"You need to unbound him..." - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 32 Old 12-22-2005, 01:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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"I adore Charlie. You need to unbound him, he is not unlike the Japs and their bounded women. Charlie is unable to crawl or sit."

I just received the above e-mail from my sister!

We spent the week of Thanksgiving at her house. I used a Kangaroo Korner pouch/sling when we were out and about -- which was usually a restaurant because she didn't seem to want to feed us at her home. She also totally disregarded his sleep needs when planning these outings so I would tuck him in to nap while we ate. At the time of the visit he had just turned 7 months old. He HAS been sitting since he was 5 months old -- he sat at her house. He turned 8 months old on Tuesday and is mere minutes away from "real" crawling but has been moving himself about for at least a month or more. This is also a child who has a chromosonal anomaly that is associated with low upper body tone -- however, the extended family does not know about this issue.

WTF?!?!?! Should I even bother responding to this e-mail ? What would y'all do. Thanks for listening dear mamas -- I just needed to vent.
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#2 of 32 Old 12-22-2005, 01:32 PM
 
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I vote ignore.
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#3 of 32 Old 12-22-2005, 01:34 PM
 
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Where do I even begin? The pushiness of "I love Charlie," the racism, the bad grammar?

Wow.

Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
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#4 of 32 Old 12-22-2005, 01:35 PM
 
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oooh- thats sp rude!! I vote ignore too although I would love to send her an email with a few choice words but it prolly wouldn't do any good-
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#5 of 32 Old 12-22-2005, 01:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momtwice
Where do I even begin? The pushiness of "I love Charlie," the racism, the bad grammar?

Wow.
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking and this is only one brief snippet of the e-mail -- sheesh!!!
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#6 of 32 Old 12-22-2005, 01:40 PM
 
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Wow. No way could I ignore that. If it was my sister I would probably point out how racist and uninformed that was. He's perfectly normal in his development! I'm guessing she doesn't have kids of her own?
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#7 of 32 Old 12-22-2005, 01:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momtwice
Where do I even begin? The pushiness of "I love Charlie," the racism, the bad grammar?

Wow.
:

I'd say ignore.
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#8 of 32 Old 12-22-2005, 01:58 PM
 
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That is just so galling that it does not deserve the dignity of a reply!
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#9 of 32 Old 12-22-2005, 02:05 PM
 
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i concur, her email does not dignify a response. Sounds like she may like to start stuff, so your ignorance may be enough to get her back. My SIL said something similar to me this past weekend, and I just didnt feel like she deserved the info on how bebefitial BW is. Keep on slingin'
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#10 of 32 Old 12-22-2005, 02:15 PM
 
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Does anyone else find it ironic that her racism isn't even about the right culture?
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#11 of 32 Old 12-22-2005, 02:34 PM
 
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See that's what struck me. It would be all I could do not to reply, "I believe you mean the Chinese and their bounded women."

Really, I wouldn't know where to start. I'd probably reply with thanks for her concern about Charlie and raves about his impending locomotion.
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#12 of 32 Old 12-22-2005, 02:36 PM
 
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My MIL says stuff like that all the time. At our family reunion Abby was 10 months old. She had a fever and a strange rash and I didn't want her spreading it to the other kids. So I had her in the MT. MIL was all "You know, you can only blame yourself if she is lazy, carting her around like that all the time. You should let her down and crawl."

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#13 of 32 Old 12-22-2005, 03:30 PM
 
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personally, I love confrontation, so I'd jump all over it!! Informatively, of course...
but that's just me

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#14 of 32 Old 12-22-2005, 04:07 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momtwice
Where do I even begin? The pushiness of "I love Charlie," the racism, the bad grammar?

Wow.

ROFL, I clicked on this thread because I was thinking "do you mean unbind?"
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#15 of 32 Old 12-22-2005, 04:09 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chfriend
See that's what struck me. It would be all I could do not to reply, "I believe you mean the Chinese and their bounded women."
Awww, you should at least correct her grammar if you are going to encourage her prejudicial thinking.
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#16 of 32 Old 12-22-2005, 04:13 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishmommy
Does anyone else find it ironic that her racism isn't even about the right culture?
I honestly wouldn't know what she was thinking in terms of culture. People have ideas about other races and cultures that aren't true. I would just assume she was thinking that Japanese women were subject to more strictures or something. I'd probably ask her what in the heck she meant by it.
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#17 of 32 Old 12-22-2005, 04:39 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Viola
Awww, you should at least correct her grammar if you are going to encourage her prejudicial thinking.
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#18 of 32 Old 12-22-2005, 07:12 PM
 
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I think you should just bombard her with really long, informative emails with the text actually C&Pd rather than just sending links. If she has a slow email connection, make sure to send lots of large photos to clog up her email.
And maybe throw in some grammar lessons on verb tense and lectures on racism.
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#19 of 32 Old 12-22-2005, 07:16 PM
 
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:Puke

You know....blood may be thicker than water, but it obviously isn't more intellegant!

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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#20 of 32 Old 12-22-2005, 08:33 PM
 
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I say no you know the status of your little guy and that is all that matters.
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#21 of 32 Old 12-22-2005, 08:46 PM
 
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Yep, ignore!
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#22 of 32 Old 12-22-2005, 09:51 PM
 
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I'm proud of all these constrained women who say to ignore the email. In my case I have a very verbslly abusive family so I would respond simply to keep people from believing their comments are justified. I've said the following in similar situations, "Thank you for your concern, but I would appreciate it if you would try to get all the information before automatically assuming I would put my own interests ahead of my child's. I am happy to report your assumptions are incorrect." Then I would fill in the blanks.
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#23 of 32 Old 12-23-2005, 05:08 AM
 
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I would politely inform her that if she is going to be nasty and rude, not to email you anymore. People who love each other aren't suppose to treat each other that way.

Ok, the truth is *I* would tell her to mind her own F-ing business, but I'm a hot head at times

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#24 of 32 Old 12-23-2005, 06:55 AM
 
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Oooooh... Alisaterry, I can just think of SO MANY times to use this phrase, about so many issues that I have so many uninformed opinionated family members taking up my time.

My friends, whom I have chosen, tend to be more reasonable!!!
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#25 of 32 Old 12-23-2005, 07:47 AM
 
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I think if you ignore her she'll think she really 'got you' and that you were unable to formulate a reply that trumped hers. I'd give her a response thorough enough to rebutt any thought she might have on the issue and not touch the grammer but jump on the racist comment at the end of your email as one final, "how ignorant are you?" finale.
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#26 of 32 Old 12-23-2005, 10:50 AM
 
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I am tempted to say ignore her, for your own sanity ... but I also believe that ignoring racism permits it. Your response doesn't have to be long, and you don't have to include all the reasons her email is well, the dumbest thing you've ever heard but I don't think you should just let it slip by.

My twin sisters in-laws are notorious for these kinds of comments. They're not even MY in-laws and they drive me freakin nuts. Her step MIL informed my 5yo nephew that Turks had bad hygiene and scratched their behinds all day long (my DH is Turkish). At my niece's first birthday party, I had made my DS a special outfit for the occasion ( see it here ). My Mom commented that it reminded her of traditional Middle-Eastern clothing, like a tunic. My sister's Uncle-In-Law remarked that "yeah they wear pajamas all the time" with a very negative tone.

Anyway, comments like that are ridiculous, uncalled-for, and probably not what you want your DC exposed to in the future. Best to try and correct them now, or at least make it clear those types of stereotypes are not acceptable and hopefully they'll keep it to themselves from then on.


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#27 of 32 Old 12-23-2005, 11:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks so very much dear mamas for all the hugs, wise words, good advice, and much needed smiles! I still haven't decided what to do but can now proceed from a much better place due to the kindness and wisdom found here.
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#28 of 32 Old 12-24-2005, 02:14 PM
 
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I'd be feeling snippy, so I think this is how I would respond:

1. CHINESE women had their feet bound.
2. "Jap'" is a very offensive and racist way to refer to Japanese people.
3. You mean "unbind" not "unbound."
4. Charlie is spot-on developementally and even if he weren't absolutely no research shows any link between babywearing and developmental delay. If you want to see the REAMS of evidence that babywearing is a positive thing, let me know, but somehow your email makes me think no.
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#29 of 32 Old 12-24-2005, 02:22 PM
 
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It's difficult to even get angry at people that are this ignorant and arrogant. Honestly, I had to laugh a little, and would probably write a curt "If you'd like to know more about why I parent the way I do, please feel free to ask."

That's what strikes me first - she has her opinion and isn't concerned with hearing the OP's reasoning. Most of my family is also really ignorant about my choices but if they comment at all, it's to ASK about it.
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#30 of 32 Old 12-29-2005, 11:12 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tupelo Honey
I think you should just bombard her with really long, informative emails with the text actually C&Pd rather than just sending links. If she has a slow email connection, make sure to send lots of large photos to clog up her email.
And maybe throw in some grammar lessons on verb tense and lectures on racism.
I love this!!!!

I may have to use this next time my sister starts on about how I shouldn't let my baby fall asleep in my arms or wear her or bf on demand!
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