Congratulations on the birth of Megan. It's great you're giving her mama milk. My advice is to do as much for her as the nurses will let you do. Bath her and change her diapers etc.
I can only imagine what you're going through. I have only a small concept. My dd was born at 34 weeks. Aside from my dd having only a few problems, it was very hard on me.
Hard to accept the loss of a "perfect" birth, the bonding time. It was hard for me to see others caring for her. I kept thinking that she should still be inside me. That it wasn't her time yet.
While she was in the hospital, she was hooked up to monitors and wires etc. Many times, when I would visit her in the nursery, I would focus on those machines. Analyzing the numbers and so on. After a while, I felt as if I was visiting the monitors instead of her. Like, whenever the docs would come in, all they did was look at the numbers etc. So, I would have the nurse turn the monitors around or off. So I could concentrate on my beautiful baby girl.
I don't mean to sound negative at all. And perhaps you're not feeling anything like I did. I don't know, thought maybe you might be having some crazy feelings. I thought it might help to know that they're normal.
I guess I just wanted to let you know, that I am thinking and praying for you and Megan. Praying for her health and your strength. And peace.