Pigirl you really must do what both you and your partner want. We continue to face these decisions down to just recently being unhappy about our hospital tour where they refered to all the non-pregnant folks as "dads". Our concerns grew knowing that we were about to sit through 40 hours of child birth prep, breast feeding....classes and knew that we didn't want that experience.
you have a little one growing inside you, follow your true desires and make this experience exactly how you want it. it takes some maneuvering and often decisions that others are not always faced with, but it is all a beautiful thing.
after, going to the head director of child classes we had a seemless 8 hour class last weekend. we are gettting so excited. baby jack kicked out another rib, but our chiropractor was nice enough to come in on a sunday morning to pop me back in.
with this heat in the 90's it is hard to believe we have 2 months to go. i'm big and hard to believe i'll get bigger. on third round of bigger maternity clothes sand loving it.
our baby shower plans are getting out of control...up to 70 people....this is what happens when we have an open ticket to break from the norm. yippeee!
hope you are all well.
I'm only slightly disappointed because my son really wanted a little sister and he seems kind of sad about the fact that it's a boy. I wish people hadn't even started asking him what he "wanted". At the same time, I'm glad we know now so that he has 20 weeks to adjust to the fact that it ISN'T a little sister! Just imagine how bummed out he would have been if he had found out at birth. My DW is thrilled that it's another boy - she was kind of nervous about having a daughter. I did have a dream a couple of weeks ago that we went to our US and it was a boy. Darn dreams are always right.
Everything else was dandy on the ultrasound - brain development, spinal, everything. The tech couldn't see the heart very well because he was lying transverse, belly down right under my bellybutton, so I'll have another short US at 28 weeks just to check the 4 chambers and the outflow.
Hope everyone else is doing fine...
Jen - Oh little boys are so lovely! Congratulations!
And you are DARN right about the dreams being right...the night I was 7dpo, I had this intense dream that my entire family (the people who I count as my family) were in a giant shower/bath (hello, baby shower I realized later), and had gifts for me, and I told everyone IT'S POSITIVE!!! WE're HAVING A BABY!!! And I got this shivery feeling of joy that ran all through me and must have lasted a little while because I felt just as thrilled when I woke up. The first thing I thought was "I'm going to have a temp dip" and 1 minute later, yes I did! and 1 week later it was indeed positive!!!:::
i agree it has gotten rather silent in here recently.
i've been an emotional mess these last few weeks. i seem to be crying about everything, which is typically not normal for me. i'm also snappy and not so understanding with dp. i confess, i'm being an asshat.
i contacted a midwife, but i haven't heard back and i'm kinda at the crossroads about the whole birthing thing.
combined with fear of birthing and pre-e, i'm also just wondering if it's even worth the extra effort of trying to be all holistic about the process. i'm "meeting" (online) more and more women who have had horrible midwife experiences and suffering for ptsd about their birth. and these are women who have birthed at home. so i'm not even sure if that's safe. a part of me just wants to go away to a small island and birth alone. if i make it, good, and if i don't well...
so i'm feeling like crap lately, hating my mother and wishing i was an orphan more and more. and my pissy attitude is not exactly impressing my dp.
and there we have it will self sabatoge.
Giggleblue - Sorry you're feeling down, but it will all be worth it
Speaking of being moody and mean to dp - I got into a huge screaming match with dp IN MY DREAM last night. Now that's going too far. In real life I've been able to keep it under wraps.
I had a hysterical crying fit, freak out last night. I woke up in the middle of the night to pee, and temped. I know, I should lock up my thermomter, but it has been keeping me sane. Well, my temp had dropped dramatically and all my breast tenderness was Gone! I immediately panicked and took a pregnancy test - 2 dark lines, but not quite as dark as a test I took 3 days ago. I'm hoping it was just more dilute urine as I'd had a lot to drink before bed. Anyway, I cried and freaked out thinking my HCG levels were dropping, my symptoms were gone, and my temp was headed down. This morning I woke up to the highest temp I've had yet and the breast soreness back the same as it's been. I still am worried about the lighter line on the hpt.
I'm a crazy loon and about to lose my mind
Life is strange and wonderful. Me , DP , DS (3/09) , 3 and 4
giggleblue - you don't have to make any decisions this week. or next. or even the week after. keep researching and try and stay away from horror stories, which if you look, you will find everywhere. the stress and anxiety of early pregnancy is so intense that it really is tough trying to make important decisions. If you do your research, you'll make the right decision for you - trust yourself :
pranava - that freakin' thermometer!!!! I tortured myself with it. And similarly with the constant testing! AngelaM told me to stop testing and stop temping and it was the best advice I've ever taken. The anxiety was still there but it helped not to have tangible figures/results to obsess over. Be kind to yourself
One gorgeous solstice babe 12/08, two smitten mothers - mothering consciously with conscience and compassion. Birth & Postnatal Doula. Student Midwife. Expecting #2 November '12.
pranava - put the thermometer away!! I took an HPT just for fun at 8 weeks pregnant with triplets...it was just as faint as the really early tests and I KNOW there was plenty of HCG in there! HPTs can vary, even in the same box, and as you said, with dilute urine.
giggleblue - I've tried to train DP to blame any moodiness on pregnancy hormones, and embrace it since she's so glad I'm pregnant. It hasn't quite worked.
Edited since we posted at the same time: CONGRATULATIONS solejean and welcome, Chase!
giggleblue, here is a scissors, please, PLEASE, cut yourself some slack. You are pregnant, you're not supposed to be holding it all together. You are SUPPOSED to be an emotional wreck. Your progesterone is surging and it's going to make you feel like a total freak. Your partner will have to take you with several grains of salt. And why are midwives not calling you back?! You could just go give birth on an island... perhaps you want to drive to Tennessee and give birth at The Farm with Ina May Gaskin? That could be a lot like an island...
re: baby dreams: yes, I am personally too aware of how they are so right... I had 3 with my first: 1, that he was a boy, blue-eyed and long (very true); 2, that I would have trouble nursing (very, very true) and 3, a nightmare I just chalked up to anxiety, I saw him being cut out of my body as I floated along the ceiling of the operating suite at the birth center I was at. Sadly, also completely accurate. Because of the baby dreams I have had, I already gave up on my notion of a home birth with this one, because I dreamed that I was laboring in a clinical setting, and it was all so positive. It helped me resolve my whole obsession with home birth which was becoming a real bone of contention with my partner. I have woken up from all of my dreams with this baby just feeling giddy on endorphins. I've also dreamt that I will have a successful VBAC. That was a long time ago that I dreamt that.
OK, power nap time... baby brother is kicking me, and dp and ds are out of the house delivering beer to our neighbor who is going to put my 3.75-yo to work on Sunday while our doula comes and talks with us...
i think things have just been really strained around our parts, and i feel really guilty for being pregnant. i mean, she wants this experience more than i do, and i feel a disconnect this tww, like i'm not there with her anymore.
i can tell that she's not as excited as i would want her to be, and that kinda makes me sad. and i'm not as patient and loving and all that jazz. i just don't feel like being bothered 99% of the time. i just have my own demons i guess.
my family issues are kinda spiraling out of control again, and i just don't feel like being bothered with my mother either, who insists that i will "reap what i sow" which leads me to wonder what exactly she sowed.
i don't know. i feel sometimes like the whole ttc thing is such a strain on the family unit. i feel like we have a disconnect because we both aren't in the same place anymore. i don't know. i'm just feeling kinda blah. perhaps i need to find something for dinner.
just put 2 1 year old boys to bed. Enjoy the early days, comfort dp as much as you can, she will be your savior later. By the way you ladies are admirable for ttc together, my dp and I would have killed each other.
I am actually from tennessee and my first pregnancy was followed by a midwife from the farm and it was an amazing experience. Sadly, that pregnancy ended @ 14 weeks but the care I received and the connection I felt to my baby gave me the strength to try again. That was in 1996, today I have a beautiful 8 year old, and my miracle boys conceived with fresh donor sperm, my dp's brother, drug free. God loves lesbians!
giggleblue: I read your blog entry before you removed it. I'm so sorry. That was an awful situation and your mother sounds toxic. Do whatever you have to do to protect yourself from people who will bring you down. This time is too special to waste energy on those who suck it!
One gorgeous solstice babe 12/08, two smitten mothers - mothering consciously with conscience and compassion. Birth & Postnatal Doula. Student Midwife. Expecting #2 November '12.
i just wanted someone to understand instead of tell me how horrible of a person i was. sometimes, you do what works right then, and you try to make the best of two different choices that you were given.
i guess some peple don't understand that. i've always tried to see things from the other shoes - i've looked at life through the eyes of the drunk driver, the girl who choose the abortion, the parent who committed suicide. i was never any of those people, but i don't judge them, because i can see it through their eyes, their side.
i agree, she is toxic. and i'm distancing myself the best way i know how. funny, i had all these ideals of what my mom would be like as a grandmother, and now, now i don't want her anywhere near me. no where in my area. no where close to me. not even under the sound of her voice or the end of her text message.
but all some people see is the cover - the outer layer.
You know I was not part of a DDC with my daughter, but this time I was so excited to be part of one that I jumped in. And so far I think we have had 2 miscarriages already? That freaks me the crap out! I go in there to putter around and kabam! I feel the crushing loss some poor woman is going through having lost her baby. Oh I hope I NEVER go through that myself, I don't know what I would do...
but if their behavior is hurting us, I think it's completely reasonable to cut off contact. I wish my DP didn't feel so beholden to her mother as an only child and took all of the horrible, painful crap she takes because she feels an obligation as her offspring. My MIL is such a b**** to my DP.
My friend had to cut herself off from her family because they are so homophobic and cruel to her, and it's been a long journey since she's stopped talking to them. That's the times her friends hear from her most, is when she's missing her family. I hope you have enough created family around you to support you, and I hope you can find some wonderful older women in your life to serve in that grandma role...
before we said that we would go to a RE if this month didn't work, but i think we are going to try again at home. we had timing issues before, so i almost want to say the last two inseminations don't count.
It is hard to not be pregnant when others around you are. Our very best friends, a straight couple, tried for 5 years to get pregnant and the final year they used a lot of medical intervention - clomid, trigger shots, ultrasounds, IUIs with his sperm, IUIs with donor sperm... no baby. Then we got pregnant that year, and that was the worst feeling to me... how do i tell my straight friend, for whom it should have been so easy to get pregnant, that I'm knocked up and I don't even have any sperm in my relationship? I know she did a LOT of personal work to come to terms with all of these people around her having babies and the fact that she wasn't. Like years.
But of course, your dp doesn't want to hear now from you, the pregnant one, that all she has to do is be patient...
I think I gotta stop with being full of advice today.
Also, it turns out my DP wasn't having sympathetic morning sickness after all. It was pretty bad iron-deficiency anemia. Doh. I think I maybe a little bit somewhat redeemed my bad "it's all in your head" wife self by being the one to figure the anemia thing out, but still. Oof. He's on iron now and feeling much better = phew.
And giggleblue, hang in there. I think a lot of us have experienced similar sorts of family situations-- I know I've had quite the struggle with my father-- so please know you're not alone here. Try to be kind to yourself while you're working through it all, eh?
p.s. pranava, put the thermometer away. Move it far from the bed, so you know you can't get an accurate temp, and won't be as tempted.
Mom to DS (3) and a new baby! Geeked to be married to my love
glad the anemia is being dealt with!!
Into my head just wandered the thought: how is (are?) starling&diesel doing?
Sorry I've been so out of touch. I just got back from 9 days on Cape Cod, which was really, really, really wonderful. I was a bit nervous about being two hours from home during week 37, but it was all just fine, and I feel refreshed and relaxed in the way that only the ocean can make me. I went swimming every single day, most of them at Herring Cove in Provincetown, and it was so nice to be in the water, and also so nice to be on a beach surrounded by queers. Not only did we not get funny looks, but everyone kept looking at my belly and then at my tranny boyfriend holding my hand and *smiling* at us. I know that I shouldn't be so excited about this, it should just be par for the course, but it really felt good just to be "normal" for a week.
Now I'm at 38 weeks and am feeling pretty ready to be done. Though my actual due date is August 4th, I've been visualizing August 1st. Yes, I know, first babies come late, blah blah blah. I'm still holding out hope.
Solejean- Congratulations! I am so thrilled to have another graduate here!
Jen- Congrats on your boy! I too had a lot of weird premonition dreams with this pregnancy (starting with one at 2dpo that I left my baby at the coat check...). I know that your DS will get really excited soon about having a brother.
Giggleblue- I'm sorry to hear both that you're having family stress and stress over having gotten pregnant already when your partner hasn't. I want to echo what Jen said- two cycles is soooo totally normal, especially if your timing might have been off. I think it's really easy to start pathologizing our bodies in the ttc process, imagining all of these things wrong that actually aren't. I wish you both peace and clarity (and, of course, shared morning sickness, very soon).
Pranava- I echo all the others here- put the thermometer down. It's just going to make you crazy. One thing I finally had to come to terms with was that it didn't really matter how many times I took my temperature or looked at the lines on an HPT. If my pregnancy was going to stick, it would stick. If it wasn't, it wouldn't. It's really hard to let go of the idea that you can know, can control the whole thing somehow. You're in the hardest part right now, but you're going to get through it, and soon enough, you'll hear the baby's heartbeat and feel soooo reassured.
And that's my news. I'm sorry if I've missed people- I feel like I'm still catching up on the real world after a week's vacation. And, it occurs to me that I COULD BE NEXT! Oh my. Oh my...
A, partner to J, mama to O, now with a new username!
Building queer family since 2008!
(and oh, did i mention we're having twins?!?)
we have a meeting this afternoon with a midwife. i haven't so much decided if we are going to go with her or not. our main hang up is price and the fact that it more than likely would not be covered by our insurance. well, perhaps a portion, if billed correctly, but that's something we seriously need to discuss.
as it stands, with dp being a teacher, she wouldn't get paid maternity leave, which is odd given the fact that she is salaried. it just doesn't make sense to me, but i can see how that could happen. if that's the case, we would more than likely need to save the money to pay said midwife, so that we could survive the following months with two babes.
so as that stands, we aren't completely sure, but i'm sure we will have more of an answer after we talk with her.
i've put the "family situation" behind me as of now. i'm not going to worry about it. i have too much other stuff going on. all will be well, even if it's only well in my mind.
angelam - hold the hope for your august 1 due date! visualization always helps!
And I wanted to tell you that those 12-packs of Target washcloths (butt rags!) I suggested to you for the cloth diapering arsenal are on sale this week for $2.49.
Angela - mmm, swimming every day. I have to get in touch with our local YWCA and see if we can get a scholarship so that we can re-join so I can swim. We canceled our membership so that we would have the $ to send ds to preschool. I'm missing it. I can't believe how close you are to holding that baby in your arms! : good labor vibes now in case you need them suddenly...!
My son adjusted quickly to the notion of having a brother and is now fairly psyched that he will get to share a room with him. Thank heavens for that, as we have a 2-br house!