For those who are against drapes - Page 11 - Mothering Forums

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#301 of 304 Old 12-04-2006, 01:36 AM - Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by simonee View Post
Brigianna, I don't see what's the difference between what you call "personal comfort" and social expectations? Do you use a drape when nursing in private, for your personal comfort? Or only in public? Because in the latter case, I'd find it very hard to not see it as guided by social expectations, and in that case I wonder why you don't seem to be interested in discovering the implications of your adherence to social expectations for other women, for women in general...

If your "personal choice" is causally related to how other people would view your body (and unless you use a drape when no other people are around, it cannot be denied such a relationship exists) it would seem logical that you do not distinguish between a nursing relation and other people's rights to interfere with it (by criticizing, observing or opinionating), so sure it is related to the basic principles of lactivism! (namely the right of the nurser and nursling to conduct the business of their nursing relation without interference or obstacles from the outside)

From the pictures I've seen, I also believe the fashion police should make drapes illegal, but that's a diff story
I do sometimes use the drape in private with an older baby, to keep her from being distracted and to encourage adherence to The Nursing Rule--you may play, or you may nurse, but you may not do both at the same time! But, in general, I mostly use it when out in public.

The difference, to me, is that I'm not doing it for the benefit of other people (to avoid offending them, to impress them, to conform to social expectations)--I don't go for that stuff. I do it because I, personally, want to keep myself covered. Because my body is my own, and no one has the right to look at it. Not because of "what they would think" or "they might be offended" or "it's shameful," but because I want to protect my own privacy. Social expectations don't really have anything to do with it at all.
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#302 of 304 Old 12-04-2006, 01:41 AM - Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Pynki View Post
YOu could be sitting in church "draped" so as not to offend, or feel offensive. That's still the same thing Brig. You have to be able to see that.

I think Bullfrog is saying not that the picture itself is shameful, but for a woman to cover up her baby and not be able to see that wonderful moment simply because they are in public means she has bought into the shame that is heaped and thrown at women everyday about their bodies, and using their breasts specifically for what they were designed for.
But how do you know she's doing it because "she has bought into the shame that is heaped and thrown at women everyday about their bodies"? You don't know why she's doing it. Maybe she likes her privacy. Maybe she's cold. You don't know.

I would pull the sleeping baby out from under the drape whether I was at church or not. I'm sure the church people would prefer a sleeping baby to a crying baby.
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#303 of 304 Old 12-04-2006, 02:39 AM
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Okay, I can totally see the concern with that picture!!

I personally had never seen a drape like that....mine was this tiny little thing, VERY thin cotton, and I never had it full out....I always folded it or bunched it up so that ONLY my breast was the beginning the back of his head was covered, too, but I was CONSTANTLY checking to make sure it was open at both sides of his head.

Also, the way I had it, I could easily look down through the hole to see him. I personally could not have nursed comfortably without being able to see his face...I am SUPER paranoid about airflow...I was JUST as worried about the sling, but he hated it, so he didn't spend much time in there as a newborn anyways!

Like I said before, I only used a cover for about 8 or 9 weeks, just because I was awkward, and honestly, my biggest fear was spraying somebody with my super-powerful letdown!! lol Once I got it figured out, I no longer felt the need for a cover....I did have a recieving blanket handy in some company, just in case, but I got pretty good at being quick-handed.

For me, like Brig, it was my OWN comfort....not the fear of "offending" others. I just don't want people to see my breast...I'm pretty self-conscious. I never, EVER tried or wanted to hide the fact that I was breastfeeding.

Mom to two amazing boys, C (July 2005) and D (May 2010)

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#304 of 304 Old 12-04-2006, 04:56 PM
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I just read all 16 pages of this thread and now I don't know whether to be proud that I took the time to try and understand everything that was said, or if I should be embarassed for wasting all this time!

Nursing clothes and Drapes are not one and the same. I keep hearing statements that assert that they are, and I'm sorry but I can't make that "logical" leap. Nursing tops are designed to provide ease of access and discreet nursing options. (Covered belly, covered breast in most cases.) Drapes by their very function are not "easy." They are an additional step in modesty that clothing (nursing or not) already provide.

If you poke arond Drape selling sites you see that most pictures depict the child completely covered. (Often from head to foot.) A drape that is pulled up, exposing child's head, is the exception not the rule. And I'll be honest, in that instant I am left scratching my head as to why a drape is even necessary? A shirt pulled up offers the same coverage at that point.

I am not "anti" drape. I am "anti" what drapes stand for.

I understand that there are isolated incidents where women use drapes for their own particular comfort. (To each her own) However, I'll wager that the majority of woman who use drapes do it because of external pressure. (Husband, family, society.)

Nursing tops do not carry the same social stigma of shame and imposed covering. In fact, nursing clothes often signify liberty. (Look at me! I'm wearing a dress AND nursing. Woot!)

Almost 6 months ago I was in a situation where we were visiting another persons home and I "offended" the sensiblities of another visiting couple. Apparantly they found my breastfeeding without coverage (i.e. drapes) as too "forward" and "politically progressive." The whole incident was embarassing and shaming to me. Even though we returned to the group (after establishing that we were not compromising on how or when I nursed my daughter) I was accutely aware that my "drape-free" nursing was "offensive."

The hostess, who is also nursing, even furthered my personal emberassment, when I realized that she had taken to using a drape during meetings. (Something she hadn't been doing up to that point.) There is still a very real part of me that wanted to scream "TAKE THAT DRAPE OFF!" I saw her compromise as condemnation for my "uncompromising" choice and further fuel for the "offended" party to judge how I breastfed.
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