More nervous/uncertain the 2nd time?? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 5 Old 10-25-2004, 03:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Maybe it's all these pregnancy hormones, or what, but I am feeling slightly nervous this time around. The first time around, I was so upbeat and happy, and I just "felt" that everything was going to be fine with the baby. I didn't even consider something happening to me. Now, I think that I know the dangers more and I am more nervous about the labor and delivery. Plus, I also feel like I have more to lose. KWIM? I keep thinking, what if something happens to me, who will take care of dd? I also can't help but think, will I love this dd as much as I love my first dd? I know that is ridiculous, but everything about this experience is different from the first. The first was so exciting. This one feels more like a right of passage than an all-glorious journey. KWIM?

So, to add to my general angst, I recently watched that darned movie "Jersey Girl" (Don't watch the beginning!!) where the the mom had an unexplained anurism while pushing and died. I knew that something had to happent to the mom because the plot revolved around a dad (Ben Afleck) who was raising his daughter. I should have turned it off, but I felt compelled to watch it. For the rest of the film, I just couldn't get passed the beginning of it. It has totally stuck with me. On top of that, I learned recently of a mom from the pre-school who passed away from cancer. She was only 30 and her dd is 4. I never knew her, but I remember seeing her a couple of times. I cried for 2 days and still feel teary eyed now when I think about that type of loss. How tragic. It just makes me think of my own mortality and what that would mean for my kids. It's something that I never dwelled on too much, but now it is in my head a lot.

I guess all of this combined has made me feel a little more apprehensive about having this baby. Maybe it's because it's getting closer and closer and I feel unprepared (clothes to wash, crib to set up, etc. etc.) Does anyone else relate?
Sorry if this post is a total downer. I'm generally very optimistic.

Libby
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#2 of 5 Old 10-25-2004, 03:47 PM
 
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I'm not really nervous about anything "happening" to me, but it is a scary thought. Right now I'm nervous about the pain, as silly as that sounds. lol I have NO idea why. I mean, I was all pumped for this about 4 months ago, now I'm nervous. I had a great delivery with *******, and was very calm and everything. This time I don't feel as confident.

I guess I try not to think of the bad stuff that can happen. However, my dh and I discussed the other night what would happen if the other person passed away. I was/am really concerned about my children having to go to daycare, etc, after all their days with there mama. kwim? The thought of that stresses the heck out of me. BUT after we talked, he looked into the life insurance on me, and it pays really well. So he could take off a few years, and possibly switch professions to become a teacher or something (to spend time with the kids more). I know this is horribly detailed, but we really discussed it. It really puts my mind at ease that my kiddos will get to have their dad full time if something horrid did happen.

Okay, now that was long winded!! lol
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#3 of 5 Old 10-25-2004, 08:14 PM
 
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I'm a lot more scared this time too. With my first I was nervous about labour because i didn't know what to expect, but I never really worried about the baby being ok. This time I am. Having GBS this time doesn't help, also I think things went so well with my first baby I can't possibly be so lucky with my next.
The other thing I can't stop thinking about is how my son would react if the baby died. We have prepared him so much for the baby, he is very excited about it. So not only would I be grieving for my baby, but I'd have to try to explain it all to my 3 year old as well.....
Ugh. I hate thinking about it. I am trying to stay positive because chances are all will go well.
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#4 of 5 Old 10-25-2004, 11:07 PM
 
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My last son died en utero at 32 weeks. So this whole pregnancy has been terrifying, and not only have I been having dreams about the new baby dying during labor, but I also fear even if everything's "normal" I'll have flashbacks to my last delivery (of a dead baby), totally freak out, be unable to labor effectively, and end up under the knife or, again, with a dead baby.

For me, too, my first showed me how much I could love. I know some women feel totally attached to their babies at the first pregnancy test, but honestly, it wasn't until my first son was 6 months old or so that I would have given my life for him. That intensity has translated to my other pregnancies immediately, so the idea of losing another is worse for me than it would have been if I'd lost my first in pregnancy. (Which is a horrible thing to think about! How can I type this???)
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#5 of 5 Old 10-26-2004, 01:24 PM
 
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srain ~wow~ i dont know what to say, except heartfelt strength to you mama and wishes for this to be a beautiful healing birth for you and your family.

my midwife said that at this point in pregnancy it seems to a natural thing that a lot of mamas think about...i guess its because of the whole life giving process, mortality is part of it.

ive been waking up at night (well...dd has been waking up and just laying there singing softly, so sweet) so then im awake and all the thoughts about what would happen to dd and this one if i died start up...i talked to my mum about it (shes on the other side of the world and i havent seen her in 3 years) but she said she'd probably want to come get the kids and take them back to nz. which is how id like for them to grow up...but dd would then lose her dad as well and he would be heart broken too...so the closest i can get to feeling peaceful about it is to imagine dh and the kids living near my mum in nz...and if that could happen, why not while im alive!
so....
i can relate to being more nervous this time around too... its true that:
"The first was so exciting. This one feels more like a right of passage than an all-glorious journey".
last time i really thought my confidence in my body and great attitude would see me through labour and birth, no worries...and was a bit shocked that my great attitude didnt make it an estactic experience :LOL this time all i know is that there really is no telling how it will all go...i think im a bit more humble this time...im still excited though!
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