So, who have you told, who haven't you told, and why - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-31-2004, 11:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Let's see. I am really keeping this pregnancy under wraps until 12w for the most part, but it is very difficult, as I am already huge :LOL Lots of bloat. I figured w/the 12 glasses of water I drank yesterday helped somewhat.

So I have told a couple of good friends. But that is it. We are not telling our parents or siblings until we have to. Basically until we see them again (they live in NJ). We are planning a trip in July, so I'm sure they will find out then. :LOL

I really have no desire to tell them. My MIL has been asking my hubby every phone conversation , "you guys aren't trying to get pregnant, are you". I'm sure she will react negatively, so she will be one of the last to know.

My sister might also be pregnant (she would be due on Dec 15th, and I haven't told her either. She has hypothyroidism and has a hx of recurrent early m/c's. Incidentally, she is not telling anyone either :LOL

And I am definately not telling any family members my due date. I had people calling before our son was even due, "did you have the baby yet?" I had to change the msg on the machine, "If you are calling to find out if we had the baby yet, and we haven't called you, that means we haven't had the baby yet. If we told you we would call you, we will." I got lots of sympathy from the bank, the oil company and countless others :LOL It drastically cut down on the amount of those calls.

So I'm thinking I'm just going to say that the baby is due new years, as that should even eliminate the calls that come before the due date. If I said btw Thanksgiving and New Years, our calls would start by mid November : I also think that they will be distracted by the holidays too, which works in my favor :LOL

Amy
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Old 03-31-2004, 02:01 PM
 
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I think when I tell people, I'll say New Years as well.

I haven't told anyone except my dh, who is very calm about the whole thing. He really wanted to ttc, and this was (I think) our 8th month trying. Although, in reality, we haven't used birth control since we started ttc Nova back in November of 2000!

One of my reasons for not wanting to share the joyous news is because I don't want any drama. I had a planned unassisted homebirth with Nova, whenever people find out, they are incredulous, asking if I'd do it again. : I know my "poor mother" will be stressing and stressing me out the whole pregnancy, so I'd like to minimize that. It shouldn't be too hard since she lives in Michigan and I'm in CA.

Laura, mama to J (15), N (12), E (9) , M (6), and our little caboose, R (3).
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Old 03-31-2004, 08:14 PM
 
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Well, officially "we're" not telling anyone, but in all honesty 4 of my girlfriends know, as does my mother. 1 of my friends introduced my to TCOYF and has been an incredible support for me while TTC, so she of course knew almost as soon as I did!

My husband is a little worried since it's so early that something might happen, but I feel like I'd tell all the same people I had a m/c as I told I was PG, so...
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Old 03-31-2004, 09:08 PM
 
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I have told a couple of friends and a couple of people out of neccessity (accupunctuist and spa people - part of my Valentine's gift!). I think telling those couple of people has gotten it out of my system. Now I need to get my birth plan in order. I really want to do a homebirth, but haven't even started interviewing midwives or finding info to convince dh. I have a lot of work to do there. Just been too depressed about my cat, but I did start a little last night.

Our families are going to freak if we have a homebirth, so I may just have to learn to lie about that because I don't need that extra stress.

But I think people are going to figure it out before I am ready to talk. I am already growing! I was so nauseous with my first and lost 8 pounds. With this one, I am starving and can swallow anything. I guess I'll worry about weight loss after the babe!
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Old 03-31-2004, 10:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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coleslaw, sorry about your cat We've lost many animals over the years & the sudden losses are the hardest. Grieve, your lil' bean will be fine
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Old 04-01-2004, 12:06 PM
 
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Coleslaw,
I am in the same boat with you! I want to have a HBA2C and convincing DH is quite a job but I plan to throw it at him every day, I 'll find an article or info . We can try to work together on this and convince our DH's!

I have told my aunt ( who is pregnant with #2 ,due in June) , my good friend, Amy, and a dear friend ,Kathy. Only because I suspected I was pregnant & told them so. I very much wanted to tell my MIL last night when she was here visiting, but I will wait until after I go to the doctor to tell everyone else in our family . Which will be April 7.
Oh and I am choosing to not tell them becasue it is so early, I haven't had complications in the past but I am not saying I can't. I just cannot keep a secret...lol
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Old 04-01-2004, 03:47 PM
 
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Tara, What's an HBA2C? I'm guessing home birth after 2 cescarians (ugh my spelling!)? That would be great to help each other out. I don't know how much effort I want to put into convincing family. I'll have to think about that.

Dh accidentally told some friends last night. He was at a taping of the Jon Stewart show and one of the friends is pg. They were talking and he slipped about something as soon enough everyone had heard his slip. He made them promise not to tell anyone since it is so early. He is suprisingly supersticious about this!
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Old 04-01-2004, 05:50 PM
 
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Yep it is Homebirth after 2 c secs

I am not even going to tell most of my family they aleready think I am weird enough...lol and after the birth then they can know that it was at home
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Old 04-02-2004, 06:42 AM
 
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I'm just lurking here, but I wanted to say I so hear you about the phone calls. My seocond daughter was born at 37 weeks 0 days and if you can believe it we had already started getting calls asking if was born yet. She wasn't even due until mid April and the calls started mid march. Ugh!! Congrats to all of you!!

Mama to three sweet girls (a dramatic, chatty 10yo, a bouncy, dynamo of a 7yo, and a delightful, whimsical 3.5yo)
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Old 04-02-2004, 11:30 PM
 
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Hi everyone. I have only told the ladies on this board, my dh and my best friend.... I'm kinda scared to tell anyone else, quite frankly.

One of my girlfriends has been ttc for several months and she thought for sure she'd be pregnant before me (she's considerablly younger) I'm really not looking forward to telling her, at all and I'm wondering if there is any GOOD way to do it.

Coleslaw, So sorry about your kitty. I have two cats of my own and about 2 years ago, I lost a cat that I felt VERY VERY close to.

I still think about her all the time and here's how pathetic I am... I actually find myself sorry that she won't get to meet the new baby. She was so affectionate and I just know that the baby would have loved suggling with her.

let me stop... I'm overly emotional this week, as it is.

On a brighter note, glad to see you all, over here and hope everyone has a happy-healthy 9! <3
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Old 04-03-2004, 12:52 AM
 
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Thanks Kris for your kind words. I have been feeling better today. I actually felt like doing something productive. One of my first thoughts was that this baby wouldn't get to meet her. MY cat was such an intrigal part of my pg from day one (dh was holding her when I told him I was pg and he dropped her out of surprise, she would lay down with me every day while I napped and would get kicked by dd ).

I just keep telling people without meaning to. I'm seeing my family tomorrow. I hope I can keep it in and I hope no one notices!
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Old 04-03-2004, 10:49 AM
 
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I told my parents and 5 brothers and sisters because I would probably be calling them if anything went wrong. Especially since I have 3 sisters who have 9 kids between them and this is our first!!!!!
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Old 04-04-2004, 01:33 AM
 
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I have officially told 4 people IRL (and all of you of course ): my spouse, my hairdresser, and two work collegues. I want to wait to the 12 week mark to start telling other people. I am not worried about telling our families, but I am worried about telling my boss.

Mama to three small people; wife to one big person; pet-person to cats and dogs..."Be the change you want to see in the world"-- Gandhi
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Old 04-04-2004, 01:50 AM
 
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I'm super worried about telling my boss. I'm new and haven't completed my probationary period yet.

I am hoping to hold off telling anyone at work until I've gotten through my 90 days... that should put me at a little over 2 months.

I worry that they could also be upset that I waited... My concern is over being deceitful and how they might perceive me and my place at the company when they find out that I've been preggo for a while. I'm worried that they may think I'm just using them.

Anyone have any thoughts on this?
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Old 04-04-2004, 01:03 PM
 
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I started working for a new company about a month after I found out I was pregnant with my first, and I felt kind of bad not saying anything to them but I had applied for the position before I knew I was pregnant. I never told them - they just knew because I started showing and wearing maternity clothes. I don't think they found it deceitful, at least they never acted that way. I ended up staying home after the baby was born so I don't know what they think now, but honestly everyone was very nice and treated me fairly. Good luck!
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Old 04-05-2004, 01:09 PM
 
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I haven't been with this job even a year yet, and have had some issues with my boss over expectations, so I am REALLY not looking forward to telling him. If I had a better relationship with him, I would be less hesitant.

Mama to three small people; wife to one big person; pet-person to cats and dogs..."Be the change you want to see in the world"-- Gandhi
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Old 04-05-2004, 02:23 PM
 
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We told family this weekend and of course everyone was very excited! It was really fun. I was able to tell my family in person and all together, but my dh had to call his family. Nonetheless, it was great!
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Old 04-06-2004, 09:50 PM
 
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I've told my friend's and the ladies here, but haven't told my mom(not looking forward to that), or my kids(we are doing it today)...I am a tiny bit worried about telling people so early, I m/c before Sam, but I am so excited, and my IRL friends would kill me if I kept it a secret that long. LOL

Single mama to Alex(13), Maddy(12), Sam(8), Violet(6), and Ruby(3). fly-by-nursing1.gif
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Old 04-06-2004, 10:31 PM
 
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My mom knows (she lives with me) and my cousin, who is like a sister knows, but that is all. We won't be telling anyone else till the second trimester.
We had a m/c last November, and I did not like the feeling of having just told everyone we were pregnant, only to have to tell them we were not. I am really private about my 'person' and it was not a good time. So, we will wait for now.

And of course, all you ladies know!

Kristina; wife to Max, Mom to Tristan (17) and Zackariah (7) and Lillian (5)
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Old 04-12-2004, 07:38 PM
 
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We tell basiclly everyone LOL! I have experienced a m/c and found that it was much easier to get through when others are aware of what is going on.....the support system is already in place. Plus we just suck at keeping secrets - my sister knew within 10 minutes of test taking LOL!

Grace - photographer, wife and mom to 4 great kids (Ethan 5.00, Ainsley 4.02, Owen 12.04, and Ellis Ann 10.07) :
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Old 04-12-2004, 10:59 PM
 
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I have told my dh, my mom, and four of my good friends.

I have also experienced a m/c and I agree that it's nice to have a support system in place!
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Old 04-12-2004, 11:58 PM
 
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Well, I've told two mama friends, dh and dd1. One of those mama friends is an MDC mama, so she already knew, and the other I just had to tell cause we're on the same wavelength. :-) I've *almost* told several others, but I just can't quite bring myself to share the secret, even though I WANT to . Anyone else feeling like that?

Laura, mama to J (15), N (12), E (9) , M (6), and our little caboose, R (3).
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Old 04-13-2004, 01:24 AM
 
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i've only told dh and you all here. i'll probably wait a couple months to tell my family, maybe sooner for my close friends. i kind of enjoy having the secret
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Old 04-14-2004, 04:50 PM
 
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I haven't told anybody yet. Just found out yesterday, and I'm barely 4 weeks (my period isn't even due yet until Friday), so I am paranoid about something happening.

I'm really close to my mom, so I'll probably break down and tell her around 5 or 6 weeks if I can wait. Haven't decided about friends yet. I guess a good rule to follow is that we should be telling people we would want support from if something happened.

Mr. Kaliki is delirious with joy and dying to tell someone--he told me that he finally broke down and told the homeless guy for whom he buys coffee every morning!

I dunno. I know it becomes "safer" at 12 weeks. Is there another point like that in the first trimester? Like it's pretty safe at 8 weeks and really, really safe at 12?
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Old 04-15-2004, 11:59 PM
 
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We have told one friend each, and I have let the entire online world know...but we havent told any familyand probably wont for a few more weeks at least.
I don't want to deal with everyone freaking out about me havin kids so close together and I just want to get where I am comfy with everything before I invite advice from the families.
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Old 04-16-2004, 07:26 PM
 
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Well, I have told all you ladies, my dh of course and my mom and that is it until I at least hear a heartbeat. I had a mc in Sept (10 wks) and again in Jan (5 wks) so not feeling so upbeat here. I am on progesterone now so more hopeful than before, but still so worried and scared. I am really looking forward to the day I can let everybody know
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