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ktcl 10-28-2008 09:42 PM

That title got you to open this thread, right??!!

A few months ago, DS started being really into hiding his penis from us, asking for privacy, etc. He's 5.5, so it doesn't really seem that odd. As some of you may know from reading DP's blog (, he does like to test those gender boundaries. So I can't help but wonder, is this hiding of his penis related to somehow wishing he didn't have a penis? We've tried to ask him why he feels he needs to hide, but he just says he wants privacy.

We've thought about having KD talk to him about penises, but what would he even say?

Is this somehow related/connected to having two moms, therefore no other penises in the house?

I thought you queerfolk would have some fun pondering this one with me...
(Megin, apologies if you weren't ready to share this with the world...)

tigermiep 10-28-2008 11:23 PM

I'll be watching. Our expected LO will be the first human penis-haver in the household...

lexbeach 10-29-2008 08:46 AM

Um, I wish our five-year-olds were a little more shy about their penises, lol. They're going through a bit of a pantsing phase at the moment (luckily only with each other), and they seem to think that having their penis in plain view unexpectedly (they don't wear underwear) is The. Funniest. Thing. Ever.

They are, however, shy about being naked (or even in pajamas) in front of non-family members. So some amount of modesty has kicked in.

I do talk to them about their penises, though. Our conversations started when they noticed that their friends were circumcised and had different-looking penises than they did. So, from time to time we talk about foreskins and erections . . . any questions they might have, or things they have noticed about this most amazing part of their bodies. Sometimes I do feel like the wrong person to be having the conversation with them, but I don't know how appropriate it would be for any of the men in their lives to talk penises with them.

I do wonder, though, if our kids would be more self-conscious about their penises if they didn't have each other's penises as an example. At this point, our household has more penises than yonis, so that could make a difference in their comfort level.

Sorry, not much help!


Monkeygrrl 11-03-2008 01:22 AM

Pman will be 6 this month and has started (in the last few months) doing the "i dont want them to see my butt or penis" thing if he has to change in front of his siblings... *shrug* i dont really react to it other than to say "no one is looking" or "no one cares what it looks like"...

we have 5 vaginas, 2 circ'd penii and 2 intact penii in this house...dont know if that makes one bit of difference though...the adults are fairly clothing optional, especially when we are upstairs, so he has seen both types of bodies...

his older siblings are of the "modesty" maybe he gets some of that from them...

dont know if this helps or not...


nolonger 11-03-2008 04:17 PM

Terran may have the only penis in the family by the time he's old enough to care, so i am watching this thread.

i had kind of a lightbulb moment about penii when i overheard a mama talking about how her six year old did not know the correct anatomical terms or the purpose of his genatalia shortly after my uc.

if i had given birth to a girl, i would have fought to the death for her to be comfortable inside her own skin and to love and respect her amazing life giving organs.

why should i feel differently about my sons?

i've never been a big fan of penii and tend to consider them humorous and mildly disgusting. i was relieved when ds1 started covering up. i have a problem that needs fixing.

mamabadger 11-07-2008 12:00 PM

Originally Posted by ktcl View Post
So I can't help but wonder, is this hiding of his penis related to somehow wishing he didn't have a penis?
I am not in the queer parenting category, so apologies if I should not be replying, but your question really caught my eye. I have encountered two families in which a little boy clearly felt badly about having a penis.
In one case, the mother was almost obsessed with having a daughter, and kept talking openly about how disappointed she was to only have sons, often right in front of her youngest boy. He began first hiding his penis, then taping it down between his legs and saying he didn't have one.
In the other case, a mother of two sons expressed her own version of feminism by often talking insultingly about male genitalia, again often in front of her boys. They had a similar reaction, minus the taping down thing.
Personally, I very much doubt that having two mothers would cause a boy to be ashamed of his own body, if they are loving and accepting to him as a boy, but I have seen little boys react the way you describe when negative remarks about the male anatomy are thrown around carelessly.

mumm 11-12-2008 07:12 PM

My 8 year old son has shown no signs of wanting privacy within our family but my 5 year old daughter is adamant about needing it and has for at least a year. I have to leave while she undresses and can come back in once she is in the shower/tub, etc. We are pretty comfortable naked in our house and the babies (both girls) run naked more than the average bear. I don't blame anyone (or anything) on her need for privacy, it is just who she is.

I can't imagine it is related to the two mom thing unless there is a lot of male negative stuff going on in the house. And I've read your partner's blog once in a while and I really can't imagine that is the case.

It also might just be passing thing. Wondering what it might be like to not have a penis (which is different than being female, kwim?)

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