A few days have passed and I have a minute to type about Grace's birth. The whole thing was 27 hours so I am going to give you the "highlights" LOL....
As many of you know I had a rough pregnancy with a lot of anxiety & panic attacks stemming from Henry's birth. December was an awful month but all in all when I went into labor I was OK.
I woke up at 11:30PM on the 7th with mild contractions 5 minutes apart. They stayed pretty much the same for the next few hours but by morning were strong enough that I felt I wanted my midwives around. They came around 10 in the morning & I was having regular, nice contractions. I didn't want to be checked though so we all just hung out, DH made a fire & we just waited.
I started to get anxious when it was getting dark again outside. I started to worry that the baby was going to get hung up again (this is what happened with my others) & that I would be laboring forever. So around 7 PM or so, I asked to be checked & I was at 8-9cm & I was assured that I was on the home stretch. My bag of waters broke soon after & I felt better about the things.
For the next 5 hours later, I was contracting very strongly at 1 minute apart intervals & was still at 8-9cm with no change. I became totally defeated.My anxiety & panic returned with a vengence! I refused to breathe thru contractions.....I was crying...I was begging them to make it stop, crossing my legs tightly during contractions & basically freaking out. I was asking to go to the hospital. Poor DH was sobbing outside because I was so upset. My mom was begging me to hang in there, the Mw's were assuring me that the baby would come out but I could NOT be convinced.
I retreated to the bathtub in the dark. My mom came in & I just cried & screamed with each contraction. I prayed a lot when I got a breath. I seriously felt that I would die. Henry's bad birth came flooding back & I just could not get it together.
At about 1:30AM, everyone was talking about wether or not the hospital was an option. The MW's were on the phone with my homeopath getting her thoughts on what to do. I had a strong & overwhemling urge to push & for the first time in hours, I opened my legs & went under the water & pushed with all my might. I reached down & felt the top of her head!! I screamed "The baby's coming!!!!!" & everyone rushed in!!! One more push & she was born.
I was in, and am in shock to this day. I have never been in such despair & yet she came out! I named her Grace becasue I believe she was born by the grace of God. Her birth was the hardest thing I have been thru in my life. I feel so many things; things that are hard to put into words.
I am just happy she is here. Her birth was so hard, but so healing & just what it was supposed to be.
Thanks mamas for all your kind words to me while I was waiting. It really meant a lot.