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Basically forced out of church for breastfeeding

62K views 208 replies 119 participants last post by  Momtwice 
#1 ·
My Pastor called today...asked that Josh and I meet him at the church tonight at 7:00. DH is hoping to become a Pastor so we figured it was either related to that or related to this Sunday night young people service he's wanting to start.

Anyway, one of my friends (from the church, also an AP Mama friend of mine) calls and asks if Pastor got ahold of me because he called her to get my #. He'd called her to, asked her and her DH to meet them at the church.

We show up and Pastor, his wife, and 2 of the counsual members are sitting in the basement around a table...with a mini-voice recorder sitting on the table. I start to get nervous. My friend and her DH and their DS show up shortly after us and we open in prayer and pastor starts in saying that some photos that my friend and I have on our Myspace pages of our children nursing, you can't really see that much, and they say that they are PORNOGRAPHY!! And that we are a bad influence on the teens and that once my friend went to nurse and flashed everyone and some teens saw it. And that it reflects badly on the church and blah blah blah. And THEN they say that it reflects badly on the coffee shop my friends parents own and that people have said they will not go to the coffee shop or to our church because of the photos on our Myspace.

OMGOSH! I went off. I told them that those photos were NOT indecent, they were NOT sexual. And anyone that thinks they are sexual have the issue. Not me. How DARE they insuinuate that there is something wrong with me feeding my child. That I have a LEGAL right to breastfeed ANYWHERE

And they spout off on morals and I have to be a Christian infuance and I'm held to a higher standard as a Christian. And people see I'm a christian...blah blah blah.

He even called my friend and I prostitutes. Not even lying.

And of course they went off on the whole "Breastfeeding is great." but cover up bull crap to which I said "Oh, so I should sufficate my son while he eats? Do you cover your head while you eat?" How is it any different? Why did they attack me like this?

I feel so hurt and betrayed and I just can't believe what just happened. My friend got up and let at the beginning, her DH came back and told them that the church was wrong, they should be ashamed of themselves and that they would not be back to that church ever again.

I got up and left shortly after and after I let DH told them that he wanted no part of that church, resigned our posisitions as teachers and I guess the Pastors wife and one of the counsual members started crying, begging Josh to pray over it and blah blah blah. I won't be going back to that church EVER again.

I've never been so angry and hurt in my whole life.
 
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#52 ·
http://www.new-life.net/feeding.htm
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/8148/verses.html
http://thelactivist.blogspot.com/200...stfeeding.html

Sounds like these people need to actually study their bible sometime.
Breastfeeding is mentioned VERY positively, and "little ones" are described as treasures and blessings. Anyone who mistreats them is marked for judgement.

There have been many historical "greats" in the history of the church who promoted breastfeeding too. John Calvin, for one. Oh wait, aren't "calvinists" supposed to be "puritanical" and stuff? Guess what, I'm one of those crazy "calvinists' and I breastfeed anywhere, anytime.


I'd definitely put up Mary breastfeeding artwork on your MySpace, and one of the bible verses listed above right next to each painting.
 
#53 ·
All I can say is 'wow'....I don't know what to say except that I'm so sorry that something like this attitude came from your church. Your pastor calling you a prostitute sounds like his faith is not based in love and the teachings of Jesus, but fear. Run as fast as you can away from this church. You are absolutely justified to feel outraged. I applaud you and DH sticking to your beliefs.

Laurel
 
#55 ·
You are hurt and angry and justifiably. However, I want to remind you that this is your community of believers. If you have not written yet, perhaps you would entreat them to search their hearts and God's guidance in realizing that they have been affected by the "perversions of the world" when it comes to their views on nursing and remind them that the church is supposed to be a family. If not for your benefit, then for the good of any mother who steps into that church in the future.

You may not ever feel comfortable returning, but remember that they are imperfect and I pray that they realize that they stepped away from what is true. Include the scripture mentioned earlier, Isaiah 49:14-16, because God is not pornographic and would not be compared with something dirty. There are many other verses that discuss nursing in a matter of fact way. Especially as your husband is planning to be a pastor, it is important to educate them. I am so sorry that you have been treated this way.
 
#56 ·
I'm thankful that you got to find out (sadly, the hard way) that this church is not the kind of influence you want helping your young children down their spiritual path. It's very common to find this kind of hypocrisy out there, and I'm just so sorry for you that you have to go through this. I would feel SO betrayed. The bright side, however, like other pp's said, is that there are lots of sensible churches out there that don't have such a narrowminded viewpoint about no-brainers like breastfeeding. I hope you get your family away from this church as soon as you can, and find another spiritual home where you feel welcomed and comfortable. Best wishes, Ktjh
 
#57 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pynki View Post
I wish I could say I was suprised, but honestly, I'm not. Iowa is sometimes very backwards.
JamesMom- Are you in Iowa? Me too!

Can you tell us which church this is? I totally understand if you don't want to. Maybe just the city? I want to know if it's my church! I hop back and forth between Muscatine and Ames... is it in either of those 2 cities?
 
#63 ·
Let's try this again

I Didn't read the whole thread....

Here's my response though:

Ask the pastor how he thinks Mary fed Jesus Christ when He was a baby. If GOD did not want women to breastfeed he wouldn't have given us the ability to make milk.

Mary breastfed Jesus, out and about, in Temple, at the market, she didn't stay home, she HAD to run errands while Joseph did carpentry work for other people. She had to go out and get food, water, she brought Jesus with her. She NIP'd Jesus wherever and whenever she went.

If Breastmilk and the breast was good enough for Jesus, and didn't corrupt the teenagers of that day, it's DAMN good enough for your children. And it Isn't your fault, nor your responsibility to keep the devil out of everyone elses thoughts. THEY are responsible for keeping "the devil and lust" out of their own minds. You are doing what God has given you the ability to. You should not be held responsible for keeping lust out of everyone elses head.
 
#64 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by JamesMama View Post
Oh, and here are the photos in question

Mine

My Friends (I have her permission)
Sheesh...I can't imagine how anyone could look at those and think it's pornography or prostitution. Uh, pornography is defined as the depiction of erotic behavior intended to cause sexual excitement and prostitution is sex for money. What the hell are they thinking??? Those people who called you those names have some major issues. Perhaps they should speak with a therapist. Seems they are uncomfortable with the feelings your photos created within themselves, and instead of dealing with their own sexual issues, they tried to place their baggage on the shoulders of you and your friend.
 
#65 ·
Quote:
Uh, pornography is defined as the depiction of erotic behavior intended to cause sexual excitement and prostitution is sex for money.
Wait, wait, wait, did your baby pay for the milk? 'Cause that's not cool at all!

By the way, nice pictures and nothing sexual about either of them.
 
#66 ·
I am so sorry. That really is absurd! They are clearly in the wrong. I've seen plenty of art of Mary nursing Jesus - is she a prostitute engaging in pornography?? I would have left, too. I would make sure everyone knew what they did. ((hugs))
 
#67 ·
Unbelievable.
s:

My husband's grandfather (now deceased) told my husband that all the women in his tiny, east Texas town (population less than sixty, just south of the Red River) used to nurse babies IN CHURCH during services to keep the babies quiet. My husband's 103 year old grandmother, still alive, recently told me that she nursed all of her babies until they were at least two -- she had ten babies, one stillborn, all born at home, one was thirteen pounds weighed on a cotton scale. My dh's grandmother also nursed one of her neighbors babies because the neighbor could not breastfeed (and there was not formula back then in that community).

All of those babies were nursed in church, during services, to keep the babies quiet during sermons. It was just a practical thing that folks did. They were very religious, too, no drinking, no dancing, no smoking. But breastfeeding in church was encouraged.

Ya know, getting out of a church that doesn't fit your beliefs can be very liberating. I know you will find the right spiritual home for you and your family.
 
#68 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Sabo View Post
Wait, wait, wait, did your baby pay for the milk? 'Cause that's not cool at all!
:
up

Get a job, Baby! There's no such thing as a free lunch anymore!
4 months is PLENTY old enough to be earning your keep. You think this milk grows on trees??

Sorry, carried away.
 
#70 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Sabo View Post
Wait, wait, wait, did your baby pay for the milk? 'Cause that's not cool at all!

By the way, nice pictures and nothing sexual about either of them.
Too funny!

Quote:
Pornography
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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For other uses, see Pornography (disambiguation).
Pornography Portal

Pornographic moviesPornography (from Greek πόρνη (porni) "prostitute" and γραφή (grafi) "writing"), more informally referred to as porn or porno, is the representation of the human body or sexual activity with the goal of sexual arousal. It is similar to, but distinct from erotica, though the two terms are often used interchangeably.

In general, "erotica" refers to portrayals of sexually arousing material that hold or aspire to artistic or historical merit, whereas "pornography" often connotes the prurient depiction of sexual acts, with little or no artistic value. The line between "erotica" and the term "pornography" (which is frequently considered a pejorative) is often highly subjective. In practice, pornography can be defined merely as erotica that is perceived as "obscene". The definition of what one considers obscene can differ among persons, cultures and eras. This leaves legal actions by those who oppose pornography open to wide interpretation.

Quote:
Prostitution
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Prostitute)

A sex worker in Germany.Prostitution is the sale of sexual services for money or other kind of return. Most prostitutes are women who offer their services to men, although there are male prostitutes as well. Customers of prostitutes are known as clients in Quebec, Canada, johns in the United States, punters in the UK, whilst in Sweden they are known as "Torskar", which means cod or loser.

The English word whore, referring to (female) prostitutes, is taken from the Old English word hōra (from the Indo-European root kā meaning "desire") but usage of that word is widely considered pejorative and prostitute is a less value-laden term. On the other hand, in Germany most prostitutes' organizations deliberately use the word Hure (whore) since they feel that prostitute is a bureaucratic term and an unnecessary euphemism for something not in need of euphemisms. See also: call girl, courtesan, escort.
You are neither displaying pornography or a prostitute by definition. Those photos are especially beautiful and you and your friend should hold your heads high.

LP
 
#72 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pynki View Post
I wish I could say I was suprised, but honestly, I'm not. Iowa is sometimes very backwards. I've gotten strange looks from people at my MIL's church. Apparently breastfeeding belongs in the "cry" area or in the nursery, but ONLY there.

I want to make a onesie that says "Good enough for Jesus is good enough for me. Breastmilk, God's plan."
:
Sorry you have to put up with such bigotry.
 
#73 ·
I don't want to say anything negative about the denomination, the former pastor (the one that half raised me) is now preaching at a different church and he was livid when my friends mother informed him of what is going on. He said it is NOT Biblical and not Christian. I'm in the process of drafting a letter to send to the state district head and the main district head.

The church is Foursquare, a sub-group of Pentecostal.
 
#74 ·


I've left two churches because of breastfeeding. The Greek Orthodox Church I was raised in, and Northridge.

In the Greek Orthodox church, I asked the priest if he could suggest a nice quiet place to nurse, and he laughed and said not even in your car in the parking lot, that the women would be mean to me. I nursed on a bench in the main lobby anyways. later I heard a news story that the church had lost a lawsuit, becuase they told a blind lady she dhad to leave her dog outside, because it was unclean. I laughed for ten minutes, it validated my feelings that the church was absurd. I have since found a kind and loving God.

At Northridge, they knew my baby was breastfed, and asked me to bring a bottle to the nursery next time. When I brought one of my precious few bottles of expressed milk, they asked me to dump it and fill it with 'free safer formula' and called my expressed milk a hazardous bodily fluid. Even after a letter writing campaign, curtesy of this wonderful forum, and links to the CDC and OSHA websites stating that it wasn't a hazardous bodily fluid, they wouldn't budge. I haven't been back inside that church, although I have stopped by to use the playground outside.

Wasn't Jesus breastfed? How did that formula rep that gave them the free formula get around the WHO guidelines. Northridge does a ton of missionary work, don't the WHO guidelines apply to that too? (Don't highjack, find the old thread, please.)

You're not alone. I hope reading my stories will show you churches can be obscene, and absurd. You know what God thinks about nursing, don't let them shake you.

:
 
#75 ·
The more I think about this, the more I realize that - while I'm certainly offended at the notion of the image of a breastfeeding baby being labeled pornographic - I'm most offended that this man DARED to call you a prostitute! My husband would not have shown any restraint, even in a "religious" meeting, had a pastor said such a thing about me (in regard to breastfeeding, or anything else).

Oh, that just makes me so mad ... I'm so sorry that you have to find forgiveness in your heart for that!
 
#76 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by stockingup99 View Post
I have since found a kind and loving God.
Sorry - the Greek Orthodox worship a different God?

God isn't the problem. It's His supposed ambassadors.
 
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