totally emotional prelabor mommie! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 07-07-2004, 01:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I should be in bed right now but I am having the most emotional mommie moment that i don't know what to do with myself! I am so close to going into labor with this new babe and i am very anxious and excited to meet him/her but i am so overwhelmed with love and longing for my ds who is 2.5 yrs old. He is getting so big and is even sleeping in his own new big boy room with a regular twin bed! I love his room - i decorated it all myself and he loves it too but he is still such a baby! And it doesn't help that we have been thru some much lately (surgery for him, illness and serious fatigue for me, and daddy working too much).

I am just so afraid of losing this very special relationship that we have. I am so overwhelmed with love for him that i can not put it into words. I know i am giving him an incredible gift by having another baby and we planned and very much want this baby, but i find myself mourning the loss of my first 'baby' since he will now be the older one.

I am almost afraid to go into labor because i want to savor these last few days/weeks. At the same time i am so ready to not be pregnant anymore. I didn't really get this fed up with my pregnancy with my ds but this one i am just SO TIRED! I want to get the show on the road.

My heart goes out to my little one who's whole world is about to change. I know it's a good thing and it is what i want for my family but it is hard thinking of splitting myself between two. Besides, as much as i love and want this new baby, I still find it hard to believe that i can love another as much as i love my son. I guess i will just spend tomorrow lavishing my love and attention on him and hoping that he will feel how much i love him no matter what.

If you have actually gotten thru reading all of this crazy babble, I appreciate it! I sometimes feel like so many people that I know and meet don't love, or at least value, their babies as much as i do. I know that's probably silly but I know many of you feel as i do about your babes so I wanted to get this off my chest in a place where no one will say: "I can't wait til they grow up and move out!" So I'm totally hormonal - that's good at this point right?!

sigh. I guess i should go to bed now. I think i'll just peek in on ds one more time. Oh, and I just have to say - my boy is so cute! he fell asleep tonight on the floor reading a book and ended up with the pillow over him. so after i put him in his bed, I just found him on the floor again a little while ago. He must have fallen out again and he didn't wake up and i didn't hear him fall 'cause he landed on his pillows and stuffed animals. So i picked him up and tucked him in again but i got to feel him nuzzle against me in his sleep again. I love that! Sorry this was so disjointed - I hope someone out their can appreciate it!
peace,

Peace and health, Jenny - Mama to my love 12/01, my lovely 7/04, and my beloved 10/06, and one angel. ****5****10****15***20****25****30****35***bellycast.gif40**
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#2 of 12 Old 07-07-2004, 02:21 AM
 
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I could have written your exact post. Seriously, almost word for word - we even have the same due date! I am expecting our second any day now, and am going through the same emotions with my ds. I have been really bummed because I've been sick the past few days, so dh has been taking ds for the day and evening so I can rest up and not be sick if I go into labor. But I am so sad about missing these last days with ds.

I can't help but think about all the things that I won't be able to do with ds anymore, and how much our life together is going to change. I am seriously thinking about not starting him in preschool this fall because I can't handle the idea of sending him away just 6 weeks after this baby is born. Like you, we waited and planned for this 2nd baby, but I just can't imagine anyone coming between ds and I, and as hard as I try, that's the only way I can feel it right now.

I am just going on blind faith that I will love this baby as much, that it won't ruin my relationship with ds, and that I won't feel like I've lost ds forever. I don't actually believe this at the moment, but just from talking with so many other moms who have been through this, I am just trying to believe.

But meanwhile I am laying in bed with him just a little bit longer after he falls asleep, just staring at him.
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#3 of 12 Old 07-07-2004, 09:00 AM
 
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I don't have any words of advice, but I can totally relate. My DS, 2, is the most wonderful thing in my world. I look at him every day and marvel. I think about him sleeping in the other room and miss him. Part of me is not looking forward to nursing this new baby because I know how much time it will take away from him.
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#4 of 12 Old 07-07-2004, 01:20 PM
 
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aww poor mama, i know a little about that..but my story is different.
Chloe is 4 now and I love her so much and I ache because she is so lonley when she's home. we had planned to have another baby closer, but I had trouble getting pregnant.
I can only color and play tea party and barbie for so long, and her dad will play outside with her and read to her for hours when he gets home from work, but its not the same as playing with a sibling all day.

she has a ton of friends and talks on the phone all the time and is super social on playdates....but I feel guilty that she's been an only child for so long.
Just know you are doing the right thing for your family and your sons life will be fuller and richer- if my 4 yo had a 2 yo sibling to play with everyday..*sniff*

gosh, by the time this one is 2, she'll be six

~mama to some wonderful kids
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#5 of 12 Old 07-07-2004, 02:53 PM
 
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I remember feeling like this when I was with ds #2. And I did savour those last weeks and days creating many important memories (for me even if ds #1 was too young to really remember). But I have learned now that for us the important relationship formed between the siblings more than makes up for any change in the relationship between mom and child. It is all part of the letting go process, which I think really begins at birth and slowly continues on... Our relationships with our children are supposed to change and grow as our children change and grow...it is part of what makes the relationship strong in the long run... When I see my boys play together and how much they love each other (of course they have their bad moments too ) I know it was the right thing for everyone . Especially if your kids are closer together, it won't be long before your first child can't even remember what life was like without his/her sibling. Now I have to admit it didn't start out easy...a newborn baby is not an instant playmate...but there are important lessons even in the first year...and children learn so much by watching us...when we care for our babies in a gentle and loving way they are learning that this is the way that people should be treated...they learn patience...

I think my brain is rambling, but I just had to say...try not to worry too much! It can be hard to embrace such a big change in our relationships, but just like how much you love your first probably surprised you...you will be amazed at the way this new little person will fit in...

Happy birthing everyone!

Jen

Jen Wife to Jason and Mom to Cassidy 10y Malcolm8y & Lucas 5y
living in Canada and Costa Rica and slowly exploring the world
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#6 of 12 Old 07-07-2004, 10:49 PM
 
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I also could have written the original post word for word. In fact last night, I missed dd so much I almost went into her room to get her to sleep with me. She came in anyway eventually but I wanted her sooner. She is so sweet and we have been just mommy and Gigi for 4.5 years it is going to be hard to adjust to having another to care for while still meeting her needs....

jen mommy to dd1 (11y), dd2 (6y) and ds (3y)
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#7 of 12 Old 07-08-2004, 02:11 AM
 
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I went through so much of the same thing when I was pregnant with DS#2. I'm going through it again now. Lars is so excited, but ds#2 is a much more cuddly and sometimes clingy child. I know this is just going to rock his world!

Of course my kids bicker at times, but to watch them play together is just the most incredible thing ever!! Savor this time and of course you will mourn the changes. But get ready to celebrate. In a few weeks you will wonder how you ever managed to not have this new creature in ALL of your lives!

Lars actually NEVER showed any of the things I feared as far as feeling left out or anything. We worked hard to keep his routine as stable as possible. When daddy came home at night he spent time with just Lars and then I spent time with just Lars.

I put this poem in Lars' scrapbook when Dane was on the way:

Loving Two
by Debbie Kimminan

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand,
basking in the glow of our magical relationship.
Suddenly I feel a kick from within,
as if to remind me that our time alone is limited.
And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born,
and I watch you.
I watch the pain you feel at having to share me
as you've never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way,
"Please love only me."
And I hear myself telling you in mine,
"I can't," knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you.
I almost see our new baby as an intruder
on the precious relationship we once shared.
A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing,
I find myself attached to that new being,
and feeling almost guilty.
I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him--as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change,
first to curiosity,
then to protectiveness,
finally to genuine affection.

More days pass,
and we are settling into a new routine.
The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we
two.
There are new times---only now, we are three.
I watch the love between you grow,
the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how he adores you--as I have for so long.
I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments.
And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you,
I've given something to you.
I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of
you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are,
but equally strong.
And my question is finally answered, to my amazement.
Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you--only differently.
And although I realize that you may have to share my time,
I now know you'll never share my love.
There's enough of that for both of you---you each have your own supply.
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#8 of 12 Old 07-11-2004, 10:01 PM
 
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Sitting at the computer weeping. . .

Lila is a week old now, and this has been such an up and down week. Ds was SO excited to meet his sister, and he is thrilled with her every little move. But he is angry with us. I was sick in bed with a very painful UTI for three days. I was even more unavailable for him.

Everything has changed for him, and I miss the way we were. I know that we'll create a wonderful new way of being a family, but I miss our routine.

Yesterday was just awful, with crying fits and really bad behavior. He did everything he knew he shouldn't. And then some! I felt like I had failed him.

Dh and I had a talk last night, figuring out how we could ease ds's way today. Fewer choices, putting his needs before our wants, praising his good behavior. . . And today has been much better.

I have to trust that we have lots of better days ahead.
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#9 of 12 Old 07-11-2004, 11:27 PM
 
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wolfsmom, oceanbaby, reader, gigsmom~~me too!
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#10 of 12 Old 07-12-2004, 02:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i'm still pretty emotional and still not in labor. I am getting impatient which is annoying 'cause i was never this impatient with my son. sigh. I just am very anxious now to meet this new person.

Peace and health, Jenny - Mama to my love 12/01, my lovely 7/04, and my beloved 10/06, and one angel. ****5****10****15***20****25****30****35***bellycast.gif40**
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#11 of 12 Old 07-14-2004, 07:16 PM
 
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Hugs to all of you!

My heart goes out to all of you with toddlers who are expecting a newborn, because it really would have been too much for me I think.

I'm so glad this pregnancy wasn't sooner, because I've relished spending so much time with dd (4.5). I thought I might have a baby when she was 5.

We've had so much quality time together over the years. She's gotten so much undivided attention. It's been heavenly.

I'm thinking (& hoping) she'll adjust well to the new sibling.
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#12 of 12 Old 07-15-2004, 03:14 AM
 
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I haven't posted here since the 1st trimester but, as I am experiencing another sleepless night, I decided to pop in.

I could have written this post as well. And I was crying from that poem by line 4. I have so much guilt because I have been sleeping poorly (4 hours/night on a good night, many sleepless nights) for weeks now and it's so hard to be patient with my sweetie. I feel like any time I lose my patience she looks at me with "where's my mommy" eyes and it just kills me. These could be some of her last experiences with just me.

I'm going to have a homebirth and have two midwives. They think I may be anxious at night due to the fear of childbirth pain. That theory didn't really seem accurate to me on a gut level. I think the pain I fear is my dd's. It seems so much more likely to me that my feelings about having to share myself with another and the question of loving another as much as dd#1 are causing my sleep problems. It pains me so deeply. I *know* having a sister will be wonderful for dd#1 but it's so hard to let go of our special one-on-one daily experience.
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