Is it Selfish to Wear Baby at Gatherings? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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Babywearing > Is it Selfish to Wear Baby at Gatherings?
kythe's Avatar kythe 07:17 AM 01-12-2011
When my daughter was 2 months old, I attended a baby shower for a preemie who had just gotten out of the hospital, having spent his first 3 months there. His mom held him the entire time and explained that she didn't want him getting sick. At some point, another guest casually asked if she could hold my baby, so I took her out of the sling. She ended up getting passed around throughout the party.

Afterwards, several people thanked me for being generous since the hosting mom wasn't letting people hold the "star of the show". I was shocked, not realizing that was why my baby was being passed around. I kept repeating what the other mom said, that she didn't want her baby back in the hospital. But people kept saying you don't have a baby shower if you aren't going to share the baby. I felt so bad because I would never have let those people hold my baby if I had understood their reasoning.

My dd cried for two hours straight after we got home that night. It was the longest she'd ever cried at a time, since she was an easy-going, happy baby. Apparantly she had felt overwhelmed at being held by all those people. It wasn't an "enjoyable" evening for her and she was too overstimulated. I really think people don't appreciate the baby's perspective.

sapphire_chan's Avatar sapphire_chan 11:35 AM 01-12-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by kythe View Post

When my daughter was 2 months old, I attended a baby shower for a preemie who had just gotten out of the hospital, having spent his first 3 months there. His mom held him the entire time and explained that she didn't want him getting sick. At some point, another guest casually asked if she could hold my baby, so I took her out of the sling. She ended up getting passed around throughout the party.

Afterwards, several people thanked me for being generous since the hosting mom wasn't letting people hold the "star of the show". I was shocked, not realizing that was why my baby was being passed around. I kept repeating what the other mom said, that she didn't want her baby back in the hospital. But people kept saying you don't have a baby shower if you aren't going to share the baby. I felt so bad because I would never have let those people hold my baby if I had understood their reasoning.

I've never heard of a baby shower held after the baby was born. I'm guessing it only happened in this case because he was born prematurely?

 

The guests who complained about not getting to hold a SICK baby were callous, rude, entitled, spoiled, horrible people.


kythe's Avatar kythe 08:08 AM 01-13-2011
Hmm. I hadn't thought about that. We had a baby shower for my son when he was 5 weeks old. It was mostly family, and they were ok with not passing him around. Most of them had met him by then and were familiar with his fussy temperment, so they left him alone. wink1.gif

In this case, the baby had been born at 28 weeks, so the parents were quite unprepared for his arrival at that time.
indymom82's Avatar indymom82 11:23 AM 01-13-2011

Ugh!  All I can say is, your baby is 7 months old and you're just now getting feedback on everything you do "wrong"? :)  I did the same thing at Thanksgiving with my 7-month-old for exactly the same reasons, plus he had some stranger anxiety issues, not to mention the amount of viruses etc he'd be exposed to.  I was worried about how other people would react, but my husband (always the voice of reason) said, "he's our baby, we own him, and they can just deal with it!"  Sorry, you struck a nerve with me I guess :)  But no, if your decision is to keep her with you for safety reasons, your family needs to either accept that or make time to visit in a more controlled environment.


bluecandi's Avatar bluecandi 01:34 PM 01-13-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by danerock View Post

I strategically wore my 3 month old to the family gatherings at christmas on purpose because i didn't want to pass her around. I'm not a fan of passing my babe around the room, and wearing her gives her the security of my body amidst the chaos and stimulation of holiday parties.  don't feel bad.  you are looking out for your baby first, which is what a mom's supposed to do!


 

Same here!!  I wore my 3 m/o dd at all the parties.....some people got a little miffed but the one time I took her out, she started wailing so I got to make my point tee hee!!!


cettasmom's Avatar cettasmom 09:43 PM 01-13-2011

I would say that it depends on the size of the gathering and how comfortable you are with the people there.  I wear my LO during parties when a) she's overstimulated and needs to rest b) i'm not very close with alot of the people there and want to keep her close.  But if it's an intimate family gathering (10 people or less), I don't even bother to bring the carrier out of the car because I know that everyone will want to hold her and I'm happy to let them have that time with them.  My sisters can hardly contain themselves when they're close to her but it's sure joy and love for their niece and I'm happy to oblige them (and take the opportunity to get a break, relax, and have some adult conversations - although it almost always ends up turning back to Cetta - while she gets cooed at. 

 

She is the first baby in the family for a LONG time so everyone is pretty excited.  I usually stay in the same room as her when she's being held and its usually not too long when she gets hungry and looks for me anyways.  I'm thinking of enacting a new rule:  s/he who is holding her when she needs a changing gets to change her.  ;) 

 

Don't stress yourself too much.  Negative chatter will ruin your life if you let it.  Mama guilt is plenty enough without letting other people add to it.  Follow your gut.

 

Maya, mama to Cetta 3 months old. 

 

 

 


cettasmom's Avatar cettasmom 09:48 PM 01-13-2011

I should add, my LO is very very social and loves attention (sure to be a headache when it HS comes around) at least now she is, so she's also very happy to get held and passed around. 

 

Maya, still mama to cetta.


alyssamal's Avatar alyssamal 10:48 AM 01-14-2011

I don't think it's selfish.  Really I think it depends on what type of function it is.  If there are going to be TONS of people that are there, then I would definitely wear my baby ;o)  When my son was a baby, I have had random stranger come up to me and ask to hold them.  I had to say no!!  I don't know if they had washed their hands or who knows, they could have dropped him!


lactatinggirl's Avatar lactatinggirl 08:05 PM 01-16-2011

Personally I always wore DD during things like that partially because I didn't want people to get their grubby hands all over her. I hated it when she was tiny and people would take her and then all of a sudden return a baby screaming bloody murder that I couldn't even get calmed down to nurse! Recipe for holiday weaning right there! Also, wearing her made it so I could continue to interact with people and they could still see her, so oh well they didn't get to hold her.


Tags: Babywearing , Ergo Baby , Baby Bjorn , Soft Structured Carriers
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