Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: among the coffee beans...
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Sorry to unburden myself on you guys, and I hope this doesn't sound too petty. Here goes ~
First, a bit of background: My DH is a visiting prof here at a University this year, but is actively applying for tenure-track positions coming up this Fall. He's been getting an overwhelming response, and has 6 interviews at the end of the month in Boston (they have a big conference where all the major universities try to do all their short-list hiring). That's all fine and good. It's kind of crappy that he has to leave on Boxing Day and be gone until New Year's, but it's really awesome that he's gotten these and I am so excited and proud for him.
But, here's the kicker. He got a call last night from a University in Canada, asking to fly him in for an interview. This is better than just being short-listed; he's one of three candidates, and he is in the top place right now. This is wonderful too, and so exciting! The thing is, he agreed to fly in for a three or four day interview process, leaving here on January 13th. I will be 38 1/2 weeks pregnant, and this makes me so anxious. At first, I thought it was just for a day and still I was not feeling great about it, but then I find out it's for 3 or 4 days (can't remember which)!!
Ok, so he is obviously not thrilled about this either. He feels awful about the possibility of missing the birth, but I feel like he's not really getting it ~ i.e. for him, he misses the birth, which would be very disappointing. But, as he said it, "well, we can always talk on the phone! That would be special too!" WTF??? I feel so torn. I want to be very supportive, and I truly am excited for him and so proud. But I have to admit that I feel abandoned! True, there is nothing to say that I *will* go into labor during those three days, still I feel like it is such a horrible time to fly thousands of miles away.
The other tough part is that we are having a homebirth (with midwives I LOVE and have complete faith in), but we were hoping to have DD present for the birth. We don't have ANY family here at all. No one. We have friends that are more like good acquaintances, and while we do have back-ups set up to take DD if it is absolutely necessary, these are not people she knows well and would not be very comfortable. If I am giving birth alone, I feel like I would have a very hard time mentally/emotionally caring for DD at the same time. Even though we will have midwives, I think she needs someone who can really care for her if need be. That was supposed to be DH (as well as being my birth partner!) He was absolutely incredible as a support during our first birth. Now I feel like not only will I give birth without him, but our hopes to have her there will not be realized. I cannot see how I could manage, nor would I want the added stress of preparing for that.
So I just feel like crying about this all the time, and then I feel silly ~ like I'm overreacting. I am not even due until the end of January, but our dates are not great because I didn't ever get my period back after DD's pregnancy and plus she was born 16 days ahead of her EDD too. I feel so disappointed, like I am being asked again to "take one for the team" (it has NOT been an easy year & a half, with his thesis work, etc.)
DH's hands are tied in many ways, I know. He wrote a long and very good email to the department of that University last night asking if they would delay his interview 3 weeks. Unfortunately, they wrote back this evening that the job search cannot continue into February, and the best they can offer is bumping his interview forward to January 10th. I *guess* that is better???? Although, that is PRECISELY how far along I was when DD was born! I do know that doesn't mean anything necessarily, but still I cannot help but feel awful about both of these choices.
Thank you so much for reading. I just felt like I had to let this out somewhere, and not just to poor DH who is juggling a million things at once and feels terrible enough abou this already.