We are the mommas, and the choice resides with us! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 05-15-2004, 05:37 PM - Thread Starter
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Fiddlefern wrote in the "are you overdue" thread....
I just want to affirm that you are the momma, and the choice resides with you.
Fiddlefern -- thanks forthe wonderful reminder! I consider myself to be a pretty independent thinker, but I have found myself questioning myself here and there when it comes to this pregnancy and my upcoming labor.

For example, I was pretty well decided on not having any internal exams, but when the time came for my OB to want to do one, I caved. I asked her why she wanted to do it and she said she wanted to be sure the baby was head-down, so we could try to turn her if she's not. I guess you could say I let fear get the best of me and I allowed the exam. As it turned out, it was not at all uncomfortable, and I had no bleeding or cramping afterwards, so I felt okay about allowing it, for the most part. But there is part of me that wishes I was able to trust myself and my instincts more, rather than fall into the "just to be sure" mindset. : I guess with it being my first pregnancy, I am letting my nerves and lack of experience play a larger role than I originally thought I would.

I even found myself wavering when talking to a friend about how soon I want to go to the hospital after labor starts. I was saying that if my water breaks but I wasn't having regualr contractions, I wanted to stay home as long as possible, so as to avoid them wanting to induce me. I told her how my doula assured me that as long as nothing was interted in my vagina, the risk of infection was very, very low. Said friend immediately jumped on me saying I really need to go to the hospital ASAP after my water breaks, becuase "you just don't want to mess around with the risk of infection". *sigh* Now, I know a lot of her saying this is colored by her own experience (she was leaking for 24+ hours before going to the hospital and she ended up being induced, put on antibiotics, and having a epidural - all things she had not wanted originally), and I really should trust my gut, but I have to admit, it made me take pause... Would I be putting myself and baby at risk of infeciton if I waited to long? Is such a risk worth me being in "control" of the situation?

The closer I get to my due date (this Tuesday!) the more I am thinking about these things, and I really appreciate the reminder and reassurance that I AM the momma and that I AM the one who gets to decide. That sort of pressure is a bit daunting, but I would rather have it than not.

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#2 of 8 Old 05-15-2004, 09:14 PM
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Yes, thank you fiddlefern for the reminder.

Hang in there Meg. I know how you feel. As I keep reminding myself - I listen to the what my gut is telling me (and it's Ok to change your mind about things!!!) and if my gut says it's Ok, then chances are it's the right decision. I don't think this is a situation where we have have our decisions pre-set - so we need to be flexible. Our "guts" are our best tools for helping us think and make decisions on our feet.
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#3 of 8 Old 05-16-2004, 02:49 PM
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Megan, I'm not a dr., but I *am* a microbiologist. Please take that into consideration and take this with a grain of salt. If your water breaks, you are GBS- and you don't insert anything in your vagina, you should be fine (normally for at *least* 24 hrs). Monitor your temperature--an elevated temperature is a sign of infection. I think it could be worthwhile in such a situation to give yourself a little time to try to get the contractions going on your own (without the IV, pitocin, and antibiotics). Try to keep in mind, too, that premature rupture of membranes (before any labor) is not that common.

We all have something we worry about...
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#4 of 8 Old 05-16-2004, 03:00 PM
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Hey, I'm lurking. But I just want to say something encouraging. I have been an RN for 10 yrs.- in pediatrics and labor/ delivery/ newborn nursery. I have seen mother after mother be right, based on her intuition, over and over and over again when the doctor is saying that she is not. No, you are not the doctor. You are something more intune, with an innate intelligence no one else can tap. You are the MOTHER! It's your body and it's your child.
Please, TRUST yourselves. Insist that you are listened to. I've seen moms know something is wrong an hour before our medical equiptment could tell. I've had a mother tell me she didn't want to push yet until her cervical lip dissappeared. Without any of us medical people knowing she had it because no one had checked. But, I'll be damned she was right. There was one when I checked and she "just knew" and couldn't explain how. The list of stories could go on and on.

BELIEVE in yourselves. Women have had babies for along time before doctors decided to meddle with it.
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#5 of 8 Old 05-16-2004, 03:27 PM
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wow, fourgrtkidos, thanks for the motivating and inspiring words.
my mw introduced me to a mw new on the team the other day and she said," this is annika, she's one of the few patients we have who has complete trust in her body's ability to give birth. we're just a nuisance (sp?) to her.... "
she made me feel so proud, i love my mw's.
i totally agree after having a few bad experiences, that we all should trust ouselves, not only when it comes to having babies. if sth feels not right, then it isn't. no way, anybody is gonna convince me to do something that i feel funny about...
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#6 of 8 Old 05-16-2004, 04:07 PM - Thread Starter
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You know... this is why I love MDC! I post something as an emotional vent and not only do I get emotional support, but I also get practical, useful information in return!

KKmama -- thanks for the info about monitoring my temp if water breaks and I'm not in active labor. That's really helpful and something that I know would put my mind at ease, even if I am feeling confident about how things are going. Guess I better rumage through the bathroom drawer and make that thermometer isn't MIA. :LOL

fourgrtkidos -- what awesome feedback from someone on the front lines! I've always thought intuition is the most powerful tool in childbirth, and your comments completely confirm that. Your encouragement has really lifted my spirits and confidence today!

All of our jockeying to manage the medical staff has convinced DH and I of one thing... we want to have the next baby at home! Seriously, it seems that most of our "preparation" has been centered around how to get the birth experience we want, despite the hospital. It certainly would be freeing to be able to solely focus on the spiritual and emotional journey of childbirth. Next time...

Thanks again for all the encouragement!
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#7 of 8 Old 05-16-2004, 04:27 PM
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I'm with you. It's not worth my energy to pull out at this point, but if I ever do give birth again, it WILL be a home birth (well, probably not my apartment- too many people could stop by, and I couldn't have a tub). But it won't be in a hospital.

Too bad we're only planning on one biological kiddo.

I don't regret my decisions, though. I needed to go through this experience of gradual empowerment. My road took the direction it needed to.

Stay strong, mommas.
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#8 of 8 Old 05-19-2004, 11:27 AM
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Well timed threads for me to read. My midwives (LMs) are, I feel, pushing me to early and too interventive tests at only 41 and a half weeks (that'll be Friday/Saturday). And I'm caving to their pressure, even though I KNOW everything is fine!

So to read of others dealing with similar pressure and NOT caving in is good for me.

Thanks, everyone, for being so strong and posting about it.
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