My babywearing experience has been so disappointing because my son doesn't like it much. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 20 Old 06-26-2012, 04:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've been through about 8 different carriers to find one he likes. He has always fought me in a carrier, even when freshly fed and changed. He's 4 months now and big enough for the Ergo so we use that. But it's so hit or miss. He will only tolerate being in there if I nurse him. When he's done nursing he fusses. If I don't take him out he'll scream. It's so depressing for me because I feel like I can't go anywhere. He LOVES to be carried in arms...why does putting him in a carrier meet such opposition? greensad.gif

I wish it were different. Babywearing has not been the cool fun experience I thought it would be at all.
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#2 of 20 Old 06-26-2012, 04:43 PM
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That's a bummer!  What kind of carriers have you tried so far?  


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#3 of 20 Old 06-26-2012, 04:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We've tried a Moby, a wrapsody woven, a baby ktan, a ring sling, baby bjorn and a mei tai in the beginning. I was so desperate to babywear. We've also tried a Beco butterfly 2, a manduca, and now we are on the Ergo which is most comfortable for me...probably will stick with this one as cycling through so many carriers has proven that he acts the same in all of them.

It is a true bummer for me
He twists around trying to look out so I've considered a Beco gemini for forward facing
But keep reading how forward facing is bad. Plus my husband doesnt want me to buy anymore carriers

I'm just hoping something magically clicks with the Ergo as he grows.
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#4 of 20 Old 06-26-2012, 05:05 PM
 
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Wow, you are dedicated. Maybe he just needs a bit more time to find one he likes. Sounds like you have plenty. Just keep trying in a casual way and see what happens.

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#5 of 20 Old 06-26-2012, 05:06 PM
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My daughter really wanted to face out when she was a baby too.  We use the Moby and wore her facing front - then read all the stuff about how it is bad - but honestly, there was a period she didn't want to be in a carrier unless she was facing out.  Once she was big enough we wore her almost exclusively on our backs in the Patapum (like an Ergo) so she could see where we were going.   I think the key with facing out is to really watch and gauge how your child is doing, and turn them back around if they need it. 

 

Obviously I am not an expert and am only speaking from personal experience, your mileage may vary.


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#6 of 20 Old 06-26-2012, 05:23 PM
 
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You *are* super dedicated! I think it will work out for you eventually.

I know when my babes are getting used to being worn it helps to get them situated in a carrier and then GO - for a walk, run some errands, whatever but being ON THE MOVE can help them just get used to the feel...once that happens you can wear around the house etc. more. My 5 month old DS just started the back carry in the Beco but I had to make eye-contact in the full length mirror frequently at first to reassure him I was "present" with him even though he couldn't see my face. Our faves are my Mayawrap and my Beco Butterfly II. 

Good luck :)

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#7 of 20 Old 06-26-2012, 05:53 PM
 
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Isn't the front-facing issue is mostly that of "dangling"?  If you frogged his legs up in front of him, and faced him outwards, maybe he'd like that?  In a Moby-type?  That would keep his hips aligned and in a seated position instead of putting pressure on them and his spine.   Maybe also try a hip carry now that he's bigger - that way you only have ot really use one arm to keep him snuggged in there...and get him used to not totally in arms?

 

Just throwing these out there in case you haven't tried them yet.  Good luck. 


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#8 of 20 Old 06-27-2012, 12:10 AM
 
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My daughter also did not like being carried that much. I carried her the first six months of her life. The first three were easy but as soon as she became aware of her surroundings, it became complicated.

 

As long as I was on the move (outdoors) it was ok, as soon as we were indoors anywhere she'd wiggle wanting to get out. At around six months it became even more tricky because the moment she was anywhere near my boobs she'd fuss non-stop. It really felt we were both struggling with the carrying thing so I bought a stroller. She was so happy in it! She still loves sitting in it (she's 21 months now) and being taken on a walk ("bye bye" as she calls it) to watch the world go by.

 

We still carried but on short trips or hikes. I had to face the fact that my girl preferred her stroller to the ergo :(


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#9 of 20 Old 06-27-2012, 03:20 AM
 
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One of my girls also didn't like to be carried at all (funny, she's my cuddliest now). She would fuss and scream, didn't matter what carrier and facing in or out. I thought maybe it was because seh was a summer baby, but she kept it up even in the winter. She loved being in arms or riding in the stroller, but any type of carrier was out.

 

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone.


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#10 of 20 Old 06-28-2012, 03:00 AM
 
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Wow, you really have tried a lot of different carriers! I'm sorry he doesn't like it much now but that may change as he gets older. DD2 didn't care for BW when she was little but about 6 months old she started liking it. I used to put her in the Moby (fussing) and then take a walk outside and she loved that and would even fall asleep sometimes. The Gemini was great for us at about 8 months old but facing forward didn't work well because it was so off balance for me.
The best was doing a high back carry in a mei tai or wrap and then later in a Bamberoo (my favorite!!) where she could see over my shoulder! She absolutely loved it and would stay in there forever, lol. I also hung toys from a strap with those links so that she could toss them around but not actually throw them on the ground. Around 18 months she always wanted to be in a carrier and during every fussy time of day (especially making dinner) she had to be up on my back.
When she turned 2 she wanted to be snuggled in the front at home and on my back when we were out. She still loves it when we are out and she's 2 and a half. I will wrap her in the front at home sometimes if she really wants me to because she just loves the cuddling.
Hope it gets better, I remember how disappointed I felt at first but it turned out well.

Oh yeah, if you are nervous about the back carry like I was, do it over the bed and in front of a mirror so you can make sure you have it up high around his back and well under his bottom if you are wrapping!

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#11 of 20 Old 06-28-2012, 03:38 PM
 
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I think the anti-FFO claims for overstimulation are overstated, you can read your own baby.  My first went through a period around 4-6 months of demanding to be FFO so she could see the world. My second babe is cuddlier and does seem like she could get overstimulated by FFO so we don't do it.

 

If you think your babe might like FFO you can try kangaroo/buddha carry with froggied legs in your ring sling.  Four months is a good time for this, babe has enough head control for the carry to be safe but isn't so big that his weight throws you off balance. 


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#12 of 20 Old 06-28-2012, 06:45 PM
 
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Have you tried back carries at all? Something like a high back carry might work for you and your little one. It gives the baby the ability to look around and enjoy the world without the stress on your back/core/pelvic floor that is caused by carrying your babe FFO. The ergo can be used for back carries too, but in my experience, it's difficult or impossible to get a baby high enough that they can see over your shoulder with one, so I'm not certain it would be your best bet.

 

You can do it in a MeiTai or a Woven Wrap. There are lots of youtube videos showing how to safely get your baby up there.

 

The other thing that comes to mind is have you tried immediately heading out for a walk or something as soon as you are wearing your little one? My DD never would tolerate being worn if I was sitting or standing still, but she liked it if we were moving around.

 

Good luck and good for you for sticking with it!


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#13 of 20 Old 06-28-2012, 08:33 PM
 
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I'm lucky that my little ones have liked being carried!  When I brought the first baby boy home, he was extremely fussy.  When we brought the second baby boy home eight weeks later, it seemed like I was always wearing someone.  One of our boys didn't sleep through the night until he was 15 months old ... so he got worn in a carrier a lot. 

 

I am NOW wearing our FIFTH carrier ... because I needed one for them now that they are 25 and 27#.  Unfortunately, the ones I started with were not comfortable past 20#!  This one is great, by far my favorite and I wish I would have started with it at the beginning as it accommodates tiny babies up to 40#!

 

One little guy is sick tonight and he is snuggled on me in the carrier tonight.  He was fussy so I just wore him as I did the dishes, picked up and now am enjoying a few minutes online.  I am not looking forward to the day when I cannot use a carrier!  I still wear my guys on the front although now that they are this big, it is time to try wearing them on my back!  I'll try it soon since they are big one year olds!

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#14 of 20 Old 06-29-2012, 12:55 AM
 
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I am also placing my daughter in front facing which she love (but once I also  notice that she is somehow afraid especially  when a dog pass by) so I hold her tight telling her I am in with her. It is only recently that I have read in forums and in some research that front facing was not advisable. My DH is also being carried always,.. that had been so tiring for me since I am the shopper at home. And I needed to stoppped using her first carrier. Then I've seen one carrier in FB that even kids love wearing their product (Action Baby Carrier), kids in the carrier as I have seen in their photos are really enjoying it.  As you have said your DH dont want you buying carrier's anymore they are quite expensive so that's understandable. If you like you can try ABC's discounted item that drop down their prices from $98 to $50-$75. They also have some contest in their FB but I am not very familiar with it. As of now I'm waiting for my ABC, and hope to have a tireless experience in my next shopping schedule.joy.gif


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#15 of 20 Old 06-30-2012, 12:38 AM
 
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I used ring slings with my babies (I tried the wrap slings, but they didn't really work for us), and then I used a backpack.  My older daughter didn't like the sling, but finally at around 6 weeks, she started liking it, but only when I faced her forward.  And the sling was mostly for when we were walking places, and we had to go to a lot of places, so I'd walk outside, or drive to the mall and walk around inside, because she got fussy just staying home, so I had to take her out.  We lived in So CA at the time, so pretty much anytime I had her in the sling outside, I had a brimmed hat on her, so she had some protection from all the sun or light around her..  But if we were just in the house doing things, she didn't want to be in the sling. Trying to actually do housework with the sling never worked.  When she was 2 or so, I could do the hip or snuggle carry, and she loved it then.  I carried her through several airports in the sling when she was 3, and it was very useful.

 

Since she is 13, and my younger child is 8 and I haven't used a sling in a long time, I'm not really aware of the controversy with forward facing, or else I didn't think the criticisms were valid for me.  The overstimulation thing really wasn't an issue, and since I was using a ring sling, I felt like their pelvises were fine the way I carried them.

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#16 of 20 Old 06-30-2012, 01:47 AM
 
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I really, really wanted my babies to love being in a carrier, too, and neither of them could stand it.  I think I had only one experience with one of my babies in a carrier (new native pouch) that was nice.  :(  It was really nice though, walking on the beach at about 3 weeks old, I think.  Anyway, I tried a whole bunch of carriers with my older ds and he just didn't take to it.  He didn't freak out or anything, but it wasn't the nice relaxing safe feeling it was supposed to be.  Other than the one beach walk he never fell asleep in one.  With my second son, I only tried a couple of carriers when he was an infant, and he absolutely hated it!  I think he just could not stand losing his freedom, even before he could roll over.  And he had the same reaction again when he was a little older and I thought I could carry him on my hip or he would be more comfortable because he could sit up and have more control.  I was really bummed.  I never did get to do any real babywearing with them and I do still feel like it would have been fun if it had worked out, but I don't look back at it with any great regrets now.  I think their reactions to slings and carriers was pretty indicative of who they are (both *very* cuddly, btw) and it makes sense to me now.  It would have been great to find a carrier they loved, but I am happy that I didn't force it, yk?  

 

They actually both loved strollers.  But as non-AP as that sounds, it was all good in the end.  When you nurse for like 15 hours a day and sleep with them and never leave their sight, it probably doesn't matter so much how you get the baby from point A to point B.  They will still feel connected.  


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#17 of 20 Old 06-30-2012, 06:04 AM
 
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Originally Posted by OtherSoul View Post

I've been through about 8 different carriers to find one he likes. He has always fought me in a carrier, even when freshly fed and changed. He's 4 months now and big enough for the Ergo so we use that. But it's so hit or miss. He will only tolerate being in there if I nurse him. When he's done nursing he fusses. If I don't take him out he'll scream. It's so depressing for me because I feel like I can't go anywhere. He LOVES to be carried in arms...why does putting him in a carrier meet such opposition? greensad.gif
I wish it were different. Babywearing has not been the cool fun experience I thought it would be at all.

 

Two of my little babies never cared to spend a lot of time in the carrier... but both of them LOVED it way more once they could face out and see the world and interact.  In fact, for both of them, it was about the time they started moving and grooving, and so it gave us closer/more time together about the time that they were also (around the house at least) growing more "independent".  Hang in there.  It can still be good -- it just may not look like the way it's "supposed" to look.  


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#18 of 20 Old 06-30-2012, 08:44 AM
 
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They actually both loved strollers.  But as non-AP as that sounds, it was all good in the end.  When you nurse for like 15 hours a day and sleep with them and never leave their sight, it probably doesn't matter so much how you get the baby from point A to point B.  They will still feel connected.  

 

WORD.  AP is about honoring your baby and their needs...and if their need happens to be NOT being in a carrier and loving a stroller, then you need to chuck the checklist and do what's right for YOUR baby. 


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#19 of 20 Old 07-01-2012, 12:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks so much for the feedback everyone.  I wanted to report that there has been progress with my son.  Basically I have relaxed my attitude about carrying.  So if I take him out in the Ergo, he will look around for a little bit then he gets fussy.  So I nurse him in the Ergo.  I've found lately he tends to fall asleep against my chest when he nurses in the Ergo.  So nice.  If he continues to be fussy after nursing, I park it no matter where I am, take him out for a little break and stretch his legs until he's happy, then attempt the Ergo again.  I've noticed the more I've been putting him in, the more accepting he seems to be of it.  I've developed a lot more patience about this and realize I just have to go at my baby's pace with what he's comfortable with.  But I got really happy when I was able to vacuum with him in it the other day.  Like ridiculously excited, lol.  :)  And we just had our first 2 hour shopping trip with him happily in there.  It felt SO GREAT.  So babywearing seems to be getting better as he grows which makes me SO happy and relieved. 

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#20 of 20 Old 07-02-2012, 09:29 AM
 
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Thanks so much for the feedback everyone.  I wanted to report that there has been progress with my son.  Basically I have relaxed my attitude about carrying.  So if I take him out in the Ergo, he will look around for a little bit then he gets fussy.  So I nurse him in the Ergo.  I've found lately he tends to fall asleep against my chest when he nurses in the Ergo.  So nice.  If he continues to be fussy after nursing, I park it no matter where I am, take him out for a little break and stretch his legs until he's happy, then attempt the Ergo again.  I've noticed the more I've been putting him in, the more accepting he seems to be of it.  I've developed a lot more patience about this and realize I just have to go at my baby's pace with what he's comfortable with.  But I got really happy when I was able to vacuum with him in it the other day.  Like ridiculously excited, lol.  smile.gif  And we just had our first 2 hour shopping trip with him happily in there.  It felt SO GREAT.  So babywearing seems to be getting better as he grows which makes me SO happy and relieved. 



Oh awesome!!!!!

My son (now 7 month) definitely showed me his dislikes/preferences when it came to baby wearing. I wasn't expecting it - totally thought all babies just loved being carried in ANY carrier. He clearly hated the ring sling from 2-5 months (until he had good neck control and I could do a hip carry - the BEST for nursing IMO), and it took a few weeks for him to get used to the Boba. I would put him in it and sometimes he'd last 5 minutes. I found the BEST thing for keeping him happy in a carrier was to be busy, and preferably outside in the fresh air. My babe's not big on being worn around the house unless I am busy (cooking dinner isn't enough excitement for him unfortunately) but if we're OUT in the world he's a-ok.

Again, glad to hear things are improving for you! Your babe is definitely normal!
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