"third baby syndrome" ? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 22 Old 01-14-2005, 05:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Anyone ever heard of or experienced what is called "third baby syndrome?"

It's where mothers expecting their third child are more nervous about the birth and babyhood than they were w/the first two dc.
I'm expecting our third 02/05 and I have to tell you...I'm nervous. Excited, thrilled, and feeling so blessed...this was a planned pregnancy.....but there are unexpected jitters about the birth and baby-hood unlike before. Even though I honestly believe it'll be easier this time since dds are ages 4 and 5 1/2 yrs. Sure, they're still young, but old enough to help and participate.

Anyhow, can anyone relate?
(maybe I should post this on a broader viewed area where other moms, not just those expecting, could chime in. ??)
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#2 of 22 Old 01-14-2005, 06:30 AM
 
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hmmm, I'd never heard of that, but I can relate. I wasn't really more nervous or concerned about my third baby (he's almost 5 y.o. now) I don't think. But I distinctly remember having this fear after he was born that I was going to leave him somewhere. Like, get the girls in the car and drive off to the store only to remember I had left ds asleep on the couch. Or leave him in his carseat in the driveway after buckling up the girls. I'm not sure why--who knows why we worry about the things we do. I never did leave him anywhere though .
There is something bigger, slightly overwhelming at the thought of having 3 kids at times while you are pregnant with #3 I think. I can just remember thinking about how I would not have enough hands to hold them all at once and how, really if they all went off in different directions, well, what would I do?? BUT, having 3 is awesome--it is a totally different dynamic and sure it is a little stressful at times esp. when the babe is small and definitely busier--but really a lot of fun.
Is there anything in particular that you are feeling concerned about? Or just the whole third birth and babyhood in general? Take it one day at a time and try not to worry too much!
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#3 of 22 Old 01-14-2005, 03:00 PM
 
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I don't know about that. This is my 3rd baby and I think I'm more laid back and relaxed about this pregnancy/birth than I have been with the first 2. I think from all the experience I know what to expect now and nothing has phased me this time around.
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#4 of 22 Old 01-14-2005, 03:12 PM
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We are enjoying our third baby. Yes, I was nervous. My girls were aged almost 6 and 4 1/2. Ds was planned, but when we found out we were so scared. I think more so because we were comfortable with the girls. They were independant and starting school and we weren't so tied down. I think having that gap is enough to make any expecting mama nervous and scared. During the first week I was very overwelmed. Dh was home, but the girls were used to getting all of my attention and it was hard on us all. I also forgot so much, and so much information had changed during the 4 years of being out of the baby loop. We were also starting from scratch because we had decided a few years ago that two was enough. I think the biggest thing was that I was bound and determined to do it all a certain way, and because ds was going to be our last I would not budge on anything. I wanted everything to be perfect, but I forgot that nothing about childbirth or newborns are perfect. I had bf'ing issues, twice. Sleeping issues now. Issues with the girls adjusting to a new brother, especially the 4 year old. My house turned into instant disaster and has stayed that way.

Almost a year later, things are totally different then when it was just the girls and us. I am so buisy and am looking forward to being able to enjoy toddlerhood with my son. It has been a long year. But, I would not have missed it for anything in the world. This past year, with all it's ups and downs and emotions, has been the best year of my life. I know the best is yet to come. I am enjoying all my kids more than ever.
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#5 of 22 Old 01-14-2005, 03:35 PM
 
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I just posted about this in the Jan Due Date thread.
But for me it's a little different. I have two healthy and wonderful sons and I realized that I have all these worries that I've "met my quota". LIke I don't deserve another "good" one. It's crazy, but it's there, and i think this fear is keeping me from going into labor (not that I'm overdue or anything), but it's there.

I'm thinking I need to do some kind of ceremony- cleanse- letting go of fears today and try my best to get past this. It's not fun.
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#6 of 22 Old 01-15-2005, 03:31 AM
 
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ooh, Malama, now that you've said that, I DO remember worrying more about that with ds than I did with the first two who were also both healthy--that something was likely to go wrong because I was very fortunate with the other two. I had forgotten that...
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#7 of 22 Old 01-15-2005, 06:47 AM
 
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Hey, I'm due 2/6 and I'm terrified! Not about how I will cope during labor and delivery. I'm actually thinking that will be relatively easy. I'm extremely worried about how I will care for my newborn and older children while trying to recover from the birth. My oldest will turn 4 in a couple of weeks and my youngest is barely 2 1/2. They can be helpful at times and other times they can be very challenging and tend to fight when I'm not actively involved with them. I've been starting to stock up my freezer and I want to shampoo my carpet. My sister was thinking of coming to help me for 2 weeks but now she's not so sure. I can't afford the astronomical prices of post partum doulas around here. So I'm in a panic!
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#8 of 22 Old 01-15-2005, 06:51 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Malama
I just posted about this in the Jan Due Date thread.
But for me it's a little different. I have two healthy and wonderful sons and I realized that I have all these worries that I've "met my quota". LIke I don't deserve another "good" one. It's crazy, but it's there, and i think this fear is keeping me from going into labor (not that I'm overdue or anything), but it's there.

I'm thinking I need to do some kind of ceremony- cleanse- letting go of fears today and try my best to get past this. It's not fun.
Hi I've been thinking about you and wondering how you are feeling these days. I'm just hoping I don't end up at the hospital for any reason this time. I haven't been giving it too much though since I just want to keep a positive outlook and not worry about that part. I had to get stitches after Skanda and then Nadia had TTN and we had to take her in. Both were born at home, but I ended up having to get dressed and leave the home for some reason or another.
Do you know if you are having a boy or girl? I bet the boys are going to think it's so cool to have their own baby in the house
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#9 of 22 Old 01-15-2005, 11:03 AM
 
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I am doing MUCH better, thanks. After worrying a lot recently about this baby and the outcome of the birth and all, I talked to dh, had a good cry and then wrote down all my fears on a piece of paper and burned them. very therapeutic. We went to the beach that day (yesterday, actually) and it was sooooo beautiful (Richardson's). There was snow on the mountain you could see from the sand and the day was just so clear. I felt immensely better!

I don't know what I'm gonna have. I do have the 2 boys already.... Maybe I'll have my 3 sons! who knows. I'm just ready and waiting!

I know you've had 2 after birth transports. Roxanne and I were talking about it when I told her you were having another. I think you're due and easier time!!!! So no one from your big family can committ to coming and helping after the baby??? If not, you're a strong woman, and I know you'll figure out a way to cope. Maybe there's a "newer" doula in the area who could come and help with the kids??? YK, the ones who have recently trained and are looking for experience? You could teach one a thing or two about breastfeeding, for sure, lol! Good Luck MAMA!!!
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#10 of 22 Old 01-15-2005, 03:21 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Malama
I am doing MUCH better, thanks. After worrying a lot recently about this baby and the outcome of the birth and all, I talked to dh, had a good cry and then wrote down all my fears on a piece of paper and burned them. very therapeutic. We went to the beach that day (yesterday, actually) and it was sooooo beautiful (Richardson's). There was snow on the mountain you could see from the sand and the day was just so clear. I felt immensely better!

I don't know what I'm gonna have. I do have the 2 boys already.... Maybe I'll have my 3 sons! who knows. I'm just ready and waiting!

I know you've had 2 after birth transports. Roxanne and I were talking about it when I told her you were having another. I think you're due and easier time!!!! So no one from your big family can committ to coming and helping after the baby??? If not, you're a strong woman, and I know you'll figure out a way to cope. Maybe there's a "newer" doula in the area who could come and help with the kids??? YK, the ones who have recently trained and are looking for experience? You could teach one a thing or two about breastfeeding, for sure, lol! Good Luck MAMA!!!
That sounds like a great ritual and a lovely day I sure miss Hawaii sometimes.
My family. Ugh. If you had been at my birth, you would have gotten an idea. LOL. All those people and no one really helping. Just a bunch of couch potatoes and fridge raiders. My brother and his family live here but they have a newborn. My brother has offered to pull his daughter out of school for a week or two to help me but she's a teenager with a computer addiction (*ahem* i'll leave my computer addiction out of this :P) and she's not very good at cleaning up messes or helping without direction. I guess I could use her as a last resort. My older sister, Kunti, says that if she comes, there's no reliable childcare for her 4 yr old son when his dad goes to work - she doesn't feel that Amrita lives in a good situation to leave him with her. If my younger sister Amrita comes, then she has to bring 2 yr old Malati who has this screeching thing and adding a loud 2 yr old to the mix would make a lot of chaos. My mom can't come and that only leaves my lil bro who would never come. Haha.

I've visualized this birth and I'm feeling really positive about it. The hospital is less than a mile away and I've talked to them and they seem really nice. I really don't see myself going there. I had a home visit from my midwife last week and we were talking about how I birth and what I need from her and she decided not to bring her partner midwife because she thought I might have a personality clash. She said her partner usually works at a birth center and is a bit overbearing at times and likes to take control of the situation. That's so totally not me! So she said she has a friend who is a doula and in midwifery training who she will bring to the birth instead. Whew!
I looked high and low for a midwife like Roxanne. A woman who is patient and sweet and wise and knowledgeable and has experience with many different types of births and a connection to the community and knowledge of local hospitals and procedures. The midwife I finally decided to use has many of the qualities I loved in Roxanne's way of doing things but she's not nearly as experienced and not nearly as comfortable with me declining various tests. Although she hasn't made a peep about me not having any internal exams. I finally told her that I would let her do a quick exam when she arrived to see if how baby was presenting and all that.

Other than that, I'm stocking my freezer like mad. I've got tamales and lasagna and pizza and butternut squash soup in there so far. I plan to make cookies and pancakes and bread too. I also need to add some barley soup and lentil soup and maybe a shepherd's pie. I cooked up a bunch of food before Nadia was born too. It really came in handy. After she was born, we just heated up a casserole and fed the crowd at my house. BTW, I always thought I was a "boy mom" and was very surprised when Nadia arrived. I was even nervous about how to wipe her during diaper changes. LOL.

When are you expecting this baby? I'm due Feb 6th, but thinking baby will arrive on Feb 10th. And if Dimitrius's dream is correct, it will be a boy with red hair named Kapila.
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#11 of 22 Old 01-15-2005, 03:37 PM
 
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Nipuna, I remember your family fondly from Amarita's birth. A nice crowd, but not my style for birthing! It's too bad your mom can't come though because she seems like she could be really helpful.

I'm glad that you found a mw that you are comfy with and who's perceptive enough to know not to bring her usual assistant.

I wish I was stocking up my freezer- I've just been too lazy to cook too much. On the days when I am motivated enough to make a good meal, we eat it all (happens, esp with a 2 adults AND a 12 y.o in the house).

My baby is due next week and who knows when I'm "expecting" it. My younger one was born ar 38 weeks and I was feeling really ready then..... now we're past that. I guess it could be any day (crossing fingers) now. I'm ready.
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#12 of 22 Old 01-15-2005, 04:39 PM
 
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Isn't my family crazy? LOL. I had a freezer cooking day all planned out a few days ago and then I decided to cook up a really nice dinner instead. Oh well. So now I'm trying to double up when I make dinner. I made 1 1/2 pans of lasagna last night and we ate the 1/2 pan and I cooled and cut the other pan into squares and wrapped them individually for the freezer. That way, we can reheat the portion sizes we want without having to put the whole pan in the oven.
Do your boys cook at all? At least they can sort of prepare their own meals since they are older from easy things like cereal and milk or noodles or something, right? I'm just nervous because my little ones can't do much more than grab a chunk of cheese or some fresh fruit. Skanda's getting better at pouring stuff these days though.
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#13 of 22 Old 01-15-2005, 05:22 PM
 
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My boys are very self sufficient. They eat their own breakfasts and often make their own lunches. The older one can make dinner for us all if it's canned or something- though they can both make eggs. It's very nice and I'm not complaining!!!! I don't know how I would have done this pregnancy without the older one. My back hurts a lot and I avoid lifting things, so he carries the laundry basket for me and stuff like that. I'm spoiled by him!!!

So is Skanda still nursing?? Or will you just be nursing Nadia and the new babe? I so remember Skanda running around Roxanne's office with his bright red hair and big blue eyes.... so sweet!
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#14 of 22 Old 01-15-2005, 06:18 PM
 
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Aww it's so nice that your boys are helpful
Skanda cut back on nursing and stopped nursing to sleep when I was really tired in early pregnancy and his dad put him to bed. Eventually, he just forgot to ask and then, one day he asked and forgot how to nurse. So he's all done. I tried showing him how to do it again but I've got really sensitive nipples and not much patience these days. The last time he actually nursed for more than 30 seconds was in October. The last time he knew how to nurse was in early November. It's so weird that he forgot how.
Nadia cut back for a bit but now she's going strong again. She doesn't nurse at night every night though so this should be easier than when she and Skanda were babies. `````````````````````````````````````````````````` ````````````````````````
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#15 of 22 Old 11-19-2007, 06:49 PM
 
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I know this thread is pretty old, but I'm expecting my 3rd child and I am definitely having different emotions than I did w/ my first two. A MW I know reassured me that 3rd pregnancies are often like this. This baby was planned as well, but I still have doubts, wondering if it will be just awful trying to take care of everyone--even though I made it through before. I just worry a lot and everytime my two toddlers make me crazy I think, "And next year there will be a newborn in the mix! AAACCH!" But, my toddlers will also be a year older, too.

Anway, it's pretty common, from what I understand.

To the OP--I'm sure you've had your baby by now, how is it going?
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#16 of 22 Old 11-20-2007, 02:24 AM
 
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I'm filled with a lot of trepidation as well .... which makes me sad.

I wanted to get PG again, but now that I am, I find myself complaining, a lot, and it saddens me. I have a hard time keeping up with my two DDs, and I wonder how in the world I'm going to have any energy left for Baby#3.

I feel like I'm losing a bit of my identity ... and I'm "only a mom" ... I'm worrying about how I'll get to do the things I want to do ... get my nails done every once in a while, play tennis, go out with my DH, etc.

I don't feel as connected with this baby, as of yet, either.
EEEK! I"m just a mess ......

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#17 of 22 Old 11-20-2007, 11:42 AM
 
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I am newly expecting our 3rd (planned) and feeling very scared but excited. It's the whole - we are going to be outnumbered by our children thing I think. I feel a little guilty or selfish or something, wondering if it will take a lot away from the 2 dd's we have - but I remember feeling similar while expecting dd #2 - will I have enough love and attention to go around? Really it's about having a good support system and organization and making things work. It doesn't have to be perfect, but there's always enough love to go around. :-)

Jenn (36), wife to DH for 13 years, DD1(13) , DD2(10) and DS(4)

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#18 of 22 Old 11-21-2007, 02:35 PM
 
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Wow, I'm so glad that I ran across this thread!! I thought it was just me. I'm newly pregnant and have been experiencing huge fluctuations in how I feel. It was a planned pregnancy but once it happend (rather quickly) I kind of felt a sense of panic....like, what did I JUST DO???? We have two beautiful dd's 6yr & 3yr), so the spacing is good. They can do stuff for themselves, but sometimes if I let myself think about it too much, I get overwhelmed, thinking about starting totally over....the sleepless nights, the extended BF (the ladies are going to be haning to the floor by the time I'm done!!)

Some days I can barely keep up with the schedules of 2, let alone 3. Plus, I think mother nature gives you amnesia to forget the pregnancy stuff......I'm now in kind of an icky phase - where I don't fit into my pants (yes, at 8 weeks) and I simply feel bloated and fat. Knowing what is to come sometimes bums me out. At the same time, I feel so blessed that we were able to get pregnant and think that this will be a wonderful journey. Still, there are niggling thoughts about being older this time around, juggling, getting the body back in shape, having a healthy baby again, etc. : I'm glad I'm in good company!!!

Libby
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#19 of 22 Old 12-05-2007, 02:00 PM
 
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What a great thread! I'm having such a hard time adjusting to this baby. This pregnancy wasn't planned at all. We weren't even planning on having another! We're both happy about it, but it's so hard. There's so much else going on-I can't figure out how to cope during the pregnancy let alone after the baby comes. (I'm a first year Kindergarten teacher and my grandpa has been having health problems). But I'm getting through it. At least I'm starting to get more excited now because I'm starting to show a little tiny bit so it's becoming more real. I still feel bad for my 10 month old because he won't get as much attention next year. Our oldest son is turning 4 so there was a nice big gap between them. I'm not used to having them so close together! But everything happens for a reason so we're happy!
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#20 of 22 Old 12-08-2007, 12:14 AM
 
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Yes yes yes! And 6 years later as I was pregnant with #4 I was a basketcase!!!

Almost a b-ball team: : Taylor -14, Alex -11, Jack -8, Lachlan born at home 11/15/07
"Well behaved women rarely make history"
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#21 of 22 Old 01-18-2008, 11:04 PM
 
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Is this a real thing???? I mean, I thought it was only me!! I even went to a therapist because I thought I was just going bonkers. I am pregnant with my third baby and for some reason I am experiencing all the fears you might imagine I'd be having if this were my first. We planned to get pregnant, but then once I was I thought, "Have I made a mistake"? Honestly I am becoming really delighted with the thought of having another baby, but it's taken me months to feel the least bit positive. I worry about labor and delivery, despite having experienced two absolutely awesome deliveries with my older children. I worry about my mental health, "will three put me over the edge!!!??? Will this be the time I get postpartum?" I told my midwife how I was feeling and she said its pretty normal to feel this way when your family is growing and you know good and well how much things change mentally, physically, and emotionally when theres a new person in the house. With a third baby we aren't in a land of fluff and daydreams, we know about late nights and no sleep and orange poop and drool and we know how labor feels and we know about loosing weight after and we know about all the other stresses and strains of motherhood. We also know how wonderful and worth it it all is, well most of us do, and that is what I have to focus on.
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#22 of 22 Old 01-19-2008, 07:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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how neat that you posted. i started this thread, and it was neat to read my original post since it was written before the birth of our third child.
i gave birth to our fourth child 4 1/2 months ago, so it's been busy here!
personally, my transition from 2 to 3 ended up being very smooth. i had a lot of anxious feelings before she was born as is reflected i my post. but everything was really relatively easy with adjusting to three. it really really helped that my other two children were older, even though they were still young at 4 and 5 1/2. transitioning to four has been the slightly tougher ..i didn't get especially nervous during the pregnancy, but wow i can feel how i have had to learn to juggle a lot more since his birth, not surprising since dd3 was only 2 1/2 when he was born. so the transition has been bigger since his birth, but in a very wonderful worthwhile way. it all goes by so fast really, that in a way i almost savor even the hectic moments.
rest assured, your feelings are natural and normal.
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