What will you do differently this time? - Mothering Forums
February 2005 > What will you do differently this time?
Periwinkle's Avatar Periwinkle 04:53 PM 06-11-2004
This is something I've been thinking about for a while, even before TTC. Not so much from a "regrets" perspective, but there's just so much I've learned since having dd and ds, that I really want to do some things differently this time. The biggest example is that during my pregnancy/birth/early days with dd and ds, I was totally mainstream. Never even heard of Mothering, I thought "What to Expect" and "Baby Whisperer" were all I needed to know. I've learned so much and feel like I still have lots more to learn.

My list:

* Keep my weight down while still being very healthy. Last time, I had to gain a ton of weight (twin pregnancy) and eat all sorts of stuff to pack in the calories and protein. This time, I really want to be careful about gaining too much. It has taken me 2 years to get close to my pre-preg / healthy weight. (Keep in mind, I am 5'7" and weigh 170... I'm hardly talkin about staying skinny so I can fit into that string bikini! LOL Totally a heatlh concern.)

* Exercise this time Last time, I was almost completely sedentary (again, dr's orders given twin preg). I want to move around, keep doing my evening walks and maybe even join a prenatal yoga class nearby. I was sooooo exhausted and out of shape when dd and ds were born, it was a huge energy crisis for me to take care of twin newborns. This time, I have to take care of a baby AND two toddlers. I also want to feel better than I did last preg.

* Explore natural birth options. I had vaginal delivery for dd and then c-section for ds b/c he became transverse (pretty common for Baby B's once they've got all that room in there after Baby A is out!). So I want to explore VBAC. I am still feeling strongly like I want to be in a hospital with a NICU right there - it's hard for me to "let go" of that medical reliance, since after all the NICU saved dd and ds' life when they were born too early (32 weeks). Like, in my heart, I would love a midwife-assisted homebirth or birthing center birth, but my head is saying no no no, you need a NICU onsite I have some serious researching to do...

Hmmm... I'm sure I'll add more to this list soon.

I'd love to hear everyone else's thoughts. If you want to do something different, what, how, etc.

Free Thinker's Avatar Free Thinker 05:03 PM 06-11-2004
This time I plan to walk just like I did last time. I was in size 8 jeans 10 day PP w/ DD, so I really think the walking helped, oh, and tons of Kegals!!! I hope to not have as much MS this time, so that I can steadily gain weight thru the pregnancy, instead of waiting til the last trimester. I think this PG will be less stressful b/c I know what to expect, I know I can BF, and know who to call if I suspect baby has latch problems, ect. I'm not nervous about the birth part either, I have everything I really need already. The only thing I really have to do is re-arrange DDs room, and possibly get myself a new dresser, if we put ours in the babies' room. (DD and Baby will be sharing a room). That's all fun stuff!!!
Boobs's Avatar Boobs 07:31 PM 06-11-2004
Everything! I also thought "What to Expect" was all I needed to know. I'm going to exercise and drink lots of water. I already cut out caffeine. (That was a huge accomplishment because I've had like 10 year addiction to Diet Coke!) I will have a midwife this time and do anything and everything I can to have a VBAC at home. I'm not going to spend $$ on a nursery, not that I really could anyway since we don't have an extra bedroom right now. I don't want a baby shower.
Everything's different this time. The biggest difference, though, is that I'll have supportive, loving husband this time! I'm hoping that will make everything easier.

Tracie (older and wiser)
HelloKitty's Avatar HelloKitty 09:04 AM 06-12-2004
Don't even get me started on those "What to Expect Books"!!!!

I've been on the South Beach Diet for the last few months and I feel really good about the way I eat now - no white flour, processed foods or sugar. Oh and I've been caffeine free now for over 6 years so that's not an issue. I'm going to stick with that way of eating, with the exception of minimal amounts of sugar because I don't want to use artificial sweeteners. Which means I've had to cut out my decaf diet pepsi - this has been tough!!!!! The only thing I'm really drinking is water or I have milk once a day. Very dull. I usually use pregnancy as an excuse to pig out but this time I'm going to try to limit my weight gain to just what me and the baby need.
TwinMom's Avatar TwinMom 05:20 PM 06-12-2004
HelloKitty, you can use Stevia, which is a natural product, not chemicals. It has 0 calories but also has no harmful effects like chemical sweetners can have. I use it and like it!

What I'm doing differently:

Planning a homebirth
Using a midwife instead of OB
Exercising regularly
Having a wonderful doula who I already know and trust (our last one SUCKED)
Following the diabetic diet even before I develop it
Eating healthy (I ate healthy last time, but not as well)--no white flour, white rice, or processed foods
Eating vegan instead of vegetarian (excessive dairy led to problems last time)
mehndi mama's Avatar mehndi mama 02:02 AM 06-13-2004
I've made a rule of doing things way differently with each pregnancy! I learn something new every time. This time around, I am:

Planning an unassisted homebirth right from the start. No stressing about midwives!

I'm not going on WIC.

I'm not going to obsess about the possibility of twins.

I've already cut refined sugar out of my diet.

As soon as I read up on the Brewer diet, I plan to try to follow that this time.

I'd like to get into a prenatal yoga routine.
happymamajenni's Avatar happymamajenni 10:24 PM 06-13-2004
This time I plan to create a healthy eating plan for myself and exercise daily.
I also plan to cut out caffine completely.

I will not stick with an OB I don't like. Last time I was with an OB group until my 34th week and I didn't like any of them. I switched to a midwife at a birthing center, which created a big uproar at the OB's office, and because of a marathon labour of 56 hours, I ended up being induced at a hospital anyways, and had to just go with the doctor who was there at the time. I didn't mind the hospital once I was there, so I think I'll still have a hospital birth, but I am going to look at the OB thing like an interviewing process, and I don't care if I'm still looking the week before I deliver.

I will not be intimidated by a doctor because now that I've already had a baby, they can't tell me what I'll change my mind about (an epidural). I didn't have one before, and I'm not going to have one next time either.

I will have video taken of the baby at the hospital. I didn't take any of my daughter until she was a month old and I really regret that. And now that we have a digital camera, I'll be able to take tons more pictures this time too.

I will not have everybody and their brother in the delivery room. Last time I had my hubby, mom, dad, brother and his fiance. I just never thought to ask them to leave once I started pushing. So basically it was a cool experiece for them, but I can't get over the fact that my brother saw my hoo-hoo. My dad didn't look (thank God). I think at the most I'd like my hubby and mom this time.

I'm sure I could think of more but I don't want to bore you all.
jorie's Avatar jorie 06:32 PM 06-14-2004
I agree with the "What to Expect" sentiments! I have learned soooo much since my first preg., I feel like an entirely different person. I look back and think "Who was that woman and how did she get in my house?":LOL I am eating soo much better this time. And exercising! I am going to cd from day one instead of waiting several weeks (I've got it all planned out--I am making some fitted diapers, knitting a wool soaker(maybe longies?), knitting a little sweater and matching hat, maybe even some socks! This baby is going home wrapped in mama's love from head to toe!) I know what tests need to be done and what don't. I have the confidence to refuse things I think are unnecessary. And if I can do anything to affect this, I am not going early! I will have my IV-free, drug-free (pit and penicillin last time) birth! But if my water breaks early again, I know what to expect and know that they can't bully me into not even waiting 24hrs to see if my body will start labor on its own! I just have more confidence in my body this time. I've successfully nursed for 2 years, so I know my body can--no worries next time about "But will I make enough millk?!?" I know I can cope with the pain of birth (YAY Doulas! Don't enter the hospital without one!!!!), that it is such a fleeting thing. Also, I know I want to wait a bit before we have visitors. I was so tired last time and everytime I was going to take a nap, someone would come--I told people to "just come" so completely my own fault. Esp. with ds to consider, I want to keep the world out for a bit.
AmBam's Avatar AmBam 08:51 PM 06-14-2004
My last birth was when I did things oh so different. I went from a c-section with the first, to a homebirth with my last. Oh what a wonderful change.

I am going to do some things differently this time also... Like exercising through my whole pregnancy!! Eating healthier!! And listening to MY body and TRUSTING my body. I have a wonderful midwife who delivered my last one and will attend this one if her health allows. I am also hoping for a water birth this time. So basically I am just going to concentrate on being as healthy as possible this time around. I didn't quite master that last time.
Lousli's Avatar Lousli 10:57 PM 06-14-2004
Take Bradley or hypnobirthing classes! I want a natural childbirth so much this time around.

Take some time off before the baby is born.

Hopefully go full-term instead of 4 weeks early and not allow my mom to leave the country while I'm in my last trimester. She was in the Indian Ocean during the birth of my daughter.

Eliminate caffiene (man that is hard).

Try hard to eat healthy, but not beat myself up about it if I slip up occasionally.

Journal more and photograph my belly more. Make a belly casting.

Photograph the birth, possibly videotape it (still not sure about this one).

Maybe take some yoga with a friend of mine.

Drink lots of water.
Ellie'sMom's Avatar Ellie'sMom 02:19 PM 06-16-2004
1. Homebirth. I was in a birthcenter last time around, and though I had my drug-free birth, it still felt too clinical. Oh and I hated having to get in the car and endure a 20 min. drive while in active labor.

2. Kegels, kegels and more kegels...I have a small cystocele that didn't actually become apparent until dd was 6 months old or so...I don't want it to get worse. It sucks to dread a sneeze!

3. Belly cast and more belly pix.

4. Wear tighter maternity clothes. Seriously. I want to show off my pregnant self!

There are lots of others that apply to after the baby comes...the major one for me is to follow the baby's lead and not some strict set of guidelines. Ironically, the guidelines I am referring to are Dr. Sears', not What to Expect. My baby didn't like to cosleep, but it took me 8 months and lots of guilt to accept that. I could go on and on about this one, but I'll save it for the 3rd trimester!
Krystal323's Avatar Krystal323 04:09 PM 06-21-2004
With Ian--I was age 18--1999:

Have always hated drs and didn't trust 'em so I went to a birthplace. Wsa however obsessed w/myself--my weight, my skin, my education, so I quit bf'ing after 10 days, took weight loss pills, spent hundreds of dollars on stretchmark creams, and was happy to go to college full-time when Ian turned one. I worshipped the what to expect books and esp. judging by the other teen moms around me, I thought I ws doing a GREAT job!

With Lili--I was 21 and in college--2001:

Others around me were pg again and the unthinkable happened--we actually wanted another baby! ??!! Got pg ont he 1st try and mid-pg my dh bought me "the womanly art of bf'ing" knowing I wanted a bf book to "remedy" my failure to bf Ian. WHOA! Changed my whole perspective, found Mothering, turned crunchy. We all of a sudden were sling-using, cloth diapering, natural parents! A BAD two-week long reaction to Lili's 2m shots caused me to finally stop sticking my head inthe sand about vaccines and research--I was horrified and we didn't do any more.

NOW: I have since discovered the natural hygiene diet (a form of veganism), unschooling as a lifestyle philosophy, and overall have learned to trust my instincts so well, esp considering I didn't know I had any when I had Ian!

SO this time: we're buying kissaluvs size 0's and hopefully doing ec so we won't need them long

Definitely homebirth, probably unattended.

No vaccines

Tandem nursing if Lili doesn't decide to wean!

More freedom of choice in food (from unschooling) but at the same time me going vegan to set IMO a "good example" (which is emotionally more healthy than nagging my son about his cheese pizza--yk?)

I had read a lot of Glenn Doman's work (Teach you baby to Read), but I have also learned a LOT thanks to unschooling, so instead of being anal about flashcards and feeling like I wasn't "dong enough", I am going to make books w/very large print like he advocates it, but just completely go w/my instincts and the baby's interest level. If the babe is bored, so what, he's got PLENTY of time to learn to read lol! :

I hope to take this baby (and the other ones too!) to a nice indoor pool more often so we have the benefit of swimming year-round--I can't swim myself and I would be just delighted to see my kids learn how to swim on their own!

Oh yeah, and for me! I will celebrate my round body more instead of freaking out about it I will buy some cool bravado bras (can we say leopard print?? )instead of suffering thru 2+ years of wearing tattered wal-mart specials I will invest in those Lilypadz or some other reusable high-quality nursing pads. I will eat healthfully w/o being anal about it...and I will RELAX!!
Chiku's Avatar Chiku 04:21 PM 06-21-2004
This is such a great thread idea, Periwinkle. Very useful to us first time mommas who can learn from your experiences! Thanks to all!
(Krystal and Ellie's mom--for starters, I am trying to take your advice on loving your round body and wearing sexy bras and tighter maternity clothes to heart! I was just about to go to Hecht's and buy some boring functional bras and loose baggy shirts, but you've made me rethink it!)
Krystal323's Avatar Krystal323 01:36 PM 06-22-2004
Just wanted to add the two best websites I've found for maternity clothes you would drool over even if you weren't pg!!



Shower your baby is expensive but they have stuff that runway models wear lol! The other site is for new addition, a boutique in Austin TX that I've shopped at both IRL an online--they're a bit more reasonable--certainly not cheap, but the perfect place for a splurge. love those bellies!!

beachrock's Avatar beachrock 11:40 PM 06-23-2004
This time that baby will be on my chest IMMEDIATELY after birth (at home in my bed) instead of having to wait for the nurses to sew me up, for more nurses to stick him with needles, bathe him, etc.... Hearing his cries and not being allowed to hold him for almost 20 minutes broke my heart at what should have been a moment of pure joy
rose angel's Avatar rose angel 03:24 PM 06-24-2004
Originally Posted by TwinMom
HelloKitty, you can use Stevia, which is a natural product, not chemicals. It has 0 calories but also has no harmful effects like chemical sweetners can have. I use it and like it!
I like stevia too, except I read in this months Prevention magazine, that there has been some concern about possible chromasomal damage from stevia. That freaked me out, so no stevia for me and the fetus. They didn't give the details though, so who knows? I tend to err on the cautious side in pregnancy.