The Queer & Pregnant Thread --- mid-Sept. till Dec. 2008 - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
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#61 of 655 Old 09-27-2008, 01:11 AM
 
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Ugh, my post just got eaten. :

I was going to say that Oct 13th is indeed a good day for an Anniversary as we have great friends in Ottawa who also have that as an Anniversary.

Congrats to Ellie on the HB!! :

And glad you found your way here Jody

And of course, Hooray on the frog sighting!!

smartycatpartners.gif quasar.  Mommies to two boys.
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#62 of 655 Old 09-27-2008, 11:19 AM
 
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Pranava: I have been thinking about you and am glad to see you posting. I think your new perspective is a good one -- no matter what happens, you are that baby's mother. I'm sure it is a huge blow and you never expected to be in this situation, but you can do it.

I hope that your ex figures out what she wants to do and you can move forward with that information. What do you want at this point? Do you want her to be a parent or would you rather do this on your own now?

As far as keeping cats out of the bassinet, I do not have any suggestions. At least one cat can be found in the co-sleeper at any given time around here.

Finally, my offer still stands for getting together sometime.

Heart-n-Bones: Congrats on seeing your baby on the ultrasound. Have you made any decisions on homebirth midwife v. ob care yet?

Beccalina: You must be so excited to be so close. And since everyone else is putting in plugs for certain dates, I think 10/12 is a GREAT date. My nephew will be four on that date and he's a super cool kid.

Jodybird: Welcome!

Ellie: Isn't seeing the heartbeat so amazing? The heartbeat sounds perfectly normal to me. In terms of when you can start breathing again.....I think 18 sounds like a horribly stressful time to be a parent. When I think of 18, here's what I get: Colette is going off to college. Possibly far away from us. Maybe living in a dorm. Parties. Lots of alcohol. College kids binge drink.

Yeah, I think things out too far in advance and am already horribly protective and scared for her. I don't know that we'll ever breathe completely easy again.

Me: Things are still going really well. I can't believe we only have 98 days until the EDD. Double digits now, baby! DW and I are celebrating our five year anniversary today. I thin we are going to go buy invitations for the baby shower, register at a couple places, go out to eat, and watch a movie we rented last night and did not watch due to the debate. We're really exciting people, huh? I have decided that my best friend is awesome. She is throwing us the shower and called this morning to let us know that she rented this place for the shower. I love the home and the fact that we are supporting our local neighborhood (we live about a mile away).

I asked my MW for a recommendation for a birth photographer. She gave me a woman's number and when I called her, she is willing to work with us. She is in doula training and considers herself "a doula with a camera." Awesome, huh? So not only are we getting a doula, but she is also doing professional birth photography, a maternity shoot, and newborn pictures. What's even more amazing? It's free. Since she is in training, she said all of her services are free. We're not sure if we will owe her for the maternity and newborn shoot, but who cares? The doula and birth photography services are free of charge....not that we will not give her a generous cash gift at the end. How much do you guys think would be appropriate? She will not be printing pictures for us. She will photograph the birth, photoshop the pictures, and give them to us on CD so we can print them as we would like. :
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#63 of 655 Old 09-27-2008, 12:39 PM
 
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This post removed because I have a policy of not complaining about my wife in public online. but I am irked.
:

Waldorf-teaching mama to A (12/08), wife to my sweet wife M , and sharing a home with a dog , four cats , five turtles, a fish, and a crab.
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#64 of 655 Old 09-27-2008, 01:47 PM
 
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I have not been on here at all since TTC and thought I would check in and see what is new. It's great to see so many expecting mamas. My username was tiggerkong, but I have forgotten my password, so started with a new name. Our tiggerbaby is due mid-December and everything is going great.
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#65 of 655 Old 09-27-2008, 02:10 PM
 
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tigger!!! welcome back! :

dw has the cold of death, so we did not go to the renaissance festival. once she realized I was going to stay home with her and take care of her miserableness, she stopped being snippy. we are going to get some spicy thai soup to try to clear up her sinuses, and then go get our cards read, since that's what we really wanted to do at renfest, anyway.

Waldorf-teaching mama to A (12/08), wife to my sweet wife M , and sharing a home with a dog , four cats , five turtles, a fish, and a crab.
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#66 of 655 Old 09-27-2008, 03:10 PM
 
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I'm just sitting here waiting for an auction to come close to its end on eBay. It's in Germany and I'm wary of using auction sniper because eBay always throws in this little curve ball if you are bidding using a non-US site, it asks you if you are sure you are able to pay for it and get it shipped and auction sniper doesn't know how to deal with that :

The auctions that are ending tomorrow I'm really excited about - a whole bunch of wonderful organic wool and wool/silk baby items. Sooooo expensive here. Unfortunately the seller thinks it will be too much work to send it directly to me *grr*, so I have to have her send it to my friend in Germany who will then send it to me (BECAUSE IT'S SO HARD TO SLAP A CUSTOMS STICKER ON A PACKAGE!), but whatever; the items will be much cheaper than I could get them for here in the US, even with the double postage.

Talked with my doula yesterday, we are both getting excited but really scratching our heads about how my DW is going to function during birth. She's pretty much refusing to read the one book I've asked her to read (The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin), which our doula also recommended. Maybe she's thinking that if she hides her head in the sand, one day she'll pull it out and there will just be this baby there and she won't have to engage with the birth process?

2HM your brand of boringness is just my style and I would give the birth photographer $50 cash and a $50 gift certificate to a photography store, if there's a good one in town that you know she likes - maybe you could ask a dummy question like "a friend of mine was looking for a telephoto lens for her camera but she's new in town, are there any photography stores out there you can recommend to her?"...

Baby sends you all many might kicks and squirms. xo jen

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#67 of 655 Old 09-27-2008, 06:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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oh, jen that auction sounds wonderful! we have yet to actually hunker down and buy baby stuff, beyond a couple of clothes here and there. we are waiting for dp to get pregnant or rather i'm insisting that we wait till dp is pregnant before we make any major purchases.

funny you talk about your wife with her head in the sand, because i feel like my head is in the sand and i'm the one that's pregnant! i'm 16 weeks today so i need to get it together soon. perhaps some time in the next ten weeks....

btw, i've updated all requests up until this point.

giggle - mommy to GP born 3.16.09 and parter to liberty (GP's mama). hoping to have 2 under 2 in the very near future via DP's ute!
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#68 of 655 Old 09-28-2008, 02:20 PM
 
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Welcome Jodybird!! Glad you've joined us.

2HM - the photoing doula sounds great! We used a photographer in training for our wedding and our pictures turned out fabulous. Hope you get lots of great pics for the blessed event!

We decided to go the hospital route. DP was just too freaked out by the whole uterus prolapse thing. It really scared her about what could happen and she would just feel more comfortable if I'm at a hospital. So, a-hospitaling we will go. The midwives we'll be working with are well-known inthe community for supporting natural birth, so we should be good.

Our biggest news is we told DP's parents yesterday about the pregnancy. Her mom's response - "Oh, I wish you hadn't done that." Something about DP being so much older than me and not approving of artifical insemination, blah, blah, blah... It actually went much better than I anticipated. She was really mean to DP when DP told her we were getting married. She still has yet to ever mention our wedding, even when we were sitting next to her showing wedding pictures to one of DP's siblings. Oh well... She did wish us a safe and healthy pregnancy. But just wait till she finds out that the father is DP's brother!!
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#69 of 655 Old 09-28-2008, 09:24 PM
 
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I posted some more belly pictures in my blog. I am really liking being so obviously pregnant....I wear my shirts tighter than I ever have now.
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#70 of 655 Old 09-29-2008, 10:05 AM
 
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Well, we had an emergency room trip last night. I started bleeding after church and had DP come pick me up right away. I called the doc and he said to come into the ER. We had an ultrasound and lots of blood work. Everything came back fine. Baby was still growing apropriately and they could see baby's heart beating. After I'd been lying down awhile at the hospital the bleeding stopped. So, they sent me home. Doc said that can happen sometime and women go on to have perfectly normal, healthy pregnancies. So, that's what we're praying for. It sure did freak me and DP out though. I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life. Please send lots of healthy, sticky baby vibes my way when you think of it!
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#71 of 655 Old 09-29-2008, 10:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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hnb, i'm happy to hear that all was well in the womb! and i can't imagine how scary that could have been! you will be in my thoughts.

giggle - mommy to GP born 3.16.09 and parter to liberty (GP's mama). hoping to have 2 under 2 in the very near future via DP's ute!
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#72 of 655 Old 09-29-2008, 10:58 AM
 
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hnb :

stickybabystickybaby!

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#73 of 655 Old 09-29-2008, 01:17 PM
 
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Hi All,

For any of you who already have children, how far along were/are you before you told your older children that you were expecting? DP and I have a 5-year-old daugther and are wondering when to fill her in. We figure it would be very hard for her to understand if something happened...

PROUD mama to Amiya, age 6 , and Asher, born 10/2009 . Loving partner to dp, Amy.
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#74 of 655 Old 09-29-2008, 01:31 PM
 
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I told my son (who just turned 4) after I heard the heartbeat. Was hard waiting because I felt so sick and wanted to explain to him why mama was so miserable, but I was in the same boat as you when it came to wanting to wait to tell him. I suppose he would have understood better than I give him credit for, but I decided to wait...

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#75 of 655 Old 09-29-2008, 02:51 PM
 
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Thanks, Jen. I agree...the waiting is hard. Haven't been sick yet...but exhausted--yes. Also, it's just hard to keep such exciting news from one of the most important people in your life. I know she'll be excited when she finds out, so it's hard not to tell!

PROUD mama to Amiya, age 6 , and Asher, born 10/2009 . Loving partner to dp, Amy.
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#76 of 655 Old 09-29-2008, 07:43 PM
 
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Heart and bones, all my good sticky baby mojo and love is coming your way. I know it's really common to have some bleeding in the first trimester, but that never makes it less terrifying when it happens.

Mom to DS (3) and a new baby!  Geeked to be married to my love love.gif

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#77 of 655 Old 09-29-2008, 08:03 PM
 
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Oh boy, we started our independent birth classes last night...all I can say is wow.

We chose these classes because the birth educator is a feminist and has a great reputation among same sex couples and is really aware of inclusiveness. On that front the classes were great and we weren't the only dyke couple which I was pretty happy about. I was shocked though by so many of the male partners there. Maybe I'm naive, but I thought that classes run by an outspoken and politically progressive teacher, which focus on no/low intervention, natural birth would attract a more evolved ilk of folk. WRONG. Some (not all) were clearly threatened by the women partners there and a few made wistful comments about the good old days when men were at the pub while their partners gave birth. I was SHOCKED... And thrilled that I have a wonderful partner who offers nothing but unconditional support and love. :

The teacher was pretty awesome though - she tried really hard to redirect/reframe heterosexist/homophobic language and commentary and came up to us at the end to apologise for the times that the class 'left the track.'

Anyway - the class itself was terrifying. I haven't had any fear around birth until now...but those videos, especially of transition had me trembling and holding back tears. eek. I'm glad I've got 10 or so weeks to work on that!!!

One gorgeous solstice babe 12/08, two smitten mothers - mothering consciously with conscience and compassion. Birth & Postnatal Doula. Student Midwife. Expecting #2 November '12.

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#78 of 655 Old 09-29-2008, 08:09 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by heart-n-bones View Post
Well, we had an emergency room trip last night.
Sticky baby vibes coming at you.:

One gorgeous solstice babe 12/08, two smitten mothers - mothering consciously with conscience and compassion. Birth & Postnatal Doula. Student Midwife. Expecting #2 November '12.

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#79 of 655 Old 09-29-2008, 08:19 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MujerMamaMismo View Post

Anyway - the class itself was terrifying. I haven't had any fear around birth until now...but those videos, especially of transition had me trembling and holding back tears. eek. I'm glad I've got 10 or so weeks to work on that!!!
Transition is my biggest fear at this point. What was it about the videos that had such an impact on you? I probably don't want to know, but I gotta ask. How bad was it?

BTW, your belly is BEAUTIFUL! I've been waiting for you to post another belly picture.

Have you been doing okay?
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#80 of 655 Old 09-29-2008, 08:41 PM
 
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Originally Posted by 2happymamas View Post
Transition is my biggest fear at this point. What was it about the videos that had such an impact on you? I probably don't want to know, but I gotta ask. How bad was it?

BTW, your belly is BEAUTIFUL! I've been waiting for you to post another belly picture.

Have you been doing okay?
The videos were hard hard hard to watch. And transition could so easily lead to hysteria which is something that I think I'm prone to and not likely to be useful at all.

I'm really glad to have seen them though. I've seen plenty of 'birth' videos - ie. the bit where the baby comes out, but I've been wanting to know what a transitioning woman looks like. Now I know.

Suffice to say, I'm freaking thrilled we've got ourselves an awesome doula because I think I'm going to be a hell of a handful for DP and she'll need some support of her own.

The fact that the teacher had her beautiful 4 week old babe at the class helped too - reminded us that it was all worth it in the end.

Thanks for the belly compliment - I think your stretch marks are cool, they look like flames. I was thinking it'd be cool to have flames tattooed over the top once CoCo is born.

And yes, I'm fine. Too busy and starting to get tired again, but all is well in the grand scheme of things. Thanks for asking!

One gorgeous solstice babe 12/08, two smitten mothers - mothering consciously with conscience and compassion. Birth & Postnatal Doula. Student Midwife. Expecting #2 November '12.

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#81 of 655 Old 09-29-2008, 10:03 PM
 
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Hi everyone!

We're back from our holiday ... I learned a few things about being pregnant and doing a two week road trip camping extravaganza. Snack often. Pee when you need too. Bring lots of pillows. Demand a cheap motel room if it's too cold or the bathroom is too far away. Let DP do the talking if you think the hormones might speak instead of your fine, pleasant self.

For those of you afraid of transition ... having caught several babies in my life, I can attest to the fact that we women can handle it. None of the mamas who I helped during labour had any medication whatsoever (being that I'm a paramedic and this is usually at the side of the road or in their living room or the back of the ambulance.) Most often, I've seen mamas drift into a kind of trance like place of awesome strength. It's a sight to behold.

Pravana ... so good to see your wicked fierce mama self in action!
Heart-n-bones ... I have no doubt that little baby is sticking just fine. But here's some dust just in case.

dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
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#82 of 655 Old 09-29-2008, 10:14 PM
 
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mmm = you will be amazed at the inner strength you possess to get through childbirth!! i kept zen throughout the whole process and it was incredible. our ob said she would deliver a baby with me any time!! i bet she gets her share of women who aren't as relaxed as me, lol! don't be afraid.

g

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#83 of 655 Old 09-29-2008, 11:04 PM
 
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Very briefly before the baby wakes up-

Heart-n-Bones- Sending you lots of positive, healthy thoughts! I'm sure everything is fine, but how scary!

MMM- You can handle transition. Honestly. Perhaps the most helpful thing to keep in mind is that for me and many others I've talked to, transition is the moment where you suddenly feel like "Oh my god, I can't do this anymore." Luckily, it's also the moment where you're getting close to being done. In some ways, getting to transition was a relief, because pushing came next, and at that point, the end was in sight. Plus, at that point there was something positive and productive to do, rather than just lie around trying to handle the pain of contractions. Though I have mixed feelings about hypnobirthing in general, it might be helpful to watch some of the videos- those women are all so calm and blissed out. While my own labor was not like that (I probably woke coma patients up with my yelling), watching the videos left me feeling calm about birth, and reinforced the idea that it is in fact a natural process that we are equipped to handle.

Pranava- Big hugs to you. I ran into my ex at Roller Derby the other night. Even after seven months it is still painful. I'm really sorry that you're having to deal with this all right now. Try to remember that you are awesome and are going to be a total rockstar mom.

Also, someone awhile back asked about hypnobirthing, and I promised to report back. So here's the story- I did NOT have a painfree childbirth. That claim is a crock of chicken feathers. Labor hurts! Or it did for me, anyway. And, I am very good at managing pain, disassociating, etc. The hypnobirthing did not stand a chance against those contractions. BUT, it was really helpful in keeping me calm between contractions, and really, even during the contractions themselves. I mean, it still hurt, but at least I was calm. The benefit of this is that we labored at home until I was just about fully dilated, and showed up at the hospital just in time to push. Honestly, the fact that we showed up so late is the only thing that kept my childbirth natural- that hospital was so stressful that I would have needed an epidural just to hang out there. Anyway, my two cents on hypnobirthing is that it was useful in keeping me calm, and reminding me that birth is a natural process, one that I was capable of handling. So for that, I think it was worth it. However, I think the danger of it is that they tell you that if you just follow their program, you'll have no pain. I've talked to several women who did hypnobirthing, and then completely freaked when they felt pain, feeling like they must have done something wrong, and headed straight for the epidural. So my two cents is that it's useful, but only if you think of it as a pain management technique, not a pain abatement technique.

Okay, that's it. Gotta go try and fold some laundry while the kid is still sleeping. Miss you guys! Can we start a Queer with a Newborn thread??

A, partner to J, mama to O, now with a new username!

Building queer family since 2008!

(and oh, did i mention we're having twins?!?)

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#84 of 655 Old 10-01-2008, 12:13 AM
 
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send some upward moving placenta vibes my way, please. US yesterday showed marginal previa continues, and the placenta doesn't look to have moved at all, but boy is it nice and big and thick.

I get another 5 weeks from tomorrow to get it to move, or else we have to schedule a surgical birth.

junior is kicking away, though, with his head vaguely downwards and his tush up under my ribs....

Waldorf-teaching mama to A (12/08), wife to my sweet wife M , and sharing a home with a dog , four cats , five turtles, a fish, and a crab.
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#85 of 655 Old 10-01-2008, 11:15 AM
 
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Our one and only ultrasound was scheduled for this morning.
It just got cancelled because the tech called in sick.
They're booking four weeks ahead.
I am so, so disappointed.
:

dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
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#86 of 655 Old 10-01-2008, 12:04 PM
 
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S&D - how disappointing! I'm so sorry! There's no way they can squeeze you in sooner? Or maybe go somewhere else?

I'm having a little panic about not feeling pregnant at all. Until recently I chalked it up to still being early - and it is still early - 8 1/2 weeks - but I don't feel pregnant at all. No nausea, no constipation, no fatigue, nothing. Maybe I'm just extraordinarily lucky - but I'm really struggling to keep my worry in check.

Still madly in stillheart.gif with jb after 10 years and chasing after my precocious toddler jog.gif    

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#87 of 655 Old 10-01-2008, 12:14 PM
 
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pleasantly ... the same thing happened to me when I was about as far along as you are. A respite from all symptoms, for about a week. It was scary, but nothing to worry about ... of course, that's easy to say from this end of things.

As for the ultrasound, welcome to the Canadian healthcare system. Gloriously free, but also insanely overworked. We live in a tiny town with no ultrasound at all, so this was booked at the nearest medical centre, which only has one. Beyond that, it's a three hour drive to the big city ... but still with a several week wait.

So, so, so, so, so disappointing.

dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
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#88 of 655 Old 10-01-2008, 12:34 PM
 
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S+D: My heart sank when I saw a gloomy smiley in your post. I was glad to see it was just that the ultrasound was rescheduled. Sorry for your disappointment but happy things are still otherwise going well with you.

smartycatpartners.gif quasar.  Mommies to two boys.
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#89 of 655 Old 10-01-2008, 01:14 PM
 
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smarty... thanks for putting it into perspective. That truly helps.
From me to you ... thanks

dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
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#90 of 655 Old 10-01-2008, 11:01 PM
 
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giggleblue, I had a dream that I met you and your RL name is Claoudi. don't ask me where the heck that one came from!

miep, I am sorry to hear that your placenta did not respond to the singing of the theme song from the Jeffersons. Maybe we aren't singing loud enough? I will say that if it does come to a surgical birth, I found the resources that ICAN has - both on their website as well as the library that our local chapter has - very diverse and helpful. The meeting this month probably isn't what you need (VBAC stories?) but I bet if you got in touch with the chapter leaders - if you wanted to, of course - they would know where to direct you or even maybe know some other women who've been in your shoes... in the meantime: up, placenta, up! Up, placenta, up! Rah-rah-rah for pla-cen-ta!

S&D, I can understand your disappointment but that baby will be just as adorable 4 weeks from now and there's really only one fetal development marker that isn't really valid after 21 weeks... and i can't even remember which one it is. Nasal bone development? I had a 2nd follow-up US at 28 weeks and he was easier to see because he had less room to move around.

pleasantlyfurious I am crossing fingers for you that you are just one of those women who is spared the nightmare of first trimester sickness. : SOMEONE deserves it - and I had more than my fair share so maybe I just took on some of yours.

angela I'm psyched to see another roller derby fan here and thanks for chiming in about hypnobirthing - that's exactly how I felt about it! Your perspective of how women could think "it hurts - I must be a hypnobirthing failure!" is spot on. It did help me to not tense up my body during contractions too but I certainly was not one of those serene women lying there in their beds with someone gently stroking the inside of my forearm. And if you actually did wake up coma patients, I bet their families were very, very grateful.

AAM: I feel like my hip sockets and my pelvis are going to dislocate at any given moment. I can sit in a good, happy uterus position but when I stand up I feel almost paralyzed. Do you think chiropractors ever get to a point of not wanting to see their patients as much as they do?! Wee Man is constantly moving and changing positions but at least he's keeping his head down. And yes, I did finally feel for the first time what my doula keeps asking me: "do you feel like your vagina is going to fall out?". I'm taking this all as a good sign because I never felt this way the first time because T never descended. What has been dubbed as the Big Lactation Experiment 2008 starts in 4 weeks when I start taking goat's rue hard-core to try to develop more milk glands... my herbalist is also going to make me a salve to apply to my breasts. So DW isn't so happy now that she isn't getting any (and I'm unhappy for her, too, and the fact that I am so horribly disinterested and tired) but once I start the titty balm (as my doula and I are calling it), not only am I going to be uninterested but poor wifey's going to be turned right off (she's not a fan of fenugreek!).


: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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