Why do I do this????? ... a vent and a cry for help - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 51 Old 03-22-2011, 02:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am very heavy and need to lose a lot of weight-at least 50 lbs.  While I am very active- hit the gym 5-6 days a week and do the treadmill or elliptical for 45 min to an hour at a steep incline and average about 3.5 miles an hour (walking) on the interval cycle I can not seem to lose weight.

 

I am watching my food intake and know that my biggest issue in not *what* I eat but how *much* I eat. I try to keep my calories at about 1800 but do cycle them so some days are closer to 2400/2600 and other closer to 1400/1600.

 

So today we got back from the Y.  We have been cutting back on the red meat for budget reasons but my son was craving a hamburger so I bought a small package and made him a hamburger on a whole wheat roll w/ sliced apples on the side. I made myself a plate of (yummy!) leftovers- 3 oz roasted lemon chicken, 1/2 cup of whole wheat orzo that had been tossed with assorted roasted veggies and drizzled with olive oil.

 

My son ate half his lunch, pronounced he was full.  I ate all my lunch (w/ 8 oz glass of water) and was full and satisfied.  He went off to play, I cleared the table and proceeded to eat the rest of his hamburger and apples. confused.gif I wasn't hungry. I wasn't bored or tired or mad.

 

Ugh I do this *all* the time. I seem to keep sabotaging myself. It's like I don't want to get healthy but can't figure out the reason why.

 

Even as I sit here typing this I am fantasizing about the bag of raw almonds in cupboard, wishing I could eat them all or eat yet another huge batch of roasted chickpeas, something, anything to fill the space in me that can't be filled by chewing gum or sucking on ice and hard candies.

 

I need professional help. greensad.gif

 

 


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#2 of 51 Old 03-22-2011, 02:48 PM
 
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Well if you really want to dissuade yourself, go look up what's in and how they treat hamburger you buy at the store. It's enough to get anyone to quit eating it. Or at least switch to grinding your own but maybe it will at least dissuade you from eating it.

 

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#3 of 51 Old 03-22-2011, 03:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Really- that what you got from my post? the hamburger was just an example but thanks for being so helpful.

 

Oh and the package came from our local butcher that supplies local grassfeed beef. Which is why we have cut back for budget reasons. Its too expensive and we won't compromise.


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#4 of 51 Old 03-22-2011, 03:19 PM
 
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A noshy feeling generally means you're missing a nutrient. Are you getting enough fat to get all the vitamins out of your food? Are you eating enough fat, period?

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#5 of 51 Old 03-22-2011, 03:25 PM
 
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I don't have a lot of advice, but I wanted to tell you that I understand.  hug2.gif It's totally not about the burger....it's about self-discipline.  Although food isn't a huge issue for me, I totally struggle with self-discipline in a lot of areas.  It is just plain HARD to force yourself not to do something you want to do--or even to force yourself not to do something mindlessly.  If it's any comfort at all, you're not alone.  


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#6 of 51 Old 03-22-2011, 03:34 PM
 
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Hmm. You weren't hungry. You weren't bored. You weren't tired or mad.

 

So I'm just going to brainstorm and see if any of these ideas ring a bell or seem close to it. Some (or maybe all) ideas might contradict the above, but sometimes the specifics seem different from the generalities. So here goes my brainstorm.

 

  • You don't want to throw the food away because it's a waste.
  • You don't want to bother with throwing the food away (inconvenience).
  • You felt full but unsatisfied somehow. (Lack of a specific macronutrient, probably fat or maybe protein, or a specific micronutrient, some vitamin)
  • You were full but were afraid you might not have a chance to eat later, so you should get in extra while you had the chance.
  • You were full but were planning to exercise or something, and wanted to be sure you were fully fueled.
  • You were full but the energy of the meal hadn't hit you yet (blood sugar still low).
  • You were conditioned to clean the plate.
  • It just tasted so damn good you wanted more even if you'd had enough.

 

That's all I can think of. Any of it seem possible or close?

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#7 of 51 Old 03-22-2011, 03:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post

A noshy feeling generally means you're missing a nutrient. Are you getting enough fat to get all the vitamins out of your food? Are you eating enough fat, period?


I get plenty of fat because fat=satiety to me.  My chicken was bone in/skin on.  The veggies were roasted with olive oil and the orzo was tossed/sprinkled with more.  I eat lots of natural fats too-avocado, nuts, nut butters etc. But then I cut back on other things to keep the calories in 1800 range. Maybe I am iron deficient since most of my iron came from red meat?

 



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I don't have a lot of advice, but I wanted to tell you that I understand.  hug2.gif It's totally not about the burger....it's about self-discipline.  Although food isn't a huge issue for me, I totally struggle with self-discipline in a lot of areas.  It is just plain HARD to force yourself not to do something you want to do--or even to force yourself not to do something mindlessly.  If it's any comfort at all, you're not alone.  


Thanks Rachie. I really appreciate it.  It is self discipline and being more mindful. Would I have plated that half eaten burger and apple, sat down at the table and mindfully enjoyed it? No- but standing there eating it as I cleaned up filled some other void.

 


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#8 of 51 Old 03-22-2011, 03:37 PM
 
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No ideas but wanted to commiserate. I can exercise, drink only water but if I let my daily calorie intake get below 1500... I get really cranky at my family.
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#9 of 51 Old 03-22-2011, 03:39 PM
 
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Originally Posted by HollyBearsMom View Post
 Would I have plated that half eaten burger and apple, sat down at the table and mindfully enjoyed it? No- but standing there eating it as I cleaned up filled some other void.

 



What void?  

Can you elaborate?   


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#10 of 51 Old 03-22-2011, 03:41 PM
 
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Oh, by the way, I am not totally convinced that the problem is overeating. I mean, you know yourself, but I'm just throwing this out there. You will eat what is necessary to fuel yourself, and clearly you are active.

 

Twice in my life I have lost stubborn weight by eliminating specific things that seemed to keep my body in inflammation mode or something. Sugar was one. Grains is what I'm working on now, and though I'm still working on it and haven't fallen into any kind of a groove with it, I did drop 10 pounds pretty quickly when nothing else worked (even literally starving myself did absolutely bubkis). I doubt everyone would have the same experience, but consider if maybe eliminating something that is hard on your body might help it to process things better and let some stuff go. Plus have you read Good Calories Bad Calories? It seems that the sugar is what gets turned into fat, unless you burn it right off it's going to get stored and then your next workout will be fueled by the most recent sugar rather than get extracted from the fat store. But I don't even know, maybe you don't even eat sugar at all, I'm just throwing this out there because I've asked this same question (why can't I lose any weight no matter what I do) and while I don't claim to have all the answers, my only successes thus far have been in these directions.

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#11 of 51 Old 03-22-2011, 03:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hmm. You weren't hungry. You weren't bored. You weren't tired or mad.

 

So I'm just going to brainstorm and see if any of these ideas ring a bell or seem close to it. Some (or maybe all) ideas might contradict the above, but sometimes the specifics seem different from the generalities. So here goes my brainstorm.

 

  • You don't want to throw the food away because it's a waste. very true, I hate waste
  • You don't want to bother with throwing the food away (inconvenience). garbage can was right there so no inconvienance
  • You felt full but unsatisfied somehow. (Lack of a specific macronutrient, probably fat or maybe protein, or a specific micronutrient, some vitamin) not that I noticed but possibly iron?
  • You were full but were afraid you might not have a chance to eat later, so you should get in extra while you had the chance. not on a concious level
  • You were full but were planning to exercise or something, and wanted to be sure you were fully fueled. I had worked out for an hour before hand 
  • You were full but the energy of the meal hadn't hit you yet (blood sugar still low). possible but I remember feeling full/satisfied
  • You were conditioned to clean the plate. Oh yes- life long member of the "clean plate club"
  • It just tasted so damn good you wanted more even if you'd had enough. After a long time w/o red meat that burger did smell good!

 

That's all I can think of. Any of it seem possible or close?

I think it all comes back to the fact that I am profoundly unhappy right now. A lot of it is weight related- I don't feel attractive, my clothes fit poorly, I look in the mirror and don't recognize myself. and I really miss my mom. I keep hearing that if I fix my mind the weight will "fall off".  That is why I struggle.  Why am I sabotaging myself?
 

 


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#12 of 51 Old 03-22-2011, 03:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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What void?  

Can you elaborate?   


If could articulate it I could fix it.  I don't know what that void is but I do know that the act of eating and/or feeling full make the emptiness seem, IDK, less empty.

 


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#13 of 51 Old 03-22-2011, 03:46 PM
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Have you had bloodwork done to rule out metabolism problems that can cause weight problems? Have you been to a nutritionist? I know someone whose nutritionist told her she wasn't eating enough. She had kept a food diary and was eating maybe 900 calories a day. She's lost about 15 pounds so now that she's trying to eat 1500 calories a day. I've always lost weight easier when I cut out simple carbs than with calorie counting or reducing fats. As for not eating your child's leftovers, you can give him smaller portions. I do throw food away rather than just eat it myself if it can't be saved and stored. You kinda have to make yourself if wasting food annoys you. If you feel like filling up on something, raw veggies are good. Also I do agree that a feeling unsatisfied is often a missing nutrient.

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Really- that what you got from my post? the hamburger was just an example but thanks for being so helpful.

 

Oh and the package came from our local butcher that supplies local grassfeed beef. Which is why we have cut back for budget reasons. Its too expensive and we won't compromise.


Well I've just found it's easier to stop myself from doing something if I'm totally turned off to it first, so that was why I suggested it.

 

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#15 of 51 Old 03-22-2011, 03:54 PM
 
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If could articulate it I could fix it.  I don't know what that void is but I do know that the act of eating and/or feeling full make the emptiness seem, IDK, less empty.

 

Some people are able to eat 5-7 meals/snacks a day and lose weight.  My body is this type and I am not filled with lots of energy to exercise on a regular basis. I eat mostly real foods and much of it homemade, all day long and weigh much less than when I ate on the normal schedule.  I was skeptical that eating more would work but somehow it did.  I don't count calories and eat real food, even if that means it is high fat like avocado, raw nuts, or organic oils.  

I am not sure that is a "fix" though if you know what I mean?  It might help weight but not the why's behind everything that do need to be addressed.  I am sorry you are going through this. 

 


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#16 of 51 Old 03-22-2011, 04:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well I've just found it's easier to stop myself from doing something if I'm totally turned off to it first, so that was why I suggested it.

 

 If you got that out of my post well...... no worries, its a public message board so I have to be prepared for comments such as yours. 


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#17 of 51 Old 03-22-2011, 04:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I got  a full work up about 18 months ago and got a clean bill but a lot has happened since then.
 

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Have you had bloodwork done to rule out metabolism problems that can cause weight problems? Have you been to a nutritionist? I know someone whose nutritionist told her she wasn't eating enough. She had kept a food diary and was eating maybe 900 calories a day. She's lost about 15 pounds so now that she's trying to eat 1500 calories a day. I've always lost weight easier when I cut out simple carbs than with calorie counting or reducing fats. As for not eating your child's leftovers, you can give him smaller portions. I do throw food away rather than just eat it myself if it can't be saved and stored. You kinda have to make yourself if wasting food annoys you. If you feel like filling up on something, raw veggies are good. Also I do agree that a feeling unsatisfied is often a missing nutrient.



 


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#18 of 51 Old 03-22-2011, 04:25 PM
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As a lifelong member of the clean your plate club do you think that you could change your mindset enough to be able to leave the food on your plate when you're full and wrap it up and place it in the fridge right away?  Then when you're hungry again in a few hours or so, you have the rest of your plate to finish up, thus cleaning your plate?  Also, when you're cleaning up after a meal, do you immediately put all the food away before doing anything else?

 

I think it would also be a good idea to get another full workup, as you said a lot has changed between now and then and some of that may have messed up your body's metabolism. 

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#19 of 51 Old 03-22-2011, 04:30 PM
 
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I don't have any advice, but I commiserate. I do the same thing! I'm not hungry, but I snack. I hate it! I'm sorry that you don't like yourself right now, maybe that's what you need to work on the most. Hang in there. And hug2.gif and remember to be kind to yourself. We're only human.


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#20 of 51 Old 03-22-2011, 04:34 PM
 
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I got  a full work up about 18 months ago and got a clean bill but a lot has happened since then.
 



 


There might be something to this.

What has happened since then?

 


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#21 of 51 Old 03-22-2011, 04:56 PM
 
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Ok, since my computer keeps freezing if I try to quote I'm going to wing it...

 

1. I think realizing that you are doing mindless eating is HUGE. Good for you. I think you give yourself a new rule - anything you eat, you eat with purpose. ON A PLATE. At a table. WITH A NAPKIN.

 

2. You are swinging wildly with your day to day calorie count. I'm guessing you need to rethink what foods are making up those 1800 calories. Go for nutrient dense, low cal stuff. I'm guessing you might not be doing that so your food volume is too low on those days leading to the extra hunger and extra calories the next day. I'm also wondering if you are getting enough protein since your fascination is with red meat currently?

 

3. One thing that helped me is to ask myself a question every single time I go to eat something: "will this take me a step towards my goal or a step away from it?"

 

4. I read and watched all those things you are supposed to watch about how our food is handled. Screw it. Sometimes I still want a fricking Big Mac or a Snickers bar. Ain't nothing I can do about it and I really don't care how it was made or what's in it, I WANT it. ;-) I

 

t is a very hard road to change eating and lifestyle habits we've been comfortable with our entire lives. But it can be done and it is SO incredibly worth it. You can do this.

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#22 of 51 Old 03-22-2011, 07:36 PM
 
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Oh yes, I do understand exactly what you are talking about.  The total mindless eating where I don't even realize I am bringing food up to my mouth until it is already done.

 

One thing I was thinking is that maybe you really wanted a hamburger.  Perhaps it is better to eat a small portion of what you are really wanting, than a regular portion of something that doesn't really satisfy you.  Does that make sense?  Your lunch sounded wonderful and delicious, but maybe for your body, you just really wanted a small portion of hamburger.

 

One thing that is helpful to me is not eating when my environment is a bit out of control.  I am a teacher so sometimes that means not eating until I have my break time, rather than with my students, because being in charge of 20 kids takes me out of the eating moment.  That is when I will eat and not really realize, or appreciate it.  It is better for me to wait until later, when I am able to be aware.

 

I hope that you find something that works.  grouphug.gif


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#23 of 51 Old 03-22-2011, 07:51 PM
 
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OK, I'm totally going to get flamed for this, but.....random snacking is just a habit, and I've found the best way to get out of habits is to put a rubber band around my wrist and snap it every time I'm tempted to do something bothersome. The goal is for your brain to associate snacking with pain. Who knows? It may work.

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#24 of 51 Old 03-22-2011, 08:01 PM
 
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OP, I think you should focus less on calories and more on what you're eating, if that makes any sense. Try a high protein diet, eating every 3 hours and see if that helps. Good fats, healthy carbs, protein, these are all things your body needs and will help keep you full and lead to less cravings/overeating.

 

For the record, I totally get what you mean about not wanting to waste food. What I do is if my son doesn't finish his hamburger, I wrap it up for him and when he gets hungry, he finishes it later. Just an example, I do this with any leftovers instead of eating them myself.

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#25 of 51 Old 03-22-2011, 08:03 PM
 
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Total different pov-- does the extra weight serve you in some way? Does it make you feel safe? Invisable? Does it mean that you don't have to do something that you don't want to do or are afraid to do?

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#26 of 51 Old 03-22-2011, 09:30 PM
 
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I totally do this at times. Waaaaay more than I am comfortable with. And I must TOTALLY disagree with pp who suggested it is about self-discipline. If weight loss was simply about self-discipline it would easy.

 

I have recently struggled to get my weight to come down after having ds. After 1.5 years of training hard with personal trainers & losing NOTHING I started seeing a nutritionist. I have since dropped 40lbs relatively easily. We have eliminated dairy, wheat (actually most carbs) & ALL sugars.

 

When I am perfect with my diet my cravings, food thoughts, desire to eat unplanned items declines significantly. The theory is that these things can be such a negative force in the body that they create an overwhelming "need" for more - almost addictive like. I don't know if I am explaining this well...

 

Have you tried an elimination diet at all? Perhaps if you can find what it is for your body that is causing unrest it will make it easier.

 

As well, with decreasing your red meat are you getting enough protein. Protein needs are often higher than people expect & can again really affect how you feel.

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#27 of 51 Old 03-23-2011, 06:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for all the advice everyone.  I really appreciate all of you who took the time to really read what I wrote and understand what I was trying to get across.  I am not the clearest writer so I know it can be a challenge, LOL

 

After a good nights sleep (and some nice PM's!) I am trying to start the day anew. While what I posted about yesterday was symptomatic of a bigger issue much of what you all mentioned are things I need to be more cognizant of when listening to my body.  I have considered seeing a nutritionist but funds are pretty tight right now. I feel I do eat very healthfully-lots of healthy fats, lean proteins and whole grains. I probably eat too many fruits and not enough veggies.  I make almost everything from scratch so eat very few chemicals, dyes, etc. Portion control, mindless eating and snacking is my downfall. Doesn't matter if it is "healthy" eating too much anything is still empty calories my body doesn't need.

 

I do need to schedule an appt with my PCP and have my iron levels checked.  I periodically have bouts of anemia and my period was really heavy this week....

 

I started the day with a 2 egg cheddar cheese omelet, topped with hot sauce and wrapped in a whole wheat tortilla. It was yummy and gooey and even better washed down with a big cup of coffee. Now I am off the Y......


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#28 of 51 Old 03-23-2011, 06:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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You know this is probably really issue. I need to delve into it but don't think I can handle finding whats on the other side...redface.gif
 

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Total different pov-- does the extra weight serve you in some way? Does it make you feel safe? Invisable? Does it mean that you don't have to do something that you don't want to do or are afraid to do?
 


 


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#29 of 51 Old 03-23-2011, 07:05 AM
 
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I don't feel qualified in the slightest to speak about emotional things like eating to fill a void or fluff feeling safe, though I'm aware of such issues and know they exist.

 

But I know all about the waste issue and just wanted to tell you what worked for me!

 

Of course, as others have suggested, there may be ways to avoid waste like putting uneaten portions in the fridge for later.

 

But if it's something you'll need to throw away, I've thought about it like this: is it less of a waste in ME than in the trash? The answer often is no - that if I ate the food it would not nourish me, would not help, would only add to my problems. Hence, the trash is really a better place for it, less of a waste. (Compost even better though :)).

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#30 of 51 Old 03-23-2011, 07:24 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HollyBearsMom View Post

You know this is probably really issue. I need to delve into it but don't think I can handle finding whats on the other side...redface.gif
 


yeah, I spent time in therapy dealing with what was on the other side.  I'm *mostly* though it.

 

I lost 70 pounds, and  I'm still not at my perfect weight. I am at a very comfortable weight for me, both physically and emotionally. I think that for many of us, what is on the other side is so painful, that carrying around a little extra weight is easier than dealing with what is on the other side. I think that's why people most often re-gain the weight they lose, no matter what method they use to lose it. The extra weight served a purpose.

 

It doesn't have to be an all or nothing thing, and simple things like affirmations and journaling can be very helpful. I really like the book "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay.


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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