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#91 of 127 Old 08-06-2004, 12:14 AM
 
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Oh Katie - I wish I were there to hug you in person tonight. I'm so incredibly sorry this is happening to you. I skimmed the thread over at Parents as Partners and all I can say is take all the time and space you need to make your next decision. If there is anything you need us October Mamas will be right here for you. I'll be thinking positive thoughts for you and Lucy until we hear from you again.
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#92 of 127 Old 08-06-2004, 12:46 AM
 
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(((katie))) sending you much love and peace ... hoping you find the clarity you need in such a tough time. ((((humongo preggo belly hugs to you!))))
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#93 of 127 Old 08-06-2004, 01:00 AM
 
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Katie, I hope you're doing alright. This is one of those times you wish you could just wake up and find out if was all a bad dream...

Thanks to all for responding to the co-sleeping/carseat questions. I'm going to have DH read your advice/opinions and see if he'd be comfortable with it.

I wonder how common cosleeping in a family bed is. I'm thinking maybe more people are doing this than will admit to it, even non-crunchy non-AP types. (The only "out" co-sleepers I know IRL are decidedly non-crunchy. They use sposies, eat tons of junk food and watch TV 6 hours a day. They co-sleep because their DD is adopted and had serious attachment issues when they first got her. It was her choice, not theirs, but now they love it!)
What with all the bad press about SIDS and paranoid peds, I can see why people would keep it a secret...
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#94 of 127 Old 08-06-2004, 01:02 AM
 
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oh katie, such big hugs to you and lucy and your babe on the way. i'm sure you will find strength within you and i hope it brings you peace.

me dh ds1 (11/04) ds2 (7/10) and
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#95 of 127 Old 08-06-2004, 04:37 AM
 
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I got tired and started skimming and saw Katies post. I'm speechless. But, I know there is power in the name of Jesus and I just called upon His name for you.


yeah I been shoppin; but, I don't even feel like postin the link. I think I'll go to bed....once I do one last check...:
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#96 of 127 Old 08-06-2004, 11:39 AM
 
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Katie....i don't have anything to add to the great advice you have already been given in the PAP thread...just wanted to give a and say that i'm thinking of you and that i'm so sorry you have to go thru this...

~Carrie
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#97 of 127 Old 08-06-2004, 12:01 PM
 
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Awww Katie you are in our thoughts, and Lucy and baby too of course.

About the co-sleeping, I have been in a different place...being worried about how we will all fit in our queen sized bed and now I see a light! Ember slept at the foot of our bed last night...out of her own doing and actually stayed there for the night! It was cute, she asked me to hold her foot until she fell asleep and then at about 4 am I heard this little "Mommy, can you hold my foot". I have been trying to rack my brain throughout this pregnancy because we just don't have room for much of a sidecar arrangement, but I was surprised at how much room her being at the bottom opened up! I am sure that she isn't ready to transition to her room yet, she is scared to sleep there...plus like I have said, I still enjoy her in our bed and look forward to being a true family bed. Bluehalo- I feel akin to you because we both have our preschoolers with us

And remember how I said hadn't ever been kept awake by movement at night? It's true that kids like to make liars out of there mothers :LOL I didn't get much sleep last night Oakley was very active for about 2 hrs, I finally got up and had a bowl of cereal at 5 am and now not even a full 3 hrs later I am starving!!

About the carseat question, I do agree that it is handy to have the infant seat...if you buy one now and get a convertalbe in a few months then you will probably be set when the next one comes around and will possibly only need to buy a booster later. Ember is still in her Safe Embrace by Fisher Price, which they don't produce anymore unfortunately b/c I love it and have no complaints whatsoever and now Oakley will be in the infant seat until he gets too big for it at which time, Ember will probably be 40 lbs and be too big for hers....OK, no one asked for all this extra info, :LOL...I do recommend a Britax seat as well, when I bought the FP it was b/c the Britax wasn't available here in Canada (well there was one store in Toronto that I found it for $300 plus shipping and taxes ) but the FP had the same reputation for non-twisting straps which is IMO so important after having dealt with my sisters carseats! So especially being on your first child...spend the money on a seat you won't regret! And I am jealous of the Pegperego seat owner!! They didn't even make them until months after Ember was born but boy do I drool over them and basically all there things :LOL

Kimberly- Yes, I am pretty partial to the area that I live in, it is very beautiful.
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#98 of 127 Old 08-06-2004, 12:31 PM
 
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Katie - I am speachless. I can only imagine how devastating this is for you and your little girl. Know that we at the October group are here for you.
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#99 of 127 Old 08-06-2004, 02:08 PM
 
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Glad I'm not the only one here with leaking problems! When I told my midwife I started leaking at 16 weeks, she was definitely surprised. Not exactly a comforting feeling when your 60 year old midwife gives you a look like "Haven't heard that one before!" (Really, she's great.)

Lucysmama - Not much help here. I think Annabelle Violet sounds absolutely beautiful. And then you can shorten it, if you want, or if she wants! Clementine is great, too, and the one Clementine I met was really nice and compasssionate and had an independent personality - she knew what she wanted in life and was very happy!

Piglet - congrats on the condo!!! I am completely envious of you moving to Vancouver - I'm from Seattle and would love to be back in that part of the country again!

We're not telling anyone our name picks either. I just don't want anyone to give me bad vibes! But, I'll probably share them will all of you...

Sex isn't so bad here. The only problem is that it takes me about 2 days to recover - I'm so tired all the time, that afterwards, I feel like I've been beat up! But then, a few days later, it's all I want again!

CourtneyandLogan - my church offered the same service, and I feel a little silly taking them up on it, but I guess I really should!

Stanleymama - I had some sort of food poisoning, too, a couple weeks ago. It was horrible and there's nothing I could do. Just feel miserable. Ugh.

I have to stop letting so many days go by without checking what everyone's been up to!!! I'm a complete slacker!
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#100 of 127 Old 08-06-2004, 02:54 PM
 
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Katie -- is about all I can offer...

I am in so much physical discomfort today!! Made a chiro appt for this afternoon when DH gets home. I usually have a problem with my left leg/hip even when I am not pg, but now something is getting pinched over my right leg, in the back, top of my butt. It's killing me, every step makes me feel like I'm gonna fall over! I hope the chiro does the trick or I won't make it 12 more weeks LOL. Anyone else starting to get these lovely aches, shooting pains, etc yet???

Amy, USCG wife and homeschooling, ebfing, homebirthing Mama to M (8), L (6), L (2.5)
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#101 of 127 Old 08-06-2004, 03:35 PM
 
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Thanks mamas.....we are staying at my MI's house till I figure things out. MIL wants to pay for us to see "the best counselor she can find." Even if it is just so we can have an amicable divorce. In the meantime, she wants to take care of Lu and I both monetarily and in a mothering way. I have to stay with her at least for a while. I can't even think straight when I am around dh, let alone have a calm conversation. I am just sputtering and stammering. She is leaving to go to Turkey on the 20th, and will be gone till the week before the baby is due, so I can stay at her house. I can have the baby there if I need to, she is supportive of homebirth and AP in general.

Dd is over playing and visiting him right now. When I got there to drop her off, he said, "Ummm...when are we gonna talk about all this?" and I said, "You don't think you did anything wrong, so how can we talk about this?" He has to realize what he did was wrong before we can make steps to try to fix anything.

Just updating you all, and thanks for the warmth. I don't get to go online at my MIL's much, but I'll be around.

Oh, and Piglet - I would love to get together with you and Emily, but we are actually staying pretty far away right now, in Hiram. Thanks for the PM and warm thoughts.
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#102 of 127 Old 08-06-2004, 03:42 PM
 
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My biggest pain right now is my mid-upper back (just below the shoulder blades) and my ribcage at the same place in the front (just below my breasts). It feels like an incredible amount of pressure inside expanding my rib cage against its will! (Which I guess it is.) Oddly, my lower back is fine. This is where I always assumed pregnant women get aches. Pubic bone still sore off and on. I feel like an 80 year old woman some days...

I'm having lunch with my mom and her friend today to discuss what I want the baby shower to be like, what gifts I want, etc. Uh, I dunno. I'm not really a shower kind of girl. I'd be happy if everyone just channeled all that energy into CASH for me and DH instead. :LOL Unfortunately, sentiments like that aren't very socially acceptable. So, bring on the tiny onsies and baby rattles I guess!

Hope everyone's doing well and enjoys the weekend! It's raining here and I'm SOOO HAPPY about it! Such a relief!
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#103 of 127 Old 08-06-2004, 03:50 PM
 
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Katie - we cross posted. Sounds like you're handling the situation really well and not rushing into anything or sweeping it under the rug. It's good that your MIL is so supportive. (I imagine some MILs would immediately jump to their son's defence.) Hang in there. to you and the babies.
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#104 of 127 Old 08-06-2004, 03:53 PM
 
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Katie, I've been thinking about you all day, thanks so much for taking the time to update us. I'm so glad to hear that your MIL is being so wonderful, and that you at least have that support. How is Lucy doing? (((hugs)))
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#105 of 127 Old 08-06-2004, 04:54 PM
 
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Katie, just wanted to add my hugs too and tell you I've been thinking about you. I'm just appalled that this could happen. You're right- he needs to admit what he did was wrong in order to make any kind of progress. I'm so glad your MIL is helping you out and that she's supportive of homebirth, etc. Take care, and thanks for the update.

On another note, trueblue - I hear ya on the sciatic nerve pain, ofcourse I've had that since week 12, it sucks. I get stuck in certain positions and can't get up sometimes because of the shooting pain.

We checked out that book "Welcome With Love" and it was a big hit here. Logan kept calling the umbilical cord a worm. It's a great book.

OakEmber-that's so cute about holding Ember's foot - I'm glad you've found a new solution to the space problem.

And the rain and cooler temperatures here in Portand are so nice. We were actually cold when we woke up today.
Oh, and to add my .02 cents on the cosleeping stuff - I agree w/ the others about waiting till after the baby before investing in things. We tried using a sidecar and putting the baby in a seperate compartment in the middle of the bed and none of that worked. Logan just wanted to be flush against my body, which makes sense - easy access to the boob as well. And cosleeping is a pretty normal thing, at least on a worldwide scale. Most people I know co-sleep, or have for a time. I think it's just how it was meant to be. I've heard the newborn time called "external gestation" because the baby still needs to be kept next to mom cause it helps regulate body temp and heartrate and breathing. Co-sleeping babies actually have a lower rate of sids because of that (correct me if I'm wrong).

And Stanleymama - I'm glad you're feeling better, it sucks to be sick while you're pregant. Isn't this the 2nd time recently that you've been sick like this?

And ONE more thing I wanted to talk about if anyone's read this far - is last night when I was nursing Logan to sleep (which is pretty much the only time we nurse anymore), I started getting these strong B.H. contractions, like every 1-2 minutes. It was really scaring me. Then my back started spasming. It was like my whole mid-section was clenching up. My heart was racing, cause I thought, "oh now I've gone and brought on pre-term labor." So I was panicking thinking, do I wean him abrubtly? Is my uterus just irritable tonight? Part of me just wanted to suffer through until he fell asleep, but it was so painful I had to stop him. I explained to him that we might have to stop nursing until the baby is born cause it was making mommy's tummy hurt...and that he might have to just help mommy out and fall asleep on his own. He was more concerned about going to find his little dinosaur, but then he came back to bed and crawled up on a pillow (like a little cat) and eventually fell asleep without getting upset or anything. So I don't know what to do. I may try that again tonight, cause besides the contractions, nursing has really been hurting lately.

Mom to two boys, 7 and 10.  Expecting 3rd boy any day now with DH (his first).

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#106 of 127 Old 08-06-2004, 06:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Courtney, sounds like Logan understood you. He's a bit older than DD, so that makes sense to me. Hope those contractions don't come back again!

Katie, I've been thinking about you all day, just so worried for you. I am SO glad that you have your MIL, how wonderful!! You can stay there and not worry about a roof over your head or money, or the birth. Wonderful.

When you are ready to talk with DH, do it when Lucy is asleep. I'm not so sure I would fixate on him "admitting he was wrong"....the real issue is that, whether he thinks he is wrong or not, he has hurt you. THAT is the problem here, that he has hurt you and "doesn't seem to care". Probably he does care, but he's too busy being defensive. This is something DH and I worked on over the years with great success: don't focus on the blame or the "right and wrong", focus on how it makes you feel and have him validate that and acknowledge it...it's a start, anyways.

I'm feeling sOooooooooo big these days. Sasha had his first case of hiccups early this am. I've had insomnia the last two nights even though DD has been sleeping great. I'm so looking forward to finishing work. Still no word on the apartment today...I"m going nuts waiting to hear back!!!

gotta run now. hugs to you all!!

teapot2.GIF Homeschooling, Homesteading Mama to DD ('02) and DS ('04)  ribbonjigsaw.gif blogging.jpg homeschool.gif

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#107 of 127 Old 08-06-2004, 08:56 PM
 
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I was just checking out our photos on yahoo, and I'm wondering....Flitters, is that you climbing this past week or so? If so, where the heck is your belly?????

Amy, USCG wife and homeschooling, ebfing, homebirthing Mama to M (8), L (6), L (2.5)
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#108 of 127 Old 08-07-2004, 12:11 AM
 
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Lucysmama--glad to hear that you are being well taken care of.

Well today has been a bit scary. I was having horrible pelvic floor pain/pressure that I couldn't even stand up in the shower. Then I started have some sort of watery discharge. Then I started having slight contractions. This afternoon I went in to urgent care, and thankfully everything is ok. I was sooo afraid I was going into premature labor. I have never experienced this with my other 3 pg's. Dr. figured that since baby is growing more and low, that I am feeling more of the pressure down low. The contractions were sporadic and have stopped. I just kept praying and praying. So now I am taking it really easy. I will be 29 weeks tomorrow--it is not time for this baby to come! I wanted to hit the dr. though. I didn't get to see my dr. as he is on vacation, so I saw the dr. on call. She had to use that "fun" little gadget they use when you have a pap done. She was not gentle and caused a bit of pain Now I have a bit of blood in my discharge when I go to the bathroom. Oh I plan to never see her again.

Anyways it has been not the best week for me. This pg has started off being my easiest and is now starting to get a bit rough. I pray it turns around again. I have 3 little boys who need me and 1 that needs to bake a bit longer.
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#109 of 127 Old 08-07-2004, 12:41 AM
 
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Geez what a week we seem to have had! Broken toes, stomach bugs, aches, pains, exhaustion, family tourmoil and possible pre-mature labour!



The weekend is here and it seems that we all need it. Here's hoping next week is significantly less eventful.
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#110 of 127 Old 08-07-2004, 01:33 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mirthfulmum

The weekend is here and it seems that we all need it. Here's hoping next week is significantly less eventful.
Amen, sistah!
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#111 of 127 Old 08-07-2004, 03:39 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucysmama
Amen, sistah!
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#112 of 127 Old 08-07-2004, 05:13 PM
 
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Sorry to hear about the contractions, pain, and scares people have been experiencing! I'm a little nervous because I haven't had any BH contractions and I really have no idea what a contraction feels like. I'm sure I'll know when it happens, but part of me has that first-timers fear that I'll be in labor and not even know it. :LOL Probably not likely, huh?

My aunt told me this story (gotta love the birth stories people feel compelled to tell pregnant women! ) about how with one of her kids she didn't know she was in labor, and suddenly felt the need to push. SEVEN minutes later the baby was born! She'd never felt a single contraction. :

Keep in mind that this woman has 10 kids, eight of them born at home, unassisted. (The first time was a surprise, but after that they thought "well that was easy" and had all the rest UC at home.)

I'm sure you're all glad I passed that story along.

Well hope everyone is enjoying the weekend! We're off to buy a dresser and changing pad to put on top for the baby. Our only baby-furniture purchase! (DH agreed to everyone sleeping together in our bed! ) People keep asking if "the nursery is ready yet" and I just have to smile and say, "Um-hmm. Almost." Little do they know there is no nursery.
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#113 of 127 Old 08-07-2004, 06:13 PM
 
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Nancy, I wouldn't worry about not noticing any BH contrax ... I was having them and not knowing it during my first pregnancy. I was surprised this time around that I was actually aware of the sensation early on. I think the terminology can be so confusing, and everyone's experiences are so varied, we're not sure what to expect, yk?

((kimberly)) hope things have calmed down for you ... how worrisome!
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#114 of 127 Old 08-07-2004, 08:14 PM
 
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Nancy - Christine's right. Don't worry about not feeling any BH contractions. I was only aware of them at the very end of my first pregnancy, although it's very common for many first time moms never to feel them, and in my oppinoin, BHs don't really feel much like labour contractions anyway. I too worried when pregnant with Alias that I wouldn't know when my labour began, but believe me, you will know. Your body's got to work pretty hard to birth a baby, and that much work is hard to not notice. I'm sure even with your Aunt, her first child's birth took a bit more effort than 7 minutes of labour.
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#115 of 127 Old 08-08-2004, 12:23 AM
 
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well, even at this, my 4th pregnancy, i still have very few BHs...i guess i would describe them as feeling like my breath is being stifled for a few seconds alond with my stomach getting slightly harder...it's a rather weird feeling....for me anyway.


Katie... just wondering how you are doing this evening...how did your day go?
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#116 of 127 Old 08-08-2004, 10:39 AM
 
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3boyz4us- Terrible. I found out more, so much more that is SO much worse.

My dh and my BEST mama friend were planning to possibly have an affair. They hadn't slept together yet. But they met up without the kids to talk about "their options". I guess she was getting cold feet about it, but he was holding out hope she would change her mind. He was totally going to leave me for her.

Our kids are best friends. They are 3 weeks apart and have been playing since birth. She is the first one I went to when I found out about the emails with his coworker. Can you believe she actually was saying to me, "Oh, that asshole...how could he be talking about sexual things with another woman?!? You and Lucy can stay at our house" blah blah blah. And SHE had this thing with dh, too.

I am just so sick over this. Literally. Throwing up, contracting, can't sleep.

I mean, I was going to ask her to be at MY BIRTH. Her and dh would have been my support people. Can you believe this?!?! I feel like a prize idiot. I think I could have moved past the whole coworker sexual emails/bashing me thing eventually, but when it is your dh and your best mama friend thinking about running off together when you are 7 months pregnant....how can I ever deal with that?

I don't know if I can post this in PAP forum, cause my mama "friend" is an occasional MDCer. She is an AP mama, too. I guess I felt more protected here in the October Mamas. Thanks for letting me spill.
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#117 of 127 Old 08-08-2004, 01:13 PM
 
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Oh Katie I wish I was a few blocks away so that I could run down to your house and give you a shoulder to cry on. I am just absolutely stunned that you are having to go through this bulls#@t when you are 8 months pregnant. To not only potentially be loosing your husband, but now one of your best freinds! My heart is breaking for you.

You are not the prize idiot, your husband and "friend" are the idiots.
You deserve better.
Your daughter deserves better.
Your new baby deserves better.

My gut instinct is to tell you to run away from this man as fast as you can, but I know that this is easy for me to say. It sounds like you have a lot of very hard choices to make, but do not feel like you need to make them right away. Take care of yourself and your little ones. Give yourself all the space and time you need to deal with this.



Please PM me if you ever need anything.
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#118 of 127 Old 08-08-2004, 02:34 PM
 
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Well I just thought I check in quickly and let you all know that I will be MIA for a few days again (so you don't worry about me, not that you necessarily would :LOL). We are heading out to my SIL cabin for a few days with my S&BIL and plan on coming home around Wed. Looking forward to some more relaxin...I've been quite spoilt this summer

I am still one of those clueless to BH, and 3boyz when you described yours a little lightbulb went off in my head, :LOL...I get the same thing and wasn't sure if it was BH because really it just feels to me like the baby is pushing against me for a minute. Glad to have that cleared up being that I am a second time mom, :LOL. So Nancy don't worry or feel bad about it at all! And as for your aunt's story...I'd much rather hear stories like that than the horror stories that people feel they must tell Now I can't really compare with that but I can say that as I was on my way to the hospital with contractions 2-3 mins apart I was telling Dh and MIL that I hope they didn't send me home because I wasn't in pain...and honestly if it wasn't for the fetal monitoring that they hooked me up to upon arriving they probably would have sent me home for "not being in labour". Two nurses were arguing outside of my door about whether or not I was in labour :LOL BTW- when they checked me I was 5 cm so that ended that discussion.

Katie, Katie, Katie....I wish I could reach out and give you a big . I am so sorry for what you are going through, I can't even imagine! Do the best you can to take care of yourself right now, put you and Lucy first above all else.

Ok, so I hope that there isn't too much more excitement while I am gone...I will be thinking of you guys, take care everyone.
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#119 of 127 Old 08-08-2004, 03:05 PM
 
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((((Katie))))...that is just aweful....i am so sorry...this whole issue is kind of close to my heart and i can totally understand what you are going thru as *MY* brother is doing a lot of the same similar things to my SIL...now it isn't as extreme as your situation, but very painful her, and us, none the less...adultry is adultry no matter how involved the two may be...IMO. PLEASE do not feel like an idiot...how in the world were you to know such things...please take care of yourself and your precious babe. and come here whenever to vent or PM me if you need to talk to someone dealing with your same situation, or similar anyway.

~Carrie
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#120 of 127 Old 08-08-2004, 03:47 PM
 
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29.5 weeks

Warning: novel-length post coming your way!

Oh Katie - you've had so much advice and support - I have nothing new to add other than my faith in you to find the strength in yourself to pull through this difficult time. You know we're all here pulling for you.

I've been off the boards over the last week since work has been so busy - so after what seems to be hours reading to catch up I just want to say how much I've missed you all. I may not post every time I read, but you all serve as a source of strength (and laughter) for me - so thanks to you all!

Courtney - thanks for the mention of the photo - I can't believe how big my belly is getting and wonder how in the world it's going to get even bigger. I'll second previous complaints about clothes no longer fitting. Oh, and Logan kissing your belly is absolutely precious!

Nancy and Courtney - from a post last week (or 2?) about the Organic Baby store here that sells CDs... It's on Clinton Street between 26th and 27th and the official name (I think) is Mother Nature's. She's open on Saturdays, but not Sundays. She also has a registry, so Nancy in planning your shower, you could tell your mom's friend that you've registered there and limit those diaper genie gifts!

QOTW: Knockers, bazoongas, you pick the adjective, I've probably used them to describe my breasts. I was already well endowed to start - 36D to begin - and during my 1st trimerster I measured in at 38DD. Scary thing is, I need new bras desperately so there's no telling how big they are now. As for colustrom, I can express a few droplets when I squeeze - just noticed that last week. Can't tell you how weird this all is for this first time mom. Although I am *really* looking forward to breastfeeding.

Glad to hear that I'm not the only one out there with a tepid sex life; DW and I had a long talk yesterday because it's not for lack of libido. With our recent move into the new house - F*^%ed up financing issues - etc., our stress levels have been high. I was feeling completely unattractive and DW was feeling like I wasn't interested, etc. The best part, though, is that finally talking about it has really cleared the air wrt my frustrations, etc.

Baby Bean is active as ever - her kicks are now getting so strong that my entire belly moves sometimes - it's a riot to watch. Ive been thinking more and more about actually having her here in our lives and I'm getting so impatient to see her little face. We're holding off on naming her until we see her - but we do have a list of names from which we'll likely choose.

For those of you feeling very tired lately, there's a chance your iron levels could be low. I also was feeling pretty exhausted over the last month or so and my last round of tests revealed that I was anemic. I've added more meat to my diet (and a supplement) and my energy levels are 100% better. Turns out, now is the time that our babies start pulling iron (and calcium) from our bodies to lay down their own stores. And iron is also crucial in neural development - so it's pretty important to pay attention to this. (Sidenote: From what I've read, calcium and iron taken together prevent absorbtion of one another, so if you are needing to take a supplement, you need to take them separately.)

So question for all you co-sleepers with pets... Our cat currently sleeps with us and DW is concerned about having him on the bed when the baby arrives and is sleeping with us. What have you all done on this topic?

OK - thanks for sticking with this long post. Happy Sunday to you all.
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