I need to vent...(long and whiny) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 11-15-2004, 03:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm tired of being pregnant. I'm sick of being tired and uncomforatble in bed. I have stretchmarks and they itch like crazy. Even the shea butter isn't working anymore. I hate these crazy preganacy hormones. I've been so depressed and I'm on Wellbutrin, which I didn't want to do but I have been feeling suicidal (I haven't told anyone this) so I needed to do something. I hate that I feel like I"m the only one interested inthis pregnancy. And I am sick to death of my husband saying he'll help out around the house and with grocery shopping and then not and then complaining the house is a mess and we have no food. DUH!!!!!

I hate that it's dark outside when I get home from work. I'm not getting enough exercise, which is probably making the depression worse. I hate sitting in this dark little cubicle all day. No natural light, it's making me crazy.

I hate our fancy house and fancy cars. I'm tired of tiptoing around trying not to break or ruin anything. I scraped dh's new car on the stupid skinny garage last night. No real harm done, and he's the ass who couldn't tear himself away from NASCAR so I could take my car to go see a movie. This isn't the life I wanted. I want to play outside and I want to fingerpaint with my dd in the living room. I don't want someone to cringe every singe time I drop something on the floor 'cause, OH MY G*D, I might have scratched the floors.

Oh and why is it naive to want to use less environmentally toxic cleaners? And if it is, SO FREAKING WHAT???!!!!! Why is it bad to hold onto ideals past age 25? To want to make this world a better place fomr my childern and grandchildren? Dh does the dishes like once a month tops, so what does he care, and how would he know if the seventh generation stuff doesn't work as well as dawn.

And is it too much to ask that we not have the TV on when dd is up and playing? Does dh really NEED to watch NASCAR and football and the simpsons AND... instead of paying attention to me and his dd? Seriously in the middle of my sentance last night he started to turn the TV on. Why does't he see that as rude? And Dateline is a crappy sensationalized show with no real information worth retaining. TURN IT OFF and take the poor dog for a walk!!!!!!!!!!! And on the subject of dh...isn't it funny that when I started cooking fresh veggies and beans and rice, you started to lose weight. You poor thing having to endure beans and veggies and rice. Oh G*D if it might be healthy it reminds you of, HEAVEN FORBID, your mother's lentil loaf. I'm not your mother...quite rebelling aginst me as if I was.

And I'm tired of not fitting in anywhere. I'm too mainstream to be crunchy and too crunchy to be mainstream. All I want is some friends that won't give me hard time for cloth diapering when I can and cosleeping and not CIO and working nearly fulltime and living in yuppiville. My mom thinks I'm ruining her grandchild, and I can't even tell her that I"m homebirhting, 'cause she'll freak out and worry and I really don't want the negative vibes. What happened to accepting people for who they are?

And don't get me started on politics...it's just all too depressing and overwhelming.

I'm sorry if someone has actually read this. Watch out for the crazy pregnant lady, she's off her rocker today.

I need a good cry and a good walk and a massage...and someone to make me a really nice dinner and clean my house.
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#2 of 8 Old 11-15-2004, 03:15 PM
 
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you whine and vent ALL you want mama! pregnancy is challenging in so many levels, and it sounds like you could use a little more support!

come here for a nice hawaiian vacation and I'll pamper you (and you can make all the mess you want- all my floors are scratched or cracked, AND, we don't have TV)
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#3 of 8 Old 11-15-2004, 04:23 PM
 
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Hugs to you mama I know how crazy preg hormones can make you. Sell your car and get something you want. Scratched floors have more character, think of them like mermories...My MIL got a scratch on the floor when our dog was in her house we will never forget that day. Besides someday you will refinish them and it won't matter. Get a light box for your office and by all means go for a nice long walk and have a massage. One that last for 2 hours and then lay on the table for as long as you want. As for the dh tell him what you need from him and be specific. Get the name of a marrige cousler sometimes they need a wake up call.

Most importantly you have to believe you are good and have value. Cruchy, mainstream it don't matter what matters is that you are being the authentic you. Who YOU are and living your life the way YOU see fit. Take care. A mama in Oregon will be thinking of you...
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#4 of 8 Old 11-15-2004, 04:57 PM
 
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Jess- I am sorry things are so hard for you right now. It sounds like you know what you need, so go do it! Take a day off, go to a spa with a girlfriend, get a massage (some places have tables where the middle drops out so you can lie on your stomach) and go for a hike with your DD. If you husband wants something different that you cook, tell him to go to the store and BUY the ingredients.

I have been where you are. I was depressed during my last pregnancy and suffered from post-partum depression as well. Everything feels overwhelming and it feels like there is no way out. All I can tell you is that it gets better. It is hard to see from where you are now, but it will.... Just do what you need to take care of yourself.

Feel free to IM me any time you need to talk and take care of yourself.

Naomi

PS- If you grind up some oatmeal in the blender and put it in the bathtub for about a week, it will do wonders for your itchies!
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#5 of 8 Old 11-15-2004, 10:49 PM
 
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Jess........ just sending some your way!! Sometimes, life can be sooooooo overwhelming. You don't have to apologize for how you are feeling. I am really glad that you wrote all of your feelings out. You definitely don't want to visit me here in Alaska - talk about dark and dismal. But, the light idea is a great one!!! I'll be thinking of you and wishing you good vibes.
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#6 of 8 Old 11-16-2004, 02:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks mamas! I really appreciate the support. Mamalama I would love to visit you in Hawaii. It sounds so nice and warm.

I had a good cry yesterday and I am feeling better. And I know things will look better in few days 'cause the hormones will change again.

And dh is who he is. I just need to learn toignore him when he's being a jerk.

I have a psych appt today and after that I'm going to take a walk and enjoy the nice weather. It's supposed to be cold again this weekend so i'd better take advantage of the 60's and sunny while it lasts.

Thanks Again...
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#7 of 8 Old 11-17-2004, 11:09 AM
 
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Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better! Hugs!
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#8 of 8 Old 11-18-2004, 02:38 AM
 
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I'm glad you're feeling better .

I don't have much advice. I just started anti depressents too, because my life and pregnancy have been crazy, and acupuncture wasn't helping anymore. It's good. It's much better for the baby to not feel so stressed (and me too ).

Keep on venting here. We care. And after you come visit Malama, you can hop over to Oahu and stay with me
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