how involved are your dp's? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 07-27-2004, 09:32 AM - Thread Starter
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I was just wondering how involved your dp's are with pregnancy's? I have to laugh, when I met my LM she wanted Dh to come too, and was asking him "what he thought about homebirth" he had been sitting on the floor quitley playing toys with ds, looked up like he was and 8 yo and said "I'm ok with whatever makes her feel best, I trust her judgement" and that was the extent of his opinion. It was so cute and funny.

He truly is supportive, and i know he feels connected to the babe, but sometimes I feel like I could sit down with a crack pipe and he'd just say
"are you sure you researched this and it's safe?" I guess it's a good thing, I have a friend who is one of 5 born at home UC, her sis is a homebirther and her closest friends, and she's terrified of Hospitals, and her dh won't accept a homebirth. Pretty crappy deal there. Is this common? or is my dh's "whatever you want dear, it's your body" approach the norm?
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#2 of 6 Old 07-27-2004, 10:23 AM
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My DH also has the "whatever you want dear" approach, to pretty much everything involving parenting, homebirth, vaccines, discipline, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, etc., etc. He is involved, but just trusts my judgement and my research (since honestly he is not going to do the research himself), so he HAS to listen to me.

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#3 of 6 Old 07-27-2004, 12:40 PM
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Typically, my DH is of the "whatever you want" mindset.... I guess that's part of why I felt so compelled to take his concerns re: homebirth seriously. He so rarely puts his foot down that it was just out of character for him to be so concerned about something in the realm that he's usually content to trust me to. Even though he's very easygoing, I don't think of him as uninvolved though, if that makes any sense.
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#4 of 6 Old 07-27-2004, 03:18 PM
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I was worrying for a while that DH wasn't interested in the particulars of the pregnancy (I couldn't get him to read all the books I'd been reading), but now I realize he just doesn't feel the need to vocalize his every thought and opinion like I do.

The other day he said, "I'm so proud of you for all of the research you've done and how much responsibility you've taken for your health care. I'd like to think that if I was a pregnant woman I'd do the same thing, but you've thought of things that wouldn't ever have occured to me to research...." (This after the negative conversation with my sister re: elective C-sections.)

We both have the same philosphies about homebirth, AP, cloth diapering, etc. He's just a quiet guy and doesn't feel a need to preach to the choir.
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#5 of 6 Old 07-27-2004, 05:10 PM
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DH was actually the first one to suggest cosleeping. Otherwise he's been totally on-board with whatever we're doing. With regards to the PG, he just sort of lets me dictate what is happening and is totally trusting/supportive of my decisions.

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#6 of 6 Old 07-29-2004, 09:57 PM
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my dh has been very involved with the whole thing. i'm not surprised really, he's has been ready and wanting to have a baby for several years now, waiting for me.

i began researching pregnancy and birth about 2 years before we started ttc. i shared the interesting bits with him as i came across them and he was continually barraged with information as i discovered that natural childbirth was an option. the medicalization of pregnancy and birth *never* made sense to me and in retrospect was actually a factor in why i wasn't ready to become pregnant earlier. it turns out that didn't make sense to him either and he was very interested as i continued my research.

when it was decision time he was a bit reluctant about having a homebirth initially (especially having heard labor and delivery horror stories for years from his mom who is a nurse), but after learning more about it through me, he fully supports it and considers it to be the best available option (as long as things continue to be normal). in the beginning he would have just gone along with it because he feels it's up to me, but he really feels it's the right choice now.

he has not missed a single appointment with our midwife and they actually get into very long, involved discussions about medical politics. he came along for our doula interviews and also to the back-up obstetrician appointment. he has been completely involved in our prenatal care, even if i lead the way.

his role is everything i would hope it to be.
strong, supportive, not oppressive.
i feel very, very lucky and very much in love.

me dh ds1 (11/04) ds2 (7/10) and
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