So this is my first baby, and technically it's due tomorrow.
I've had NO contractions. Seriously. (Well, two, much earlier in my pregnancy).
But the bigger thing that's occupying my heart and mind right now is how to bring myself into a space of welcoming this baby into the world. He is very much wanted, and we TTC for about a year before the good news that I was pregnant, but I feel like there is part of me that's holding back from this whole experience.
I know that baby will come out eventually and I won't be pregnant forever, but I just wonder if the lack of contractions has anything to do with my spiritual hesitancy about welcoming motherhood.
I've been having these dreams where huge waves come up and overwhelm me or erode away the shoreline or take over a house.
All of this to me seems incredibly symbolic of labor, of the power of birth, and of the overwhelming sense of this new role I'll be taking on. And in the Christian tradition, which is what I've grown up with, it also links into all kinds of images of baptism, being "born" into a new role, and how death of an old life precedes birth of a new life through water.
To help me process this, I've been visualizing Momma God crawling into a boat with me and holding me through the storm. I've also been asking my husband, in our relaxation practices, to tell me stories of strong, positive birth.
Anyone else out there struggling with welcoming birth? Or gone through this and have some wisdom?
Thanks for listening.
Mom to ds1 (ASD) born 2004 and ds2 born 2007