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Old 11-14-2011, 05:33 PM
 
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Still just walking. Ds and I played in an amazing concert on the weekend - wonderful music in a 150 piece concert band. What a great feeling! I love making music with my kids love.gif  Started listing yarn in my Etsy shop today - will share the link when I have a little bit more in there. So far I have sold about 12 skeins of yarn (from my dining room, not from Etsy) without really trying...... I am afraid that I won't sell any more now that I am trying!

 

Observation of the day: sometimes 13 year old girls are simply possessed.

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Old 11-14-2011, 06:20 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shantimama View Post

 I am afraid that I won't sell any more now that I am trying!


Yeah, then again, you might.bag.gif I'm not stalking you or anything, but ... knit.gif

 


Melissa
mom to 3 lovely kids
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Old 11-14-2011, 06:26 PM
 
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I'm still feeling crummy about stuff.  I probably need to have a talk with DH about feeling appreciated and all that, but I feel like he gets defensive and the things that seem like such a big deal to me are things he just blows off.  I don't know.  It's nothing too terrible; I'm just feeling down in general.

 

It probably doesn't help that DD is going through a weird (hormonal? scared.gif) seven-year-old moodiness thing.  I don't know what's gotten into her lately, but she is acting rebellious and nasty and making our interactions rather unpleasant.  The other day while her brother was at drum class I took her out for hot chocolate and talked to her.  She said she knows she's been grumpy lately but doesn't know why, and she'll let me know if there's anything besides "give me everything I want" (her first suggestion) that might help.  This morning was an absolute nightmare and I sent her off to school without even eating anything, which makes me feel awful.  This afternoon was also bad, so I sent her to bed around 7:30.  Usually the kids go to bed at 9, so I'm hoping the extra sleep helps.  This afternoon when I announced this plan she told me she would just scream all night long, but thankfully it didn't come to that.  I'm running out of logical consequences here.

 

I did run, though, so that's a victory!  Actually, my race in Newport was this weekend, with my dad and DH's aunt.  Saturday night we met up with DH's aunt and uncle for a lovely double date at a great Italian restaurant.  We drank wine and had three hours of conversation and food and marvelous dessert.  These are people I only see once a year at the family parties, so I was a bit nervous about getting together with just them, but we had a fantastic time.

 

Sunday morning my dad and I woke up at 4:15.  I had a granola bar and we drove to Newport, met DH's aunt, and got on a school bus to shuttle us across the bridge to the starting line.  This was the inaugural run, but they did a decent job.  There wasn't much to entertain us before the start, so we spent a lot of time standing around.  It was lucky the weather was okay (fifties, even at 5:30 in the morning) because there was no shelter.  Just a little tent where they were giving out water and coffee, and a blaring radio.  We waited in line for twenty minutes or so for the port-o-potties, so that killed some time.  Is there always a yahoo or two who don't realize there's a line?  Seriously.  

 

The run was good; it was just under four miles and the bridge part was pretty cool, although the uphill was about a mile long.  Eek.  I kept spotting toward one of the arches up over the bridge, thinking "okay, when I get to THAT arch, then we'll be at the top." Nope.  That hill just kept going and going.  Then there was a nice downhill, though, and an easy run into Newport.  I'd definitely do it again.

 

Today I ran six miles, and will probably run again tomorrow, taking advantage of the nice weather.

 

I also bought a turkey and a ridiculous amount of other ingredients for Thanksgiving next week.  And I made a calendar with a different Christmas-related activity to accomplish for the first 24 days of December.  Then I raked leaves for four hours, managing to uncover about a fifth of our yard.  Have I mentioned that I feel as though I'm drowning here?  I wonder why.

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Old 11-14-2011, 08:38 PM
 
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Lala ~ drowning, indeed!  My 7 year old has been acting similarly.  Not fun, at all.  Was your run over the bridge that goes from Jamestown to Newport?  I love Jamestown!

 

Shanti ~ I don't think you'll have any trouble at all selling that gorgeous, gorgeous yarn!

 

DD2 is sick, sick, sick.  Fever, achy, headache.  Looks like I'll be staying home with her tomorrow.  Trainer ride, here I come!


~~Kristina~~ Mama to DS(10/30/01), DD1(VBAC 3/28/04) and DD2(HBAC 5/21/06)
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Old 11-14-2011, 09:13 PM
 
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Quick check-in to post my race report. Sorry, no personals, but DH just got home and I really ought to get dinner started, but I just got my official results and am anxious to report that I beat my last time!! by 40 seconds. Ok, so it's not that great of an improvement, but I said that I'd be happy if I beat my last time even if it was only by a second, so I'm trying not to let my hyper-competitive/self-critical side get me down. I only had 6 weeks between races and I was out of commission with bronchitis for 2 of those. 

 

DH and I had planned to get to bed early, but of course that didn't pan out and we ended up getting into bed around 12:30. Luckily the race was a block away from our place, so we got up at 6:45 and had some oatmeal with brown sugar and sliced banana (this was a GOOD CHOICE, as opposed to last pre-race meal which consisted of a few sips of tea and half a Gatorade gel pack, IIRC. Oatmeal with banana just might be my pre-race meal from now on.) We left the house exactly 6 minutes before the race began, which was annoying because I'd hoped to take 10 minutes to do a mile loop around the neighborhood before lining up. Oh well, we trotted over and pushed up closer to the starting line than last time, and luckily there were far fewer runners so we didn't waste any time bobbing or weaving to get around people, just stuck to the edge of the road where the path was totally clear. Weather was AMAZING and gorgeous, 60 and blue skies. After a cloudy, rainy Saturday I couldn't have asked for better conditions Sunday morning. I started off pushing Ela in the jogger and handed her off half way. The IT band (?) hip thing started to bother me a bit around the 3rd mile, so I took it easy and slowed down a bit for the 4th and 5th mile. I could have pushed it harder and gotten a better time, but I kept reminding myself that an injury would be more upsetting than a poor time, and I didn't want to screw up my chances for a good half-marathon training.

 

Over all, this race just FELT much more solid than my first. This time I held back because I CHOSE to, not because I was out of steam had nothing left in the tank.

 

Official time was 55:38. I'm half tempted to sign up for another 10k on Dec 10th, we're moving at the end of this month and the $80 combined entry fee might not be in our budget. Other than that, the half-marathon is Jan 15th and DH and I are definitely in the midst of training for that. 

 


Married 12/08 to Chilean DH and mama to DD 2/2/10. We're a bilingual home and we familybed1.gif and toddler.gif

 

Expecting #2 in late June!

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Old 11-14-2011, 10:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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kitteh, that's a real improvement, and an enviable time, IMO!

 

LaLaLaLa, I know those 7yo tantrums. Dd turns 8 next month. This year has been a wild ride.

 

Shanti, open your heart to the possibility of greater success than you imagined, and go with it. Also, don't be afraid to use all your IRL social networks to sell your stuff. Successful small businesses aren't ashamed to rely on relationships, and people will love to buy from you.

 

Yes, it is cooler, appreciably, here. It's mid-70s now, highs expected upper 80s, but strangely the forecast says 50% chance of T-storms. Which would be weird and awesome. I think I am taking a day or two off. I ran errands on my bike yesterday and I might make it to the pool or beach today, but I'm making no promises. I did clean the kitchen and go for groceries before dh even got himself ready for work today, and tomorrow I have school conferences. Kids reports were both fine, nothing extraordinary but nothing bad, and I'm calling it a victory, based on the transition involved.

 

Also heard back from dh's hr about my and kids' return. Sounds like they'll be reasonable about helping us make it happen, but now I have to try and get some idea what to ask for and what to expect. Will be looking into the online thing, both the public charter and the tuition-based private one (cost would be a quarter what is paid now for tuition, uniforms and transport). Need to investigate housing options for dh here that would enable us to camp out with him a couple months if that works out, and go back to the negotiating table on the farm. On the positive side, I don't think they have had a second showing with anyone, so if closing dates move out as we go along, that's OK. And of course the beast of living separately for a while. Not everyone understands me on this one, so there's some judgment to deal with.

 

Then would also need to start thinking outside the box about my writing career, and making a little money without being tied to a single place. Thinking about a content-writer thing. I have a friend who does it and likes it, but I think it pays poorly. Of course, so does doing nothing.

 

My floors are clean, laundry is caught up, dishwasher empty, groceries put away, bathrooms scrubbed yesterday. All my friends are off to bed. Looks like it is time to write.

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Old 11-15-2011, 07:45 AM
 
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Lalala -- that sounds about like what Erin did at 7. And on the other side of it I think she really is feeling torn inside and just feels safe with you to let it out. Ride it out. Feed lots of protein. Lots of sleep. Exercise. Add in additional "dates" or whatever with one parent doing something fun. and be there.  Repeat at next emotional crisis.

 

For your sanity: I think it is totally reasonable to set boundaries -- I know you are feeling miserable, but you may not yell at me. You may go be by yourself if you want to yell at me.

 

Geo: I have comments on the testing and stuff but it needs to wait on work.

 

Everyone else .... busy busy week/day/year.


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Old 11-15-2011, 09:13 AM
 
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Dd2 will be 9 this winter so I keep my hopes pinned on that 9 year brain change. So by February it will be better, right? Her behavior is demon.gif and I am trying to om.gif and wait it out but something has to give. It doesn't help her that when she starts in on something dd3 gets super sweet almost as a comic foil. eyesroll.gif

I was explaining to ds1 that he wouldn't get paid as much to babysit as a college student that could drive kids places and his comment was that if the family hired the college student he wouldn't make anything at all. It is still over minimum wage and the little ones like him so everyone is happy.

La4, I hope things brighten up for you soon.

I'll be back after Thanksgiving for school conference talk. We have done some testing, have some results, dd3 needs some follow up vision wise (convergence insufficiency?) If the pace continues to be as slow as molasses... I don't know. It is hard when people are pleasant enough and seem to hear you and then suggest dates in 2012 (I'll assume 1012 was a typo) or making more phone calls and looking into things. I assume I am being given a brush off.


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Old 11-15-2011, 09:20 AM
 
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If behavior is supposed to improve with being 9, someone forgot to tell DD.

 

I've been in front of my computer for almost 4 hours now with two tiny tasks.  The upshot is that I'm now locked out of gmail for spamming (trying to send emails to advisees informing them of an advising lunch) and I still owe all my students their data for the projects, now due in 6 days.

 

ARGH!

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Old 11-15-2011, 10:57 AM
 
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Ive just spent two hours doing math (GRE) problems, working through equations that it turns out they werent even asking me about in the first place. I cant seem to get the hang of GRE-eze, so Im constantly answering the wrong question and then wondering why my answer is not among the choices. Makes me feel like I have NO inductive or deductive reasoning ability whatsoever.

As for 9 year old girls, loveeyes.gif mine is pretty awesome. Never went through any phase (maybe she was little b**chier at 7?), but I can already see all the phases coming down the pike with DD2

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Old 11-15-2011, 10:19 PM
 
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The organization that hosted the 5K I ran with R a couple of weeks ago posted photos. Isn't this an awesome photo from her first race?
6349012865_fbfb3aefcb.jpg

love.gif

Lisa  caffix.gif and her wonderful girls: R (9) violin.gif &  J (3-3/4) coolshine.gif 
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Old 11-15-2011, 10:34 PM
 
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That photo needs to be framed!


Married 12/08 to Chilean DH and mama to DD 2/2/10. We're a bilingual home and we familybed1.gif and toddler.gif

 

Expecting #2 in late June!

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Old 11-15-2011, 10:40 PM
 
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Congrats, kitteh! Imagine how insanely fast you would be without the stroller and the IT band issues... are you planning on doing the half stroller-less?

 

Real, that is terrific! She's so adorable!

 

mommajb, my kids take turns doing the super-sweet when the other sibling is freaking out bit, too.

 

Geo, sparkle, Lax4- hug2.gifand wishing all of you smooth, productive, calmer days tomorrow.

 

I have two younger girls. Stop freaking me out. I see hints of what may be to come in my newly-6-year-old, though...

 

RR- I did my first bootcamp since June today. I think I'll be a little sore tomorrow- my planks and step-ups have suffered from the lack of practice. On the running side, I was second to finish when we ran lines- behind only one guy who is well over a foot taller than me. I'm being stupidly competitive, but I was proud.

 


"Guess what? It's a magical world. And when I sing, my songs are in it."
Madly in love with my 7 and 4 year old daughters

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Old 11-16-2011, 04:56 AM
 
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Just a quick hello, and oh, boy, what a sweet photo, Real! Love the expression on your face, too.

 

Sparkle banghead.gif I don't know how you're doing it! I look at GRE questions with my students sometimes and I feel so stupid!

 

La4, sending hugs, mama.


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Old 11-16-2011, 05:22 AM
 
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Awesome photo Real!

 

Sparkle, GRE questions are like a game. The trick is figuring out the key to the game. Which questions are you having trouble with? Maybe I can help a little.

 

Had what I thought was a great 6 miler yesterday, midday. But it must have been too soon after lunch or something because I felt horribly nauseated for the rest of the day. Oh well. Trying to get into the rhythm of just...you know, running. Without a training plan. It's not my best thing, being without a plan, but I have no races on the horizon. I am not going to Disney.

 

More to say, but...I don't know. Maybe on the yahoogroup again. I am feeling invisible in the extreme, to my dh. Things have just been..so not good lately. Sigh.

 

Teaching is going well, though. I don't like the commute but I do like being in the classroom again, a lot. I know the teacher I'm substituting for is extending her leave by at least a week which is good for me. I'm hoping things work out so I can get something more permanent next year.

 

 


 "Now bid me run, and I will strive with things impossible." (William Shakespeare -- Julius Caesar)

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Old 11-16-2011, 06:08 AM
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hug2.gif Nic. And Good for you on the job!  I'm not surprised to hear you are tearing it up, though! 

 

Real - I agree, definitely a picture to be framed!!!  How fun!

 

Girls - I am keeping my mouth shut about what happens at the 7-10+ age.  I think a lot of it depends on the kid, though.  I know that my 10 year old is definitely having hormonal swings!  She was in very distraught, disconsolate tears the other day because her sisters were reading the Phineas and Ferb magazine before she did.  I get wanting to be the first to read it, but that much angst about it?!  Really?

 

NRR: Worked 9am-2pm, came home for a few hours, and then went back to work 9pm-midnight!  Oh, and I got my schedule for next week.  I have one 6am-10am shift the day before Thanksgiving, and then am working Black Friday from 3:30am-10am!  I don't understand why the kickoff to the holiday season has to happen in the middle of the night!  I don't think there is anything that can't be done during normal store hours!  I'm going to have to cut my Thanksgiving Day plans short in order to be able to sleep a little before I work a long shift in the middle of the night!!!!  I just think it's ridiculous.

 

RR: maybe today?


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Not perfect, Just amazing!
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Old 11-16-2011, 07:49 AM
 
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Nic - hug.gif I'm SO happy to hear about the teaching luxlove.gif though. It's just the beginning....

more later...

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Old 11-16-2011, 08:25 AM
 
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Real ~ LOVE the picture!  Your DD looks so thrilled to be beating her Mama twins.gif.

 

Nic ~ so sorry your DH isn't treating you the way you deserve hug2.gif.  But it's wonderful that you're enjoying the teaching gig so much.  I do hope it turns into something more permenant.

 

bec ~ those hours are NUTS!  I remember well the Black Friday to Christmas craziness from my years working at the Gap.

 

RE:  7-year-old daughters ~ yeah, mine screamed at me at least 3 times this morning because 1) I told her she couldn't go on the computer before school, 2) I asked her to get dressed, and 3) I was trying to help her study for her geography test.  Gee, I'm so mean eyesroll.gif.

 

NRR (because there is no running to report) ~  DD2 still has a fever, so she's home with me again today.  We're baking again, and cleaning, and watching My Little Pony episodes bag.gif.  I hope she feels better soon.  Mama needs to get out of the house!


~~Kristina~~ Mama to DS(10/30/01), DD1(VBAC 3/28/04) and DD2(HBAC 5/21/06)
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Old 11-16-2011, 09:16 AM
 
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JayGee, I have decided "You are so mean!" is not allowed. They may say any of the following:
I don't like wearing clean underwear.
I don't like you telling me to brush my teeth before school.
I would rather you shave my head than that I would ever have to brush my hair again.
My lunch in boring. Everyone else gets to eat candy everyday for lunch.
A shower? I went swimming!
etc.
They may not call me mean. In the bigger, more serious picture I am trying to teach them positive communication skills. NVC calls for 'I' statements rather than combative, blame placing you phrasing. If they can own their feelings they might be able to identify positive solutions by the time they are 28 years old. Re-reading this it sounds like I know the right way but I just can't make myself do it either. redface.gif

Nic, it is great to hear how you are enjoying the teaching.

Real, I :heart that photo! It could be the next dingo shirt and she would be famous.

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Old 11-16-2011, 09:45 AM
 
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mommajb  you are brilliant. once again.


Kristin -- mom of Erin (11/5/02) and Leah (9/29/05)
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Old 11-16-2011, 09:52 AM
 
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mommajb  you are brilliant. once again.


Indeed! 

 

DD doesn't actually say I'm mean.  She shrieks at me through gritted teeth and throws stuff eyesroll.gif.  Fun.
 

 


~~Kristina~~ Mama to DS(10/30/01), DD1(VBAC 3/28/04) and DD2(HBAC 5/21/06)
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Old 11-16-2011, 11:20 AM
 
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I'm with kerc and JayGee.

 

How do you talk to your kids about using 'I' statements?  Do you spell it out...  "When you are angry tell me what you are thinking by starting your statements with 'I'"?  Or do you model it, or rephrase their statements instead?  "I hear you say 'you're mean,' but I suspect you are trying to say 'I don't like wearing clean underwear."

 

I'm curious what this looks like in the field.  Waiting for the mommajb response. 

 

I did dredge up from some depths of memory in my email to DD's teacher to put everything in "I" statements.  She did seem to hear my comments (as evidenced by the comments on DD's homework), so there might be something to it all.

 

Off to a defense.

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Old 11-16-2011, 11:27 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Geofizz View Post

How do you talk to your kids about using 'I' statements?  Do you spell it out...  "When you are angry tell me what you are thinking by starting your statements with 'I'"?  Or do you model it, or rephrase their statements instead?  "I hear you say 'you're mean,' but I suspect you are trying to say 'I don't like wearing clean underwear."

When I remember to do it.....

 

it looks like

Erin: "grrr. (clenched fists and teeth barred)."

Me: "I can tell you are really unhappy because I asked you to put on pants before reading this morning"

 

but I hadn't thought to have the heart to heart, new rule -- no more you are so mean. I think it's time for a family conversation in a "sunny window" time  because I adore that concept. What I really love about it all is that it means "I" am responsible for what happens to me and "I" am not a victim. Talk about esteem building. Once again bow.gif before the wise mamas here. Mommajb you rock.


Kristin -- mom of Erin (11/5/02) and Leah (9/29/05)
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Old 11-16-2011, 12:36 PM
 
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Dh has the kids rephrase what they are saying, not necessarily focused around "I" but about what you want vs. dont want.

Ex: DS: "I hate driving DD1 to climbing, you always make me drive there..!!"

Dh: "Dont tell me what you dont like/dont want, tell me what you do like/want. How you say things is important. When you say what you want/like, you are half-way to a solution"

Ds: "I like and want to stay at home or at after-care while you drive DD ..."

DS is a big complainer, frequently blaming others for his miserable life eyesroll.gif, so we do this with him regularly, and it is amazing how it takes the piss and vinegar out of what he is saying and turns it into a problem to solve. When he sees that (that he can solve it) he clms down, or is less hostile.

This kind of talk happens in tandem with talking about feeling vs. name calling. You are not allowed to call anyone a name, you must tell them how their actions make you feel (but if this leads to complaining, then we go to the step above lol.gif)


It's true, words matter!

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Old 11-16-2011, 12:48 PM
 
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Brilliant approach Sparkle.  I'll be using it today.  Likely during today's review of homework.

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Old 11-16-2011, 01:16 PM
 
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Wanted to add:

Real - beautiful photo of you both!!

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Old 11-16-2011, 01:32 PM
 
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In the field? There is in the moment encouragement to reword things, to figure out what the real problem is, and to find a possibe solution. There are attempts to find sunny windows but... Redirection, redirection, redirection. When they do manage it on their own I try to accomodate requests and to tell them what they did so well -particularly if I think it took extra effort or if I "see the wheels turning" as they try. Sparkle explained it so well.

You don’t owe them an explanation, just a response.
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Old 11-16-2011, 02:40 PM
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Mommajb, Sparkle - Brilliant!!  Gives me a lot to think about!  I will definitely be starting to implement these ideas!

 

RR: So, I did get to the gym!  Yeah, me!  I did shoulders/arms strength, and then ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill.  2.5 miles.  I was actually going at a slightly faster pace than I have been when running outside, so that was good.  I would love to gain back some speed (like bringing me down to an 11:00 minute pace, rather than the over 13:00 pace I currently run outside!).


Mama to: Katie, Emily , and Abby
Not perfect, Just amazing!
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Old 11-16-2011, 03:11 PM
 
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I'm going to implement these with my almost 3 year old.  She's so verbal, but so quick to yell and by that point I can't understand what she is saying to me.  I feel like I've lost all my patience with her, so this will help me reign us both back in.

 

I love you ladies. :)


Jen - Mama to V (b. 2-18-09) and AJ (b. 10-9-11) Wife to DH

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Old 11-16-2011, 04:38 PM
 
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I need to implement these strategies with ALL my kids. Thank you Mommajen and wise mamas!

 

DrJ I got the dress today in the mail...it's gorgeous. It might be too long on me, have to try it on. Thank you so much! What a incredibly lovely color.

 

So...I made a bunch of homemade stuff today (after gasping in horror at some of the ingredients on boxes of stuff at Costco): granola, chewy granola bars, chocolate pudding. Dh who really pretty much has something negative to say about EVERYTHING I cook, said the chocolate pudding was too...chocolatey. Like, um...really? How is such a thing even possible?! My kids were in heaven and frankly, so am I. I ate his.


 "Now bid me run, and I will strive with things impossible." (William Shakespeare -- Julius Caesar)

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