"Aren't you sick of holding her!?" - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-27-2007, 04:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I had errands to run today, and as per usual the baby girl came with me. Unfortunately I forgot my sling at home (We're down to one now since I left my other one at my parents, le sigh). So, thinking nothing of it, I popped her out of the car seat and carried her through Aldi.
I got a few interesting looks, and one "Ew, what is she DOING?" look. But all in all it was a lot of "She's so cute!" type stuff.
I had to go to Walmart... not a common thing, and I hate it, but they had the best price on the item I needed and they were right next door.

So anyway, i'm walking through walmart and getting a lot more of the "Ew" looks than the "Cute" looks. Finally at the checkout, the lady behind me is shaking her head and goes "Aren't you sick of holding her?" in this exasperated, stinging tone. She's got two kids with her, one in her cart and the other trailing behind.

I was stunned. I turned to her and smiled as sweet as possible (to keep the fangs from showing!: ) and said "Why, no! She's my sweet baby girl... Why would I ever get sick of holding her? Don't you ever hold your children?"
She looked at me like I was crazy and started poking through the candy bars.

Even the checkout girl gave me a sympathetic look! I mean, lord forbid that I HOLD my child for twenty minutes! Ahh, the horror!
This is the first time i've gotten comments like this... Jeez, how do you ladies handle them? : I know this is a piece of cake story compared to some!
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Old 09-28-2007, 02:31 AM
 
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The only person who has given me grief for my baby in arms is my own mother

Just keep on setting an example for moms-to-be!
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Old 09-28-2007, 08:57 AM
 
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I agree, my mother and MIL are the only ones who make negative comments about holding the baby. But there are other fun reactions from others.

One time when I didn't have a sling with me and I took DS into Stop and Shop, the store was pretty empty. I was doing just fine with DS on my hip and pushing the cart with the other hand. It seems like every employee of the store ran over to me and asked if I needed help. I couldn't figure out why. I told DH at home and he said "they were probably scared you would drop the baby." Huh? Why? :
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Old 09-28-2007, 09:49 AM
 
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I got the comment yesterday. I actually had DD in a carrier (we were at play group) and everyone kept worrying that I was going to injure my back from wearing her too long. And they completely cringe when the catch me going for walks while wearing both of my kids (my DS sometimes likes to ride on my shoulders). Which just leads me to wonder: are they all completely out of shape, or something?
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Old 09-28-2007, 12:43 PM
 
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It's funny I've really never gotten comments about NIP, but people seem to think that babywearing is open season. I think there are lots of reasons, but probably the most frequent one from other mothers is that they have to believe there's something bad (for you, for babe, whatever) about it in order to justify that they didn't carry their own kids...

I am forever thankful to my midwife who, as I fretted that I had forgotten the stroller at home and needed to go get an anniversary present with six week old DD, said "Do you think you can carry 9 lbs for half an hour?"...hmmmm...." You CAN just hold her in your arms...". It was a revelation that I actually think changed the way I mother.

Michelle, mama to Isabelle (03/04) and Tom (02/07)
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Old 09-28-2007, 01:06 PM
 
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Ds is teething and he gets fussy quicker than normal...and like the past week, noone can hold him but dh and me. Seriously...ne way, at the mosque dinners (its Ramadan now)...he'd get fussy, id take him off my back and let him play for a bit on the floor while I eat, if anyone picks him up he screams..1 annoying girl was like...he's so used to you carrying him, he cant stand to be away from you! But she said it in a snotty sorta tone...I was very : , uh no...if anything its made him more secure and inde[endant but right now hes teething...no wonder he's fussy!
Her mom was the one who proclaimed what I was doing was "haraam" -bad/forbidden, which doesnt make sense as its not. LOL

some people...why r parents scared to hold their babies? Keep a stiff upper lip OP...its only gets worse...becos in a carrier its...your going to spoil them, etc etc.

:
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Old 09-29-2007, 12:38 AM
 
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I have to admit, I would probably have been pretty unhappy in your shoes -- one of the reasons I like slings and carriers is because I'm too much of a wimp to carry my kids in my arms for 20 minutes!

I did get a funny reaction from someone in Costco today -- I had my daughter riding in the cart and my son in the Ergo, and she looked at him riding in the Ergo and said, "I am so not going there," clearly in reference to what she might (not) do with her own small baby in the future. I told her the Ergo had changed my life.

Sonja , 40, married to DH (42) since 5-29-93, DD born 11-3-2004, DS born 1-18-2007.
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Old 09-29-2007, 12:53 AM
 
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I had my first semi-negative comment the other day at Trader Joe's, I think. We were out running errands. I had DD (1 yo) in the sling on my hip. She loves it. She was content and happy, as usual when we're out abd about and she's in the sling.

I didn't have a purse or a diaper bag with me, and I had one small thing in my hands to purchase.

This older gentleman in line behind me asked, "Do you need me to hold that kid while you pay?"

Uhm, no?

1) you're a stranger

b) you just called my little girl dressed all in pink "that kid"

3) My hands are free and she's perfectly safe

Like I was going to take her out of the sling and hand her over to some perfect stranger so that I could pay? I had 5 bucks in my pocket. Not that hard to do!
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Old 09-29-2007, 02:27 PM
 
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Guess I am lucky that I live in a babywearing town. I shop at the food coop and always see mamas wearing their babies. I never go to walmart, despite the cheapness. Ugh.
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Old 09-29-2007, 03:04 PM
 
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wow... people are too used to seeing babies in buckets : there's no way I'm gonna lug that 20lb non-ergonomically designed thing plus my 12 lb baby around when I could just carry my 12 lb baby!

That said, I've got nothing but positive "where can I get one of those??" or "isn't that stylish and USEFUL!!" "wish I had one of those when I had babies" comments about my slingling Even when I'm wearing DS and CARRYING DD!!

Jenna ~ mommy to Sophia Elise idea.gif  (1/06), Oliver Matthew  blahblah.gif (7/07) and Avery Michael fly-by-nursing1.gif(3/10)

 

dizzy.gif Wading slowly and nervously into this homeschooling thing.

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Old 09-29-2007, 06:06 PM
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Forgot my sling and had the same experience at Target a few days back. I had a friend recently ask how we could go out to eat if I didn't have a plastic bucket carrier:
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Old 09-29-2007, 06:30 PM
 
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I've only had one negative comment about my wrap, from someone who thought it looked impossible to put on... funny thing was, she was south Asian and I wanted to ask if she'd say that about a sari!

People here don't tend to be impolite to your face though.

DD 01/2007, DS 09/2011

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Old 09-29-2007, 06:43 PM
 
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although i also had a cousin who used a "travel system" with her first baby decide to try a carrier with her 2nd because she liked my mei tai so much. that was a nice feeling, now if only i could convince her to try cloth instead of (or along with) what she calls "regular" diapers ('sposies)...
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Old 09-29-2007, 06:50 PM
 
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Umm, no, why would I get tired of cuddling this happy babe? And he's happy when I'm holind him, thanks for asking.

I'm lucky that I've gotten tons of postive reactions towards DS in his carrier all around out small town. I was expecting a lot mroe questions.
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Old 09-30-2007, 02:34 PM
 
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Wow... I never even thought that it would BE an issue. My sister used a sling from time to time with her second son (about 10 years ago) and I guess I'm just naive to think that it's a normal everyday thing.

I'm all about the slings... and not even positively pregnant yet. Good thing I'm used to doing things MY way. Thanks for the "heads up" ladies!
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Old 09-30-2007, 10:29 PM
 
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I get comments like that all the time when I am holding or wearing my baby. It's really sad, I think.
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Old 10-01-2007, 07:52 AM
 
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Actually, the really sad thing is when people ask me why I'm holding her when I'm sitting down. As in: if you always hold her she'll get spoiled and never learn to crawl. Especially sad as she's already crawling.
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Old 10-01-2007, 01:42 PM
 
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Yeah, those people are all crazy! The time you get to cuddle them and carry them everywhere is SO short. She's already getting so big and squirmy. And as far as spoiling them, or that they won't learn to crawl or walk is such a load of crap. I've carried her everywhere since she was born, and at almost 7 months, she pulls herself up on things and scoots along. I'm terrified that she's going to walking in a month. She sits up on her own, can creep along the floor, and the other night I found her standing in her crib when I went to bring her to our bed. And it's good for you. I've gone below my pre preg weight, and I can only figure it's from the "working out" I do without even thinking about it.

Keep on carrying those babies, and give a big snort to the skeptics. We know better.
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Old 10-01-2007, 04:42 PM
 
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I usually get nothing but positives, or smiles. And this is a SO non-babywearing place.

Except for the following two:

1. If I need to go to walmart. I know, but a girl's gotta get her wrap material SOMEWHERE, and $6 for 2 comfy wraps is perfect for my budget. It seems that the older ladies LOVE it, and the younger moms LOVE IT, but the middle-aged moms look at me in total disgust.

2. Once on a walk with SIL, my niece (3) and nephew (8 months) with my 3 year old holding my hand and my 4 month old in a wrap. A bunch of younger moms scrambled over to ask where I got it, what it was, that's so neat, I want one... and one lady passed by and just had to snarkily comment "I'd be worried about it coming untied". I just had to reply "Well, it's tied tightly enough around my hips that it takes me almost 15 minutes to get it UNTIED, and I'd be more worried about a stroller tipping over in these high winds we're having today, and not having a free hand to keep track of my high-energy 3 year old!"

Which was proved shortly after. SIL was pushing the mondo stroller and didn't have free hands for my 3 year old niece. Niece is just supposed to hold the stroller. Well, We're walking along, we cross the street, I'm in front and SIL is behind me. Luckily enough, I turned around to talk to SIL, and see my niece STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET! Another reason I'm always glad to have a free hand for my 3 year old!
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Old 10-01-2007, 11:12 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jenrose9 View Post
Forgot my sling and had the same experience at Target a few days back. I had a friend recently ask how we could go out to eat if I didn't have a plastic bucket carrier:
How DO you get your food in your mouth without a big plastic bucket? ???

I'm not sure how I would manage - I guess I'd have to use a fork. Or spoon.

CPST
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Old 10-03-2007, 03:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jenrose9 View Post
Forgot my sling and had the same experience at Target a few days back. I had a friend recently ask how we could go out to eat if I didn't have a plastic bucket carrier:
we went to dinner the other night with some friends and their oldest daughter watched my 3.5 year old, but I kept the baby with me. My dh says " how on earth are WE gonna eat with her". I said "with a fork, and besides, I am the one carrying her in the sling, NOT YOU OR ANYONE WITH US.": He kinda looked at me funny and then laughed and said--"Yeah that was a dumb question wasn't it"
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Old 10-03-2007, 04:33 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by _betsy_ View Post
This older gentleman in line behind me asked, "Do you need me to hold that kid while you pay?"

Uhm, no?

1) you're a stranger

b) you just called my little girl dressed all in pink "that kid"

3) My hands are free and she's perfectly safe
Don't you mean 1), b) and 4)?

I don't wear DD anymore - she's 2 and wants to walk everywhere. But, yeah, I could never understand why someone would want to put their babies down - strollers seem so disconnected, especially from babies (as opposed to toddlers). My mom has spent 2 years trying to get me to use a stroller, and she has bought no less than 3 (one got chucked, one is at her house since I refused to take it home, and the last has been on our enclosed front porch will all our other junk since last time she was here). Last time she was here she took DD for a walk, and watching her get her ready and strapped in and lugging it out the door and down the steps etc etc etc just made me wonder. When I take DD for a walk, it's like, Step One, Open the Door, Step Two, Take Her Hand, Step Three, Go Outside. Strollers totally have their place, but I wonder how many mamas use them just because they never thought of the alternatives.

Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

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Old 10-03-2007, 05:15 PM
 
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Quote:
Luckily enough, I turned around to talk to SIL, and see my niece STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET! Another reason I'm always glad to have a free hand for my 3 year old!
This is so true. I carry my little one and hold my eldest hands. Anything else is too scary. That said, if my DH is around we put the eldest in the stroller (although he usually refuses to sit unless he's really tired; he usually walks).

Quote:
When I take DD for a walk, it's like, Step One, Open the Door, Step Two, Take Her Hand, Step Three, Go Outside.
: Everyone at our playgroup is amazed that I take the kids for a walk every day. They always emphasize how much trouble it is. But it's so easy. She's often in her carrier already so I just throw a big jacket over the two of us and put on my and DS's shoes and off we go. Some people overcomplicate things.
Also, I'm the only one who brings their (second) baby to playgroup. It's not a problem because I just wear her on my back and am free to chase the eldest.
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Old 10-03-2007, 06:07 PM
 
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I've had lots of older ladies tell me they wished they had something like that when their children were little.
I've had lots of strange looks and a few questions where I got my Ergo, but nothing outright rude or snarky.
A former coworker I ran into on the street did ask me if wearing DS wasn't hurting my back. She -of course!- had her DD (3 months) in a plastic bucket and some sort of "travel system" (keeps making me laugh, that word ).

The other day we were in the car waiting for a red light and we saw a woman crossing the street with her baby in a car seat in some sort of wooden cart she was pulling. Me and DH were staring at it, DH sighed and said: "look at what people do so they won't have to carry their baby". Totally true!

Christine, SAHM to DD ('05), DS1 ('07) and : DS2 ('09)
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Old 10-04-2007, 10:15 PM
 
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I usually get positive comments. I did think it was funny though today at the store, this lady asked me if dd was real because she was so calm and content with me carrying her. She said most 17 month olds want to walk and don't want to be held and I told her that is true if dd is not in her carrier but she loves her carrier time. She cuddles me and hums as she snuggles and there is no way I am trading that time to put her down and chase her all over the store!
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