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#1 of 70 Old 04-15-2012, 06:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm a typically laid back, non judgemental person. I don't get into politics, I don't get offended easily if ever, but I have one issue I do get very passionate about: breastfeeding.  I get pissed when women get harassed for BF'ing in public, I get heated about people even suggesting NIP'ers cover up, and I feel angry at friends and other mothers who don't BF their babies.  What gives?  Anyone else have an unhealthy obsession with lactivism?

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#2 of 70 Old 04-15-2012, 06:57 PM
 
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i feel upset when moms don't breastfeed, even though i didn't breastfeed #1(i did bf my next 3 children). i am angry at myself also. i just think, how can they not know better? and the ones who DO know better, how can they decide not to? breastfeeding and circ are the two things i can't let go(and all my children are girls!) i just don't show how i feel, no one would ever know.


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#3 of 70 Old 04-15-2012, 07:00 PM
 
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i remember years ago when my neice was born and her mom wasn't even going to try breastfeeding, i felt all panicky and even cried!(not around anyone) that's just going too far and i wish i could just not care, or at least not let it affect me!


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#4 of 70 Old 04-16-2012, 07:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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That's how I feel too.  When my best friend who lives in Florida recently found out she was pregnant, I started scheming about how to convince her to BF and how I could mail her frozen BM... I felt panicky about it too.  

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#5 of 70 Old 04-16-2012, 08:08 AM
 
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i feel that way about breastfeeding and circing as well. to sort of channel my energy/feelings i am working on becoming an IBCLC. i really want to help women breastfeed. i want to educate and support them. i try very hard not to voice my judgment and not to seem judgmental to other moms who for whatever reason are not breastfeeding. i do try and remember that maybe it is breastmilk in that bottle or maybe that om actually can not breastfeed. although i do know that every single mom i see who is giving a bottle couldn't possibly be a pumping or non-lactating woman. although you never know. 


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#6 of 70 Old 04-16-2012, 06:24 PM
 
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i feel that way about breastfeeding and circing as well. to sort of channel my energy/feelings i am working on becoming an IBCLC. i really want to help women breastfeed. i want to educate and support them. i try very hard not to voice my judgment and not to seem judgmental to other moms who for whatever reason are not breastfeeding. i do try and remember that maybe it is breastmilk in that bottle or maybe that om actually can not breastfeed. although i do know that every single mom i see who is giving a bottle couldn't possibly be a pumping or non-lactating woman. although you never know. 



As a mama who has gone through A LOT of challenge to be able to breastfeed (and only partially BF at that), I want to become an IBCLC too...I think with my 3rd baby especially how hard we have worked and I know I would have quit at 4 weeks and never tried again if she was my first...I want to be that support system for moms...unfortunatly (at least where I live) the society is so so doubtful and ill informed when it coems to breastfeeding and so I feel mothers do not get the proper support and advice to make them successful. I never feel angry at moms who don't breastfeed, but, I do feel sad.

 

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#7 of 70 Old 04-16-2012, 07:38 PM
 
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It definitely upsets me to see babies with bottles, especially young ones, but any age, really.  I remind myself that it might be mama's milk in the bottle, but in a way that's even worse.  I wish we lived in a culture where it wasn't seen as easier or better for some reason to pump and use a bottle.  If baby is with someone other than mom, then sure, but I think 9 times out of 10, it's mom feeding the bottle to baby.  I try not to be judgmental, but its not always easy.  I do believe, though, that mom is missing out nearly as much as baby. 


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#8 of 70 Old 04-16-2012, 08:01 PM
 
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I feel like that about BFing and about parents who CIO.  To be honest, I don't even let myself think about Circ'ing as I know I'd go crazy.  I was at the mall yesterday and a dad was bottle feeding baby.  He didn't even take her out of the stroller, just stood there having a conversation with someone else, not even looking at the babe while he had the bottle tipped back in her mouth.  It made me so sad.  At the same time, I try to respect that not all moms can BF, and that some do need to pump (like moms who have to return to work).  What makes me sad/mad is our culture and it's attitudes towards BFing, not most of the parents themselves.  

 

 


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#9 of 70 Old 04-17-2012, 03:58 AM
 
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i was told that holding the baby while you feed it a bottle makes it not want to take bottles from other people, so don't hold the baby when you feed it!! fortunately most people don't believe this rule but unfortunately most people don't seem to understand how important cuddling is.


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#10 of 70 Old 04-17-2012, 04:41 AM
 
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I used to feel that way, and then I matured a bit and took a broader view of the subject.  Getting upset and judgmental about mom's not nursing is a waste of time.  

I had a close friend who did not nurse her first few kids and I was "encouraging" her to nurse when she was pregnant with her 3rd.  Finally, at the end of her pregnancy she told me she felt pressured and attacked and that I would be disappointed in her if she didn't breastfeed.  That was all true.  I did want her to nurse and I was sad she didn't feel it was important, but then I had to let it go.  She tried for one or two days and things were going great but she just didn't want to do it.  So I could have been huffy and stomped my feet but that wasn't going to change anything about the situation.  And when the opportunity came up, I gave her son a bottle.  I was helping nurture and take care of my friend's baby.  It was a huge turning point for me.

 

 


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#11 of 70 Old 04-17-2012, 08:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I used to feel that way, and then I matured a bit and took a broader view of the subject.  Getting upset and judgmental about mom's not nursing is a waste of time.  

I had a close friend who did not nurse her first few kids and I was "encouraging" her to nurse when she was pregnant with her 3rd.  Finally, at the end of her pregnancy she told me she felt pressured and attacked and that I would be disappointed in her if she didn't breastfeed.  That was all true.  I did want her to nurse and I was sad she didn't feel it was important, but then I had to let it go.  She tried for one or two days and things were going great but she just didn't want to do it.  So I could have been huffy and stomped my feet but that wasn't going to change anything about the situation.  And when the opportunity came up, I gave her son a bottle.  I was helping nurture and take care of my friend's baby.  It was a huge turning point for me.

 

 

 

See, I know that what you are saying is mature.  We should support our friends.  It isn't nice to be controlling. I agree with all those things, and I think you are a good person for trying to be the best, supportive friend that you can be.  And yet your post made me angry for some reason.  Its the part where you said you were helping to nurture your friend's baby.  I don't like that statement, because I feel like formula is basically junk food.  In my mind, its like saying "my friend chooses to feed her 4 month old baby potato chips, so I took a broader view and helped nourish her baby by helping her to feed him the chips."  When really, I feel like it would be better (but not nicer) to say, "I'm not feeding that crap to a baby." I think my anger is more at the formula industry, and at doctors for not stressing the importance of breast milk.  Babies fed formula are 5 times more likely to die from any cause than BF'd babies.  Would you help a friend put her baby to sleep in an unsafe crib?  Would you help a friend give her baby cold medicine to make the baby sleepy because she "tried to get the baby to sleep but just didn't choose to have to deal with how hard it is" anymore?  I doubt it. Because it isn't safe.  The baby could be harmed.  I HATE that formula is an acceptable choice.  Sorry for being so emotional but it just makes me so pissed!
 

 

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#12 of 70 Old 04-17-2012, 08:32 AM
 
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i do actually enjoy being able to feed my nephews and neices when they are tiny, cuddling them and having them stare into their aunty's eyes while they eat. as long as that is the decision made, i may as well go with it and enjoy what i can! no one has been able to have much to do with my last 2 babies, as they wouldn't take bottles and i CRAVE a few hours out with my husband, or at least a few hours of sleep.


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#13 of 70 Old 04-17-2012, 09:04 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Margot Dawson View Post

I'm a typically laid back, non judgemental person. I don't get into politics, I don't get offended easily if ever, but I have one issue I do get very passionate about: breastfeeding.  I get pissed when women get harassed for BF'ing in public, I get heated about people even suggesting NIP'ers cover up, and I feel angry at friends and other mothers who don't BF their babies.  What gives?  Anyone else have an unhealthy obsession with lactivism?



Those are key words.  Getting fired up about NIP issues is one thing, but feeling anger at your friends for their parenting choices is taking things to an unhealthy level.  I don't want you to think that I don't know where you're coming from - I fully admit that when I see friends post pictures of newborns who are still in the hospital getting bottle fed there is a part of me that wants to say, "Oh come on, just give BFing a try!"  But then I immediately feel guilty, because you know what?  Not my kid.  Not my life.  Not my choice.  I know many wonderful, caring parents who love their kids fiercely who make different choices than I do.  They're out there doing what works for their families, and until I've walked a mile in their shoes it's not my place to judge.

 

Judging parents for bottlefeeding/formula feeding is the same as being judged for babywearing, extending breastfeeding, cosleeping, etc.  It's not pretty in either case.

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#14 of 70 Old 04-17-2012, 09:25 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Margot Dawson View Post

I'm a typically laid back, non judgemental person. I don't get into politics, I don't get offended easily if ever, but I have one issue I do get very passionate about: breastfeeding.  I get pissed when women get harassed for BF'ing in public, I get heated about people even suggesting NIP'ers cover up, and I feel angry at friends and other mothers who don't BF their babies.  What gives?  Anyone else have an unhealthy obsession with lactivism?



Stop being a judgemental and self righteous.  You have no idea why people formula feed.  Maybe, the baby is bottle feed because she is adopted.  Maybe, the mom tried for six months and feels like a failure already.  Maybe, the mom can't breastfeed because she had breast cancer or a breast reduction.  Maybe, the woman giving the bottle is the baby sitter and she is giving the baby breast milk.  Maybe, the mom is taking a life saving medication and can't breast feed because it will be adverse for baby.  Maybe, the mom is exclusively pumping and can't breast feed for whatever reason.  I breast fed three of my kids for an extended period, including tandem with the middle two and couldn't breast fed my youngest for more then six months.  I was the mom giving her a bottle.  I don't need another mother judging me for it.  Having to give her a bottle made me feel like a failure.  I was a lactation consultant.  Do you think I didn't try?   Or how many tears I cried about having to give her formula?   Who are you or anyone else to judge why a woman gives her child a bottle?  Don't assume she is ignorant or needs to be "enlightened" by you or anyone else.  Give her the benefit of the doubt, assume she is an adult, has thought this through and has come to the best choice for herself and her child.  If you want to be supportive, present breast feeding in a positive light, offer her support if she asks questions and keep your "suggestions" and "concerns" to youself. 


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#15 of 70 Old 04-17-2012, 09:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Stop being a judgemental and self righteous.  You have no idea why people formula feed.  Maybe, the baby is bottle feed because she is adopted.  Maybe, the mom tried for six months and feels like a failure already.  Maybe, the mom can't breastfeed because she had breast cancer or a breast reduction.  Maybe, the woman giving the bottle is the baby sitter and she is giving the baby breast milk.  Maybe, the mom is taking a life saving medication and can't breast feed because it will be adverse for baby.  Maybe, the mom is exclusively pumping and can't breast feed for whatever reason.  I breast fed three of my kids for an extended period, including tandem with the middle two and couldn't breast fed my youngest for more then six months.  I was the mom giving her a bottle.  I don't need another mother judging me for it.  Having to give her a bottle made me feel like a failure.  I was a lactation consultant.  Do you think I didn't try?   Or how many tears I cried about having to give her formula?   Who are you or anyone else to judge why a woman gives her child a bottle?  Don't assume she is ignorant or needs to be "enlightened" by you or anyone else.  Give her the benefit of the doubt, assume she is an adult, has thought this through and has come to the best choice for herself and her child.  If you want to be supportive, present breast feeding in a positive light, offer her support if she asks questions and keep your "suggestions" and "concerns" to youself. 


See, I don't feel angry about mothers who gave their honest best effort, or who can't BF for medical reasons.  I also never approach strangers with suggestions or concerns.  But I do feel anger toward my friends who I know didn't give a good effort.  I also only BF'd my first son for only 7 months, because I was working 12 hours a day, and the daycare he was in provided free canned formula (which I'm sure dosed him with a crap load of BPA).  I'm angry I allowed myself to be undermined, and I put my career before my son. I could have done better. Now he has food sensitivities and hyperactivity issues that my other kids don't have.  I should have pumped more. Looked for donor milk. Continued to BF at least at night.  There's no good excuse not to try your best.  I'm so sorry my judgementalness and self righteousness hurts you.  I don't want to cause you or anyone else emotional pain.  

 

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#16 of 70 Old 04-17-2012, 10:30 AM
 
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My first point is that formula is not unsafe.  It's not junk food.  Saying so damages lactivism.  It's elitist and full of privilege.  It will do absolutely nothing to raise breastfeeding rates.  I am a lactivist.  Really.  I breastfed my first for 3+ years and my second for 4+ years.  Once a woman has given birth, it is too late for lactivism.  Lactivism post-birth is really just woman-bashing disguised as lactivism.  What good is it to tell a FFing mother that her actions are unsafe (even if it were true, which it's not, what good would it do?).  How likely is she to consult you if she wants to BF a future baby?  What are the chances she'll seek out a local LLL?  You don't have an unhealthy obsession with lactivism, because what you are talking about is not lactivism.  It is judgement.  You are damaging lactivism.


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#17 of 70 Old 04-17-2012, 10:35 AM
 
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Those are key words.  Getting fired up about NIP issues is one thing, but feeling anger at your friends for their parenting choices is taking things to an unhealthy level.  I don't want you to think that I don't know where you're coming from - I fully admit that when I see friends post pictures of newborns who are still in the hospital getting bottle fed there is a part of me that wants to say, "Oh come on, just give BFing a try!"  But then I immediately feel guilty, because you know what?  Not my kid.  Not my life.  Not my choice.  I know many wonderful, caring parents who love their kids fiercely who make different choices than I do.  They're out there doing what works for their families, and until I've walked a mile in their shoes it's not my place to judge.

 

Judging parents for bottlefeeding/formula feeding is the same as being judged for babywearing, extending breastfeeding, cosleeping, etc.  It's not pretty in either case.



Exactly.  And it's this kind of attitude that turns people off of AP.  Be mad at people who kick mothers out of malls for nursing in public; be mad at uneducated people who give the wrong information to mothers who are learning to bf.  I am a STRONG breastfeeding advocate and have nursed a long time but there is a fine line between lactivism and just being mean.

 

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#18 of 70 Old 04-17-2012, 10:37 AM
 
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See, I don't feel angry about mothers who gave their honest best effort, or who can't BF for medical reasons.  I also never approach strangers with suggestions or concerns.  But I do feel anger toward my friends who I know didn't give a good effort.  I also only BF'd my first son for only 7 months, because I was working 12 hours a day, and the daycare he was in provided free canned formula (which I'm sure dosed him with a crap load of BPA).  I'm angry I allowed myself to be undermined, and I put my career before my son. I could have done better. Now he has food sensitivities and hyperactivity issues that my other kids don't have.  I should have pumped more. Looked for donor milk. Continued to BF at least at night.  There's no good excuse not to try your best.  I'm so sorry my judgementalness and self righteousness hurts you.  I don't want to cause you or anyone else emotional pain.  

 


You don't cause me any pain.  What I am is pissed and disgusted because I use to be just like you.  I cringe at thoughts that ran through my mind about other mothers and I'm appalled at the things I said to them.  I want to hunt them all down and beg their forgiveness, but I doubt they would give it.  I certainly don't deserve it.  What you do is lose your intended audience by judging them. I did. Who are you or I to decide what a "good effort is"?  What right do you or did I have to even have an opinion about how they chose to live their lives?  How would you feel about people judging your choices in life?    

 

My EBF until he was 10 months old, extended breast feed until he was three, not immunized, only eats organic home grown food, always been home schooled kid is the one with ADHD.  My FF baby is right on target.

 

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#19 of 70 Old 04-17-2012, 10:39 AM
 
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Stop being a judgemental and self righteous.  You have no idea why people formula feed.  Maybe, the baby is bottle feed because she is adopted.  Maybe, the mom tried for six months and feels like a failure already.  Maybe, the mom can't breastfeed because she had breast cancer or a breast reduction.  Maybe, the woman giving the bottle is the baby sitter and she is giving the baby breast milk.  Maybe, the mom is taking a life saving medication and can't breast feed because it will be adverse for baby.  Maybe, the mom is exclusively pumping and can't breast feed for whatever reason.  I breast fed three of my kids for an extended period, including tandem with the middle two and couldn't breast fed my youngest for more then six months.  I was the mom giving her a bottle.  I don't need another mother judging me for it.  Having to give her a bottle made me feel like a failure.  I was a lactation consultant.  Do you think I didn't try?   Or how many tears I cried about having to give her formula?   Who are you or anyone else to judge why a woman gives her child a bottle?  Don't assume she is ignorant or needs to be "enlightened" by you or anyone else.  Give her the benefit of the doubt, assume she is an adult, has thought this through and has come to the best choice for herself and her child.  If you want to be supportive, present breast feeding in a positive light, offer her support if she asks questions and keep your "suggestions" and "concerns" to youself. 



Exactly.  And just because a mom said she just didn't want to nurse that doesn't automatically make her a bad and lazy mom.  Maybe she has personal issues that she doesn't want to get into and she is tired of having to explain them all the time.  WHY SHOUD SHE HAVE To??? I BELIEVE STRONGLY in extended nursing and have done it.  I have also supplemented with formula when I couldn't pump enough cause I had to work.  Calling formula the same as potato chips is EXTREMELY offensive.

 

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#20 of 70 Old 04-17-2012, 10:41 AM
 
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My first point is that formula is not unsafe.  It's not junk food.  Saying so damages lactivism.  It's elitist and full of privilege.  It will do absolutely nothing to raise breastfeeding rates.  I am a lactivist.  Really.  I breastfed my first for 3+ years and my second for 4+ years.  Once a woman has given birth, it is too late for lactivism.  Lactivism post-birth is really just woman-bashing disguised as lactivism.  What good is it to tell a FFing mother that her actions are unsafe (even if it were true, which it's not, what good would it do?).  How likely is she to consult you if she wants to BF a future baby?  What are the chances she'll seek out a local LLL?  You don't have an unhealthy obsession with lactivism, because what you are talking about is not lactivism.  It is judgement.  You are damaging lactivism.



And yet another great point.

 

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#21 of 70 Old 04-17-2012, 10:47 AM
 
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See, I don't feel angry about mothers who gave their honest best effort, or who can't BF for medical reasons.  I also never approach strangers with suggestions or concerns.  But I do feel anger toward my friends who I know didn't give a good effort.  I also only BF'd my first son for only 7 months, because I was working 12 hours a day, and the daycare he was in provided free canned formula (which I'm sure dosed him with a crap load of BPA).  I'm angry I allowed myself to be undermined, and I put my career before my son. I could have done better. Now he has food sensitivities and hyperactivity issues that my other kids don't have.  I should have pumped more. Looked for donor milk. Continued to BF at least at night.  There's no good excuse not to try your best.  I'm so sorry my judgementalness and self righteousness hurts you.  I don't want to cause you or anyone else emotional pain.  

 



So how do you qualify best effort? It's ok to judge the mom who felt she couldn't do it and just went to formula to make it easier for her and the baby, but the mom who drove herself half-crazy trying to BF while failing did right?  Lactivism is not about judging or categorizing; it's about promoting breast-feeding as a healthy practice. Your approach is definitely not healthy, not for you or the other moms around you. I understand being upset when you're so passionate about something - just try to not let the negativity take over. 

 

 

 

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#22 of 70 Old 04-17-2012, 10:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ladies, this thread has helped me quite a bit.  I just had a long talk with my DH, and I came to the realization that I feel the way that I feel because of my own anger and regret toward myself for not doing MY best with my first son.  I feel like if I don't convince my friends to BF, and then something bad happens to their baby (SIDS, allergies, autism, anything even remotely connected to not BF'ing) then it will be my fault.  My fault for having the information and not making them see it.  My fault for not keeping them from experiencing the guilt that I felt for "failing" my first son.  It comes from a place of wanting better for other moms, and from a place of deep guilt within myself.  Now that I know that I can start to work on letting go.  Its a scary world and being a mom is such a big responsibility.  I just want to control it so nothing bad happens to my kids or other mommy's kids.  It's not that I want to put other people down.  But in a way I guess I am mad because if I tell my friends they should BF and then they don't, it highlights my own guilt and makes me feel even worse about my failure (like I could cure my own guilt by somehow making other mom's BF).  So their lack of BF'ing is causing me emotional pain.  That is ridiculous and something I need to get over.  How do I give them the information and support without getting my own guilty feelings involved?

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#23 of 70 Old 04-17-2012, 10:59 AM
 
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*hugs* Momma, I think your unhealthy obsession isn't about breastfeeding. I think it indicates bigger issues here. How are you feeling?

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#24 of 70 Old 04-17-2012, 11:03 AM
 
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Originally Posted by ramama View Post

My first point is that formula is not unsafe.  It's not junk food.  Saying so damages lactivism.  It's elitist and full of privilege.  It will do absolutely nothing to raise breastfeeding rates.  I am a lactivist.  Really.  I breastfed my first for 3+ years and my second for 4+ years.  Once a woman has given birth, it is too late for lactivism.  Lactivism post-birth is really just woman-bashing disguised as lactivism.  What good is it to tell a FFing mother that her actions are unsafe (even if it were true, which it's not, what good would it do?).  How likely is she to consult you if she wants to BF a future baby?  What are the chances she'll seek out a local LLL?  You don't have an unhealthy obsession with lactivism, because what you are talking about is not lactivism.  It is judgement.  You are damaging lactivism.




Thank you.

 

Preface: I had a breast reduction years ago. My son was mostly formula fed (not for lack of trying to breastfeed), and my daughter is going on 11 months of breastfeeding with supplement at the breast. In both cases, it has required pumping, pills, messy feeding tubes, and many tears. I read threads like this and they make me so angry. PLEASE do not respond by telling me that it doesn't apply to me because I tried "hard enough". By whose standards? I made a choice that worked for ME and it's nobody's business to judge me one way or another for it.

 

Breast is best. We know it's true. That doesn't mean breast is the only way to avoid completely ruining your child. Having a happy, healthy baby (and child) is dependent on so many things, and like it or not, in many cases breastfeeding is a very small part of this. Lactivism is so important and we need so badly to help increase support for breastfeeding. We need to fight unfair and damaging marketing ploys by formula companies that undermine breastfeeding. These are societal-level needs, though. What is ultimately decided by a mother is within her right, and should not be subject to judgement. Comparing formula to potato chips is offensive and rude, and stumbling over yourself in the same breath to define what is an "acceptable effort" to avoid this supposed poison just undermines the lactivism movement.

 

Those of you who admit to having over-the-top reactions to other people's personal choices should stop wasting so much energy on lamenting these poor "deprived" children.

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#25 of 70 Old 04-17-2012, 11:13 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Margot Dawson View Post

Ladies, this thread has helped me quite a bit.  I just had a long talk with my DH, and I came to the realization that I feel the way that I feel because of my own anger and regret toward myself for not doing MY best with my first son.  I feel like if I don't convince my friends to BF, and then something bad happens to their baby (SIDS, allergies, autism, anything even remotely connected to not BF'ing) then it will be my fault.  My fault for having the information and not making them see it.  My fault for not keeping them from experiencing the guilt that I felt for "failing" my first son.  It comes from a place of wanting better for other moms, and from a place of deep guilt within myself.  Now that I know that I can start to work on letting go.  Its a scary world and being a mom is such a big responsibility.  I just want to control it so nothing bad happens to my kids or other mommy's kids.  It's not that I want to put other people down.  But in a way I guess I am mad because if I tell my friends they should BF and then they don't, it highlights my own guilt and makes me feel even worse about my failure (like I could cure my own guilt by somehow making other mom's BF).  So their lack of BF'ing is causing me emotional pain.  That is ridiculous and something I need to get over.  How do I give them the information and support without getting my own guilty feelings involved?




You did not fail your son. You may have failed yourself, but the guilt you feel is partly due to the kind of rhetoric we're arguing against in this thread. It's counter-productive. If their lack of BF is causing you emotional pain, it means you need to re-define what successful parenting is. Trust me, I've been there, and I realized that I was hyperfocused on one aspect of parenting, when the big picture is what matters.

 

How do you give them information and support? By offering information, respecting if they don't want to take it to heart, and by letting them have their own journey with their kids. Don't you see the awesomeness that is your eldest child? Doesn't that make you realize that it's not the end of the world if they don't breastfeed? I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound so harsh, and you clearly sound like you struggle with your past experience, but it's really unfair to project those feelings on other people when they're completely entitled to making whatever choice works for them without being judged.

 

Good luck. Finding acceptance for your own choices and experiences is a journey, but it can be achieved.

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#26 of 70 Old 04-17-2012, 11:22 AM
 
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I'm glad that you see where your anger is coming from.  You are a wonderful mommy as are all mothers who love their kids dearly.  Just please remember to be gentle to other moms.  Save judging for child abuse and do something about it.  I use my passion to do things I believe in involving lactivism such as writing letters to store managers when a mom is kicked out for nip.  Educating new moms about breastfeeding.  Use your passion in a positive instead of negative way. 

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#27 of 70 Old 04-17-2012, 11:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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It is super unfair of me to project my judgments on other moms.  That's kind of why I asked the question in the start of this thread.  Do you guys jusdge other parents at all for any of their parenting choices?  Please don't infer here that I'm saying FF is akin to corporal punishment, but they are both parenting choices, so...  Do you judge parents who make the parenting choice of beating their kids when they are naughty?  I'm willing to bet most of us do.  But why?  They aren't our kids... its the parents choice to discipline how they see fit, right?  Even though it hurts the children...  I think that's where I am coming from partly in my thinking.  I believe that FF hurts kids.  Doesn't it?  Some of you are saying that formula is safe.  I guess I just need to stop thinking of formula as being unsafe or hurting kids.  Those of you who feel like formula is safe: how do you get over the statistics?  Help me see the science that says BF'ing doesn't save babies' lives. (I'm not being snarky here, I really do want to get to a place of ok-ness with FF)

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#28 of 70 Old 04-17-2012, 11:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Am I brainwashed by sites like this?

 http://thebabybond.com/InfantDeaths.html 

 http://www.lactivist.com/dangform.html

http://kellymom.com/nutrition/milk/infant-formula/

 

Is it possible that I have been "scare-tacticed" into breastfeeding and now I feel like FF is way worse than it actually is?  Maybe I was.  My DH, mom, and lots of other healthy folks I know were FF'd...

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#29 of 70 Old 04-17-2012, 11:39 AM
 
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Except that it's not always a choice. Also, when it is truly a choice, for some mothers, there are too many variables that likely lead up to her decision to judge her. I mean, the majority of women who aren't able or choose not to breastfeed aren't doing to b/c of, say, worrying their boobs will sag. Especially with random people you see bottle-feeding, you really have no idea what lead them to that. It's really not an outsider's business, anyway.

ribboncesarean.gif cesareans happen.
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#30 of 70 Old 04-17-2012, 11:40 AM
 
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no one irl knows how i feel about them not breastfeeding. and i am happy to feed the babies, as i said. and lord if people knew how i feel about them having their sons circ'd i'd lose many relationships. i just have to push down some thoughts and ignore how it made me feel.


drowning in hormones with 4 daughters and an understanding, loving hubby. also some dogs. my life is crazy and we are always learning.

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