I posted this in another mama's loss thread a few months ago. She was worried about not being able to celebrate with her friend whose pregnancy had gone well:
"What I wanted to tell you is that a woman at full term whom I met when I was 3 months along, the SIL of my best friend, lost her baby on the day she was was scheduled to be induced. He strangled on the cord. They had a funeral, etc. and he has a name and the whole family was able to deal with it as a child's death and not and "accident" or some such hideous euphemism.
While dealing with the fallout from this tragedy, my friend was pretty much unable to talk to me about my baby or celebrate how healthy he seemed to be and how great I was feeling. Even though she wasn't the bereaved mom, "just" an aunt, she went to a very dark place and had to deal with all kinds of rage and fear and do the whole grieving thing.
And I didn't mind. I understood that where she was at emotionally and where I was at emotionally were just not compatible places, and that she would be back in my life and involved with the baby as soon as she could. I'm sure that your friends who recently delivered will welcome you into their babies' lives with open arms whenever you are ready for that."
Anyhow. As I get near term, my friend whose SIL lost her baby at term isn't calling or emailing like my other friends. Obviously, the closer I get the more fearful I get that my baby will die in the same way, and she's the person I'd most like to vent to, but I don't want to torture her with it if she can't deal, YKWIM? Should I just leave her be?