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#31 of 75 Old 10-07-2011, 09:26 AM
 
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Seriously what is he going to do?  Stop the service and kick you out of church?  I don't know, I'd almost go back and nurse discreetly.  But then again that's me. 



Totally.  I told my Husband about this when he got home yesterday and he said "where does she live?"  lol.gif

 

And OP, you will find another children's room/pastor? that you enjoy. 


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#32 of 75 Old 10-07-2011, 10:49 AM
 
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Your pastor is failing in his responsibilities as a shepherd to the congregation if he'd rather have you go out than be spiritually fed by hearing the sermons.  And it doesn't sound very Christian for people to be making complaints behind your back, instead of talking to you directly in private.  Probably it's better in the long run for you to find a healthier church.  But maybe you have an opportunity to challenge your church to grow...the older generation is not always as right as it thinks it is.  Why is sitting in the sanctuary the only way to receive the sermon message?  How could this conflict be better handled?

 

Less seriously, he didn't say that you couldn't bottlefeed in the sanctuary.  I'd be sorely tempted to buy the biggest bottle that I could find, fill it with cow's milk, and use it as a shield to breastfeed behind as usual. 

 

 

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#33 of 75 Old 10-07-2011, 11:33 AM
 
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I don't get it, I just can't imagine that in a church it would be such an issue.  Every church I've been to had a nursing mothers room with a window and speakers for those not comfortable nursing in the congregation.  I have a hard time imagining a nursing mother and child as anything but beautiful. 

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#34 of 75 Old 10-07-2011, 01:25 PM
 
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Also....  I was somewhat taken back by him saying you could pump and bottle feed.  Uh... no.  Thanks for letting know how I can feed my child.  My LO has never had a bottle.  I did not think that was appropriate for him to direct you on your method whether you bottle feed or not.  Not his business to say. 


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#35 of 75 Old 10-07-2011, 03:54 PM
 
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 And it doesn't sound very Christian for people to be making complaints behind your back, instead of talking to you directly in private.  

 

 

 



There's actually a Bible verse about how you should address your brother/sister in private if you have a problem with them and only take it to the community if you cannot resolve it. Right on. 

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#36 of 75 Old 10-07-2011, 10:08 PM
 
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You need to stop going to that church. They do not sound very Christ-like to me, but they are using "Christian" to try to justify their nasty behavior.

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#37 of 75 Old 10-07-2011, 10:27 PM
 
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I tend to have major attitude problems, especially when I feel like I am being judged or corrected.  I NIPed pretty much fearlessly everywhere with my 2 kiddos, but for my own personal reasons, I chose not to die on the hill of NIPing at my place of worship.  Still...the last line of the letter you received in response?  Wow!  Just to be clear, the tone of that was so nasty!  FL law is on your side, babe.  Best wishes.  :)


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#38 of 75 Old 10-08-2011, 10:26 AM
 
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In your shoes, I don't think I'd respond to this man anymore with my own words. I'd be more likely to respond with a lengthy page of Bible verses concerning breastfeeding, and behaviors he and those of the congregation attacking you behind your back are displaying, and then find a new church. There's nothing you need to say to this man that hasn't already been said in the book he preaches from, and he needs to get better acquainted with it.

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#39 of 75 Old 10-08-2011, 10:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't even want to talk to him anymore. I just want to be done with him. You can tell when someone is not willing to listen. We are not going back. I had been wanting to find a smaller church anyway. This church has grown too large and unfriendly. On a positive note: a family who used to go there has started their own church which we are going to check out. The pastor's wife just sent me a wonderful message of support after hearing about this incident, so I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be harrassed at their church.

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#40 of 75 Old 10-08-2011, 11:06 AM
 
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Let's consider the spiritual implications a minute...There are several relevant passages that compares God's love for us as a mother suckling her infant.  Does God cover up and only love in private?  Ludicrous!  

 

This man is not pastoral in his approach.  I, too, think it is time to look elsewhere.  I am so sorry this is happening to you!  It is hard to feel rejected by your place of worship!

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#41 of 75 Old 10-09-2011, 11:27 AM
 
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I don't even want to talk to him anymore. I just want to be done with him. You can tell when someone is not willing to listen. We are not going back. I had been wanting to find a smaller church anyway. This church has grown too large and unfriendly. On a positive note: a family who used to go there has started their own church which we are going to check out. The pastor's wife just sent me a wonderful message of support after hearing about this incident, so I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be harrassed at their church.


I know you said that you dont want to talk to him again, and I think that is totally understandable. However, would you mind if other people wrote/called him to tell him that his behavior is not acceptable? I'm sure there are plenty of ladies here (myself included) that would love to send him a letter smile.gif

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#42 of 75 Old 10-09-2011, 04:05 PM
 
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I know you said that you dont want to talk to him again, and I think that is totally understandable. However, would you mind if other people wrote/called him to tell him that his behavior is not acceptable? I'm sure there are plenty of ladies here (myself included) that would love to send him a letter smile.gif


nod.gif

 

For the sake of other mamas... you're likely not the first one who's been treated like that and I can almost promise you that if it's left as is, you won't be the last. And this is the kind of attitude that leads moms to wean (either directly, or indirectly; bottle feeding when out leading to the snowball effect).


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#43 of 75 Old 10-10-2011, 07:25 PM
 
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I feel sick for you! That is so awful that your church is pushing you away and shaming you like this. They are the ones being unchristian. Honestly, if you r going to go sit in the nursery and miss the service, then why go! They are in othe rwords shunning you from the church which is just awful! Why is it appropriate to be exposed in front of others in the nursery but not the sanctuary?
I hate to put this on you, but they are breaking the law, and making it a very stigma filled environment for all mothers who attend the church. They are making you choose between attending the service and providing your baby with the right nourishment. And even worse was the way he respinded to you, it was just awful! I really think you should consider taking it to a higher level not because it will make u feel any more welcome, but because it will hopefully change the environment for other nursing mothers.
Hope you find a great church that fits your family perfectly!
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#44 of 75 Old 10-10-2011, 08:29 PM
 
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I already have my letter drafted... and I looked up the church in FL... I'm just saying

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I know you said that you dont want to talk to him again, and I think that is totally understandable. However, would you mind if other people wrote/called him to tell him that his behavior is not acceptable? I'm sure there are plenty of ladies here (myself included) that would love to send him a letter smile.gif


 

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#45 of 75 Old 10-11-2011, 06:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Moderaters, PLEASE remove this thread that I started. It is causing too much trouble for me.

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#46 of 75 Old 10-11-2011, 06:32 AM
 
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They won't. all you can do is erase all your comments.

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#47 of 75 Old 10-11-2011, 07:24 AM
 
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They won't. all you can do is erase all your comments.


Please don't do that, as it's against the User Agreement. I, personally, would like to see this thread stay, as I think it's important for us lactivists to explore a variety of methods to get our message communicated effectively. I think sometimes we forget that different people and different environments require different approaches.
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#48 of 75 Old 10-11-2011, 08:00 AM
 
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I think if you don't want anyone to do anything than just say so, ppl should be respectful of your wishes. I truly believe ppl are just trying to be helpful because it truly is horrible what is happening with your church and should be put to a stop before it happens again.
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#49 of 75 Old 10-11-2011, 09:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I think if you don't want anyone to do anything than just say so, ppl should be respectful of your wishes. I truly believe ppl are just trying to be helpful because it truly is horrible what is happening with your church and should be put to a stop before it happens again.



Apparently someone researched my location (which I have now removed) and sent the pastor an e-mail. I'm not sure what was said, but I don't know that the person was respectful in the deliverance. I believe we should always try to be nice in our presentation even if opinions differ.  I appreciate the support, I really do, but I would have prefered to be consulted with before this happened. I don't want everyone hating me when I leave.

 

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#50 of 75 Old 10-11-2011, 10:33 AM
 
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Hating you for being treated badly?  I'm sorry if you're worried that you'll be treated poorly again.  I'm sorry if you're uncomfortable.  And you also mentioned you commented on FB.  Or it was mentioned in the letter from your pastor.  Couldn't someone else from there have sent the email?  Someone who knows you better?

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#51 of 75 Old 10-11-2011, 10:45 AM
 
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I can most certainly erase my own comments on any thread. If it was against the user agreement, why does the functionality exist? I pleaded with a Mod to erase a thread of mine on another forum and was not only refused, was ignored. Never heard a word from the Mod at all. I don't mean to sound harsh but it is ridiculous to me that we can't delete threads we start. All we can do is erase our words.

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Please don't do that, as it's against the User Agreement. I, personally, would like to see this thread stay, as I think it's important for us lactivists to explore a variety of methods to get our message communicated effectively. I think sometimes we forget that different people and different environments require different approaches.


 

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#52 of 75 Old 10-11-2011, 11:10 AM
 
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I think since we preach respecting others... it should be deleted and we can start another one similar without names.  I think it's fair.  It's actually causing her discomfort.  She didn't expect someone possibly from here emailing her pastor.  That was disrespectful to her.  To keep it up just because a few people think it's a good talking  point... selfish. 

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#53 of 75 Old 10-11-2011, 11:18 AM
 
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I can most certainly erase my own comments on any thread. If it was against the user agreement, why does the functionality exist? I pleaded with a Mod to erase a thread of mine on another forum and was not only refused, was ignored. Never heard a word from the Mod at all. I don't mean to sound harsh but it is ridiculous to me that we can't delete threads we start. All we can do is erase our words.

 


Deleting a thread means removing all of the thoughtful comments or research that other members carefully added, so it is unfair to them. The ability to delete your individual posts does exist, as we respect that members will behave as adults and may think twice about some of the things posted. That does not, however, entitle members to remove all of their content across a thread or across the board, as that is obviously disruptive to the discussion.

I'm clarifying this here for the benefit of all members, but further questions or clarifications regarding our user agreement, particular threads/reports, or the tools available at MDC should be made in Questions and Suggestions so as to not derail this thread anymore. smile.gif

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#54 of 75 Old 10-11-2011, 11:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hating you for being treated badly?  I'm sorry if you're worried that you'll be treated poorly again.  I'm sorry if you're uncomfortable.  And you also mentioned you commented on FB.  Or it was mentioned in the letter from your pastor.  Couldn't someone else from there have sent the email?  Someone who knows you better?



Whoever sent it identified themselves as being a member of this site. That's all I really know about it. I appreciate support, but I would also appreciate someone asking me about it first. I have since removed my city from public view. On a positive note, we found a new church that is just what we want: smaller with a more family like environment, more family events, and I specifically spoke to the pastor's wife, and she has no problem with this issue.

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#55 of 75 Old 10-11-2011, 11:56 AM
 
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Well... maybe this helped you move on.  Albeit kind of forced.  It's better than sitting there with all eyes on you waiting to wag a finger at you.  Good luck and many blessings.

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#56 of 75 Old 10-11-2011, 11:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I didn't delete my posts, but I edited the first post to remove his name. I didn't mean to put it on.

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#57 of 75 Old 10-11-2011, 12:18 PM
 
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That is screwed up. No one should send a letter on your behalf without asking you first. Im terribly sorry if my comment about how Im sure people would be glad to send letters inspired someone to do this.
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#58 of 75 Old 10-11-2011, 02:55 PM
 
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Yeah I said I had mine drafted.  I think someone took us seriously.
 

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That is screwed up. No one should send a letter on your behalf without asking you first. Im terribly sorry if my comment about how Im sure people would be glad to send letters inspired someone to do this.


 

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#59 of 75 Old 10-11-2011, 02:58 PM
 
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I agree about the email.  Not their place however, I can see how one may want to state their mind to your old pastor.  I am really glad you found another place to worship, even better that it is your friend!  Best wishes!


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#60 of 75 Old 10-11-2011, 03:03 PM
 
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Wasn't me. I guess I was not noticing his name.. though I had noted your city. I certainly would have asked your permission.
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