Help with husband - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 12-09-2011, 09:53 AM - Thread Starter
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I breastfed my older daughter until she was 26 months. My husband didn't have an issue with it because she is not his daughter, and by the time he was in the picture she was down to nursing at nap and bed time.

We now have a month old daughter together. We went out to eat and the baby got hungry so I nursed her. He looked at me in utter disgust and told me that the truck was right out front. We didn't have a discussion before Baby O was born , I just assumed that he knew I would feed the babe when and where she was hungry. I can deal with people outside of my life not being supportive; chalk it up to ignorance, offer my opinion, and move on. When it is my family I am beyond ideas. I explained how I felt and he replied that he thought it was gross and inappropriate "for my tit to be out in public".

We have been friends since before my older daughter was born and he knows that breastfeeding has always been important to me.

Ideally he would come to be a lactivist but mostly I need help opening his eyes. He sees breasts as purely sexual and I don't know how to change his viewpoint, the lactation and baby suckling hasn't done it.

nak.gifMallory married to dh_malesling.GIFAaron. Mommy to dust.gifCaitlin andhearts.gif Olivia




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#2 of 6 Old 12-09-2011, 11:21 AM
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I'm sorry. That would bother me a lot too. ((((hugs))))

Mama to five babies. The newest one made her debut 7.10.12!

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#3 of 6 Old 12-09-2011, 07:51 PM
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Ugh, I'm so sorry. I was half expecting my DH to have the same reaction, as he tends to be a bit conservative (read: old school latino...). I've been suprised at how relaxed he's become with it, but I definatley had to give him stink eye the first couple times I NIP and he made a comment. I think I said something like, "get over yourself, your son is hungry...would YOU like to explain to him why he can't eat now?" I also once said "well, you should have worn a condom." biglaugh.gif


I'm not sure if there is anything that can really change you DH's mind, but maybe time will help? We're at three months now and DH doesn't even blink anymore, though it definately took time. Stand firm with your convictions, and maybe turn things around on him. Remind him that breasts are now sexual organs (they play no role in reproduction) and how sad that people have forgotten that breasts are for babies.


Oh, and I saw a onesie once that said "If breastfeeding is sexual then a bottle is a dildo".


Not sure I'm being helpful...just commiserating! Good luck mama!

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Lactivist-athiest-feminist wife to DH  , mama to beautiful DS Kai 9/2011, #2 due 10/2015
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#4 of 6 Old 12-09-2011, 08:04 PM
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Ugh! You could show him this website?:
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#5 of 6 Old 12-10-2011, 04:51 AM
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Seriously? I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Your husband should be your biggest supporter in doing what's best for your baby!
I honestly thing this is something you can only teach by example. I'd just keep doing what you're doing. If he says anything again, ask him if he'd like to go and eat his meal in a cold truck. Ask him why it's OK to bottle a baby in public if breastfeeding - which every public health agency in the world says should be the norm - should be hidden?

Megan, loving her sweet rainbow1284.gif boys, born Aug. 2008 and Feb. 2011, and their sister, born still March 2007 candle.gif
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#6 of 6 Old 12-13-2011, 08:47 AM
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I remember the first time I went out with dh after our first was born irked.gif. He "forced" me to go back to the car (I think we were at the mall), and we sat there for close to 40 minutes while I nursed ds -- this was in Alaska, so though it was April there was still snow on the ground and sitting in the car with the sun out can get really uncomfortable; it's also odd so everybody looks as they pass by.


Dh also said something about not going out with me and ds if I didn't pump for bottles because nursing took too long; I point out that if we had stayed in the mall I could have sat on a bench while he shopped (I didn't figure out nursing in a sling for a couple of months). Also, pumping was really painful for me at that point and I was only doing it to stash milk because I had to finish my enlistment.


This came up again (though not from dh directly) when I had dd. I brought up the same points, that if others wanted me to hide when bfing dd then I may as well not visit as dd ate ALL THE TIME and I would spend the entire visit in another room; since I wasn't willing to sit in another room for virtually the entire time when visiting, I said that if this was really important to them then I would have to put off visiting until dd was close to a year old and went longer between feedings and nursed for shorter periods of time. I already nursed dd covered in a sling most of the time when visiting; or when sitting, as covered up as I could get shrug.gif. Turns out dd was a very frequent nurser for the first couple of years, so if they had held me to those parameters they wouldn't have seen dd for a long time, or they would have had to come to me to visit.


I think you should take advantage of your experience and use your confidence as a second time parent. What I ultimately told dh was that infants eat ALL THE TIME -- and if I did what he wanted I would spend all my time the car or at home; I would not do that and I would not go through the pain and effort of pumping (and cleaning the darn thing) just to leave the house. I also told him this was his problem; that breasts are grown for feeding babies, not just for his amusement -- I was probably bawling.gif at the time, but I said it lol.gif.


You could just shorten it to "this is how babies eat, babies eat ALL THE TIME, and I'm not going to hide because other people inappropriately sexualize breasts."



Originally Posted by Mama2ChicknLil View Post

Oh, and I saw a onesie once that said "If breastfeeding is sexual then a bottle is a dildo".



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"It should be a rule in all prophylactic work that no harm should ever be unnecessarily inflicted on a healthy person (Sir Graham Wilson, The Hazards of Immunization, 1967)."
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