Anyone EXCLUSIVELY babywear? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-05-2005, 03:02 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Hera
Yes, but only in the summer. In the winter, it's too cold to go without clothes...
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Old 08-05-2005, 03:31 PM
 
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Cuddlebug, did you read the rest of this thread before you posted?
did I miss something? Sorry, NAK, can you tell by my spelling? lol I reread my post, and I see that I kind of went on a tangent, but I don't understand why you pointed me out.
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Old 08-05-2005, 03:40 PM
 
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I did not either

Is it the wors used? Or is it because she mentioned not liking buckets and cribs after some people had said they had no problem with other baby gadgets?

If the latter is the case, I don't understand why a comment saying this is not a competition again (after some people had explained that was not what they were trying to do) was not pointed out also...

Just confused
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Old 08-05-2005, 03:51 PM
 
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I guess I was just surprised that someone would say "I don't own a baby bucket, I hate them and I am so tired of seeing those poor babies in them with the bottle propped to thier mothes (I am glad that other people call them baby buckets) I also call cribs baby cages" after we had just had the whole conversation about saying harshly judgemental things when really you can't know what's going on with someone's whole parenting style just because you see them for 30 minutes at the mall or whatever.

To me advocacy just isn't about calling things derogatory names and making snap judgements that someone must not love their baby because they don't sling them. A lot of people still don't have access to good babywearing info because they don't even know to look for it. I would hate for someone to come to this board only to hear that she has been emotionally abusing her baby by using a stroller, when she never even knew there was an issue there.

And for the record, I've gotten several pms that say basically "thank you for what you posted on the Excl. B'wearing thread. I felt so judged for sometimes using X, Y, or Z, that I didn't even want to post." How does that advance the cause of babywearing? What ever happened to giving people the benefit of the doubt? I choose to believe that most mothers DO love their babies and do the best they know how.
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Old 08-05-2005, 04:15 PM
 
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All I had for 4 years when DD and DS were born was a European baby carriage (the big one). According to Scandinavian tradition, I even had DD and DS sleep outside (with a monitor) in a carriage at home or when I went quickly inside a store (shocking I know, but all moms do that there). I personally think that I did a FANTASTIC job caring for my babies even though I did not have carriers. I was always paying attention to their cues and was always there to pick them up when they needed me. Most of the time I would push empty strollers while I held my babies :LOL They are now very smart, independent and healthy school age kids.

Then I found out BW and a whole new world opened up for me. It is even easier for me to understand what my baby wants and wearing him all day was what save me from falling into PPD! I personally find that DS#4 did look more alert sooner than DD and DS#1 even though I never left them in a stroller or seat all day long. Why? I don't know - it is just something I have noticed.

Boatbaby put it very well - this is not intended to be a competition. And like Santina, I have nothing against the use of helpful devices occasionally, but I do find it a problem when babies are left in them most of the time. It seems that the people who are PMing you are failing to see that we do know there is a difference and are not criticizing them for using these other tools.

I am criticized for wearing my baby A LOT, and forums like this are the only place where I feel comfortable raving about my carriers and how much DS loves them. It is also nice to be able to vent that I think it is wrong that many of the people I know will leave their babies in bouncers and cribs all day long.

Nobody complains when people have strong opinions about sposies in the Diapering Forum and Bottle Feeding in the Breastfeeding Forum. So why are people getting so defensive when Baby Wearing mamas express that they personally don't really think that bouncers and buckets are the ideal places for babies to be for so long??
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Old 08-05-2005, 04:24 PM
 
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Originally Posted by polihaupt
Nobody complains when people have strong opinions about sposies in the Diapering Forum and Bottle Feeding in the Breastfeeding Forum. So why are people getting so defensive when Baby Wearing mamas express that they personally don't really think that bouncers and buckets are the ideal places for babies to be ??
Cloth diapering is something you can do exclusively, or with sposies at times.

Breastfeeding is something you can do exclusively, or supplementing with formula at times.

Babywearing is something you can exclusively, or with use of "containers" at times.

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Old 08-05-2005, 04:28 PM
 
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To me it's not about strong opinions, it's about the language used. I don't think there's any doubt that I believe in the power of babywearing and do everything I can to get more people doing it. Just about any woman wearing a sling in Memphis, TN right now either bought it from or was taught to use it at Mothersville. And to use your comparison, as a very strong bf advocate, I find it most unhelpful to advocacy when people say things like "formula kills babies...ff babies smell gross...I want to throw up when I see a baby being ff'd." And I've definitley seen lots and lots of debate about that on boards. As for dipes, when I see someone convinced babies are medically harmed by wearing disposables, I just have to because it's just so silly to me.

The point is, advocacy is about education. Calling someone names and insulting their choices is NEVER going to win someone over to a new way of thinking. It's just going to make them talk about "those ___ nazis."
I would rather see a mainstream mama open up to at least trying a sling than see her chased off by derogatory language. Maybe it's the English teacher in me, but I believe words are very powerful, and that the words we choose matter a great deal.
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Old 08-05-2005, 04:31 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Tupelo Honey
To me it's not about strong opinions, it's about the language used.
: , except for the nazi part. I don't think it's ever OK to use that word our of context in casual conversation.

And honestly, it was this thread being started by the same poster at the same time as the self-congratulatory "container free parenting" thread that got my dander up.

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Old 08-05-2005, 04:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Tupelo Honey
To me it's not about strong opinions, it's about the language used. I don't think there's any doubt that I believe in the power of babywearing and do everything I can to get more people doing it. Just about any woman wearing a sling in Memphis, TN right now either bought it from or was taught to use it at Mothersville. And to use your comparison, as a very strong bf advocate, I find it most unhelpful to advocacy when people say things like "formula kills babies...ff babies smell gross...I want to throw up when I see a baby being ff'd." And I've definitley seen lots and lots of debate about that on boards. As for dipes, when I see someone convinced babies are medically harmed by wearing disposables, I just have to because it's just so silly to me.

The point is, advocacy is about education. Calling someone names and insulting their choices is NEVER going to win someone over to a new way of thinking. It's just going to make them talk about "those ___ nazis."
I would rather see a mainstream mama open up to at least trying a sling than see her chased off by derogatory language. Maybe it's the English teacher in me, but I believe words are very powerful, and that the words we choose matter a great deal.
Tupelo Honey, as always, you are very wise.
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Old 08-05-2005, 04:43 PM
 
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Thanks Gretchen.

Just to clarify, I don't think it's ok to use the term nazi in that way either. I was just pointing out that that's what people say.
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Old 08-05-2005, 04:46 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Tupelo Honey
Thanks Gretchen.

Just to clarify, I don't think it's ok to use the term nazi in that way either. I was just pointing out that that's what people say.
I know- it just creeps me out.

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Old 08-05-2005, 04:46 PM
 
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ITA Tupelo Honey - choosing the wrong words can be very damaging, specially when one is trying to advocate BF, CD or BW.

Having said that, I believe that the mamas who had strong feelings against buckets and bouncers and expressed them, probably did so because they felt this was a safe place to vent since this is the Baby Wearing forum in a AP board. I really think they assumed other mamas who post here felt the same way... If they were trying to advocate BW in mainstream website or even in the other non-BW boards, I am sure they would not have expressed themselves in the same way.
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Old 08-05-2005, 04:51 PM
 
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Originally Posted by annettemarie
And honestly, it was this thread being started by the same poster at the same time as the self-congratulatory "container free parenting" thread that got my dander up.



I think she, and many others, have made it perfectly clear that it's not about that. :

If you folks aren't interested in being part of the topic, just go away. I've said it before, when I wander into a religious thread or some other topic that doesn't interest me, I don't bombard everyone with my opinions...I just read, or don't...and leave.

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Old 08-05-2005, 04:51 PM
 
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ITA with all of Polihaupt's posts, 100%.

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Old 08-05-2005, 05:01 PM
 
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Just wondering:

Someone from another site mentioned that they find the word "bucket" offensive. Is it something everyone thinks? If so, I am sorry if my use of that word offended anyone. English is my 3rd language and I have only known carseats that you can carry around as "buckets"
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Old 08-05-2005, 05:30 PM
 
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it's funny, I've never heard them referred to as buckets until about a month ago. And this is my second child.

and no, I don't exclusively babywear. I'm a HUGE fan of it, but do as I see fit for the situation.
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Old 08-05-2005, 05:33 PM
 
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Poli, I can see that this may be seen as a "safe" space for venting. I just think we need to keep in mind that we don't know who may be reading. Expectant frist-time moms, or people who have older children who were parented differently and probably already feel guilty about not doing everything "right" because they didn't know. There is really no safe space on the internet where you can just say whatever you want without having to worry about who will read it or how it will be perceived.
Oh, and I'm not offended by the term bucket if it's just being used to differentiate the different types of seats. I'm really not that easily offended.

Also, the fact that the topic asked IF anyone excl. b'wears shows that the poster understood that evern here, this may not be the norm. So the argument that no one on this board seemed likely to be an offending bucket-baby-mama doesn't really hold water to me. And even if they did innocently believe no one would be offended, that has been shown to be incorrect.

Past VNE, I am very interested in the topic, and I will not go away, nor do I appreciate being told to go away. People may not have intended or thought their posts to be competetive, but that's how some of them came across. People can't read our intentions, they can only read our words. Harsh labels are judgemental and off-putting and harmful to babywearing and AP advocacy in general.
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Old 08-05-2005, 05:36 PM
 
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Originally Posted by polihaupt
Just wondering:

Someone from another site mentioned that they find the word "bucket" offensive. Is it something everyone thinks? If so, I am sorry if my use of that word offended anyone. English is my 3rd language and I have only known carseats that you can carry around as "buckets"
I always assumed they were called buckets because they're a bucket style seat... like bucket seats in a car.

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Old 08-05-2005, 05:52 PM
 
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I've always heard them called buckets, from as far back as I can recall.

Tupelo Honey, you ARE contributing to the thread, albeit not in the intended fashion. My post wasn't directed at you.

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Old 08-05-2005, 05:58 PM
 
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No, it was directed to me. You can tell because she quoted me and everything- I feel so special. And I am contributing to the thread, dear. You may not like what I have to say, but you have no right to tell anyone they don't have the right to post.

I think calling them baby buckets is derogatory. You carry things in buckets, not people, not babies. Even a bucket-style seat is generally called, well, a bucket-style seat, not a bucket. When I have used the term baby bucket (and I have used it) my intention was never to describe the carrier, but to convey the idea that the child was being toted about like a pail of water.

As I said, and I trust this is enough part of the original topic that I have permission to add to the thread, I use my carrier a great deal, but certainly not exclusively, as there have been times when other methods of baby carrying have come in handy. I have never personally seen "exclusive" babywearing as a goal, since I see the other items simply as tools, not as something to be avoided at all costs.

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Old 08-05-2005, 06:05 PM
 
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We all know you have the right to post here. I never said anything about rights.

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Old 08-05-2005, 06:12 PM
 
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You know why I wanted to be the moderator of the babywearing forum? It's EASY because there's no DRAMA!

Can we please disagree respectfully and keep the nasty sarcasm down? Bring your concerns to your mama colleagues in a more constructive way, please?

If this thread gets much worse I'm gonna move it to activism or something.
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Old 08-05-2005, 06:15 PM
 
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Sorry pamelamama :

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Old 08-05-2005, 06:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Tupelo Honey
Poli, I can see that this may be seen as a "safe" space for venting. I just think we need to keep in mind that we don't know who may be reading. Expectant frist-time moms, or people who have older children who were parented differently and probably already feel guilty about not doing everything "right" because they didn't know. There is really no safe space on the internet where you can just say whatever you want without having to worry about who will read it or how it will be perceived.
Oh, and I'm not offended by the term bucket if it's just being used to differentiate the different types of seats. I'm really not that easily offended.
Great point Important to remember for future reference.


Quote:
Originally Posted by pamelamama
You know why I wanted to be the moderator of the babywearing forum? It's EASY because there's no DRAMA!

Can we please disagree respectfully and keep the nasty sarcasm down? Bring your concerns to your mama colleagues in a more constructive way, please?

If this thread gets much worse I'm gonna move it to activism or something.
Maybe we should all give the benefit of the doubt and not quickly assume that people are intending to be hurtful or judgemental (like for example assuming that all the moms who posted about BW exclusively were somehow saying that they are better ).

In the same way, in the future it might be better to think of this as NOT as closed a forum, and that things that we say might be misunderstood or hurt others. It is easy to forget sometimes that (quoting Tupelo) "we don't know who may be reading"

I stopped posting reading a lot of the other boards here because of the controversy. The Babywearing thread is by far the most fun IMO, and it will be nice if it kept being like that
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Old 08-05-2005, 06:50 PM
 
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Well I'll show up now and kill the thread. :LOL .

I have several slings, a swing, a stroller, a Kelty backpack, a snugli type thing (dh favorite ) a burley bike cart, a large coaster wagon plus a granny cart like meco showed a link to. I also have a baby bucket that I used for about 5 months with ds1 and 2 months with ds2.

I get tons of postive comments about slings when in public. However, I get more dirty looks from people pushing double strollers than I ever have from bottlefeeders while NIP. Its like they are jealous of how easily I get around with two or something. I think maybe its a little like passing somebody in a broken down new Mercedes on your bike.
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Old 08-05-2005, 06:54 PM
 
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Mnnice, do you put the baby in the granny cart? :LOL JK
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Old 08-05-2005, 06:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mnnice

I get tons of postive comments about slings when in public. However, I get more dirty looks from people pushing double strollers than I ever have from bottlefeeders while NIP. Its like they are jealous of how easily I get around with two or something. I think maybe its a little like passing somebody in a broken down new Mercedes on your bike.
I hear what you are saying. I shared on another thread that my husband almost ran into a baby car carrier sitting in the middle of a parking space today- Mom must have gotten the baby out, and then went back into the car for something, because all we could see of her was her rump sticking out of her mini-van. We parked somewhere else and came back with our almost-two-year-old in the sling. She kept giving us the evil eye. Although she might have heard me exclaiming "Why would anyone put a baby down in the middle of a parking lot!" and that could have been why.

I have nursed and babycarried for six years straight now, and I have gotten more nasty comments for having a baby in a sling than I have for breastfeeding. It's odd, really.

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Old 08-05-2005, 07:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mnnice
I get tons of postive comments about slings when in public. However, I get more dirty looks from people pushing double strollers than I ever have from bottlefeeders while NIP. Its like they are jealous of how easily I get around with two or something. I think maybe its a little like passing somebody in a broken down new Mercedes on your bike.
Last winter, I spent a lot of evenings walking in the mall. At the time, it was the only reasonable way (time and weather) for me to get a little post-partum exercise. Anyway, never once did I cruise around the mall without getting those miserable glares from some woman with a whole pack mule's worth of crap and one, equally small baby. Apparently, I'm not allowed to be streamlined and unencumbered.

Then, on the other hand, I'm literally chased down when moms with slings see me. Once, I had a mom with a four year old stop and ask me to show my sling to her daughter. She said, "That's how I used to carry you around, Honey." It was so sweet, she obviously wanted to chat more, but seemed very shy, so I invited her to sit. But, he daughter was tugging at her arm, so off they want. It was a nice experience, anyway.

I think your allusion is right, mnnice, that's how it seems, for sure.

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Old 08-05-2005, 07:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Tupelo Honey
Mnnice, do you put the baby in the granny cart? :LOL JK
nope its an artifact of my days a urban, single carless girl. now it gets used to hold a leaf bag in while raking.
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Old 08-05-2005, 07:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone for being so judgemental and twisting my threads here and other places out of context. No matter how many times I try to play nice and have an open discussion with like minded mamas -- I get blasted.
It's nice to know that in a Natural Parenting forum I will get criticized most harshly for wanting to share and discuss my natural parenting choices.

ciao

p.s. thank to those who tried to bring focus to all of this!

Mama to Zach 6-18-04 & Naia 10-13-10 Partner to the sweetest DH. Loving our life afloat. TV Free!
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