hmm... i just talked to my mom (via IM- LOL) and im starting to not want to invite her to the birth. She would F()ing freak, but I dont know if I really want her here. We dont have a touchy-feely relationship, never have. I am not a touchy-feeling person, except with my children, and mostly because she isnt either, i suspect.
Maybe its me being self-centered, but i dont want her as my primary support during labor. I have my husband and I have three doulas who will likely be here (one of whom wil be video-taping). My mom made it clear that she doesnt want a job, she wants my hands and face, she wants to be next to me.
When I was addressing one of my only concerns about birthing in my tub (small bathroom that wont fit everyone) my mom was all offended when I made it clear that I'd rather have the video person there than her. I dont want her to have the video camera (or the still camera) cause she will get all excited and not get good footage/photos. She is not a good camera-person. But she assumed that she would be in there, even to the exclusion of my DD and camera people. I dont think so!
I dont want her in my face. I probably dont want her close to me. I dont like her perfume. She was up in my face right after zack was born- all of the after-birth photos have her hands in them around my face, in my hair, on the baby. I SO do not want that to happen this time. She was in James's way even, he had to come around the other side of the bed and could hardly see the baby for the longest time. She was upset that she didnt get to hold him right away (in fact, noone did until he was 1.5 hours old and she and james gave him his bath). I dont want that happening this time. I spoke with one of my doulas about it, asked her to keep an eye out and help me prevent it, and I was so concerned I wrote up a homebirth letter for everyone who is likely to attend.
Anyway, so I sent my mom the letter, she reads it and says great... one ? : Arent you gonna share the baby after its born? What about those who might have to leave soon after, shouldnt they get to hold the baby without having to wait HOURS? I told her I wrote hours because I didnt want people to think that this baby was going to be passed around like my first, that the baby will have a whole year of wanting to be held, and that we'll just have to see when it happens. If I get up and shower, obviously, Im not holding the baby.
She is so unhappy with this. Shes like what about the doulas, arent they going to want to hold the baby? I told her no, thats not what doulas do. They are here for me, not for the baby. In 15 births I have never held a baby on its birthday. I never would, that time is for the parents. The only people who will want to hold the baby are her and my sisters... She asks how 3 minutes will make a difference an hour after the birth. There will be 6+ people here, no way they can pass a baby that fast, or would! If my mom gave it up in 10 I'd be surprised. Not that it matters, the whole point is that I want the baby with me.
For some reason she equates holding the brand new baby to something that everyone who is at the birth DESERVES to do. Because they were here, watched it be born, helped me through labor, etc... umm... no. not in this house! I told her we'll just have to wait and see...
Then she tells me to charge my video camera and make sure theres tapes in it for her. Make sure there's film and batteries, that my digital is charged. HELLO?? In my letter it clearly states who will be videotaping and it aint her!! I have my sisters listed to do still camera, but not her. She said she didnt want to be in charge of any of that stuff before, but now that there is a chance she may not see the birth because of it, shes ready to work! WTF? Shes a bad camera-person. I dont want her in charge of it.
Im just frustrated... I feel like she is trying to make this all about her, when it isnt. In fact, she stated that in all the excitement "noone is gonna be able to follow any frickin rules" (referring to the homebirth letter specifics- ask me before you touch me, etc) and that its an experience for all of them (her, my sisters and the doulas) and that I shouldnt leave them out by not "sharing the baby".
Hmmm she lives too close to call too late, she will be horribly, horribly offended if I dont call her at all and if I call her and tell her to stay home, she will probably come over anyway.
Damn damn damn.