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"I supplement once a day... I mean, I need a break! don't you think?"

6K views 177 replies 48 participants last post by  Momtwice 
#1 ·
Arggg.. I was completely *enraged* last night where I work.
Well, I work at a Children's store part time, and this lady came in with this 2 week old beautiful baby. She was beautiful, she looked like a little angel.
Well, the baby's grandma was holding the baby and the mom was right next to her. The grandma said "my daughter is trying to breastfeed" and I said "oh, that's great. You will love it, it is so good for them too". and then she said "yeah, but I supplement ONLY once a day, you know, I need a break here! don't you think?"

ok, as you can imagine my face changed right after she said that, and I imagined this poor little 2 week old drinking that formula, when her mother IS there and CAN exclusively breastfeed her.. I mean, if you have the milk and are home full-time, why not do it? would it kill you to sacrifice your "space" for your child? There are so many children out there that cannot enjoy the benefits of breastmilk, because their mothers need their "space"...

I am saddened to see where our world is going...
 
#2 ·
If she has enough milk and really needs a break, she should pump instead. I see nothing wrong with needing a little rest (although I wouldn't want a "break from my baby", just some extra sleep..lol) only 2 weeks postpartum, but why give formula? I hope she realizes that it might affect her supply too.

At least she's breastfeeding most of the time...that's better than a lot of people. Everytime I see a new baby in a store getting a bottle, I think to myself, "That poor baby really needs a boob!".
 
#7 ·
I can understand her needing a break - she may mean a break to sleep, ya know? I have been thinking with my next baby that I will pump once a day and have DH give him/her a bottle once a day so that I can at least try to get a couple of hours of consecutive sleep (after BFing is established that is).

You get soooo exhausted those first couple of months with the baby eating every two hours that I don't know about everyone else but I started to get a bit looney. If you are feeling psycho from lack of sleep what's wrong with having DH give the baby a bottle? I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and believe that is what she meant. Maybe she tried to pump and wasn't successful so she uses formula to supplement.

Kitty
 
#10 ·
That is too bad. I hoppe she does more than try to breast feed. Most people who go into it with that attitude aren't very sucessful. And supplementing regul;arly, as in evryday, whenthe baby is only two weeks old can really undermind things. especially if the mom isn't very commited and knowledgeable. I agree there is nothing workng with occaisionally giving your baby a bottle. And pumping, done regularly whenyou are full of energy and such (first thing in the morning is when I would
pump) would give me more than an abundant supply and have more than enough milk available when I needed a break (usually in the evening). It is too bad there ian't more information on good ways to do this rather than being all or nothing. Some mom just don't have it in them to exclusively breastfeed. they can either be encouraged to find solutions that work for them or shunned and left to give up all together and go to exclusive formula feeding. I would rather a mom do what she needs to do in a way that won't undermind breastfeeding completely than be told she isn't good enough to be a part of our club and might as well give up now.
 
#11 ·
Quote:
I can understand her needing a break - she may mean a break to sleep, ya know?
I think every mom feels that way MANY times! Regardless of how you are feeding your baby kwim? But when my mind would go there with my ever 65 minute nurser I would just tell myself "its not about me, its about this baby" . It is important to balance the sense of self, but in the beginning it is all about the baby.
 
#12 ·
I'm remembering why I've never made it through an entire LLL meeting. "We will support you, but only if you breastfeed exactly the way we tell you to."

People have different definitions of "all about the baby". What that meant to me with one kid was a lot different by the time my third rolled around. The implication that someone who gives her child one bottle a day is somehow less interested in her child or cares for her child less sucks, in my opinion.

So we really only support women who breastfeed exclusively?
 
#13 ·
Mothra, if you were referring to my post, I was presenting my opinion with *my own* child. I am not LLL, never have been, never will be. Personally, I did supplement with one baby, and not with other. Even when supplementing with one child I still needed a break- that was my ( missed) point.
 
#14 ·
It's very easy to pump on one side while baby nurses on the other, save this bottle for later when you want to get a couple hours of sleep. So yes pumping will help you get some sleep if you want to do things that way occasionally. I'm not saying ALL THE TIME - I'm saying, if I feel like I'm going to lose it and need some sleep it's an option I might try.

Also I think the implication that because I would want two straight hours of sleep every once in a great while so that I can be sane means that in the beginning I'm not thinking "all about the baby" is insulting and ridiculous. If you are not feeling sane then you are not able to give your baby 100% and you should take a break, let dh bond for a feeding and get some rest!
:
 
#15 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by KeysMama
Mothra, if you were referring to my post, I was presenting my opinion with *my own* child. I am not LLL, never have been, never will be. Personally, I did supplement with one baby, and not with other. Even when supplementing with one child I still needed a break- that was my ( missed) point.
Yeah, I did miss your point. My bad. The point I *thought* you were trying to make is one that I associate with LLL, at least my experiences with them (I KNOW other people have wonderful experiences with LLL, but I never have).

So, again, my bad. I see where you are coming from now.
 
#16 ·
Quote:
so that I can be sane means that in the beginning I'm not thinking "all about the baby" is insulting and ridiculous
ok my "all about the baby" has been taken way out of context. THere is some real anger on this thread, and maybe it comes from other threads , who knows, but my comment was (obviously poorly worded) to mean that the first few weeks the baby rules the roost. In the beginning, it IS all about the baby- which did not mean someone can't or shoudn't take whatever break they need . Pumping, bottle, co-sleeping, or grandma. Peronally with DD1 for me it was a bottle of forumla from dad or grandma. With second DD it meant laying my sleepy butt on the couch all day while nursing.
I will bow out because I obviously hit some nerves and have no idea how or why
 
#17 ·
I think the idea everyone is trying to get to is this:

Instead of being enraged that mama was giving baby one bottle of formula a day, the OP could have praised her for nursing. I understand her attitude, because it was mine at one time. But I really think some breastmilk is better than none at all and it's about supporting the good stuff people do. That will get us farther than being outraged at one little bottle of Similac. Follow?
 
#18 ·
I would be upset too-you do not need to be supp when your baby is that young because that is when your supply is building up. If she does that everyday, that is 3 ounces less her body will make, and the supp will become necessary. No, we should not just be glad she is nursing. I am glad that she is, but I don't think we shuld just leave it at that. This supp can really affect her supply. Why should we condone something that can end her BF relationship? And, Mothra, you are very hostile about FF supp. If you get upset over BF support and advocacy(which includes encourages mothers to not supp with FF and EBF if possible), then why are you here?
 
#20 ·
Here is the original conversation:

Quote:

Originally Posted by loving-my-babies
The grandma said "my daughter is trying to breastfeed" and I said "oh, that's great. You will love it, it is so good for them too". and then she said "yeah, but I supplement ONLY once a day, you know, I need a break here! don't you think?"
There are a couple of things that jump out at me that are more about a nursing relationship that might not succeed and less about a new mom who is needing a break:

The Grandmother's use of the word "trying." She's "trying" to bf? What does that mean? Either she's bfing or she's not, right? Most of the time I hear someone who is "trying to bf," I hear how "it didn't work" later on. There is a level of commitment that is lacking toward bfing in our culture. While it doesn't rest on this families shoulder's, it sounds like they might be buying into it.

Secondly, the mom's response to "That's great. You will love it, it is so good for them, too," seems to reflect this same idea of lack of commitment. "Yeah." is not the same as, "I know! Thanks!" or "Yes. It is so good for them." or "I'll love it? It's been really hard and I'm having a tough time. Did you bf? Can you tell me about that?"

I don't think anyone would suggest that a new mom was being selfish by needing a break. But, I do think it is fair to assume that someone supplementing at 2 weeks (even 1 bottle a day) is jepordizing a nursing relationship that hasn't even had time to become established. That's what I find upsetting about situations like these. And, of course, the inevitable, I tried, but.........I wasn't making enough milk/baby only wanted the bottle/etc. that only perpetuates the false notion that bfing somehow "doesn't work" much of the time.
 
#21 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by GeorgiaGalHeidi
If you get upset over BF support and advocacy(which includes encourages mothers to not supp with FF and EBF if possible), then why are you here?
I totally agree here. and I think you misunderstood what I was trying to say, all mothers need a break (I have 2 kids so I know it's tough and exhausting) but I feel it's selfish to supplement with formula in order to take that much needed break. Try to work something out... so you can get your break WITHOUT having to supplement with formula. The way I see it (because I had to ff my dd since she was 3 months for medical reasons) I would do anything so my baby would receive only breastmilk.

and no one was being unsupportive of this woman breastfeeding, it's great that she is, but her tone (and I was there so I could hear the way she said it) seemed to be like she was "trying to breastfeed, don't like it, so I'm supplementing cause this is too exhausting"

This is my personal opinion.
 
#22 ·
Ok, the word *enraged* does not bring spport to my mind.
The grandam said trying. The grandma was a mom in the time when no one breastfed. My mom would have said the same thing, and then turned pink at the word breast lol.
My take on this: 1. The mom was having a short convo with an employee in a store. She is extremely sleep deprived. She eeds the small break that one formula bottle per day will give. The store employee starts the probfing talk. Mom feels extremely defensve(due to guilt and sleep depr) and so says something with a defensive tone. Employee proves moms point about needing to be defensive by coming onto mothering to exress her rage at this mom.
I have very fair skin. I believe that I had thrush with all three boys. For the first month of the nursing relationship, it would hurt so badly I would cry. But, I kept up. my first babe was failuire to thrive. DOc wanted me to supplemet with formula after each nursing for three days. After that, he wanted me to give one formulabottle per day(he wanted dh to do it, actually) so I could get some rest. Since my nipples hurt sooo badly., even if dh were not available, I wold sit and hold my baby and feed him a bottle. This was when he was 2-3 weeks old. It was one bottle a day and it was a blessing. pumping would have been just as excruciating, even while nursing. I say I think it was thrush, but maybe it wasnt/ Maybe it was just sensitive skin. But, after those few bottles, I went on to exclusively nurse him for 6 months, and continued to nurse im until he was 12 months old nd he self weaned. I exclusively nursed ds #2 for 6 months, weaned at 2 years, exc nursed ds#3 for 6 months, still hasnt weaned at almost 3.
I hate it when judgements are so casually flung at new moms.
 
#23 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by monkey's mom
I don't think anyone would suggest that a new mom was being selfish by needing a break. But, I do think it is fair to assume that someone supplementing at 2 weeks (even 1 bottle a day) is jepordizing a nursing relationship that hasn't even had time to become established. That's what I find upsetting about situations like these. And, of course, the inevitable, I tried, but.........I wasn't making enough milk/baby only wanted the bottle/etc. that only perpetuates the false notion that bfing somehow "doesn't work" much of the time.
I totally agree with you! Things like bottles at two weeks can have a large negative affect later on. I think sometimes moms don't realize that is the case and they just assume they weren't able to breastfed, or their milk just dried up for no reason, when in reality their milk supply was sabotaged by an artificial nipple.

I realize that it doesn't happen to everyone who supplements, for the record. I also know what it means to need a break. My toddler still nurses at night and will only resettle for me. Believe me, I could use a break from being the only source of comfort all night long.
 
#24 ·
I supplement once a day-at night actually so I can get more than an hour of sleep-and YES I DO NEED A BREAK. Ds is 5 wks old. Yes, I realize this could jeopardize our nursing relationship, but how many mamas do you think stop bf altogether because they never ever get a break? My opinion is that the nursing relationship is most jeopardized when moms realize they are on call 24/7 and they decide they simply can't function and fulfill this expectation. Perhaps that one bottle is saving her from quitting altogether, ever think about that?

Look, a lot of assumptions are being made here. Maybe she can't pump. This was the case with me (I started another thread on this tonight). My milk didn't come in until day 9!! I had a round the clock nurser who was losing weight and I could tell he was dehydrated; at one point nothing would wake him up...that was night 7 and the night we started formula. He's been a different baby and I've been a much more relaxed first time mom since that night. I was frustrated, angry, scared out of my mind, and very sad to have to supplement at all. But I did. And I thank God that formula was there for me.

My point is, you don't have a clue what her situation is. New moms (I'm assuming this was her first?) don't know what they're in for and they usually have very little support. Where is LLL or your doula or your best friend at 2 am when you are bleary eyed and trying to get a new baby to latch on? It's all well and good to say that formula and supplementing is evil and should never, ever be done but quite another to walk in that person's shoes. God forbid there are ANY problems that make it even more difficult to bf successfully right away.

Sorry for the angry post. This just rubbed me in all the wrong ways.

(P.S.) Tonight was the first time I have pumped successfully since ds was born. We will be stopping the formula in favor of a bottle of bm. But I will still get some sleep.
 
#25 ·
I too would feel bad for that baby in a way. The mother's reply sounds as if she really isn't fully into breastfeeding or her baby for that fact. I have been fortunate where I have an amzingly supportive LLL group and they are not breastfeeding Nazis.

Also the "I am trying to breastfeed" comment always bugs me for some reason now. You are either doing it or you aren't
 
#26 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by karlin
Everytime I see a new baby in a store getting a bottle, I think to myself, "That poor baby really needs a boob!".

Just had to comment on this as well. HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT ISN'T BREASTMILK? Do you remember how it feels to nip for the first time? Geez. Okay I'm leaving this thread now, I'm obviously way too emotional for this subject.
 
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