Apparently, psychologists say wearing baby on your back is bad for bonding - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 15 Old 03-19-2010, 04:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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OK, somebody here commented before that I win the "WTF-ery award for weird babywearing comments". So true. Here I am again. We live in Eastern Europe, where they really love their interfering nosey comments.

I was happily wearing my 1 year old in the ergo, on my back, when a woman attacked me for "not loving my baby" because I wear him on my back. I should be wearing him on my front,m because psychologists say that wearing a baby on your back makes them feel unloved. I asked her what studies she was referring to, and told her I wear him because I want to keep him close, and it keeps the whole family happy. I proceeded to ask her if she also attacks parents who keep their kids in strollers like that.

Then, she went into an emotional rant about how you should show your baby they are close to your heart, by wearing them on the front, and then telling me I was a horrible mother . For some reason, this really upset me. Especially when I found out that this woman actually lives in my apartment block.

Of course I know my baby is as happy as can be on the back, but if someone has studies disproving this crazy woman's theory, I would appreciate being able to cite them to her next time I see her, if only out of spite.

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
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#2 of 15 Old 03-19-2010, 05:26 PM
 
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May I ask which country we are talking? I'm Ukrainian, but I had my DD after we moved to Canada and we only get positive comments on the baby riding on my back. Some may be a little cheeky, but not critical. I'd say right it off to mentality (at home I would) and never think about this one again.

Vira, mom to Sophia (06/08) and step-mom to Vlad (09/98)
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#3 of 15 Old 03-19-2010, 05:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Serbia.

I'm sorry if I sound dismissive or rude about the culture, as there are many things I love about the country - enough to live here . I have to admit though; while there is nothing wrong with my love for my babies, my love for this country is diminishing with every rude comment from a total stranger.

Coming from a (presumably somewhat) similar culture, what do you advise I say to people who make rude comments? Giving a scientifically correct answer and engaging in discussion is obviously not the way to go.

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#4 of 15 Old 03-19-2010, 05:49 PM
 
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I don't know of any studies you could cite..... but maybe you could come up with a snarky reply for future people who need to learn MYOB. I wish I could still wear my 2yo on my front, but ummmm..... she's heavy! So I wear her on my back.

Maybe you could say your doctor advised you to wear your child on your back for your own spinal health, or to start using a stroller. You choose the back carry because you felt a stroller to be much more impersonal? Maybe saying it is doctor recommended would shut them up? Or you could just say, "Thank you for your concern, but I'm done discussing this. Have a nice day" and walk away.
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#5 of 15 Old 03-19-2010, 06:31 PM
 
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So women for CENTURIES have been doing it wrong? What a bunch of crap.


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#6 of 15 Old 03-19-2010, 06:49 PM
 
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Cuz they could easily bend over and work with a child strapped to their chests.
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#7 of 15 Old 03-19-2010, 11:39 PM
 
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Pretend you don't speak the language.

Surviving sleep deprivation one day at a time with dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08).

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#8 of 15 Old 03-20-2010, 12:45 AM
 
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I wore my baby on front, and a gentleman from Africa laught and ask why i wear my baby the wrong way. apparently in his culture, put them on your back is only practical. not on the front like a "silly american".

eh.
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#9 of 15 Old 03-20-2010, 06:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eveblac View Post
I wore my baby on front, and a gentleman from Africa laught and ask why i wear my baby the wrong way. apparently in his culture, put them on your back is only practical. not on the front like a "silly american".

eh.


At least he was laughing, not harassing and being nasty .

Perhaps I should practice saying

"Just because you have not seen something before does not make it bad."

"Perhaps I do things differently, but that does not mean I don't love my baby/am a bad mom."

"Maybe this looks unusual to you, but that does not give you the right to harass someone and spout untruths."

Or...

"Shut up and have a nice day!"

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#10 of 15 Old 03-20-2010, 07:04 AM
 
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"Really? MY baby and I are very happy and bonded." What is the response she could give to that? No your not?

It's like I use to say to people who would tell me breastfeeding didn't make a difference (and who weren't worth the effort reeducating). I would just say that my baby and I really love it. It tends to shut down the criticism. Again, what are they going to say, no you don't?

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#11 of 15 Old 03-20-2010, 10:03 AM
 
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Originally Posted by MittensKittens View Post
Then, she went into an emotional rant about how you should show your baby they are close to your heart, by wearing them on the front
Ha ha - she obviously has no clue about human anatomy. The heart really isn't that much closer to the front than the back (we aren't that wide!)

Sounds like she has her own issues - I would put her in the 'nutcase' category and move on (with your baby snuggled lovingly on your back)
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#12 of 15 Old 03-20-2010, 04:28 PM
 
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just ignore those comments. i got negative comments often when my first was younger (because apparently babywearing is "cool" now I dont get them as much) and I just ignored them. those people arent worth it.

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#13 of 15 Old 03-20-2010, 04:38 PM
 
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i'd just ignore it because ignorant people like that are not worth the energy it takes to come up with a response.
btw i also carry my lo on my back in an ergo carrier, brilliant aren't they

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#14 of 15 Old 03-24-2010, 12:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PatioGardener View Post
Ha ha - she obviously has no clue about human anatomy. The heart really isn't that much closer to the front than the back (we aren't that wide!)

Sounds like she has her own issues - I would put her in the 'nutcase' category and move on (with your baby snuggled lovingly on your back)
Yes, excellent point! That is what I should have said!

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#15 of 15 Old 03-24-2010, 01:55 PM
 
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Maybe I should hire her to tell my kid... because he doesn't seem to 'get that' :P
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