog.gif    

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#436 of 468 Old 09-09-2008, 05:33 PM
 
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Pranava, I'm so sorry you're going through this at what is supposed to be such an exciting time. Know you're in our thoughts and I wish for nothing but the best for you and your little one.

I just wanted to thank everyone for their support and for sharing your stories about what you've been through with your own families and their reactions. smartycat's dad doesn't appear to be coming around anytime soon, which is really too bad. Her mom seems to at least be willing to listen and talk about the baby, and seems somewhat accepting which is good. I know it will take time, and I'm not expecting any miracles, but it would just be nice if people could just be happy, ya know?

I had my first visit with my new OB today. She seemed pretty nice, and wasn't pushy about anything. They gave us our different options for early screenings to be done, but we ended up declining them. We are going to have the next ultrasound at about week 20, and I'm very excited about that! I want to see the little bean again and how much he or she has grown! I know, I know... u/s can be somewhat controversial on the boards, but I just love seeing our little one. : They did my stupid yearly thingie, and drew some blood for some prenatal stuff. I'm still feeling pretty well, though food apathy is still plaguing me. When I eat, I'm fine, but it's thinking up what I want to eat that's the problem. Nothing seems interesting other than pizza, Taco Bell, or Wendy's chicken sandwiches and frostys. Sigh... Not sure what to do about that.

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#437 of 468 Old 09-09-2008, 06:27 PM
 
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First, I just want to send all my love and support to those of you whose families are not reacting well to your good news. If you want, I have a Jewish PFLAG mom in Brooklyn I'd be happy to lend you...

Um, so I just got my BFP about 6 hours ago. I'm at 12 dpo and had a follow-up scheduled with my RE this morning (you have to make these appts weeks in advance). When he found out that we'd inseminated almost 2 weeks ago, he insisted on taking my blood, even though I wasn't going to POAS till day 14 on the dot. Of course, they don't call with results till late afternoon, so I had to buy some sticks on my way into work, and POOF! 2 pink lines.

So, the nurse just called back with my very first beta and it was 88. Is that okay? This woman barely spoke English, so I had a hard time understanding what she told me.

Basically, freaking out. I know everything there is to know about TTC but this pregnancy thing is totally...unknown territory!
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#438 of 468 Old 09-09-2008, 06:37 PM
 
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Congratulations and welcome to the thread Ellie!!!! :: I know.. isn't it crazy stepping out of the TTC realm into pregnancy? I still am not sure what to do with myself now that I'm here.

Your beta number sounds fine to me. Are you going back in a couple days to see if it doubles? That's generally the more important number. smartycat likes to go to this one site which listed a bunch of average test results and I'll see if I can get her to post it here...

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#439 of 468 Old 09-09-2008, 08:34 PM
 
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Your beta number sounds fine to me. Are you going back in a couple days to see if it doubles? That's generally the more important number. smartycat likes to go to this one site which listed a bunch of average test results and I'll see if I can get her to post it here...
www.betabase.info

I love that site!!

And congrats again! :

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#440 of 468 Old 09-09-2008, 10:49 PM
 
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whoop whoop ellie yeah!!!


: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#441 of 468 Old 09-10-2008, 12:19 AM
 
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thanks so much for the warm welcome and for the link. Making babies is sure a great activity for obsessive neurotics like me!
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#442 of 468 Old 09-10-2008, 12:33 AM
 
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congrats ellie!

i'm chiming in with the difficult parents. in fact my mother is sooo difficult that i haven't told her about the baby yet, and may never tell her.

we were originally waiting for dp to get pregnant also, before i told my mother, because i know if she knew i was pregnant and then subsequently found out about dp, she would ignore the dp news completely. so we wait. i'm still debating if it's even worth telling her either way, you know? she doesn't even acknowledge our relationship now, so i really feel like what's the point.

at any rate, i have been gone for some time. i got laid off from my job on last tuesday, and i've been dealing with that among trying to keep my life afloat. i'm now looking for another job and taking some therapy classes. the therapy classes are something i should have done months well years ago, but i was working so much i didn't have time.

regardless, i'm happy i'm staying pretty busy these days! dp's birthday is on friday and i'm looking forward to celebrating with her!

giggle - mommy to GP born 3.16.09 and parter to liberty (GP's mama). hoping to have 2 under 2 in the very near future via DP's ute!
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#443 of 468 Old 09-10-2008, 11:50 AM
 
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giggleblue - so sorry to hear about your job! I suppose it's never a good time to be laid off- but man! What lousy timing.

Still madly in stillheart.gif with jb after 10 years and chasing after my precocious toddler jog.gif    

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#444 of 468 Old 09-10-2008, 01:53 PM
 
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giggleblue, so sorry about your job. : what bad timing. therapy (in any form) is probably a great way to get through it, as is celebrating with DP!

As for the difficult parents out there, I have some queer friends who found their relationships with their parents vastly improved post-baby. The parents were just so happy to have a grandchild that their bitterness sort of dissolved. I wonder if it makes a big difference for people with hetero siblings who have kids the normative way.

My DP's parents seem much more open to us starting a family now that her only brother has come out. I guess they realize we're their best bet at this point for producing grandchildren.
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#445 of 468 Old 09-12-2008, 12:02 PM
 
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I'm headed to Austin for work this weekend (yes, hurricane and all!) and I'll be hitting the six week mark on the road - here's hoping symptoms don't hit me like a ton of bricks on the plane or during the workshop I'm facilitating!

How is everybody feeling?

Still madly in stillheart.gif with jb after 10 years and chasing after my precocious toddler jog.gif    

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#446 of 468 Old 09-12-2008, 01:03 PM
 
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How is everybody feeling?
Round and tired. 29 weeks tomorrow. DW has been sick much of this week. Nothing like having 2.5 children to care for. My son turns 4 in less than a week and there are zero plans for his birthday. Oops.

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#447 of 468 Old 09-12-2008, 01:21 PM
 
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I'm 18 weeks today and feeling great ... except the weight of the baby is starting to affect how I move and rest and try to sleep.
So that's taking some adjusting. A pillow here, a pillow there. Looking for places to sit down when I'm working. I'm starting to show a lot, so my fellow paramedics are starting to help without asking ... carrying my kit, doing the lifting. Thanks, boys! That makes work a little easier, but at the same time, my belly is getting in the way and I'm not sure how much longer I want to do the nasty stuff that comes with being a paramedic. I'm careful to keep my adrenalin in check, but I dread the suicide calls, and anything having to do with babies.

With me showing more, DP is really starting to realize how imminent this all is. Right now we live near a winter resort town in BC where she works as a chef and I work as a paramedic ... the cost of living is massive here. Our house was $510k and gas is $5.30/gallon and a loaf of bread is about $4. So, we're looking to relocate once the baby is here. That's getting DP scared and excited.

I'm the gypsy of the two of us, so I love the idea of packing up and moving and starting again somewhere new. It tires her out just thinking about it, so I'm trying to come up with a destination that she'll be happy with.
We'll probably end up in Quebec, where she's from. Cost of living is much cheaper there, and the baby will learn French as a first language, which is important for us because DP's family is Francophone.

We're going on holiday this Sunday, camping in the maritimes for two weeks. I love, love, love camping, but I'm a little nervous about being uncomfortable sleeping with my baby belly. DP says we'll buy a blow-up mattress or something if our foamies don't cut it. But I hate spending money on that kind of thing. So then she said, "Ok, we'll buy it, use it and then take it back to Walmart and just take the karmic fallout for it." So there're options.

Holy novel, batman. Enough for now. How about everyone else? Doing ok?

dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
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#448 of 468 Old 09-12-2008, 01:25 PM
 
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Busting in to say: smarty, I don't have a pregnant belly, but turtle and I would show up and...I don't know. Do something. Something supportive. Something extreme.

Freakin' people not supporting their loved ones' families. : :
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#449 of 468 Old 09-12-2008, 01:34 PM
 
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Jen - I'm sure you are exhausted! I've been sleeping 12 hrs/night and pretty much taking it easy during the day and still am dragging - I can't imagine having kids to run after, too!

I read on your blog that you haven't gained weight during your pregnancy. I'm about 35-40 lbs overweight and have been reading that not gaining weight might be a healthy option for me assuming my nutrition is on track. Was that something you aimed for or did it just happen?

S&D - wow, those expenses must add up quickly! How great that you are looking at new places to live. I hope the transition goes smoothly and without stress. My family is from Mexico and I really struggle with doubts about how well I'll be able to teach our child Spanish. When I was growing up I had a monolingual (Spanish) grandmother living with me, so I picked it up as I did english. I would love to spend a year or two in Mexico while the baby learns language, but that is a far off dream.

Physically I'm feeling great (it's still quite early) but emotionally I'm pretty messy. I just generally feel malcontent and cranky - which is silly because I've been looking forward to this time for well over a year! There have been lots of tears and outbursts, but DP has been very supportive and understanding.

Still madly in stillheart.gif with jb after 10 years and chasing after my precocious toddler jog.gif    

***joy.gif***8***12***16***20***24***28***32***36***40    computergeek2.gif westphillymama.com

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#450 of 468 Old 09-12-2008, 01:51 PM
 
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Hi, folks. A belated welcome to plesantlyfurious and ellie. It's so cool watching the TTC crew find their way to the preggo thread.

Sorry to hear about the lay-off, giggleblue. That blows. I hope it turns out for the best, but at least for me, all change/transition comes with a good deal of stress. I'll be thinking of you.

Smarty and quasar, you can sign me up for the preggo thug squad. There's nothing more threatening (enlighten yourselves! now!) than a pregnant statistician, I always say. I hope they shape up soon, and realize what an incredible gift that baby is.

I'm in a kind of weird place of not feeling pregnant anymore. My 1st trimester symptoms have just about all gone (thank goodness!), but I'm not actually much bigger or feeling the baby move or anything yet. I mean, we heard the heartbeat right before 13 weeks, so I'm not seriously afraid that anything is wrong, but I'm just in a weird place. I feel like my old self again, so it's hard to believe that there's a living human beign inside of me. You know? Plus, I just told at work and now I feel like I'm under a microscope there. Blig. The reaction was universally positive, but it's an office of almost all mothers (and, like, 2 very well-behaved men), so there's also a lot of attention paid to these things. I'm hopeful that a little time will heal all of these woes, but I've been kind of quiet/keeping to myself in the meantime.

Mom to DS (3) and a new baby!  Geeked to be married to my love love.gif

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