you think a person can subconsciously keep a baby in? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 11-07-2004, 10:28 AM - Thread Starter
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this may seem like a strange question, but I thought of it this morning. I have been so busy these past three weeks, doing, and doing. Trying to get everything "ready". I've been like, okay, I still need to do this before the baby comes, etc. Besides the fact that thoughts of labor is making me nervous, thoughts of having THREE kids is making me nervous. I'm 40 weeks and 1 day, and I STILL think, well, I need to..... It came to me this morning that maybe it is me. Maybe I'm helping keep this baby in. When I had *******, he came on his own two weeks early. It just happened to be the night I totally completed Spencer's scrapbook, and started on his. And wham, that night I had him. it felt like the "perfect" time.

I know people can help labor progress by relaxing, and visualizing. But just like the birth story here, where indiemom (I think) willed her water to break. I'm wondering if I'm somehow keeping this babe in.

I think today, I'll spend the day doing nothing, just relaxing, and doing nothing, and listening to my labor music. I'll have my dh hide my sewing machines, lol. I was thinking of really visualizing the labor/birth like I was so prepared for (6 months ago!) I was way more prepared then. I guess the thoughts of everything has become overwhelming at the very end.

Anyway, I just wondered what anyone else thought. Think fears and nervousness can keep a baby in?
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#2 of 8 Old 11-07-2004, 11:04 AM
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Hi Stacy,
I do think they can, and from the work I've done with birth educators and women, I think the evidence is around. Some women do it in actual labour if they are too scared to let the baby out of their bodies, for example, if they don't feel safe, were abused as a child, have had a previous traumatic birth experience. In a hospital they generally just pump you full of drugs but in a good, well supported birth, the woman gets a chance to talk about the fear, deal with it and then give birth to her baby in an empowering way.

40 weeks is barely cooked so your babe is probably just hanging around, choosing a birthday, and making themselves perfect to meet you. If you were in France, you wouldn't be considered cooked as they teach that a fullterm pregnancy is 41 weeks. So that's a cultural hangup right there Since 95% of babies DON'T come on the edd, makes sense not to worry about it at all. I've never seen anyone pregnant more than a year About 80% of babies are born in the 41st week, I believe, so I think the French have their guesstimates closer.

My MW asked me as I approached 41 weeks if I had any unfinished business to attend to, or outstanding conflicts, in case they were going to have an impact on me. A friend of mine was under huge pressure to have a c-sec for no medical reason when she was planning a HB. The pressure on her was so huge she didn't go into labour until about 44 weeks. She swears it was the emotional stress put on her and how unsafe she felt.

Sounds like you could use a cup of tea and a chat with a close friend. Then you can make sure your mind is clear and your heart is all ready for this new blessing. All that doing doing doing that you describe is a great sign of impending labour as you're nesting and making your birth environment perfect - your uterus may not realise it's going to hospital, if you're a hospy birther LOL, it just wants the space around it now to be perfect.

So just relax, and let nature work her magic on you. I think some jitters and wondering is perfectly normal! You wouldn't be human without them. What women with more than 1 child tell me is that once the new one arrives they can't imagine how it was without them. You know that already!

Put your feet up!

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#3 of 8 Old 11-07-2004, 12:40 PM
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I have got to agree with really have to be ready for that baby to come out..I know I have been having on and off contractions and I just tell my body, it's not time, and go relax. I figure when it really IS time, no amount of relaxing is going to stop it, rather, it will encourage it.

I agree about clearing unfinished business. I've done this wherever I could this pregnancy and did it last time, too. Everythign else I have tried to talk out with friends, or whatever. I was very lucky to have a friend in CA who is a former midwife taking a doctorate now in Pre and Perinatal Psychology who was great at giving me tips on healthy birthing

Anyway, I highly recommend practicing lots of relaxation wherever possible. Take a lukewarm bath every evening and just sort of meditate and helps a whole lot. Leave yourself mindful and open to the birthing experience. Visualize your birth as you would like it to be.

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#4 of 8 Old 11-07-2004, 01:36 PM
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I think that a woman can definitely do that to her self. I think that some of my problem is that I am nervous about the labor because Trapolin's went so poorly.

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#5 of 8 Old 11-07-2004, 03:44 PM
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Although I'm not quite to my EDD yet, I'm kinda in the same camp as you. I have "one more thing" one my list everyday, and have been asking baby since 37weeks when my FIL died to hang out a bit longer so that we can get back on track and get stuff done. Ds#1's new room was finally painted yesterday, but now I need to clean it up put the fishes on the wall, put the new baby's clothes in the drawers... I haven't even packed my hospital bags yet. And there's always that last errand that I should run "before I have to take a newborn along". That was 6 errands ago, and I have a list to do tomorrow. So yes, I think it's possible, but doesn't explain those women who go into preterm labor.

I just said to DH, "No one's been pregnant forever, but there's a first time for everything and leave it to my luck to be that woman...".
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#6 of 8 Old 11-07-2004, 05:15 PM
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The only hang up I have is my fear of having a boy. No offense to anyone with a boy!!! I'm just a bit afraid of what he could grow up to be. It seems like men do most of the hurting and fighting, etc, not women. It just scares me. I feel like I won't know what to do with a boy who is "boyish". Dh and I hate sports and most other "guy" stuff. I need to have a sweet little gay boy who dances ballet!

I know this is crazy. Boys are great. I love all the little boys I know. I can't help it, I'm weird. I sure hope this isn't enough to stop my labor...

Amanda, mom to dsd (16), dd (11), dd (8), and ds (born 11/12/11).

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#7 of 8 Old 11-07-2004, 05:24 PM
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Admittedly Boys are a bit strange..but surprisingly, it all seems to work out as soon as that little boy is part of your life. I was afraid with Jake..but he's been, if anything, a better experience than his sister. I've been afraid of having another girl because Alexis was so tough! I had to come to terms with every child is completely different so there is no way to know that another little girl will make me just as crazy

Oh well..pregnancy and irrationality really seems to go hand in hand, huh?
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#8 of 8 Old 11-08-2004, 03:39 PM
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I just wanted to respond to the boy thing as I'm a mom of 2 boys, soon to be three!! My boys are soooo sweet Boys are wonderful and you'll love being a boy mommy. My guys are so sweet and cuddly and high energy and fun that I just can't imagine life without them and I'm sure you'll feel the same way once your baby is here
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