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-   -   Dirty Looks (http://www.mothering.com/forum/245-babywearing/1357629-dirty-looks.html)

AFWife 07-09-2012 11:42 AM

Recently I was wearing my 18mo in the Ergo to the store. As I walked inside I had 3 different people shoot me dirty looks! One guy even slowed his car down to glare in my direction. I wasn't dressed inappropriately so I'm fairly certain it was the Ergo...

 

WTH? Since when is BWing an offensive act?

 

FTR: Only 2 of them were "older" (elderly) the third girl was closer to my age (20s) 

 

 

Anyone else have that experience?


Mama2mc 07-09-2012 03:02 PM

One time at the airport we were questioned about the ergo (I didn't have it on yet), I answered it was a carrier for my older toddler, they looked surprised and said he was too big to still be carried, but no dirty looks. Sometimes I have seen alarmed expresions in elderly people who seem to think I'm carrying them in a backpack and think it's dangerous and irresponsible... could it have been something like that??


WildDoula 07-10-2012 02:18 AM

Personally, I give a HUGE smile to every mama I see BWing. I figure maybe I can negate at least one dirty look for that mama. winky.gif


MrsGregory 07-10-2012 10:43 AM

That's really upsetting, and I'm sorry you had that experience.

 

I have stopped wearing my little sweetness because she's decided she hates hates hates it very recently.  Now she wants to be in the cart, so she can grab at everything she sees.

When I was wearing her, she was usually in a sling (Too hot to really wrap!), and we got nothing but compliments.  All kinds of people would stop, ask how the sling worked, and then remark along the lines of "life of Reilly" to her.

 

You're in Texas - which part?  I am in the suburbs outside Austin.  I'm told that where I am, if I didn't "pass for normal" I'd get less chit chat and more glaring.  What I mean is, my tattooes are not visible at a distance, and my clothing is very "middle America".  I expect this is why I've never personally experienced some of the more storied downsides of living in the heart of conservative America.  I'm sorry you're getting the stink-eye, and I'm not suggesting you change a thing.  Just theorizing on what might cause it, if not carrying your children.

 

hug2.gif


mleawicks 07-10-2012 12:40 PM

I get ? looks when they see baby and say oh its a baby in there. not bad looks yet. I am surprised by that. people when finding we co sleep give me and hubby the ????.Like we are nuts and don't know what we are doing is so unsafe. Then I educate them to truth.Sorry people looked at you like that. I know they were in cars but if it happens when you can talk just educate them to truth. my baby is only happy in the moby even at 95 walking at park. so i use it and dont care what others think. I just watch to make sure she's not to hot


LorienEllen 07-10-2012 03:26 PM

Wow, I'm sorry you had that experience!  Luckily I have not had anyone give me a dirty look and I have no idea why they would.  Maybe they don't understand what you're carrying and the look is confusion more than a dirty glare?


lilitchka 07-11-2012 03:05 PM

I am still wearing sometimes my 3 y.o (mostly my DH does) and my 4 months old (all the time). I only get very positive comments/looks. 

most positive comments I get are from teanage boys/young men! (they say it is really cool!)


McGucks 07-12-2012 08:11 AM

I feel the same way if I get a look if I do about breastfeeding my toddler.  I totally, totally don't care.  It's a nice feeling, because I am usually very sensitive to criticism or disapproval of any kind!


Alphaghetti 07-12-2012 10:19 AM

Yuck. I have had comments, but no outright dirty looks. I have been told that my baby can't breathe when they were slinged, and one time at the grocery store when I had ds in his ergo, some woman with a school aged child said, "oh for the love of god...here, billy, hop up on mommy's back and let me do all the walking for you. How ridiculous!"

 

My question is, why do people care?

 

A good friend of mine recently had a run-in with a stranger who called her an idiot for almost bumping into him with her stroller. She's far more zen than me, and she said that she was at first upset, but then began to feel badly for the man, because good heavens, he must walk around angry all the time, and what kind of life could he have feeling all that rage? orngtongue.gif

 

So, let's just smile sweetly at the angry, angry people.


Adaline'sMama 07-12-2012 10:38 AM

I've gotten dirty looks and even some rude comments about about how unsafe it is. I notice people tend to give me freak out looks when I am putting her in, not so much when Im walking around.

No, I do not need your help putting my kid in the Boba when I am in the middle of doing it. They always ask like they are terrified that Im about to just let her slide out the bottom. When I had DD in a Moby when she was little, I had a woman walk by me and say, "you know those things were recalled for killing babies, right?" No, they weren't, but thanks for watching the news and assuming that all baby carriers are deathtraps.

CatsCradle 07-12-2012 11:14 AM

I'm sorry, OP, that you got that type of reaction.  Babywearing is so common where I live that I have never seen or experienced any negative reactions to it.  When I used to babywear, I did get inquisitive looks from elderly people.  I think more than anything, the idea is foreign to a lot of older people.  My dearly departed aunt - who had her children in the 50s, was fascinated with the concept of babywearing and told me how she wished that babywearing existed back in her day (in middle America).  She said she had to carry a huge baby carriage (perambulator)(sp?) up and down a fifth floor walk-up every day and that it was a miserable experience.


Asiago 07-13-2012 01:10 PM

I've received the stink eye too. I'm fairly immune to it now as my son is 32 months and I have been carrying him in various carriers and slings since infancy, Never the less, why would anyone be offended.....it really is odd.


mleawicks 07-14-2012 03:35 PM

"you know those things were recalled for killing babies, right?"

 

if they had been they wouldn't still be sold. she should have thought of that. they just don't know safe when they see it.
 


mleawicks 07-14-2012 03:44 PM

I walked into Walmart the other day. some lady I don't know from a hole in the ground said to me, " Oh she is so cute I would offer to hold her for you well you shop if I knew I would be here till you were done." my DD was in a Moby. I thought but didn't say to the lady, 'what kind of nut do you think I am, let you who I don't know hold my baby! And this is why I have her in a moby. Know one,  like this nut can walk up when I make a mistake and turn to get item of shelf and not have hand on baby in car seat, can take her. She is safe and sound in the moby on me, MOM!   I must have turned white at the thought of what she could have very well been trying. told DH later and he turned white and shook his head and I'm sure thought just what i did. I think it great you baby wear! Don't let anyone get to you.


mleawicks 07-15-2012 03:39 PM

Well ok I was told today that I'm spoiling my kid. I just said no she goes down of floor mat or in swing some. Lady asked if i hold her all the time. Later thought  I should have said it's called attachment parenting and it works. it was at a church picnic. someone else there did as I do with her kids and they are just as well behaved as the other lady but I think they act more secure


reminiscing 07-31-2012 06:59 PM

I remember carrying my baby daughter in a sling and a woman in a restaurant telling me very angrily that I was going to deform her legs. Would be nice to be able to travel back in time and show that woman that my daughter is now a model and her legs are fine, thank you.  I think when people have angry reactions to good parenting they are probably feeling envious about something they never got?


darbycrash 08-01-2012 06:08 PM

Sometimes I think it's like some kind of defensive baggage other people have. I used to get that when people would find out I was a vegetarian. They'd have to tell me why they weren't.  Now they have to tell me why they can't wear their babies or would never.  Some days I just want to yell, " I DIDN'T ASK! I DON'T CARE!"
 


sillygrl 08-01-2012 06:23 PM

That's awful! Babywearing isn't huge here, I only see it occasionally, but everyone is pretty positive about it. Only had one person about eight years ago ask if I was worried about dropping my son. No, if I thought he was in danger, I wouldn't have put him in it....

humboldtorganic 08-02-2012 01:33 PM

I too have got some strange looks. Mostly I get comments from my family like "you know thats why her legs are bowed, right?" or "she is so attached to you" (like that is a bad thing... i finally said "oh, you think we have a good attachment? well thank you!" ...I didnt hear that one again).

Also as soon as we get into my MIL house, the first thing she says is "why dont you put her down!". She also says things like, "it looks so weird when people carry their kids that are 2 years old, their legs are so long and are just dangling there." I secrectly think she regrets not carrying her kids more.

Its funny, all the rude comments come from family and all the positive comments come from strangers.


mleawicks 08-04-2012 07:34 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by darbycrash View Post

Sometimes I think it's like some kind of defensive baggage other people have. I used to get that when people would find out I was a vegetarian. They'd have to tell me why they weren't.  Now they have to tell me why they can't wear their babies or would never.  Some days I just want to yell, " I DIDN'T ASK! I DON'T CARE!"
 


Oh WOW you too. people are always telling me why they eat meat. I think sooo I didn't ask you to justify yourself for eating something I don't. Gee I don't justify eating a vegetable that most people hate. I just eat it.


mleawicks 08-04-2012 07:39 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by humboldtorganic View Post

I too have got some strange looks. Mostly I get comments from my family like "you know thats why her legs are bowed, right?" or "she is so attached to you" (like that is a bad thing... i finally said "oh, you think we have a good attachment? well thank you!" ...I didnt hear that one again).

Also as soon as we get into my MIL house, the first thing she says is "why dont you put her down!". She also says things like, "it looks so weird when people carry their kids that are 2 years old, their legs are so long and are just dangling there." I secrectly think she regrets not carrying her kids more.

Its funny, all the rude comments come from family and all the positive comments come from strangers.


I remember my sibs saying not to carry there kids when they wanted to be held. oh the insecurities in my family........how much better they would all be if someone had held them when they needed it.


mleawicks 08-04-2012 07:43 AM

on diff subject yet same.. a friends was telling us he was in mall the other day.. food court... someone was BF and people were giving dirty looks. Boy wish I had been there to see it. I would have sat down next to her and whipped it out and jioned her  just to make a point.how about a BF marithon to make a point to the world. like the colth diaper one just brfore my kid was born


diana_of_the_dunes 08-12-2012 06:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by humboldtorganic View Post

Its funny, all the rude comments come from family and all the positive comments come from strangers.

 

No kidding.  My ILs used to make comments about how we picked up DS every time he cried, or that we "never" put him down (uh, on your nasty, dirty floors?  No thanks!), or how he was too big or old to be carried so much.  I would just say, "I've never heard anyone say that they wished they'd held their babies *less*.  Pretty soon, he won't let me hold him, so I'm going to enjoy it while I can!"  And it's so true.  DS wanted to walk instead of riding in the carrier at about 2 years old, and now I can only wear him on hikes when he gets tired.


Sharlla 08-12-2012 07:12 PM

i had a lot and i mean A LOT of negativity with babywearing when ds2 was a baby (one lady approachd me and basically accused me of child abuse because DS2 was sleeping on my back on a hot day) but never with DD. maybe it's becoming more common around here because i see mamas babywearing all the time now but 7 years ago that wasnt the case.


element2012 08-13-2012 03:03 PM

Babywearing isn't big here at all, I've only ever seen a few "crotch danglers" out and about. The reaction I always get is passerby swooning over the cute baby in an unexpected place.  But yes, many of these comments sound like they come from women who regret not carrying their babies more.


Mommel 08-17-2012 03:52 PM

I may have gotten dirty looks without realizing it, but I just don't pay much attention... as for comments, people here in the northwest seem less direct and more passive-aggressive than what I'm used to from the northeast. I BW my 11 mo. old and have started to get, "Isn't he too heavy for you?" Even my mother has started asking me that. Ugh. The answer is always no. Sometimes I educate, but most of the time I just give the short answer. 


proudMoMmy2634 08-22-2012 09:27 AM

I had not experienced the dirty looks but most of the time curious look...some amaze and other is just plain looking. 

But I had received comment twice, but the second one irritated me.. They ask if my DD was comfortable in it (as if they are accusing me of something) and my DD was sleeping soundly when I was ask so I was irritated...."HELLO PEOPLe!! I wont put my baby in a carrier and she wont sleep that way if he is not comfortable,....!!!!


MidnightCommando 08-23-2012 08:02 PM

i'm so disheartened hearing of everyone's trouble with BW in public.  It really shocked me reading these posts since I have never received anything but positivity when wearing both of my kiddos.  Not long ago I had an elderly woman at Fred Meyer approach me and tell me she's glad to see women are carrying their babes again.  I have no advice but just wanted to say I'm sorry you all are experiencing this ignorance.


Asiago 08-24-2012 12:38 PM

I thought of this thread yesterday as I received a chilly reception at the check out of Whole Foods while wearing my toddler. He was in a ring sling in a hip carry.

The cashier and bagger stared, didn't greet, not a single word. Finally I broke the silence and greeted them. It was really awkward especially since I see them regularly and they usually greet. I haven't had my son in the sling at Whole Foods lately though, but yesterday I didn't need a cart.


Mommel 08-27-2012 03:28 PM

It makes me sad too... honestly, for every weird comment I've gotten, I get ten or more positive ones. I get a lot from men too... some of them borderline inappropriate, mind you... like, "I wish that was me in that carrier" and "he's got the best spot in the house", and "he's so cute, just like his mama *wink*", but a lot of them are sweet too. I also get a lot of people who are originally from other places like Mexico or Africa, or even Russia and the Ukraine, who say things to me like, "You remind me of my country with your baby like that" and we get lots of warm smiles and people waving hello to my kiddo as he looks around. Also, I smile a LOT when I'm out and about... it tends to dissuade dirty looks. I try to just think about what a sad, sad life people must have if giving me a dirty look for BWing is the most satisfying thing they could think to do at that moment. :)



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