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#61 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 09:07 AM
 
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Originally Posted by paquerette
Well, I might not have bothered with or stuck for very long with breastfeeding if it weren't for proud-to-breastfeed icons on a journal site, and people who said very strong things about how important it is, and consider themselves "boob nazis". It made me realise the vast difference, and seek out more information, whereas beforehand I had a vague idea that breastfeeding was a good thing if you could do it, while your baby was little (I dunno what I would have considered that, because I had no idea what rate babies grew, when they hit what milestones, or anything), and that you could just put them on after birth and they just sucked, and if you made milk, yay, and if not, oh well. I owe my actual ambition to come here, and other sites, and LEARN about it to the boob nazis.
Me too, and I was a self-weaned baby, as was one of my two sisters (the other had a nursing strike at 6 months and my mom had no clue). Since my mom had no problems nursing any of us (other than the nursing strike!), she kept telling me when I was pregnant that my inverted nipples weren't a problem, there was no reason to call LLL since they were just a bunch of militants, and "I just put you on and you nursed." Well, great for you mom, and she has been 100% supportive of my efforts, but I needed the LC in the hospital, and I needed the "boob nazis" of whom you speak. By the time I got around to going to LLL I didn't really "need" them anymore, but I know I will when we're nursing a toddler or tandem nursing.

And that's the thing. If you go into it with the attitude that formula is just NOT an option, then you're likely to do that much more to make breastfeeding work. I had to EP and still have to use shields (which SUCK), I pumped while working fulltime (I'm a teacher so now have a nice two-month vacation!), but when I look back and realize that my baby is chubby and healthy and it's all from my breasts, that's pretty darn amazing.
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#62 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 09:36 AM
 
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Originally Posted by pookel
I'm not sharing my personal issues at random here. I'm sharing them to make a point, which is that the formula=superpower blinkie is intended as a response to the breastfeeding sig, and the reason is that the breastfeeding sig is offensive and hurtful to some people.
Okay, I don't understand why this sig is "offensive and hurtful". It's not as though the sig says "Breastfeeding is my superpower... and you suck as a mom 'cause you can't do it." (Which, by the way, is clearly not the case!)

My daughter is 10 months old, fat and healthy, and has gotten that way pretty much entirely from what I produced with my own body. I think that's freakin' amazing. I do not see why I should not be able to celebrate that amazing fact. I'm sorry that things didn't work out for you. I'm sorry that the loss of your breastfeeding relationship is painful for you. I just don't see why this means that me celebrating the amazingness of my breastfeeding relationship is "offensive and hurtful".

I mean, should people who can run a marathon not be able to be publicly proud of it because of the people who wish they could run a marathon, and can't?

Julia
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#63 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 09:49 AM
 
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Originally Posted by pookel
I don't know any women (in my generation, anyway) who simply chose not to breastfeed.
And, see, I do. I know one woman who's currently pregnant, takes offense at anything anyone says about why breastmilk is better (even studies, for instance the ones on ear infections and IQ), and has already started stockpiling cans of formula. I know another one who just gave birth and is going to wean at one month so she can go out on dates with her husband. I know several who thought breastfeeding was gross and didn't want to try.

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But I do know women who tried breastfeeding at the hospital and couldn't get the baby to latch and had no support and gave up, and women who found nursing incredibly painful and were never told it would get better soon, and women who got bad advice from doctors and switched to formula when they didn't need to. In our western culture, those women are common - far more common than the 1-2% who truly, medically could not breastfeed even with the best help and advice.
And sadly, this is by far the most common scenario. There's also the subset of women who have husbands and family who are downright hostile to any efforts on their part. I have actually never seen anyone bash these women. It's those in the first group that annoy me and I'm sure many others....especially if we had trouble breastfeeding and did everything we couls to make it work.
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#64 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 09:53 AM
 
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Originally Posted by pookel
I'm not sharing my personal issues at random here. I'm sharing them to make a point, which is that the formula=superpower blinkie is intended as a response to the breastfeeding sig, and the reason is that the breastfeeding sig is offensive and hurtful to some people. I laughed when I saw the formula sig. I took it as supportive of women who, like me, had trouble breastfeeding. And then to see people mock it as "sick" just reinforces the impression I often had here, that some lactivists really don't care about helping women breastfeed, only about insulting and belittling those who don't, which is, quite frankly, not going to win you any converts.
I think you are looking at this blinkie from a very narrow point of view, either that or trying to read way too much into it. "I make formula, what's your superpower" does NOT sound supportive of women who had trouble breastfeeding. It sounds like someone who feels the need to defend their choice to ff or who dislikes proud bfing moms with bfing blinkies. I think it is very sad - just like when I see blinkies that say "CIO and proud of it" and other nonsense like that. I dont understand your anger here. You spent 9 months doing your best to breastfeed, until your supply finally dried up. So why, instead of wasting time acting like every anti-ff comment is directed at you, don't you speak up and be proud of the time you did put in? I give you examples of blinkies I've seen that say things like "I pumped for x amount of months" or "my baby got mommy's milk for x amount of months".



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Maybe you should step back and ask yourself why women like me are posting things like this. Maybe the problem isn't with us.
What I don't understand is coming to the lactivism board and posting like this. This is supposed to be a haven of sorts, where moms who feel passionately can come vent without dealing with all the retorts of ff moms. That doesn't mean that they necessarily turn around and say the same things to ff moms themselves, it just means they need a place to get some of those feelings out. I belive it would be just as wrong for a lactivist to go crash a ff support group, no matter how aggravating the comments are.



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Because these "women who choose not to breastfeed" are not as universal as some people around here seem to think. I don't know any women (in my generation, anyway) who simply chose not to breastfeed. But I do know women who tried breastfeeding at the hospital and couldn't get the baby to latch and had no support and gave up, and women who found nursing incredibly painful and were never told it would get better soon, and women who got bad advice from doctors and switched to formula when they didn't need to. In our western culture, those women are common - far more common than the 1-2% who truly, medically could not breastfeed even with the best help and advice.

And it is THOSE women, the ones who wanted to breastfeed but didn't know how, who are hurt and insulted by a certain style of lactivism. Those are the women who are scared off by "nipple nazis" and harassed into feeling guilty for not having known better when they gave up breastfeeding. Those are the women who COULD breastfeed next time - if they get enough help, support, and gentle advice. If they're not driven away by the rude comments and the rhetoric about formula being "poison," that is.
Funny, I know many MANY more women who chose to ff from the very beginning than I do women who gave breastfeeding a shot but didn't manage to make it work through lack of knowledge/support. And those women who did give it a shot but didn't have the resources/knowledge to figure it out are usually the ones who have an open mind towards bfing next time, or who are angry enough about their lack of help that they want to make sure the word gets out so others have that help.

As far as a certain style of lactivism, do you really think that bfing-supportive blinkies fall into "that" style? You know, I'm pretty glad those blinkies are around, it was one reason I realized that I didnt' have to stop breastfeeding at a year, which is what I thought was the norm for babies - that they just didn't need it anymore after that. Seeing all the "Yes, I'm STILL breastfeeding" or "Breastfeeding for (15, 18, 24 months) and still going strong" type blinkies really made me think about something that I had previously thought only a few nutty moms did.

Me: married to my :fireman Mama to my littles: Toby 8/04 and Elina 10/08
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#65 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 10:15 AM
 
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Originally Posted by pookel
And then to see people mock it as "sick" just reinforces the impression I often had here, that some lactivists really don't care about helping women breastfeed, only about insulting and belittling those who don't, which is, quite frankly, not going to win you any converts.
Or maybe they see formula feeding as not being something to be proud of? You did what you had to do, and you made sure your child's belly was adequately full, which is a good thing. But it does seem weird to me to brag about something like that. I guess it's like saying "I used the snot-sucker bulb when my baby had a cold". It's what a good parent would do in a situation that is less than ideal, but it's not something wonderful to brag about.

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Originally Posted by pookel
Because these "women who choose not to breastfeed" are not as universal as some people around here seem to think. I don't know any women (in my generation, anyway) who simply chose not to breastfeed.
I'm glad that you're surrounded by people who at least see breastfeeding as a desireable thing. I can count on one hand the number of women I've known in my life (excluding those I met online or through LLL since I've been a mama and tried to find likeminded folks) who ever considered even attempting. 99% of the babies I've known have never even seen their mother's nipple.

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Please, can we NOT use the word Nazi when talking about a person passionate about breastfeeding, PLEASE?
Sorry, I'm not a big fan of it being used either, but that's the actual name of the community I was talking about.
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#66 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 10:26 AM
 
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I never thought I would do any more then lurk here :.

I feel very strongly about nursing, even though I had to quit early because of serious supply issues. I have found that most people that feel strongly about nursing do not understand and I do wish they could be more supportive.

However that said, I have NO ISSUE with the I make milk, what is your superpower blinkie. It is just a cute way for those that are proud bfers to say that. There are a few out there that do seem rude. I can't think of any right now but they are few and far between.

I just really think that if you want to reach out, not being too abrasive (not saying anyone here is, but I have encounted people that are) is key. I remeber my SIL using me as an excuse not to try to BF. She said "look at everything you went through and could not nurse. It just doesn't seem worth the trouble." My repsonse was "I would not have gone through everything I went through if I did not find it so worth the trouble. Also I am the exeption not the norm."

I really feel that way. I would have not done everything I did, spent all the money that I really didn't have to spend on breastpumps, mother's milk tea, and LC visits if it were not worth it. (At the time we qualified for WIC so formula would have been free whereas it cost me money to try to BF.) After that talk SIL gave BFing a try. I wish she would have kept with it. She bf nephew #1 for 2 weeks and nephew #2 for 6 weeks. I don't think she ever bf nephew #3. I guess a short time is better then no time.

Jennifer
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#67 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 10:26 AM
 
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Haven't read the whole thread, but yes, I would be incredibly impressed with anyone who can make commercial abm using things they have laying around the house. They'd have to be some sort of terrific chemist.
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#68 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 10:31 AM
 
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[/QUOTE]I had that reaction too, while I was supplementing with formula and feeling like a failure because I couldn't manage to breastfeed exclusively. I'd see those sigs on posts from women who had NO clue what I was going through, and it felt like a personal attack, like "I'm a better mom than you because I'm breastfeeding."

I'm all for breastfeeding, but I don't get these bragging-style sigs and T-shirts. It seems like all they're for is to make other people feel bad, and that's not going to accomplish anything. It's certainly not going to make them more inclined to breastfeed.[/QUOTE]

Why shouldn't BF'ing mamas be proud of their accomplishments?? BF is a HUGE accomplishment for mamas. We put in a lot of hard work, sore nipples, sleepless night, biting dc, saggy boobs, just to name a few! I'm not sorry for being proud of doing what I think is the best thing for my dc.

And, their sigs are a description of themselves. They aren't trying to put others down. They are saying what their passion and love in life is.

wife mum. dd(12) , dd(10) , dd(8) , ds(7) , dd(4), ds(2) , dd's(9mths) !
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#69 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 10:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by pookel
Er, correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't lactivism mean "breastfeeding activism"? And isn't the point of breastfeeding activism to get more women to breastfeed? And these women who aren't breastfeeding, the ones who *could* be breastfeeding, the ones you really want to get the message across to, the ones who might be able to breastfeed their next child - what do you think they're feeding their babies?

Are you still not making the connection as to why I think it's important for lactivists not to say things that are offensive to formula feeders?



I don't disagree, but I used the term in quotes because that *is* the term people use. I've certainly heard complaints about it here often enough to think that it's a pretty common thing for people to say.
Putting it in quotes doesn't make it right, you wouldn't call a person the other N word and use the excuse that it was in quotes, would you?
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#70 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 10:55 AM
 
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ONLY 2% of ALL women can not breastfeed due to LEGITIMATE, MEDICAL issues. Many start bf at the hospital, give up and go to artificial food. If you gave up, like I have in the past, deal w/it and MOVE ON!

As for the ff boards...I've been over on another board that has a constant WAR w/the bf and ff boards. I just HATE going to the ff board and seeing someone say 'I've had my baby on 5 diff. formulas and he's still allergic, what do I do?' WELL...you should have given him the free stuff, it's made SPECIFICALLY for him.

Oh, and my other fav. blinky: Formula fed babies are just as loved as Breast Fed Babies

WTF? No one said you didn't love your baby, we are just saying that you have chosen to give her nasty, artificial CHEMICALS instead of your wonderful mommy juice!

Jen-loving Bill, mama to Teryn 18, Kalyn 16, Ricky 13, Natalie 5, Angel Zoe '07 and rainbow1284.gifAmelia Rae 22 mos bonus kids (dss) W 14, W 13 NEW grandbaby due 10/10/11

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#71 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 11:02 AM
 
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I didn' t read the whole thread, but that blinky about , cio, ff etc... is sick!!! I have some cool blinkys on myspace(see siggy below) and I saw lots of formula feeding ones and proud to use sposies etc.. Seriously I think some people are jealous, right?

Tiffany , mama to my 2 spirited girls, natalee (8/05) and scarlett (5/09)
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#72 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 11:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Tiffany, I added you to my MySpace friends, your layout rocks!
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#73 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 11:47 AM
 
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Thanks, yours looks great too!

Tiffany , mama to my 2 spirited girls, natalee (8/05) and scarlett (5/09)
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#74 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 11:50 AM
 
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Originally Posted by firstkid4me
Putting it in quotes doesn't make it right, you wouldn't call a person the other N word and use the excuse that it was in quotes, would you?
No, but I would quote someone else calling someone, or even themself, the N word if it was required in the context of what I was discussing. (Talking about the lyrics of a rap song where they call themselves that being just one example.)
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#75 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 11:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by paquerette
No, but I would quote someone else calling someone, or even themself, the N word if it was required in the context of what I was discussing. (Talking about the lyrics of a rap song where they call themselves that being just one example.)
I don't think it should be used in lyrics or repeated. I merely say the "n word" and people get the point.
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#76 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 02:26 PM
 
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OT, but Tiffany, I sent a friend request through Myspace as well.

Me: married to my :fireman Mama to my littles: Toby 8/04 and Elina 10/08
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#77 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 03:35 PM
 
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lol-I added you, Toby is very cute. Nice to meet other Mamas like myself

Tiffany , mama to my 2 spirited girls, natalee (8/05) and scarlett (5/09)
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#78 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 03:45 PM
 
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Darn it I wrote this long reply and then lost it because of server issues. So here I go again. Ummmm, what was I saying?

Ok, well I come from a breastfeeding family. My grandmother nursed her 3 kids in the 40's when it just wasn't done. Yes she weighed the baby before and after each feed and only nursed for 6 months but in that time period that was a HUGE accomplishment. I grew up with stories of how the gas station would collect fuel vouchers for her during the war so she could buy enough gas to drive back and forth from university throughout the day to nurse her first baby (I'm sure she was schedule nursing back then).

My mom nursed all her kids (me till I was almost 4). I grew up with stories of how sick I was as a baby and how when I was 18 months I stopped being able to keep down anything but breastmilk and how for 18 months till I was 3 years old I was exclusively breastfed. How breastmilk saved my life. My aunt nursed all her kids and my uncles wife nursed her kids as well. Every female in my generation has nursed her children as well including the wives of my brother and cousins.

So being the first mom in my generation I thought it would be easy. It turned out that it wasn't. My son (born at home) didn't even eat anything until his 5th day. He refused to latch on. If we'd been in the hospital it would have been cause for some panic I suppose but I knew he was fine and that we would get him to nurse eventually. On his fifth day I got him to start nursing but he had a bad latch. I got cracked nipples and things were difficult. He was a high needs baby needing to be walked nearly non-stop and I was extremely exhausted. I think there were times in there where I would have started the downward spiral of supplementing and weaning or given up entirely. But I was raised that breastmilk is the only acceptable way to feed a baby and I feared that my mother would disown me if I gave up and I couldn't face the guilt and failure of not breastfeeding my child. So I kept it up. I nursed hi on demand even when it was every 20 minutes and my nipples were on fire.

Eventually we figured out his latch and my nipples healed and we went on to nurse. I also nursed my other children (my youngest just weaned not too long ago at 3 1/2).

I am SO grateful for that social pressure put on me by my family. I am so grateful that I didn't feel it was an option to give up. Even though I *knew* that breastmilk was the best for my baby, in those sleepless, exhausting days and nights there were times I wished I could just let it go. it certainly would have been easier in the short-term.

My point? If that kind of social pressure were the norm. If you got it from not only mothers and friends and sisters but also from doctors and nurses and TV and movies and magazines and books, well then maybe we could actually get the number of women who tried and "couldn't" breastfeed down to a real number.

It drives me nuts to hear someone say they tried and couldn't. Because almost always when you do hear the whole story it becomes clear that they just didn't have enough faith or they didn't try hard enough. Wether or not it was because they didn't have the support they needed or they were given bad advice or their lives were in chaos, the bare truth is that they "could" have breastfed if they'd kept trying.

Now I know the above statement is sure to piss off a lot of those people. Mom's don't like to feel guilty. But we all do. I feel bad that I weaned my first child at 11 months instead of nursing for the several years I gave my next two. I feel all kinds of bad for the various discipline things I've done in the past and now look back and can't imagine what I was thinking. I feel guilty for not being as vigilant about sweets with my last child and allowing her great grandmother to spoil her with tons of sweets at an early age. I feel guilty for many things. I don't go around being pissed off at people teaching parenting techniques or nutritionists that say young children shouldn't have candy. All they are saying is the truth. It's my job to deal with my life and my past.

So I'm tired of people who didn't breastfeed or gave up breastfeeding #1 telling the world that they couldn't as if thats a normal state of affairs and #2 getting mad and insulting the lactivists for stating the truth.

Breast is best

period.

Laura

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#79 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 04:17 PM
 
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If being able to prepare formula is a super power, then what *isn't* a super power?

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Originally Posted by minkajane
"My mom fed me formula, cut off half my penis, and let me cry myself to sleep, but I love her anyway!" This was a REAL signature! This woman was PROUD of all these choices!
She actually used that wording?? She bragged that she had cut off half her son't penis??

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Originally Posted by pookel
And every time I see one of those "superpower" sigs, I'm thinking, "I get up two or three times a night to snuggle and bottle-nurse my baby, I hug him, kiss him, play with him, teach him games, sing songs to him, and love him more than anything else in the world - but none of that matters if I'm not breastfeeding?"
Um, having a blinkie that says "I make breastmilk, what's your superpower?" is not the same as having a blinkie that says "snuggling, hugging, kissing, playing, teaching, singing and loving don't matter." You are reading WAY too much into it!

Quote:
Originally Posted by lilsishomemade
I think that producing milk is an amazing gift as a woman. I understand that there are a few who can't, but that doesn't make it any less magical to me. I think that my ability to grow a perfect, healthy baby is magical and call it a superpower. Not meant to be a blow to anyone who is unable, or to make them feel guilty on purpose. I know women who can't carry a child, and while sometimes being around pregnant women makes them feel bad, they still recognize how special a gift it is.
:


Quote:
Originally Posted by kalirush
My daughter is 10 months old, fat and healthy, and has gotten that way pretty much entirely from what I produced with my own body. I think that's freakin' amazing. I do not see why I should not be able to celebrate that amazing fact.
:

As far as lactivists making comments about what formula is made of and the dangers of feeding it to babies, sorry but it's true. That is NOT a judgement on parents who have to use it.

As far as women who are unable to continue breastfeeding because of lack of information/support vs. women who have never had any intention of even bothering to try breastfeeding, there are plenty of both. Women from neither group should try to imply that forumula feeding is on par with breastfeeding, because it isn't true.

-Alice, SAHM to dd (2001) and ds (2004) each of whom was a homebirth.jpg, who each self-weaned at 4.5 years bfolderchild.gif, who both fambedsingle2.gif'd, who were bothcd.gif, and both: novaxnocirc.gif.   Also, gd.gif, and goorganic.jpg!

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#80 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 04:30 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Sijae
My point? If that kind of social pressure were the norm. If you got it from not only mothers and friends and sisters but also from doctors and nurses and TV and movies and magazines and books, well then maybe we could actually get the number of women who tried and "couldn't" breastfeed down to a real number.


to your entire post, actually

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sijae
I feel all kinds of bad for the various discipline things I've done in the past and now look back and can't imagine what I was thinking. I feel guilty for not being as vigilant about sweets with my last child and allowing her great grandmother to spoil her with tons of sweets at an early age. I feel guilty for many things. I don't go around being pissed off at people teaching parenting techniques or nutritionists that say young children shouldn't have candy. All they are saying is the truth. It's my job to deal with my life and my past.

-Alice, SAHM to dd (2001) and ds (2004) each of whom was a homebirth.jpg, who each self-weaned at 4.5 years bfolderchild.gif, who both fambedsingle2.gif'd, who were bothcd.gif, and both: novaxnocirc.gif.   Also, gd.gif, and goorganic.jpg!

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#81 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 04:31 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Faerieshadow
I think you are looking at this blinkie from a very narrow point of view, either that or trying to read way too much into it. "I make formula, what's your superpower" does NOT sound supportive of women who had trouble breastfeeding.
Maybe not to you, it doesn't. But did you have trouble breastfeeding? Do you know what it feels like to see those "what's your superpower?" sigs while your baby is screaming and shoving your breast away and crying for his bottle of formula?

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So why, instead of wasting time acting like every anti-ff comment is directed at you, don't you speak up and be proud of the time you did put in? I give you examples of blinkies I've seen that say things like "I pumped for x amount of months" or "my baby got mommy's milk for x amount of months".
You might notice that I haven't posted in response to "every" anti-ff comment, only to this one (maybe a couple others too, I can't remember). I spoke up this time because I thought it was important to share my opinion on those sigs and why people make the formula sigs, because I think it's a relevant discussion to have on the lactivism board.

I don't have a "pride" sig because A) I don't enjoy being reminded that I only breastfed for 9 months, and B) I don't feel like exposing myself to the kind of questions and criticism that I got in this thread already. And also, because I don't feel like it's anything to be especially proud of. It's just one aspect of the many ways I try to be a good mother, every day, and I don't feel the need to brag about what I do specifically to meet my child's needs.

Quote:
What I don't understand is coming to the lactivism board and posting like this. This is supposed to be a haven of sorts, where moms who feel passionately can come vent without dealing with all the retorts of ff moms. That doesn't mean that they necessarily turn around and say the same things to ff moms themselves, it just means they need a place to get some of those feelings out.
Since when is this a support board for anti-ff moms? This is the *lactivism* board - which, to me at least, means that it's a place for thoughtful discussion of how to get the message out most effectively. When people say that things like the formula blinkies make them "sick," that says to me that they have no clue how they're perceived by mainstream moms, and if they want to get more of those mainstream moms to breastfeed, they had better GET a clue.

Not to mention, this is not a private board, and ff moms can easily read the discussions here. You think they won't? All it takes is one person seeing a discussion like this and sharing the link on another board ... and then they can all come over and have their prejudices against breastfeeding and lactivists reinforced.

Quote:
Funny, I know many MANY more women who chose to ff from the very beginning than I do women who gave breastfeeding a shot but didn't manage to make it work through lack of knowledge/support. And those women who did give it a shot but didn't have the resources/knowledge to figure it out are usually the ones who have an open mind towards bfing next time, or who are angry enough about their lack of help that they want to make sure the word gets out so others have that help.
Of course it's anecdotal in both our cases, but the numbers suggest that more women try and fail than never try at all. (One study I saw found that 29% never tried, while 35% tried and gave up before six months.)

I think you're partially right - a lot of those women do have an open mind toward breastfeeding next time. But I think that a lot of those women are being turned off from breastfeeding by the perceived militant and unforgiving attitdues of lactivists. They come onto a board like this and say that they wanted to breastfeed but couldn't - which is true to the best of their knowledge at the time - and instead of hearing "maybe you'll be able to next time, why don't you let us help?" they hear, "You're just making excuses! If you had REALLY wanted to breastfeed, you could have. You should have tried harder before feeding your baby that junk."

Quote:
As far as a certain style of lactivism, do you really think that bfing-supportive blinkies fall into "that" style?
Supportive? Absolutely not. But I don't see the "superpower" one as supportive. I see it as a challenge to anyone who isn't breastfeeding. That's the part I don't like about it.

Quote:
You know, I'm pretty glad those blinkies are around, it was one reason I realized that I didnt' have to stop breastfeeding at a year, which is what I thought was the norm for babies - that they just didn't need it anymore after that. Seeing all the "Yes, I'm STILL breastfeeding" or "Breastfeeding for (15, 18, 24 months) and still going strong" type blinkies really made me think about something that I had previously thought only a few nutty moms did.
I don't have a problem with those. I like those. Those are just about each mom's personal situation. If they said, "I'm still breastfeeding at 2 years - how are you nurturing YOUR toddler?" that would be a whole different story. That's the attitude I don't like in the "superpower" blinkie.
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#82 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 05:17 PM
 
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I have one thing to say about blinkies:

Blinkies are not about the person reading them and cannot create feelings or emotions that do not already exist. If they could, I'd make a blinkie about pride in housework and send it to my husband every day.


Ok, I'm going out on a limb here and speaking from a personal perspective to the guilt aspect we get so fired up about on threads like this. Understand that I'm speaking as a mom who screwed up pretty bad once and caused a lot of pain and suffering that didn't have to happen. I'm not going to discuss it here but take it from me, I have spent many intimate hours with our old friend Guilt!! LOL

As moms I think we all feel guilty at times and honestly, that's ok. Because guilt is a signal from within that offers us an opportunity. Either to change the behavior that instigated the guilt or to come to terms with our regrets. Sometimes the past is the past, we do stuff we didn't know better about or we did it without thinking or we felt there were no other choices... there's a million reasons for our regrets.

So when we come across a blinkie or t-shirt or whatever that sparks those feelings of guilt... it's really hard to be honest with ourselves and not blame the outside source for "making" you feel this way or that. Yeah, they can remind us of things we'd rather not think of but it's our job to deal with that and it's no one's responsibility but our own in the end if we have regrets to deal with.

And you know what, it's not a tragedy to carry around some regrets. The tragedy is to get stuck in defensiveness and not take responsibility for moving past regrets instead of blaming others and using your energy to be mad instead of healing. It's a lot easier to be mad at someone else, I know... every time I look at my friends' kids who haven't gone thru what my son did because of my choices, I'm reminded of that. It's not them causing feelings of guilt in me. It's me. And that's ok, I did what I did and it wasn't the right thing and it's over and unchangeable now. There is nothing I can do except acknowledge, try to learn and move on.


I wish we could let it be okay to focus more on what we have truly done right and let ourselves feel proud for that. It's not a contest. The only person it makes sense to measure ourselves against is ourselves. Are we learning from our experiences? Are we thinking about how we created them and how we want to create future experiences?

And when you see a mom expressing pride for breastfeeding, remember sometimes it's the other half of accepting our mistakes, to accept our true accomplishments too. Even if all you see is failure in a situation, it sure does help in moving on, to be able to admit to yourself, I can be proud that I learned from that and now I'd handle it differently; or, I am proud of my strength and ability to deal with a tough situation the best I could; or, I am proud of how I came out on the other side and see it from another angle now. That's an accomplishment in itself.
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#83 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 05:19 PM
 
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Some things you just have to laugh at, because they are so completely ridiculous.
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#84 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 05:24 PM
 
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Amazing post, Sijae!

Blessed mama of four
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#85 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 05:47 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by velcromom
Blinkies are not about the person reading them and cannot create feelings or emotions that do not already exist. If they could, I'd make a blinkie about pride in housework and send it to my husband every day.
This is just another version of the "no one can insult you unless you let them" argument, which is, IMHO, just a cheap way of trying to evade responsibility for saying something rude. To me, part of being an adult is accepting responsibility for my actions, and if I offend someone, it's my responsibility to step back and look at my actions and consider whether they were appropriate.

And if my actions are intended to convey an important message, something I really believe in, like "more women should breastfeed," it is DOUBLY important that I not accidentally offend people. Because that just sabotages the message. If you want to be an effective lactivist, you have to pay attention to what works to get the message across - and offending people doesn't work.
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#86 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 06:17 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by paquerette
I guess it's like saying "I used the snot-sucker bulb when my baby had a cold". It's what a good parent would do in a situation that is less than ideal, but it's not something wonderful to brag about.
OMG, I think that is the best single statement on this subject I have seen yet. Funny, but so true.
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#87 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 06:18 PM
 
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Quote:
Please, can we NOT use the word Nazi when talking about a person passionate about breastfeeding, PLEASE? It's so frickin insulting! You don't want people to say rude things about formula feeders, well, it's a lactivism forum, this isn't formula feeding support! I'm sorry that you couldn't keep up with your dc's bm needs, I wouldn't ever wish that on anyone, but can you PLEASE stop calling people Nazis unless they are Neo-Nazis (and you have proof) or they're in an SS uniform? Seriously, you'd think I wouldn't have to go on a little rant here but ARGH! I hate that word being used improperly!
THANK YOU. Breastfeeding activists are not murderers. Please keep the two separate.
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#88 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 06:21 PM
 
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I'm talking about women who WANTED to breastfeed and COULDN'T.
Honestly? I don't think that there is such a thing, minus the moms on chemotherapy, and other sorts of dangerous drugs.

Pretty much all other moms can get their babies SOME milk, whether expressed (for babies who won't latch due to cleft palate, etc) or at the breast.

My story: When my first was 3.5 months old, I got pregnant with my second. Very quickly my supply dwindled, and my thriving chubby baby became thin and listless. By 10 weeks I couldn't express a drop. Guess what? I still breastfed. But I used an SNS to feed him the formula (I'm also one of those goat's milk concoctionists) at the breast, and we made it through the next seven months until my milk came back. He weaned at 39 months. Ds#2 is still an avid boob man at 33 months. I have nursed through all that plus 5 bouts of masititis, Reynauds syndrom, and poor latch. Yes it still hurts every time I nurse, every day. But you know what? I realize that pain is temporary, and the benefits of breastfeeding are forever. So here I am, still nursing.

We are fond of saying that women don't breastfeed because they don't have the information or support, but I believe all women are capable of *seeking* out that information and support, unless, say, they live 100 miles from an internet connection or library and have no transportation. It is just that most women don't choose to inform themselves or seek support in this area. Why is it so few? I don't truly know. Some of my friends say I'm so non-mainstream because I was homeschooled for a few years when I was young, so I am used to thinking differently from everyone else. I don't know....
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#89 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 06:24 PM
 
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Oh, and the fact that I couldn't make any milk for a time, makes me all the happier that I do now. I own the "I make milk, what's your superpower T-shirt. In fact I think I'll go throw it in the wash now.
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#90 of 190 Old 06-28-2006, 06:33 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaTT
Honestly? I don't think that there is such a thing, minus the moms on chemotherapy, and other sorts of dangerous drugs.
Have you been to the Breastfeeding Challenges forum?
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