when are you telling? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 20 Old 06-01-2004, 06:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am feeling conflicted about this because I am SO excited, but nervous about telling after a M/C at 6 weeks last month. We said we were going to wait until 12 weeks, but we are going on a vacation with my entire family the third week in June, and that would be a perfect time to tell. But I'll only be about 8 weeks and won't even have been to the doctor yet. I guess I'm just paranoid about telling.

Who are you telling when and why? Especially those of you with losses--does it make you less willing to tell early?
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#2 of 20 Old 06-01-2004, 07:04 PM
 
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I have already told all my family and friends (within 3 days of the + HPT). I had a blood test to confirm my pregnancy and my first appt is Monday. I hope to get an ultrasound because I conceived on Clomid. Anyways, my dh is going to tell his family in a few weeks when we are visiting them (across the country) he would rather tell people in person, I just wanted to tell them LOL!!!
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#3 of 20 Old 06-02-2004, 01:11 AM
 
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We will wait this time until 12 weeks, with the exeption of my mom and my good friends who supported us through the 3 m/c's.
Dh's thought is that we will not tell his mom until after the baby is born, she is to say the least a judgemental, know it all, pain in the but, who had the gall after my last m/c to call me up special to tell me that this may just be God's way of telling me we shouldn't be having a baby before we're married.
B!tch.
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#4 of 20 Old 06-02-2004, 01:19 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shannon0218
We will wait this time until 12 weeks, with the exeption of my mom and my good friends who supported us through the 3 m/c's.
Dh's thought is that we will not tell his mom until after the baby is born, she is to say the least a judgemental, know it all, pain in the but, who had the gall after my last m/c to call me up special to tell me that this may just be God's way of telling me we shouldn't be having a baby before we're married.
B!tch.
.

Goodness, everytime I read that people actually say things like that, my jaw just drops.

[lurking here, hoping to join in soon ]
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#5 of 20 Old 06-02-2004, 01:29 AM
 
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I am not telling until I am at least 12 weeks, of course I will tell DH as soon as he gets home from work (in the middle of the month) It was so hard not telling him tonight. Ds's first birthday is June 30, and I don't want to take away from his big day and then is my best friends wedding so I will wait until that all boils down and we make sure the baby and me are fine. It is so hard not to tell.

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#6 of 20 Old 06-02-2004, 01:48 AM
 
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I've told all of my family, dh's family, and close friends (including 3 at work). These are the people that would support me if anything bad were to happen, so i figured it was okay for them to know.
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#7 of 20 Old 06-02-2004, 01:55 AM
 
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I told my sil today. We're waiting a little while to tell everybody else, including dd. She spends a lot of time with the inlaws since we live next door to them and it would be too big of a secret for her to keep. I really want to tell her but dh wants to wait. I've never had a m/c and I've gotten 3 + HPTs, so I don't really have any reason to wait. But, he's the more logical one, so I'll humor him.






Tracie (who hates keeping secrets)
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#8 of 20 Old 06-02-2004, 01:05 PM
 
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We suffered a loss at 3 months prior to my last pregnancy with DS and when I first got pregnant again I was really torn on whether or not to tell people. But my SIL said something to me that really hit home (she also had suffered a m/c prior to the birth of one of her kids) she said that if she hadn't told anyone she wouldn't have had that support system that was so important to her after the loss. I realized that if I did have another loss I didn't want to suffer alone so we decided to share.

This was a great relief when I made the decision because honestly, I BITE at keeping secrets! Especially big ones like this!

We have started to share the news with some people - my in laws know and my SIL and her family know, my best friends know. My parents are out of town right now so we are waiting until they come back (tonight!) to share the news with them and then we will start to share with the rest of the world.

Duh I've already got pregnancy brain - we also told our boys!

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#9 of 20 Old 06-02-2004, 01:09 PM
 
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The way I've decided with my pregnancies to tell others is this -- If I should miscarry, would I want this person to know? You always hope and pray that you won't miscarry, but it is a concern, especially in the first trimester. But, it's so exciting how can you keep a secret!?!? I usually tell a lot of people, again, people I would want to know if I miscarried.

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#10 of 20 Old 06-02-2004, 07:42 PM
 
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Last time we kept it a secret for a week or two. This time we are not sure how long we will keep it to ourselves. I did tell my PG best friend when she stopped by. She was told to keep it a SECRET though! I have a Beta tomorrow, and an US in a week or two to date the PG b/c I wan't keeping good track of time this past few months :LOL
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#11 of 20 Old 06-03-2004, 06:05 PM
 
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I can't keep secrets....unless someone tells me to. I have known that I am positively pregnant for 6 1/2 hours now, and I have told..my mom, dad, brother, hubby, six friends, my aunt, two random neighbors, my 18 month old daughter (in which she replied "blah schnom bobbed hab dost baby")and my cats. We will probaby tell his family tonight, but it'll have to be over the phone because we are super busy getting ready to leave for vacation tomorrow morning.
Last time I told everyone right away, but my husband didn't tell his coworkers for a couple weeks because he was too embarrassed...don't know why!
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#12 of 20 Old 06-03-2004, 06:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Spark, I think you make a good point about telling people that you would want to know if you miscarried. We held off telling anyone last time, and when I miscarried, I still told the people closest to me even though I hadn't told them about the pregnancy.

I am really waffling about whether to tell on this vacation. On the one hand, timing is great because we'll all be together. On the other hand, I'll be just starting my 8th week, which feels SO EARLY to tell. I dunno. I haven't even had a beta confirmation yet, only POAS. Maybe I'll go into the doctor next week for the beta test and then I'll feel better.

It is such huge and exciting news! Part of me thinks telling will be jinxing it (stupid, I know) but part of me wants everyone to be as happy as me and DH are!
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#13 of 20 Old 06-04-2004, 04:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by happymamajenni
my 18 month old daughter (in which she replied "blah schnom bobbed hab dost baby")
:LOL :LOL :LOL :LOL That is toooooo cute!

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#14 of 20 Old 06-07-2004, 02:03 AM
 
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I agree with Spark and Chiku that telling people who you would want to support you through a miscarriage is who you should tell first but I also suffer from the "so excited I want to tell everyone" syndrome which meant I had to go back and tell relative strangers I had a miscarriage in January. I also have a dh that wants to wait and wait and wait to tell anyone, so that has limited me to telling my parents, my best friend, my husband's best friend's wife , and my brother, though I have hinted to others that pregnancy could be a possibility in my near future LOL.

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#15 of 20 Old 06-07-2004, 10:31 AM
 
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I'm having a problem in that everyone knew we were going to a fertility clinic (I hadn't really realized how many people we told!!) So I have clients who know we are trying--too many of them ask. Unfortunately, way too many people know, but the only one I totally don't want to know is my MIL, dh has it all figured out, we will visit her when I'm at around 5 months, I'll wear baggy clothes, she can make a snide comment about my getting fat, we will privately giggle, then he figured we can avoid her for another 4 mos. He has not however figured out how we will get away with not seeing her at Christmas--especially since his birthday is Dec. 26th. So we shall see how our plan works!!
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#16 of 20 Old 06-07-2004, 02:55 PM
 
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Shannon, you aren't going to tell MIL at all?
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#17 of 20 Old 06-07-2004, 05:34 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisashepp
Shannon, you aren't going to tell MIL at all?
Steve would really like to wait until after the baby is born to tell her, but I don't see that happening. She has a habit of saying rude and insulting things at the best of times and while pregnant she is less than supportive--add to that the fact that she knows EVERYTHING and you can see the dilema.
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#18 of 20 Old 06-18-2004, 12:42 PM
 
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Well dh and I agreed that we wouldn't tell anyone. But I couldn't keep my mouth shut I told my parents my grandparents my aunt my brother and all kinds of friends. MY dh knows that I told my parents and 2 friends buthe doesn't know about any one else.
We aren't speaking with any of dh's family so we don't have to worry about them.
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#19 of 20 Old 06-18-2004, 01:26 PM
 
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I am not telling for a while for 2 reasons, well 3

1. Have had 2 misses one at 11 weeks and one at 14

2. It is baby #4, #3 is 7 months and no one was happy to hear from us last time around

3. We just moved to PA for me to apprentice so it is BAD timing

We are quiverfull, meaning we will have as many babes as God gives us. To say the least our family does NOT agree and won't be pleased. We are stunned but excited and don't really want to hear everyone be negative. We are thinking of keeping it mum for a long time, maybe until Fall.
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#20 of 20 Old 06-20-2004, 10:26 PM
 
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We told today!

It was a great Father's Day gift to both Grandpas. They were both very surprised and super thrilled. I am so happy we didn't wait until 4th of July.
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