10 weeks preggo and dp is cheating - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 48 Old 08-20-2008, 01:06 PM
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I don't have anything more inspiring to add than these great women have already said but I wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you. Please take care of yourself and the little one. You are what's most important right now.
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#32 of 48 Old 08-21-2008, 01:37 PM
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Hey, pranava. I've been thinking about this for a couple of days, and first off-- I'm so sorry your partner has done this to you. Right now is when she needs to be taking super care of you, and getting everything in order for a new family together. It seems to me like she's running off for some "easy," given that y'all have probably been going through a lot of "hard," what with TTC and the joys of the first trimester. (Take all this with a grain of salt, as I don't know her, and I only know you online.) When (not if) her new fling stops being "easy," what on earth is she going to do? Run off to something else easy? Realize what on earth she's lost? In either case it seems like she's not dealing with underlying feelings of what it's like to be in a difficult situation with someone you love. If she's never going to address those feelings, and just run off to a distraction when things get hard, then maybe it's better that she's not around when the baby is born. That's not a trait you want in a parent. But if she's able to realize what she's doing, and learn how to deal with life's difficulties face-on, maybe she can come through a stronger person and you two can have an even better relationship.

Again, all of this is my completely out-of-left-field opinion, but I wanted to put it out there, along with all my love and support. I hope you're able to take really good care of yourself as you work through all of this, and find family and friends to support you too.



Mom to DS (3) and a new baby!  Geeked to be married to my love love.gif

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#33 of 48 Old 08-21-2008, 02:37 PM
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*HUGS* to you. I'm so sorry to read what's happening. I also suggest counseling if your dp is up for it, or alone if she isn't up for it. I'm sorry you are dealing with this, especially while you are newly pregnant! It's so low and unfair to cheat on someone, and it makes me so mad that this is happening to you.

Mama (non-bio) to REPlaySkateboard04HL.gifmy little man (6), and mama (bio) to babyboy.gif my tiny man (2/14)
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#34 of 48 Old 08-21-2008, 02:40 PM
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Not normally in this forum, but read your thread title and could not just go past.

I am so very sorry about what you are going through right now. I can not imagine the heartache

I am : for you

Mama to 10 so far:Mother of Joey (23), Dominick (15), Abigail (13), Angelo (10), Mylee (8), Delainey (6), Colton (4), ID girls Dahniella and Nicolette (2 in July), and Baby 10 coming sometime in July 2015.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!
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#35 of 48 Old 08-22-2008, 11:51 PM
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Pranava- I wanted you to know that my heart goes out to you. I would encourage you to become a protective "mother bear" to that child. In this case that means you might want to think about the toll that this emotional roller coster is having on you and think how much it is impacting your baby. Science tells us that we release chemicals in our body when we are stressed, sad,as well as with other emotions. This has an impact on the developing baby. I really want to encourage you to 1) not think of yourself as weak- you have it within you to do what you need to do to protect yourself and your child and 2) to do what you need to do protect you and your child. I do not mean to sound preachy and I hope this helps you.
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#36 of 48 Old 08-23-2008, 01:21 AM
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*hug* I'm so sorry.
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#37 of 48 Old 08-26-2008, 06:12 PM
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I'm not a part of this forum but just wanted to send you s

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. Please take care of yourself and know that you'll be fine -even though it doesn't feel that way now.

Some of the things your DW is saying sounds scary. Please be careful and protect yourself.
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#38 of 48 Old 08-26-2008, 06:33 PM
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Saw this in new posts. I'm so sorry. Infidelity is so hard even without pregnancy.

check out www.survivinginfidelity.com for some great articles and message boards.

Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass is a great book.

Sounds like your partner is in what is called the "fog" in infidelity circles. Until she feels true remorse and is willing to do WHATEVER it takes then being together isn't a good idea. She's being a cake-eater right now too.

I am actually impressed that she told you so quickly--that is pretty rare.
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#39 of 48 Old 08-30-2008, 01:16 AM
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Sending you strength to get through this. :
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#40 of 48 Old 08-30-2008, 01:38 AM
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I don't have much advice but I can pass on this info:

DH and I took a couples' communication class a while back, and the facilitator (a marriage/family counselor) said that she gets lots of people in for "marriage" counseling without their spouse/partner and that it can be immensely helpful. She also mentioned as an aside that sometimes the one person starts going, but that it is not long before the partner ends up finally coming too.

I really can't imagine what you must be going through and I hope things get better soon, one way or another. ::::

Rachel, mommy to Ella (10/19/06) and Kaia (1/4/10), wife to Michael . Just another vegan, attachment parenting, homebirthing, UU & Buddhist, CLWing, bedsharing, vegetable gardening, Bay Area crunchy mom!
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#41 of 48 Old 09-08-2008, 04:41 AM
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Hi Pranava
I haven't posted on this board for ages but read it still on and off.

I'm so so sorry that what should be a lovely time in your life and your relationship is so crappy right now.

I have no more words only
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#42 of 48 Old 09-12-2008, 03:54 PM
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#43 of 48 Old 10-28-2008, 09:30 PM
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Originally Posted by pranava View Post
I know I should not let her have the power in this situation. I should choose, but I only have one choice to make, and I don't know if I'm strong enough to tell her to leave. I cry over everything I think of - we were supposed to grow old together. She's saying really terrible things like she hasn't been happy for the past 8 years, but I know that's not true. I was there too. I think she's focising on every negative situation we've ever encountered and has completely forgotten the positives. Her view of reality is skewed becuase this new infatuation feels so perfect. It doesn't help to know this new girl is 24. DP is 42 - mid-life crisis?
its funny you say that. i really do think that 24-ish is the new time to have a midlife crisis. my dh left me when I was about 6 weeks pg with #2, #1 was still born just a few months before and we had a lot ridding on #2. He left me after numerous yrs of marriage.... we too were supposed to grow old together. He just turned 25 like 2 weeks before. i cant tell you what to do or what is right for you but I can tell you this... if your DP can do this to you when you need her most, when you are pregnant and emotional, imagine what she will and can do to you and the baby after it is born. its a lot to consider I know. I am so sorry. I know how you feel. You feel like its the end of the world.... trust me you are strong and you can and will get through it. Here I am a year and almost 3 months after my DH left me and I am the strongest woman I have ever been. I wouldnt have believed I would be here like this if you had told me. PM me if you need to chat. hang in there... hugs!!
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#44 of 48 Old 11-06-2008, 06:30 PM
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Hi Pranava,
I haven't been on here in forever, but logged in today and saw your post. I can't begin to know what you're going through right now and won't try to put out more than what these other wonderful women have given you, but like several others have said, right now, you and the little one you are carrying are more important and you need to look out for the two of you. Easy...no. but for the best outcome of having a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your wonderful gift! Good luck with everything!

Tracee dp to Melissa, moms to Kasey, Amanda, and Jesse:
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#45 of 48 Old 11-10-2008, 08:49 PM
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I'm so sorry

This too shall pass...
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#46 of 48 Old 11-10-2008, 09:41 PM
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Don't post here often (ever), but saw this and couldn't not respond.

I am so, so sorry mami. Broken hearts suck so very badly...been there many, many times myself.

I know that, in the moment, it is incredibly and exquisitely painful and that strength and healing seem a billion miles away...

But mami, I promise you with everything I am that someday, someday soon, you WILL get there. Hold onto that precious one in your belly and dig in your heels...you will survive to love another day!
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#47 of 48 Old 11-17-2008, 01:42 AM
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I don't normally post in this board but saw your title and just wanted to send major s

Me + Dh = Dd1(9.5 yrs) + Dd2(7 yrs) and Ds(4.5 yrs)
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#48 of 48 Old 11-18-2008, 05:07 AM
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Oh I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I know what it feels like because the same thing happened to me. The details are different, i.e. I'm straight, was with a man (the baby's father). We were not married (although I'd thought maybe someday....) and lets see, I was a lot farther along in my pg, I found out about my "replacement", oh, like a week or 2 before the birth. I already knew her slightly (socially) and my impression of her: a rude, stuck-up poser, didn't like her at all, not to go into detail too much ...

Still, details are irrelevant IMO (or not very relevant) - being in love is being in love, and pregnancy is pregnancy, and having one's partner suddenly take up with a new person and express (implicitly &/or openly) that the new person is more important to them than all the intimacy you two have shared together. ... Well. What is there to say about that. I'm thinking it is a fairly common thing to happen unfortunately, and when it happened to me it was like being knocked to the ground and kicked around until everything hurt, and I could not breathe.

Pregnancy made it emotionally worse I'm SURE, IME definitely. I have been dumped before and since, but that time was worst b/c of pg and how I felt about X, I was a mess. He took a short time to "make up his mind" supposedly, but once the cat was out of the bag, it was only a short time before he told me we were over, because he chose her. I think within six months they were married & she was pregnant. I literally could not stand up straight, for weeks, months. I was at sobbing uncontrollably, buckets, even at work but could not take off (without really inconveniencing others) due to my maternity leave was going to begin very shortly thereafter, and I needed to meet with co-workers that would be covering for me. I don't think any of them asked what was wrong ... guess they figured I didn't want to talk about it ... which was TRUE for sure.

Got to admit ... this happened long ago - the kid I was pregnant with then, is now taller than I am ... but it still stings a bit sometimes. Particularly lately, as we recently had some stressful stuff happen that challenged our sorta longstanding coparenting truce a bit (led to arguments with X which made me feel pretty bad).

Btw the coparenting between us, & his parenting of ds at all, only exists at all b/c for years, I more or less forcd X to have a relationship of sorts with our child, b/c his wife "wouldn't let him" since she feared I would seduce him? which wasn't going to happen - the reason I was with him was b/c I didn't know about her until I did - but he allowed her to control him way lots IMO. But anyway, that's going a little OT but to complete my thought - Ds and his father are really close now but that certainly wouldn't be the case if I hadn't facilitated it for like 100% of the effort, the first several years, and I know it wasn't my job to see that X got to see his son frequently, but I'm really glad (for both their sakes) that I did it - well - Usually.

Of course - the marriage he left me for - didn't even last, maybe 3-4 years tops. Whatever! I did see that coming for sure.

OP - I hope you feel better soon ... and I think it does also help to be pg at such a devastating time, not only makes it harder. At least for me, it kinda forced me to take care of myself in a way I probably wouldn't have, had I not been carrying a baby.

Not sure what that smiley means but I hope it's something about wishing you some good vibes, love & light, because that's why I used it.
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