My nip experience!! - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 20 Old 07-31-2005, 08:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Our family went to the Baltimore Inner Harbor yesterday. We were in Port Discovery(a kid powered museum), Dh was following around dd1, the kids godfather was following around dd2, and I had dd3.

I was looking for a place to sit and there were no benches available, there was another mama sitting on the floor with her 4 month old daughter. I asked if I could join her she said fine.

We were talking for a little bit and she started to nurse her daughter. I was sort of suprised, but happy! Dd started to get fussy so I started nursing her, and there we were...two mamas, nursing our two babies.

We didn't get any bad glances but, we did get many kids staring at us...It really did feel good to not be alone.

Not that it would have made any difference to me, whether I was going to feed dd or not.

Well, there it is! My experience. YAY! I just had to tell someone!

Mama to 14yo, 9yo, 7yo, and babe born 9/2012
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#2 of 20 Old 07-31-2005, 08:30 PM
 
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Neat experience!
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#3 of 20 Old 07-31-2005, 08:37 PM
 
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You'll be surprised how much easier it gets as you go along. Just don't waste too much time worrying about other people, like I did. Concentrate on your baby's needs and your own convenience. The more society sees us as a normal part of the scenery, the more accepted it will become. Maybe someday all those kids won't even look twice.
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#4 of 20 Old 08-01-2005, 12:12 AM
 
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It's nice to have a pal...and I'm glad you are happy about your great day out. What I am going to say may sound like a scolding, but I mean this in a very loving kind way- had I seen the two of you- I think I would have cleared a bench for you.

... I think nursing moms should demand (as in politely request) a decent place to sit. (like an elderly or handicapped spot on the bus- it's something people should give to you because you need it and it's their cultural duty to support you and your efforts and contribution to our world with that tiny gesture of giving you a comfortable place to sit.) I know sitting on the floor can be very comfortable, especially when you can use your knees to rest your arms- but I don't think it's very dignified to sit on the floor- socially. Regardless of how happy or comfortable you are sitting there, if you want respect when you NIP- the kind that we are so quick to demand in these letter writing campaigns and nurse inns and rants and raves... I think you should get up off the floor and sit in a place where respected people sit.

In the perfect world, people would have offered you the seat- but since we are in a time of change- it's going to have to be your job to teach them how to properly foster loving attitudes toward motherhood. You should consider yourself top rung- not at the bottom.

Just something to think about,
With love- Sarah
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#5 of 20 Old 08-01-2005, 02:26 AM
 
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That sounds so nice, to have a nursing buddy and to have it happen unplanned too...I have only had the opportunity to sit with another nursing mom in public once... wish it happened more often but I rarely see a mom NIP around here.
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#6 of 20 Old 08-01-2005, 02:44 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah
It's nice to have a pal...and I'm glad you are happy about your great day out. What I am going to say may sound like a scolding, but I mean this in a very loving kind way- had I seen the two of you- I think I would have cleared a bench for you.

... I think nursing moms should demand (as in politely request) a decent place to sit. (like an elderly or handicapped spot on the bus- it's something people should give to you because you need it and it's their cultural duty to support you and your efforts and contribution to our world with that tiny gesture of giving you a comfortable place to sit.) I know sitting on the floor can be very comfortable, especially when you can use your knees to rest your arms- but I don't think it's very dignified to sit on the floor- socially. Regardless of how happy or comfortable you are sitting there, if you want respect when you NIP- the kind that we are so quick to demand in these letter writing campaigns and nurse inns and rants and raves... I think you should get up off the floor and sit in a place where respected people sit.

In the perfect world, people would have offered you the seat- but since we are in a time of change- it's going to have to be your job to teach them how to properly foster loving attitudes toward motherhood. You should consider yourself top rung- not at the bottom.

Just something to think about,
With love- Sarah

I gotta completely disagree. I myself am comfortable sitting on the floor, & when Joe was small I plopped down & nursed him wherever there was a comfy spot. People who are offended by NIP are going to be offended regardless of where the nurser is sitting, & people who are NOT offended by it aren't going to say, well I WOULD have supported your NIP, if only you had sat in this respectable CHAIR...

midstreammama, I am glad you had such a positive experience!
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#7 of 20 Old 08-01-2005, 07:53 AM
 
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I also prefer sitting crosslegged on the floor rather than a backless bench, though usually I am walking trying to keep up with older dd.

Saturday we were at some rowing races on the river here. I was sitting on the cement dock with some friends, older dd and was nursing Sage. All of the benches had been full (nice ones with backs) a man actually got up and walked over to me, I thought I was getting a negative comment and wa prepared to spar with him. Instead he said, "I thought you might be more comfortable in my seat." So nice, I declined as my older dd thought it was way cool to be dangling her legs 8 feet above the water sitting on the edge giving mommy a heart attack! Thank God for the sling! i tied it around her waist like a tether so that if she would have fallen in I would have had ahold of her (well actually a friend had the end at that time since I was nursing the baby and didn't want to try to hold onto her and possibly have to haul the other one up from falling!
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#8 of 20 Old 08-01-2005, 12:00 PM
 
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I am not saying that it's not comfortable to nurse sitting on the ground.. I'm saying it's not dignified. Beggars, vagrants, homeless, and skate punks sit on the ground, you want to add "nursing mothers" to that list?

"Women" ... mothers, matriarchs... people who are respected and cherished in a chair sitting culture- should not sit on the ground when there are places to sit which are occupied by able bodied people who are not tending to the needs of the future generation. As I said, it may not even be as comfortable as sitting on the floor- I appreciate the advantage of sitting on the floor because it gives you knees which an armrest-less bench does not provide- but culturally- as an activist- beyond the "on demand moment"- you should present a more dignified picture of yourself and your role in our culture. Each of these moments is an opportunity to foster positive images and change- could be a home run, evey one which is lost, and every bad impression made, is a strike out.

Demanding a proper seat is not a sell out solution of compromising to anti-NIP shunning the way using a coverup blanket is, or hiding in a rewstroon stall... it's a way of elevating yourself- not hiding yourself.

This is the Breastfeeding advocacy forum... and I'm telling you that there is a negative perception in our culture of people who sit on the ground- from a block away I would lose respect and tend to distrust as a deviant, or person with a problem, any person who was sitting on the ground- regardless of their age, race, gender or what they were doing. So to take a posture which does not foster respect- and to do something which is (apparently) already having a very tough time getting respect in our culture... doubles the hurdle and works against fostering positive images of breastfeeding.

I would hope that I would never see a photo of an American mother sitting on the floor of a museum nursing her baby on the cover of New Beginnings... although I would not mind to see a picture of an American woman on a picnic blanket in the shade leaning her back against a tree, Or a rain forest woman squatting in her home. It's about cultural context.

You can say that you don't care what I think... but if you do care about changing public attitudes toward breastfeeding, and breastfeeding in public, I think that what I am saying in an advocacy forum is valid.

Love Sarah
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#9 of 20 Old 08-01-2005, 02:51 PM
 
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Sarah,
Thank you for that point of view, i would've never thought of it that way. I think your post has great validity... tho if i can't find a chair, i will drop0 where ever i am and nurse because I haven't figured out how to keep DS latched while i'm standing yet....
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#10 of 20 Old 08-01-2005, 06:22 PM
 
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oh, boy, cant wait to see who jumps all over the "beggars, vagrants, skate punks comment"! lol i'll be checking back later tonight.

Bring back the old MDC
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#11 of 20 Old 08-01-2005, 06:59 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah
I am not saying that it's not comfortable to nurse sitting on the ground.. I'm saying it's not dignified. Beggars, vagrants, homeless, and skate punks sit on the ground, you want to add "nursing mothers" to that list?
:Puke

I resemble that remark as do a lot of the people I know :
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#12 of 20 Old 08-01-2005, 08:56 PM
 
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Wow, that is pretty strong language. I am not a vagrant or a skate punk or any of the other disrespectful words for people you used to describe the 'kind of person' who sits on the floor. I do frequently sit on the floor (less frequently as I age and my joints get more creaky ), and I'm sorry to hear that you would lose respect and distrust me as a deviant were you to see such a shocking display.

I understand that you are voicing your opinion in the interests of advancing the cause of breastfeeding advocacy, but heavens - I'm sorry, but you could really use to loosen up! We all have different standards and I would never expect you to sit on the floor and nurse, but neither would I lose respect and distrust you for sitting somewhere I wouldn't have been comfortable with for myself.
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#13 of 20 Old 08-01-2005, 09:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah
"Women" ... mothers, matriarchs... people who are respected and cherished in a chair sitting culture- should not sit on the ground when there are places to sit which are occupied by able bodied people who are not tending to the needs of the future generation.
I don't think that a nursing mother is necessarily any less able bodied than any average person. I also don't think that a nursing mother, or any mother, matriarch or woman for that matter, is more deserving of respect than any average person. I think that sort of thinking tends to elevate with one hand while holding down with the other, kwim? Didn't we have a big cultural shift away from this about 30 years ago?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah
I'm telling you that there is a negative perception in our culture of people who sit on the ground
I suppose I live in a different American culture than you do.
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#14 of 20 Old 08-02-2005, 12:01 PM
 
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I still don't understand what's wrong with sitting on the ground

Then again I'm Pagan and the Earth is sacred, so sitting on the ground for me is a way to connect with the Goddess. All hail the ground sitting mamas!
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#15 of 20 Old 08-02-2005, 12:13 PM
 
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Originally Posted by blessedwithboys
oh, boy, cant wait to see who jumps all over the "beggars, vagrants, skate punks comment"! lol i'll be checking back later tonight.
Here I am, here I am!!

I cannot believe that you, Sarah, are seriously suggesting that it discredits BFing advocacy if a mom nurses her little one while sitting on the floor. I cannot wrap my mind around that one.

I guess it is because I have always been around children, & even before my son was born, I would not hesitate to plop down on the floor & play, talk to, or comfort any children who were in my care.

My mother breastfed my sisters & me, for an average of 2 years each, in the 1970's. My sisters & I, in turn, nursed our four sons, for at least 18 months each. Joe self weaned at 3 years 10 months. I am a HUGE advocate of breastfeeding, & I STILL do not see the problem with a mom sitting on the ground to nurse her baby.
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#16 of 20 Old 08-02-2005, 03:02 PM
 
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I can see where you are coming from Sarah....but not completely. I think you are being quite stringent with it, that's all.

You can't say across the board, everyone will lose respect for someone who sits on the ground!!! But.....in certain situations being mindful of how you look as you NIP is important kwim?
Just as it bugs me to see dirty children, or children without shoes at the mall....it would bug me to see a mom on the ground in an inappropriate place, nursing her child. That's not simply b/c she's on the floor! There would have to be other factors...like dirty area, unsafe, etc....

For me, the stigma is one of poverty....of being less than. But that is personal, and for everyone that is different.

I think there are lots of things I would hope nursing moms *mindfully* do, and don't do, right now to further widespread social acceptance of nursing moms and their firm place in this society.

All of those things are superficial, and would not matter but for the fact that mainstreamers would see it in a certain way. Just kind of like how I was embarrassed of somethings my mom did when I was a teen....yes they were unique and special, but please, not around my friends :P

On one hand i don't think we should pander to them, and should go about our business and they can LIKE IT. But....the on the other I realize we aren't just fighting for our rights here...we are also fighting for all those babies of those mothers who feed them inferior food. We want them to see us, and say, that could be me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not---eww look at that poor person, or that freak, or whatever. Sorry...just my opinion.



ETA: I am so sorry...after I hit reply I saw the title and realized I totally spammed your nip story (((

It sounded like fun....I wish I had a mama to nip with !! Sorry again.

`Lorissa
Mama to ds 5, and a brand new Christmas Day baby 2009!
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#17 of 20 Old 08-02-2005, 05:44 PM
 
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#18 of 20 Old 08-03-2005, 12:29 AM
 
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to me, saying a bf mother must find a "dignified place to sit" just adds to the perceived burden of bf in general. dont we want to make it seem as easy as we all know it really is? can you imagine LC's telling new mom's: "wear a tank top under a button shirt, practice in front of a mirror, and ALWAYS search out a bench b4 attempting to latch on!". no thanks, i'll keep plopping my butt wherever i happen to be when the urge strikes ds, which today happened to be in the ladies shoe dept of walmart, in full view of about 10 ppl. (he is almost 4yo) just so happens there was one of those teensy benches with the slanty mirror underneath, but my butt hardly fit, so at some point i slid down to the floor. uh-oh, quick, someone take away my NIP license. :LOL

OP, i have had a similar experience as you did, and yes, it is nice.

Bring back the old MDC
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#19 of 20 Old 08-03-2005, 02:49 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah
I am not saying that it's not comfortable to nurse sitting on the ground.. I'm saying it's not dignified. Beggars, vagrants, homeless, and skate punks sit on the ground, you want to add "nursing mothers" to that list?

"Women" ... mothers, matriarchs... people who are respected and cherished in a chair sitting culture- should not sit on the ground when there are places to sit which are occupied by able bodied people who are not tending to the needs of the future generation. As I said, it may not even be as comfortable as sitting on the floor- I appreciate the advantage of sitting on the floor because it gives you knees which an armrest-less bench does not provide- but culturally- as an activist- beyond the "on demand moment"- you should present a more dignified picture of yourself and your role in our culture. Each of these moments is an opportunity to foster positive images and change- could be a home run, evey one which is lost, and every bad impression made, is a strike out.


: I'm just chiming in here to say that I'm really offended by this post. As if it's not bad enough that we're constantly having to justify our breastfeeding choices to society at large, now we're supposed to fit into some preconceived idea of what you believe a breastfeeding mother is supposed to be.

Just because a mom doesn't live up to your standard of dignity doesn't mean that you have the right to judge them. We should have a common goal of spreading breastfeeding awareness to every mother, regardless of what we think about her personal choices. I have pink hair, tattoos, and piercings and I sincerely believe that when I proudly sit down in public to nurse my daughter, be it in a chair or on the floor in a museum, there is a certain portion of the population(mostly teenagers) who I am able to influence in a very positive way...kids who will not be influenced by the "dignified" suburban mom sitting on the bench. Not that I mean any offense to anyone else. I just think that it takes all types. I want to live in a world where every child is given the birthright of breastfeeding that they deserve and attitudes like this will just drive people the other direction. Loosen up and open your mind a little.

Congratulations midstreammama! You have every right to feel proud of yourself.

ETA: Nursing in public, period, helps to spread awareness. It doesn't matter who you are, where you sit, or what you wear. No mother should ever be critisised for how she chooses to nurse her children.
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#20 of 20 Old 08-03-2005, 12:39 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blessedwithboys
to me, saying a bf mother must find a "dignified place to sit" just adds to the perceived burden of bf in general. dont we want to make it seem as easy as we all know it really is? can you imagine LC's telling new mom's: "wear a tank top under a button shirt, practice in front of a mirror, and ALWAYS search out a bench b4 attempting to latch on!". no thanks, i'll keep plopping my butt wherever i happen to be when the urge strikes ds, which today happened to be in the ladies shoe dept of walmart, in full view of about 10 ppl. (he is almost 4yo) just so happens there was one of those teensy benches with the slanty mirror underneath, but my butt hardly fit, so at some point i slid down to the floor. uh-oh, quick, someone take away my NIP license. :LOL

OP, i have had a similar experience as you did, and yes, it is nice.


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