Grandmother nurses grandson (not lactating) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 05:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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What do you think? I found this article on a different family message board. Not all the mothers there are BF'ers, so most of the responses were "EEEEWW!!" I argued that it is only "gross" because of our cultural views on breastfeeding.
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#2 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 05:23 PM
 
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I think the problem is that she did it without talking to the mother or father- out of line, imo.

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#3 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 05:25 PM
 
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No i totally would have freaked out - i think the mom in the story handled it much better than i would have.
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#4 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 05:33 PM
 
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That crosses a major line for me. No one nurses my child but me, except in emergency circumstances. Certainly NOT my mother-in-law! NEVER NEVER NEVER! I wouldn't say it's "gross" so much as incredibly disrespectful of the mother's bond with her baby, and a serious violation of boundaries. I would've grabbed my baby back and started yelling. Then packed up left.

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#5 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 05:34 PM
 
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My mom nursed my son - without milk - I think she'd take drugs to relactate if I let her - she tried to hide it from me - but whatever no harm done and she was trying to get him to sleep......she nursed my sister until she was 6

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#6 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 05:38 PM
 
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If this were me, my issue would be 1.G-ma didn't get my permission. 2. The baby may have gotten frustrated that nothing was coming out of grannies breast :

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#7 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 05:46 PM
 
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While I agree that grandma should have checked with mom to make sure it was cool... I love the idea of cross-generational nursing!

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#8 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 06:03 PM
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a little strange.. but kind of loving and thoughtful too? I really don't know how I'd react to anyone trying to nurse my baby.. whether they had milk or not.. I probably would like to be asked first though!

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#9 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 06:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by beansmommy View Post
While I agree that grandma should have checked with mom to make sure it was cool... I love the idea of cross-generational nursing!
Me, too. Plus having babysat a breastfeeding baby as a teen who wouldn't take the bottle and could not be consoled I totally understand, I do think asking is best, but I would guess it was not planned either, the baby wasn't happy with the bottle and so she tried making him happy.
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#10 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 06:25 PM
 
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I don't get the impression that mom was too far from grandma while this was going on, in that case yes I wouldn't be happy about it. Nursing was an awsome private bonding experience for my DD & I, not to say there weren't plenty of times when I wished my DH could lactate!
Now if mom had been away and there was no consoling the babe that might be different but I didn't get the impression that was what happened. Seemed like granny just did it to do it because she wanted to without thought to what mom & dad felt about the situation, if that was the case there is that potential for long term disrespect of their parenting in all areas. That would upset me far more than anything else.
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#11 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 06:30 PM
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I would have been very upset.
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#12 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 07:10 PM
 
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I would be most concerned with my son having nipple confusion — what if he had rejected the mother's breast after having been introduced to another woman's bosoms?
ummm - I don't think the author really understands the term nipple confusion. It's not confusion between 2 REAL nipples it's confusion between an artificial nipple and a real one.

I need some more context in this article. Is gramma from "the old world?" Was she raised on mums and grandmums teets?

And how do we know there really wasn't any milk there? My friend could squeeze a few drops out years after her youngest finally weaned. Hey, she may still can for all I know. Maybe all that time around baby started granny's milk-maker up again.

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#13 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 07:26 PM
 
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I think this is totally cool and totally natural, and would allow (and have allowed, in the past) others of any age to nurse my son.
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#14 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 07:29 PM
 
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The nipple confusion thing gave me a chuckle! I wouldn't say it's gross, that sounds harsh. But it would bother me that it was done without respect for the parents.
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#15 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 07:39 PM
 
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I would be upset too. Grandma didn't try to calm him/put him to sleep/whatever, she just tried to nurse him for herself. I think this is selfish.

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#16 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 07:39 PM
 
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Grandma should have asked first. Personally, I probably would have said yes if I'd been asked that, but many other moms would have said no.

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#17 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 07:50 PM
 
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Part of me thinks it's cool, and part of me doesn't like it. In theory, I would be okay with it -- if the grandmother had asked first. Not asking first is just totally not cool. In theory, I know that in some cultures, women nurse each other's babies and that it's normal. In theory, it sure could be a nice way for a grandmother to bond with the baby, and at least in my case, both of my babies' grandmothers were successful breastfeeders and know the importance of bf'ing, both for nutrition and comfort/bonding. In theory, it would make sense that a grandmother who was baby-sitting (not that the one in the story was) might try nursing as a way of comforting an upset baby when mom wasn't around.

In reality, though, nursing my babies is my privilege and mine alone. So well mentally I'd be okay with it, emotionally, I don't think I would be.

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#18 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 08:09 PM
 
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I've nursed a few other kids and my kids have been nursed by others, but only in situations where I wasn't around (or the mom wasn't) and the baby needed fed or comforted.

I would have been annoyed about not asking.

And honestly, nursing w/ no milk is freaking HELL. I wouldn't do it for shits and giggles.
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#19 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 08:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Ellien C View Post
ummm - I don't think the author really understands the term nipple confusion. It's not confusion between 2 REAL nipples it's confusion between an artificial nipple and a real one.

I need some more context in this article. Is gramma from "the old world?" Was she raised on mums and grandmums teets?

And how do we know there really wasn't any milk there? My friend could squeeze a few drops out years after her youngest finally weaned. Hey, she may still can for all I know. Maybe all that time around baby started granny's milk-maker up again.
Thank you. This is exactly what I thought.
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#20 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 08:53 PM
 
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I would absolutely have freaked out if my MIL tried to nurse my kids. In fact I even hate it when she jokes around about my DD trying to find her nipple when she's holding her. Now if my child was being cared of by a trusted friend who was lactating and I was not around and my child was hungry, I would be okay with her being nursed by my friend. I would also be okay with it in an emergency situation by a stranger. But yeah, we'd have some serious problems if I turned around and found my MIL with her nipple in my DD's mouth.

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#21 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 09:01 PM
 
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I actually have a fear of my mother in law doing this. I don't let her leave the room with my DD. I kind of cringe when she comes to visit even, but I thought she was a crazy broad before I had kids. Now if it were my own mother, I might feel differently, but thats because I know she would ask.

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#22 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 10:09 PM
 
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My mil would never see my child again if she did that.
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#23 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 10:22 PM
 
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My mom made the mistake of doing the same thing when my first Nephew was born. My half sister was in the shower, baby wouldn't take a paci, and was pretty upset, so my mom tried to dry nurse him to calm him down. It worked like a charm, but my sis FREAKED OUT! It doesn't help that my mom is her STEP-mom. But honetly, mom mon didn't mean any harm! She was used to being at LLL meetings where babies are just passed arround to be nursed (not saying that's how ALL LLL meetings are... just the ones she went to). My poor mom felt awful that my sister was so upset about it, and apologized profusely, but couln't exactly take it back... she just wanted to comfort the baby!
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#24 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 10:28 PM
 
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Wouldn't bother me if I wasn't available
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#25 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 10:33 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Beeblebrox View Post
I would absolutely have freaked out if my MIL tried to nurse my kids. In fact I even hate it when she jokes around about my DD trying to find her nipple when she's holding her. Now if my child was being cared of by a trusted friend who was lactating and I was not around and my child was hungry, I would be okay with her being nursed by my friend. I would also be okay with it in an emergency situation by a stranger. But yeah, we'd have some serious problems if I turned around and found my MIL with her nipple in my DD's mouth.
It sounds like the real issue for you is that your MIL tends to over step bounderies. (No judgement, just observation. My MIL has issues too, and this won't ever come up b/c she doesn't get to see DS anymore anyway.)

I wonder if for most of us here on MDC, the MIL usurping the maternal role is the real issue and not "grossness" factor. I don't find it gross, and having held other peoples BF babies know that they try to convince you to give them a nipple sometimes. DS sometimes tries to get my mom to nurse him, but she doesn't want to and explains to him that they haven't worked in over 3 decades.

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#26 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 10:58 PM
 
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Although my MIL or my own mother wouldn't attempt this. As they both are anti BF for some strange reason. I guess they seem to think the bottle is "normal" and "natural"..shocking, I know.

However if I found a close friend or my sister doing this and my baby wasn't able to be comforted by her in any other form and I wasn't nearby. I would find this comforting.

I would completely 100% be ok with my dp doing this. Even if she wasn't lactating. I'd be 100% ok with my dp nursing lactacting as well too. But that's my dp and not just a friend.
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#27 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 11:08 PM
 
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Reading the responses with the article made me so sad. I don't think it would bother me too much if permission were asked. Honestly, what's the big deal?

I think of myself in 50 years when my babies are grown up and mothering young children seems like a lifetime ago. Can you imagine? Who knows what crazy thing I might do to simply connect to my younger days when my life was just beginning. You know, sometimes I get really annoyed that I'm still nursing my 3 year old but I think this story put it into perspective for me. Someday far in the future I'm going to look back on this precious time with my children with such fond memories.
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#28 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 11:17 PM
 
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personally, i'd have more of a problem if my MIL were trying to get my dd to take a bottle
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#29 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 11:27 PM
 
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personally, i'd have more of a problem if my MIL were trying to get my dd to take a bottle
Good point.
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#30 of 60 Old 06-06-2008, 11:32 PM
 
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I dont even believe this story is true. If someone were upset about that happening, why would they laugh and take pictures? Or maybe I didnt read carefully (its loud here lol) and she wasnt upset.

Anyway thats not really the point. I myself would be completely and totally freaked out and livid. Thank goodness neither my mother or my MIL would even think of doing that. And I agree with the pp - nursing without milk is PAINFUL. I wouldnt do it.
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