Change in Perspective, Help me Get it Back!! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 10-25-2004, 12:31 AM - Thread Starter
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My FIL passed away from a heart attack very suddenly on Thursday. He seriously just dropped dead while visiting after being busier and more active over the last weeks than he's been in years. I wasn't really that close to him, and have an awkward relationship with the rest of my in-laws. There are some very real differences in DH and my religious beliefs that causes strain, and I'm expecting more now that we have kids. We are, however all pulling together as a family right now, and obviously there are a lot of emotions happening, and I'm struggling with how much I really am outside of the family. I am not grieving so deeply for my relationship with FIL (I will miss him, but we never became close), but for DH and his sisters, mother and brother. I've been a part of the family for 10years, and it's so hard to see them grieving.

Anyhow, I am exhausted, after standing in a reception line for 4hours over 2days, shaking complete strangers hands and answering a bazillion questions. Plus being with his family most of the time. The funeral hasn't even happened yet, it's tomorrow. I actually had the thought tonight that I'm dreading labour, just cut me open and let's be done with it, because I don't have the energy to deal. I hope baby waits a week or two so that I can gain perspective. With my luck I'll go 42weeks+ and have a 15lb child, but I still can't help but tempt fate and hope that he's not born until closer to my EDD. I've not got baby's clothing sorted, nor is ds#1's new room ready...

Anyhow, I'm so saddened by the thought that I was so looking forward to this birth, to birthing with my mw's, and bringing this baby into the world gently (as compared to ds#1's birth), and now I just don't think I have the strength emotionally or physically to deal with it.

Thanks for reading, I really just needed to get all that out.
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#2 of 6 Old 10-25-2004, 12:59 AM
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Gosh, I'm so sorry for the situation you are dealing with. I'm not sure exactly what to say, but I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you and wishing you the best.

Being that you are so close to giving birth, certainly your extended family would understand if you took some time for yourself, or at the very least sat down during the family gatherings.

I almost never, ever take naps, but lately I've found that if I tell my family I need to take a nap, it allows me to escape for an hour and catch up with my thoughts while I lay quietly. It lets me focus and connect with the baby -- and give myself permission to indulge in myself for a while -- and not think about everyone else's needs.

Pregnant women are given special privilages. It is a magical time -- take advantage of it! No one will fault you for appearing "distant" or taking some time on your own. Blame it on being tired, or having Braxton-Hicks, or whatever. And regroup and try and connect with your little one!

Good luck to you.
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#3 of 6 Old 10-25-2004, 10:40 AM
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I'm sorry! I don't really have any advice, Shell said it well, but wanted to give you hugs.

Amanda, mom to dsd (16), dd (11), dd (8), and ds (born 11/12/11).

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#4 of 6 Old 10-25-2004, 10:55 AM
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#5 of 6 Old 10-25-2004, 03:38 PM
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Big hugs!!! What a stressful situation! Nothing is going on here with family or anything, but I have found lately that I too am kinda dreading labor. I have no idea why, and no excuse. I just know that I once was really excited, and now I'm a bit nervous and scared.

Anyway a little OT, but big hugs!!!
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#6 of 6 Old 10-25-2004, 06:29 PM
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Hopefully you'll have some time to grieve, regardless of your closeness to him, the family is grieving, and get some good rest before the baby arrives.

This is a totally different situation, but dh's grandfather died 2 weeks before my due date with dd, and he had to fly across the country for the funeral. She ended up being born about a week after the funeral, his parents flew out here for the birth, but it was a really hard time for them emotionally. Total conflict between the joy of the birth and the sadness of the loss. You have my sympathies and condolences.
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