divorce visitation and bfing 7 month old - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 5 Old 05-01-2010, 12:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Divorce visitation and bfing 7 month oldHello fellow lactivists.
My sister who is exclusively breasfeeding her 7 month old son is going through a difficult divorce was just told that the Ex gets to come and get the baby(baby doesn't know him) for two hours Sunday morning and Wednesday evening. We are looking for insight, info and support. My sisters son nurses on demand and frequently and he also has severe stranger anxiety. He has never taken a bottle. She is refusing to pump because she says if he wants to feed the baby he can take it up with God. The mediator suggested giving him formula and the judge threatened to take her baby altogether because she was crying when he gave his verdict..
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#2 of 5 Old 05-01-2010, 12:18 PM
 
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I would have to say that although it may seem unfair a seven month old is defintely capable of going 2 hours without nursing. The thing is that it is important that the father gets to establish a relationship with his baby also and in all reality that mother should be so grateful that 2 hours is all that was ordered. It could have been overnights. I have seen far worse schedules ordered with EBF babes. Separation anxiety is normal for this age and once the dad can establish his own bond with the baby then that anxiety will lessen. If the mother cares for her baby then i hope she will be willing to start pumping for those visits so the baby can still at least have that comfort while with the dad. I would hate to see the baby get started on formula just because she isn't willing to pump. The orders have been made, appealing such orders is very difficult and like i said before your sister should be thankful the visitation is so minimal. It is in the babies best interest to have the love of both parents. The mother should start introducing a sippy cup with some water or her milk in it and this should be substantial for those visits. My now nine month old baby started taking sippy cups of water at 6 months old and she can easily go 2 hours without nursing. She prefers to nurse throughout the day but if i put her in the Ergo and go about my day she can easily get through a 2 hour period without nursing and a sippy cup of water tides her over. It's time for the mama to help her baby through this process with ease and not to be selfish about pumping. It would benefit babe to have that milk in a sippy cup while he is gone. It isn't that long, really. The baby will be fine if mama and papa work together to ensure the visits are positive and healthy. I hope that helps, i'm not trying to be harsh but as a mama who is in the midst of really unfair custody decisions i'm just saying this mama is lucky it is only 2 hours.
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#3 of 5 Old 05-01-2010, 03:22 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Avani View Post
I would have to say that although it may seem unfair a seven month old is defintely capable of going 2 hours without nursing. The thing is that it is important that the father gets to establish a relationship with his baby also and in all reality that mother should be so grateful that 2 hours is all that was ordered. It could have been overnights. I have seen far worse schedules ordered with EBF babes. Separation anxiety is normal for this age and once the dad can establish his own bond with the baby then that anxiety will lessen. If the mother cares for her baby then i hope she will be willing to start pumping for those visits so the baby can still at least have that comfort while with the dad. I would hate to see the baby get started on formula just because she isn't willing to pump. The orders have been made, appealing such orders is very difficult and like i said before your sister should be thankful the visitation is so minimal. It is in the babies best interest to have the love of both parents. The mother should start introducing a sippy cup with some water or her milk in it and this should be substantial for those visits. My now nine month old baby started taking sippy cups of water at 6 months old and she can easily go 2 hours without nursing. She prefers to nurse throughout the day but if i put her in the Ergo and go about my day she can easily get through a 2 hour period without nursing and a sippy cup of water tides her over. It's time for the mama to help her baby through this process with ease and not to be selfish about pumping. It would benefit babe to have that milk in a sippy cup while he is gone. It isn't that long, really. The baby will be fine if mama and papa work together to ensure the visits are positive and healthy. I hope that helps, i'm not trying to be harsh but as a mama who is in the midst of really unfair custody decisions i'm just saying this mama is lucky it is only 2 hours.
I have to agree here with the above poster.

Only 2 hours for 2 nights a week is very very minimal for a shared custody I have ever heard....In that time frame the baby can go 2 hours without eatting or she just needs to pump a few ounces 3-5oz I am thinking just to have something on hand.

And refusing to pump for the baby is only hurting the baby as the frustrated father would then look to gave the baby formula or food just to stop the fussing. Her angry at the father will only cause her and the baby to suffer. Start giving the baby pump milk in a bottle or sippy cup/regular cup. Talk to the father and see if he don't mind the first couple visits with mom around so the baby can get use to him. I also don't mean to sound harsh but I can't believe being so upset over custody visitation for only 4 hours a week.
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#4 of 5 Old 05-02-2010, 12:49 PM
 
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Please visit www.llli.org, indicate you are from the USA, then click the options along the left for Breastfeeding and the Law. There are extraordinarily helpful articles there about the Absolutely No Fun situation of having a breastfeeding baby in the middle of a separation/custody fight. The late great Liz Baldwin counseled parents to Work It Out Work It Out Work It Out. This Mom's court order isn't anywhere near as nightmarish as it could be (try being told you get the breastfeeding baby for two weeks ... and dad gets him for two weeks).

With all due respect to this mother -- and recognizing her comments no doubt spring from her own pain right now -- it is not at all helpful to tell Dad "if he wants to feed the baby he can take it up with God." That punishes the baby in a way baby cannot possibly understand ... it denies Dad the opportunity to try to parent this baby in a responsible manner ... it further cements the divide between two parents of a very young child.

They have this child's whole lifetime to deal with. They have to figure out how to lovingly parent from their separate venues, achieving optimal parenting goals with the BABY'S needs in mind. Is this situation ideal? Of course not. Happy Nuclear Family would have been ideal, but that ain't what we got here. So, make do with this lousy hand. Imagine how this world appears through the eyes of a 7-month-old.
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#5 of 5 Old 05-07-2010, 08:37 PM
 
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perfect advice thus far. 4 hrs a week is nothing. i had to jump through rings of fire to keep my newborn from being sent for a week at a time!

Bring back the old MDC
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