postpartum life with the older child - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 08-03-2004, 08:21 PM - Thread Starter
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How are you doing with your oldest dc? Before dd was born, I never thought I could love anyone more than I love ds. I am, of course, blown away by how much I love dd, and while I still love ds just as much, he is harder to feel close to these days. He's 3.5, full of energy, out of sorts, and going out of his way to push any button he can. I know he's entitled and that I need to reassure him and love him through this transition (which I am), but I'm feeling guilty for being so annoyed with my ds. Seems like I truly look forward to his being at the park with dh or grandma, then I feel guilty for wishing him away.
Sigh. . .
anyone else going through something similar?
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#2 of 5 Old 08-03-2004, 08:36 PM
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I hear ya!!!!!!!
I second everything you just said. I even went through a greiving process with dd(almost 2-on Nov.4). I wa s so worried with how she would handle it.
Just today- I find myself getting so annoyed with her. She is so young and just doesn't know any better when it comes to so many things.I have to remind myself how little she still is.I am sometimes just mean,or not so loving with her. But it is all me!:Like- her big thing that gets to me sometimes, like today- to stick her hand down my shirt when she is tired. She sometimes gets rough and kneads on my skin.AARRRRGGGGHHHH!Talk about driving me crazy!

The solution? I think it is to make time for myself-even if just a few minutes-to prep talk myself and refresh, is a must. And for me- prayer. And lots of it!!!!!

Due with number 5 in August. We do all that crunchy stuff.
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#3 of 5 Old 08-04-2004, 04:01 PM - Thread Starter
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Yeah, I figure it a pretty normal transition for a family to go through. A good friend said it was so strange to suddenly see her 1st baby as a perpetrator and to not feel that overwhelming love every minute. I hear you on the getting time for youself thing, and when that fails (as it seems to around here!), I guess I should always have a good supply of chocolate on hand! :LOL
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#4 of 5 Old 08-05-2004, 05:41 PM
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I hear you mama! We are having numerous challenges with behavior which was never a problem before. Too much whining. Sometimes I feel so short fused I can not believe it is me. When I calm I am reminded that she is still a little one in so many ways and being short with her will not help. I am trying to remind myself that this period is short and I need to find the joys in it. I am also trying to ease up on the guilty feelings....I don't play enough, I don't interact with the baby enough, etc, etc. I am trying to eek out time for yoga and pilates which really help even me out, luckily, my toddler likes to do them with me
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#5 of 5 Old 08-05-2004, 11:13 PM
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OMG, I am having a completely different situation. I am so lucky.

Goo took to her sister immediately. We had done a great deal of work to explain babies to her and to explain that the whole family would change, but our love for her wouldn't. We explained that we would ask her to help us with the baby because families work together.

Well, it seems to have worked. When I feed Moo, I ask Goo if she wants to help me hold the bottle. Goo will climb up on one leg, Moo is on the other side and Goo will hold the bottle (with my help). When Moo needs a change, I ask Goo to pick out a diaper and hand it to me. She does a great job.

And I am lucky that she can articulate how she feels. In the hospital, Goo slipped and hit her head. She cried on the floor, but I was holding Moo. I said "Goo, can you come to mommy for a hug?" and she said "No, mommy. Put down Moo, pick up Goo" And I did. She was the one who needed me and she was so good at asking.

I also know that it takes me time to bond...So in that sense, I am very different. I love both of my girls, but I am still starting to bond with Moo...
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