The Queer & Pregnant thread -- June, July, and August - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 468 Old 07-11-2008, 11:13 AM
 
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5w 5d, and I think I officially have morning sickness. It's been building for a few days, but. Ooooooooooooh. :Puke

Mom to DS (3) and a new baby!  Geeked to be married to my love love.gif

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#62 of 468 Old 07-11-2008, 01:35 PM
 
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That's amazing that you're thinking of those sorts of details already, giggleblue! I'm so far from that at the moment--I think this is all going to happen way faster than I'm anticipating... my sister convinced me to sign up for a registry at Babies R Us (not that we need much from there for #2, but she had a coupon for a $10 gift card that you could get if you created a registry)--she is all purposeful and on top of this stuff (and due in August) while I'm feeling like a total pg lazybones, just shooting the scanner at random things... And I'm just hoping her babe grows out of her newborn prefolds before ours is born, so I can inherit them nice and smoothly and not have to worry about much (we have lots of the bigger sizes, but had a diaper service for the newborn size...).
we are going to have two little ones on the way so we are trying to be as prepared as possible. by september, i'm hoping to have the baby room set up. i'm sure neither of us will be able to function well in the third trimester anyway, so we are trying to get everything done as early as possible!

since a lot of our friends and family live in other states, we are going to do a registery online at amazon.com and then do another one in store at target. i'm likeing the online amazon one, because shipping is free on a lot of their items! we may wind up buying our diapers ourselves, just because i think it will be easier and cheaper to do that, than soliciting them from others. our registry will mainly consists of the basics, like bedding and bathroom things, as well as some odds and ends. we aren't going to register too much for clothes because we decided that we would wait until the babies got here to see what sex they are.

that may be interesting! i'm hoping it will save us from a bunch of pink crap if we have a girl. i hate pink!

giggle - mommy to GP born 3.16.09 and parter to liberty (GP's mama). hoping to have 2 under 2 in the very near future via DP's ute!
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#63 of 468 Old 07-11-2008, 02:08 PM
 
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pink crap happens... good luck avoiding it

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#64 of 468 Old 07-11-2008, 07:17 PM
 
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Howdy Y'all! Can you add me to due April 09?

I am so amazed to be here so quickly, and I know what you mean giggleblue, about not wanting to sound like you are gloating. I am truly astounded. I don't know most of you, although in the two months I was over on the TTC thread, I got to know a little bit about some of you. S&D, Pigirl (also read as pig-girl, until I thought about it and checked the spelling), giggleblue, I know your names!!
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#65 of 468 Old 07-11-2008, 10:26 PM
 
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Third, is anyone else's partner getting sympathic morning sickness? Mine appears to be, and he's really not happy about it. I find it hilarious.

Fourth, I saw some EWCM yesterday (which was 5w 2d), and started feeling what seem like light ovulation pains today. Just on the right side, which would be the side I'm due to ovulate on next. Anyone else feel anything like that?

1-No morning sickness, but "crabby" I second that! She's been irritable and insensitive. We had a long talk (with some tears on my part of course lol) about her attitude. She's SO excited about the baby, but she admitted the pregnancy part hasn't sunk in yet. I have so much on my mind right now. "Am I doing this right?", "I'm so tired," etc. For me, it's sunk in!

2-EWCM...yes! For the past couple of days. Not crazy, but there. I'm glad I read that it's a good thing! Also, no morning sickness. I've been glad until I read in the Sears book that "statistics show that the more nausea a mother has, the more likely she is to deliver a healthy baby." And it goes on from there. Ouch. I'm not going to lie, it bothered me. I felt a little better after I saw what other mothers had to say on Yahoo. Thoughts?

3-Anyone having any trouble sleeping? : I feel like I'm never really comfortable. I'm a back sleeper to start out, then a side sleeper. Every time I lay on my back (which feels comfortable at first) I feel that ligament thing in my abdomen that everyone has mentioned and have to roll again. Between that and peeing...I'm even more tired!! ...But I wouldn't trade it for the world
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#66 of 468 Old 07-12-2008, 12:03 AM
 
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Welcome MamaCaveBear! And giggleblue too!

Hey, for you mamas with experience ... is it normal to have the nausea and sore boobage subside in the first trimester? I'm 9 weeks, and worried that the easing of symptoms means something bad. I was super nauseas, etc up until yesterday.
Reassurance? Help?
I'll go take a dose of Rescue Remedy now.

dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
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#67 of 468 Old 07-12-2008, 12:32 AM
 
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Welcome MamaCaveBear! And giggleblue too!

Hey, for you mamas with experience ... is it normal to have the nausea and sore boobage subside in the first trimester? I'm 9 weeks, and worried that the easing of symptoms means something bad. I was super nauseas, etc up until yesterday.
Reassurance? Help?
I'll go take a dose of Rescue Remedy now.
Yup. My boobs got better around week 9 and my nausea subsided for a minute at week 10 only to come back with a vengeance for weeks 11-14 before it finally left the building altogether. Now i just get the most painful nipples EVER when I'm cold and occasionally have stabbing pain and horribleness but it never lasts much more than half an hour and I'm trying to get used to it, imagining that it's probably the kind of pain that early breastfeeding and mastitis brings.

I feel weird being the person giving reassurance because I was a paranoid neurotic mess up until week 12 (as many of you will recall).

Flower essences got me through the first trimester. Go the rescue remedy and if that doesn't help, get yourself to the naturopath so they can tailor something just for you!

One gorgeous solstice babe 12/08, two smitten mothers - mothering consciously with conscience and compassion. Birth & Postnatal Doula. Student Midwife. Expecting #2 November '12.

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#68 of 468 Old 07-12-2008, 01:00 AM
 
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I think it's all normal, S&D. My nausea subsided... um... this week.

And I'm 20 weeks tomorrow.

mmm - yeah, kinda, I guess... mastitis is a whole 'nother ball of evilness. Nasty, nasty. *keep away mastitis vibes :*

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#69 of 468 Old 07-12-2008, 09:31 AM
 
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pink crap happens... good luck avoiding it

Hello, all! Joining Due Sept 29th

I won't be finding out the sex of this babe, but I just wanted to say that I don't mind pink but I hope no one gets us a bunch of purple if it's a girl! Can't stand pink and purple together
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#70 of 468 Old 07-12-2008, 12:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I made all the changes -- I think. Let me know if I missed anyone.

I think I have kind of been going through a funk lately. Don't get me wrong...I am so excited to be pregnant and for this baby. I love this babe. I really, really do. But I am having a hard time.

I am having a really hard time feeling connected to this baby. With my last pregnancy, I felt so connected and attached to that little thing. I loved it so much. I felt towards that child as is ideal for a person carrying a child -- an overwhelming sense of love, protection, attachment, all of that.

While I do love this child, I do not feel the same sense of being connected, attached, and in tune. I thought I would start to feel that when I had the ultrasound...I have had two now. I thought I would definitely feel that sense when I heard the heartbeat...I think I have heard it three times now.

Other people do not really get it. I should be so excited, but it's hard to get as excited as last time when I am still grieving the loss of my first child. What the hell am I gonna do? It seems like everyone else has forgotten the first. Of course they have, they did not carry it. I just keep thinking that I should be holding my little baby in my arms right now....and that makes it harder to feel connected to this baby. I really do not know what to do. I know this is going to sound awful, but I really want the first baby back. But that's not going to happen, huh? Please do not think I am awful for saying that...it's not that I do not love this baby. Not at all.

Any ideas? While we wanted to not find out the sex until birth, I am now trying to convince DW to let us find out (this was supposed to be completely her decision). I wonder if finding out will help me feel more connected -- I will be able to call the baby by name and that might help.
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#71 of 468 Old 07-12-2008, 12:13 PM
 
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It's completely understandable that you'd be feeling this way after a loss. One thing to keep in mind is that the other babe paved the way for this one that you're carrying now. Have you talked with a good pregnancy-loss counselor or therapist in your area? They can help tremendously.

On the issue of finding out the sex, I suspect that it might fall into the same category as other things you thought would help to feel connected (us, heartbeat) but ended up not helping. Because of that, I think leaving this up to your DW is probably better for her sense of involvement in the pregnancy and for your relationship. I think that there are other, better ways of helping you into feeling connected. Talking to a pregnancy-loss/traumatic-birth counselor would really help; do you have that option in your area? The pregnancy loss board here could be helpful to you.

You are physically connected to this babe, and I know that once you are able to really grieve your loss you will be able to feel emotionally connected to this new babe as well.
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#72 of 468 Old 07-12-2008, 05:15 PM
 
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2hm I am so sorry for how you are feeling. I've not experienced birth loss, but I've heard from so many mothers who feel that sense of emptiness when they should be holding their little ones, even if they're pregnant.

If it's any consolation (and it might not be, because I haven't ever miscarried), I didn't feel much attachment to my first, either, when he was in utero. All the stuff I heard, especially in yoga class, about "communicate with your baby..." just didn't resonate with me. My heart never swelled or overflowed with love.

However you feel is valid. I'm no therapist, I don't know the right things to say or the right questions to ask... but I can always validate feelings.

My crunchy, spiritual self is to send a lot of thoughts to the baby and see what comes to you in your dreams... if you go for that kind of stuff.

:

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#73 of 468 Old 07-12-2008, 06:53 PM
 
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5w 5d, and I think I officially have morning sickness. It's been building for a few days, but. Ooooooooooooh. :Puke
And in a very weird way, HOORAY FOR AM SICKNESS! :Puke
At least we're on the way right? I am so happy to anticipate being ill for 4 months again...

Oh and to the dear Thread Keeper, for some reason one of the due date calculators put me as due 4/1, another changed it to 3/26, and yet another 3/19. So if I go for the middle ground, would that make it March for me then? Or was the first an April fool's joke? hehe. Can you change me to March 09?
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#74 of 468 Old 07-12-2008, 08:09 PM
 
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2-EWCM...yes! For the past couple of days. Not crazy, but there. I'm glad I read that it's a good thing! Also, no morning sickness. I've been glad until I read in the Sears book that "statistics show that the more nausea a mother has, the more likely she is to deliver a healthy baby." And it goes on from there. Ouch. I'm not going to lie, it bothered me. I felt a little better after I saw what other mothers had to say on Yahoo. Thoughts?
Hey, Erica. Morning sickness usually doesn't start until 6w, so it's most likely not that you're not having it, just that it hasn't started yet. I bet you feel pretty crummy next week. Mine has only just started up, and I'm early for everything.

Mom to DS (3) and a new baby!  Geeked to be married to my love love.gif

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#75 of 468 Old 07-12-2008, 08:10 PM
 
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MamaCaveBear-- welcome! : I'm thrilled to see you in here.

Mom to DS (3) and a new baby!  Geeked to be married to my love love.gif

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#76 of 468 Old 07-12-2008, 10:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Anybody wanna see pictures of my love belly? If so, check it out! I have always been so freaking self-conscious of my gut, but I am starting to appreciate it more.

Has anyone else's body image been affected by pregnancy?
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#77 of 468 Old 07-12-2008, 10:37 PM
 
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I am so grouchy. I feel like I'm possessed by the devil himself I just got in a huge fight with DP about what kind of paint you're supposed to use on trim. This left me in tears and she had to go to work, so now I'm sitting here miserable - but definitely still mad. It was a stupid fight that we would not have had if I had any control over my tongue at the moment.

Do grouchiness and mood swings go away after the first trimester?

2happymamas - your belly is beautiful! I can't wait for mine to look like that

Life is strange and wonderful.  Me read.gif, DP lady.gif, DS (3/09) blahblah.gif , 3 dog2.gif  and 4 cat.gif

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#78 of 468 Old 07-13-2008, 01:50 PM
 
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giggleblue, a stainless step-lid trash can is on sale at Target this week for $30 - a good deal!!

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#79 of 468 Old 07-13-2008, 03:34 PM
 
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Anybody wanna see pictures of my love belly? If so, check it out! I have always been so freaking self-conscious of my gut, but I am starting to appreciate it more.

Has anyone else's body image been affected by pregnancy?
I hear what you're saying, definitely. I feel fat, not pregnant, this early in the game. I'm just disgusted with the back fat coming on. My belly=cute; My back fat=gross. : I'm reading Belly Laughs, it's great fun and it makes ya laugh about stuff like this.

Your love belly is wonderful! I'm glad you're appreciating it more.
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#80 of 468 Old 07-13-2008, 03:41 PM
 
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I am so grouchy.
Do grouchiness and mood swings go away after the first trimester?

I'm wondering the same. If it makes you feel any better my wife and I have been getting in little blow-outs too. I hope you have a better day
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#81 of 468 Old 07-13-2008, 06:21 PM
 
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Do grouchiness and mood swings go away after the first trimester?
Well, there's a perfect word in German for this and it's 'jein' (the 'j' is a 'y' sound, like yah, and the 'ein' sounds like 'ine' as in 'mine'). It is a combination of 'ja' (yes) and 'nein' (no). The hormones are still cranked high, so I think that the mood swings are still pretty darn prevalent, but because you're feeling slightly less exhausted and physically yucky, you're not as close to the edge, so to speak, as you are in your first trimester. Does that make any sense? You're not quite as frustrated with how lousy you feel, and are therefore a touch less hair-trigger.

2hm I think your baby belly is LOOOOOOVELY and I want to give you a big hug for those stretch marks. I don't know if you're going to count them as a badge of honor or a source of complete and total unsexiness - I sort of waffle between the two. We were at the beach on Friday and I was missing two obvious prerequisites to be at that beach, which was (1) tattoos and (2) a nubile, firm, blemish- or scar-free body. Even the pregnant mama who was on the towel next to us was fat-less and had a "perfect" bikini-clad bod with an adorable, well-tanned bump and nary a stretch mark in sight. (She was even still wearing her navel ring, wonder for how much longer?) She looked like every pregnant model I've ever seen. Why don't we ever see women with stretch marks modeling maternity underwear or swimwear?! :

I am still too shy to take pictures of my belly. I gathered a lot of belly fat due to stretched-out skin from kid #1, canceling our YWCA membership to be able to send my son to preschool and a sedentary lifestyle. Plus the scar from my cesarean birth did strange things to the shape of my belly. Baby is pushing my belly fat up, not out. It's strange. So I actually look quite pregnant - more pregnant than I am, but it's all pre-baby belly fat.

I'm experiencing what I experienced last time while pregnant, which was that pregnancy is the only time I haven't felt self-conscious since I've been conscious of my body. I was aware of my body by about 8 or maybe 9 because my parents were concerned about my extra weight and put the onus on me to eat differently (while they continued to keep crap food around the house). Only when I was pregnant did I feel pretty darn great about my body. Now I don't feel self-conscious of my belly fat because I can claim that it's the baby.

But still, I'm not keen on taking a belly photo, because it doesn't look anything like a baby belly. *shrug*

On a different note, I am sure on the edge of my seat waiting to hear from kk.

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#82 of 468 Old 07-14-2008, 08:55 PM
 
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Hi, folks. I have a pregnancy etiquette question. We've been seeing a local OB practice for IUIs, and they've been mostly okay. They took my insurance and they got me pregnant, so really, mission accomplished. The thing is, I don't think I want to deliver my baby with them. They don't have midwives attending births, only doctors, and you have to deliver in the hospital. Their rates of continuous monitoring, etc., are also not what I'd like to see. I had my first prenatal visit with them at 4w 4d, and have a second scheduled for the end of the month (a "viability" ultrasound) that I'm planning on keeping. But after that, I think I'd really like to see a midwife. So my question is-- presuming the ultrasound doesn't show any major issues that say I need to be seeing a doctor-- how do I break up with them? There are a few local midwife practices I want to check out, including a new midwife-staffed birthing center right near the hospital. (Whose doctor, by a fluke of on-call timing, is the one who performed our sucessful inseminations-- he was a gem!) My two concerns are 1) they all-- down to the receptionist-- know me by name, know our story, have been very nice, and most of them have tried at least once to get us pregnant. They were *thrilled* when I called to say the IUI worked. I don't want to break their hearts by leaving. 2) If we want to have additional children via IUI, this is the place we need to use. There are only 2 OB practices in town, and the other won't bill our insurance since we're same-sex. I don't want to burn any bridges by leaving.

Advice? I've got a couple weeks to try to make a plan....

In other news, I'm moody as all hell and nauseated 24/7. It was such an effort to pretend I was okay all day at work today that I think I'm going to be in bed and asleep by 8pm (aka in 2 minutes). On the bright side, my partner is going above and beyond taking good care of me. He went to 4 stores last night, trying to find the right brand of ear plugs so I can sleep more soundly at night (between rounds of having to pee), makes me whatever I want for dinner, and runs to the store when we don't have something I need. *swoon*

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#83 of 468 Old 07-14-2008, 09:53 PM
 
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well, pigirl, here's my 2 cents.

I conceived my first at the ob/gyn/midwife office of a large health care group here in town. It was good. I worked with the midwives. They were good. I went to give birth, it was horrible. There was no way I could go back to that hospital to give birth, ever. And no way I could return to such a gigantic midwife group, which was part of the problem with giving birth - I had never met the midwives who were there when I delivered. I stopped by their clinic on the way home from the hospital, and they all came out to the front desk - nurses, midwives, secretaries - to coo and congratulate us (they all knew us so well because I was 16 days post-EDD and were in the office every day for the last week of my pregnancy).

When I wanted to get pregnant again, I decided to go with this clinic again because I knew how their whole insem system worked. It was familiar, and seemed to be a better choice than researching new places, learning new ropes, etc. When I made the appt to get the paperwork set up I purposely checked on which NPs could sign off on my form, and went in for a pap and all that at the same time. The NP who saw me is also the same CNM who did my insems the first time around so we were pretty clear on what I wanted to do and that I didn't need counseling on the whole affair.

The secretary was the same one (a lesbian, to boot) from the first time around, so that was nice; some of the nurses were the same, and remembered me; I was lucky to not run into my former midwife. They all expected me to come in after I conceived. I couldn't admit to them that I could never go back to the hospital they were associated with, I only admitted it to the midwife who did my pap and my paperwork. She doesn't deliver babies, just does clinic work, so I don't know what her take was, but she didn't seem offended.

The thing was: I knew what I needed, and it is a smaller midwife clinic. I am working with a clinic that has only 3 midwives. I will know them all before I go into birth. Where I conceived didn't have what I needed, and that's not their fault, really; they're a large clinic associated with a large hospital. The midwife clinic I'm at now didn't have what I needed when I was TTC, namely, anyone who does IUIs!! I feel that my chances of having the birth experience I want are better working with the group I'm currently seeing, and that is most important to me.

Your OB clinic did a good job for you, and it's great that they all like you and you like them, but you have a right to do what you believe is best for yourself and your child at birth. I really don't think that you're going to break their hearts and I don't even think you need to do anything to "break up" with them. I don't think the midwife clinic will even really need any paperwork from them, since most midwife groups don't do your first appt until 8 weeks at the earliest. Maybe they'd like the ultrasound report. In that case, you request in writing that your chart be sent to the midwife clinic.

If you really feel like you need to explain to them where you're going (and I frankly don't think that you do), you could send them a letter with statistics about how most women have better birth outcomes with lower intervention rates when attended by a midwife than an obstetrician, but really... I don't think you do. They're a care provider and should act professionally. Be happy about your good IUI experience and take it with you. maybe even check out the midwife practice with the mindset that if you don't click there, you'll go back to your ob practice. It's most important to be giving birth with someone you trust.

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#84 of 468 Old 07-15-2008, 03:46 AM
 
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kk had a beautiful baby girl

One gorgeous solstice babe 12/08, two smitten mothers - mothering consciously with conscience and compassion. Birth & Postnatal Doula. Student Midwife. Expecting #2 November '12.

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#85 of 468 Old 07-15-2008, 10:54 AM
 
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Do grouchiness and mood swings go away after the first trimester?
Aaah, not in my experience (this pg or my first)--though I didn't have much m/s with either, so that may make a difference. I find that feeding myself as if I'm feeding a toddler definitely helps (small meals and healthy frequent snacks), because lots of times it's just a blood sugar issue.

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Hi, folks. I have a pregnancy etiquette question. We've been seeing a local OB practice for IUIs, and they've been mostly okay. The thing is, I don't think I want to deliver my baby with them. They don't have midwives attending births, only doctors, and you have to deliver in the hospital.
Hi pigirl! I would just say something along the lines of "We've really loved working with you, but also had our hearts set on a midwife-attended birth, if possible, so we're thinking of going with them for the actual birth." I think it would be pretty common, and they're all professionals--it's definitely possible to be complimentary on your departure.

ok, gotta run!

I'm feeling lots of wiggles (17w1d)--it's so fun!
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#86 of 468 Old 07-15-2008, 11:11 AM
 
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[QUOTE=simcon;11695574]

Hi pigirl! I would just say something along the lines of "We've really loved working with you, but also had our hearts set on a midwife-attended birth, if possible, so we're thinking of going with them for the actual birth." I think it would be pretty common, and they're all professionals--it's definitely possible to be complimentary on your departure.

[QUOTE]

Totally That! I agree with the wording down to the letter, and remember, your responsibility is not to them, it is to yourself and to your baby.
You can do it!
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#87 of 468 Old 07-15-2008, 02:06 PM
 
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thanks guys! i was actually dealing with the same thing. i'm sure that my doctor will be okay with it. i don't understand why she would be personally offended.

besides, i'm sure there are thousands more patients that they have other than yourself. things should be fine!!

giggle - mommy to GP born 3.16.09 and parter to liberty (GP's mama). hoping to have 2 under 2 in the very near future via DP's ute!
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#88 of 468 Old 07-15-2008, 05:45 PM
 
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5 weeks 3 days and hardly a symptom I'm such a nervous nelly!! I can't help but wonder if no symptoms is a bad thing. I'm never gonna make it till my 8 week appointment!!!!! :

Life is strange and wonderful.  Me read.gif, DP lady.gif, DS (3/09) blahblah.gif , 3 dog2.gif  and 4 cat.gif

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#89 of 468 Old 07-15-2008, 05:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by pranava View Post
5 weeks 3 days and hardly a symptom I'm such a nervous nelly!! I can't help but wonder if no symptoms is a bad thing. I'm never gonna make it till my 8 week appointment!!!!! :
It's so hard not to worry, but 5w3d is still so early--I wouldn't really worry about symptoms. I wouldn't worry later, either--some people just don't get much in the way of early pregnancy stuff (I haven't really ever--just blah and some aversions, and even those are inconsistent). Plus, to make you crazier, even when you do get symptoms, they often tend to come and go.

I would sometimes comfort myself with the thought that every healthy pregnancy had its maddening, crazymaking first trimester.
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#90 of 468 Old 07-15-2008, 07:07 PM
 
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Hey Pran...Ask Pigirl how the ol' morning sickness is going! I had it ALL the time with my daughter, hoping for the opposite this time around. I remember driving to all of my home visits, sick as a dog, yet starving and stopping at every other gas station to see if they had something I might feel like eating and getting $20 wrth of snacks that made me sicker than before! It was a maddening cycle. Just wait for your beautiful belly to start to show, and rejoice (if you dont come down with the 3 month flu that is )
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