mourning weaning - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 02-04-2003, 11:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Is there a normal duration for mourning the weaning of your babes? Someone told me the other day that it was normal, but I need additional reassurance. My DSs weaned at 17 months--six months ago. I still feel pangs, deep ones, and really wish I was still nursing. I really want another baby just so i can nurse again. I know this is normal, but I also feel like nursing was so validating, and I have nothing to replace that with, KWIM? Now I am just a pudgy mom of twin toddlers, somehow less special. . .
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#2 of 8 Old 02-05-2003, 12:12 AM
 
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I totally sympathize. My babe is only four months old, but I dread the day he weans.
There's a good thread going on now about this:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...threadid=40128
There's a poem on there that brought tears to my eyes!
(((hugs))) to you!
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#3 of 8 Old 02-05-2003, 02:29 AM
 
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I haven't gotten there yet, and I have no idea what "normal" is (not a word that's often applied to me :LOL) but I think you *are* special - you nursed twins for 17 months, how cool and how rare is that??

My boss' brother and SIL - despite both being medical professionals - went straight to formula from day one with their twins. Awful. I think there are a lot of other moms of multiples out there who just think it's too difficult, and never try.

Anyway, I wanted to give you a big . Hope you can find some words of wisdom from moms who have actually been there.

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#4 of 8 Old 02-05-2003, 09:29 AM
 
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I would suggest you be patient with yourself.

For me breastfeeding was such a special time, such an achievement, such a focus in my life, such hard work, that when it ended I was grieving too. It left a void.

Your grief, in my opinion, tells me you are a special, wonderful tender-hearted mom if nursing meant so much to you.
Maybe that old La Leche League advice about nursing babies will apply to your OWN feelings too: the advice to watch the baby, not the clock or the calendar. In other words let your feelings play out, not by the calendar, but by being what they are.

Having weaned one child quickly and early, and the other child weaned themselves very gradually over a long time.....for me the sudden weaning was much more painful. But even the gradual weaning was bittersweet. A one year old is so young, its natural to feel a loss.

Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
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#5 of 8 Old 02-05-2003, 03:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for the sage advice about letting time play it out, momtwice, and thank you Jane for the hug. I needed it.
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#6 of 8 Old 02-06-2003, 12:44 PM
 
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seanjoshmom--

I feel for you. I run a bfing group for MOMs and I know how hard and different it is to nurse, and AP 2 than just a singleton. You only have the twins, but MOMs with another child or two find it so different.

Just wondered how and why they weaned at 17 mos? were they self soothers? Adopting a blanket, a paci, a thumb? Too busy playing to sit down and nurse? Or, OTOH, was nursing a 3 ring circus, with them tumbling all over each other in fits of jealousy, so not the relaxing break it might more likely be with a single?

Do you have Mothering Multiples by Karen Gromada? I believe she addresses the fact that twins may wean earlier than singles for the above reasons.

Also, it is interesting that they both weaned at 17 mos. Sometimes, one twin will wean earlier than the other. Are they ID?

Don't mean to pry with these q's. Just in case you want to share, to help with acceptance.
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#7 of 8 Old 02-17-2003, 01:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Sorry so late getting back to you. Am in Barbados visiting my folks. Hallelujah, considering the weather in Philly right now. Joshua weaned at about 16.5 months, and Sean about a few weeks later, I think it was mostly because my supply dwindled after I stopped pumping three times a day at work. I decreased the number of times I was pumping slowly, mostly because I had to give the pump back to my sister in law, who was due soon. I rented a pump after that, but it was so huge and cumbersome. I know they would have continued nursing longer if milk was available, because they still asked for it until a few months ago. Nursing them was fine, since they each had their side and a couple of positions they were comfortable in to eat together. They always sucked fingers/thumb anyway, and they don't really have any other comfort objects.
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#8 of 8 Old 02-17-2003, 08:09 PM
 
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Seanjosh Mom, do you ever nurse them just for comfort? I have 2 "big boys" now whom I nursed through toddlerhood and even after they were really finished nursing, I occassionally nursed them if they didn't feel well, or fell down, or just needed mommy. It made us both feel better. Now I'm a new mommy again and thoroughly enjoying nursing my new son. My husband just recently commented that he can't believe the time I spend sitting and nursing!
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