Shouted insults while running - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 19 Old 08-23-2012, 05:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Is this common? Do lots of women have to deal with this? The one day I went out without my head phones I had six separate boys/men shout insults at me. Bitch, whore, dyke, lesbian, and a bunch in Spanish I didn't really follow.

Why? I was minding my own business. I'm sorry I am not attractive to you? I'm sorry my body is lumpy? I'm sorry that my clothes are frumpy? I don't know. But I thought I was past the stage of boys on bicycles chasing me. I feel unsafe and scared. I'm 44 days away from a marathon and all of a sudden I don't want to run any more in my neighborhood. This really sucks.

My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

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#2 of 19 Old 08-23-2012, 05:46 AM
 
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Damn them. That sucks.

I've gotten this before too, and the only thing I can think is that they are expecting you to pay attention to them and you arent, so of course that makes you a bitch and a dyke. Honestly, it probably doesnt have that much to do with your appearance. When I lived in an urban environment and ran I was yelled at like that all the time- before kids, when I wasnt fat. The worst was, "That titty gonna give you a black eye." WTF? Dude, Im just trying to exercise!

 

I resorted to parks and tracks.


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#3 of 19 Old 08-23-2012, 07:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I went to the gym today. The problem is, I really have to be training on the road otherwise I won't be able to handle the marathon. :( I'm so tired of feeling unsafe.

 

Thanks for responding. :)


My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

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#4 of 19 Old 08-23-2012, 07:36 AM
 
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I suppose you could try going to a better neighborhood to run. Time consuming, I understand, but I don't know what else to suggest.
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#5 of 19 Old 08-23-2012, 07:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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That really depresses me.


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#6 of 19 Old 08-23-2012, 07:58 AM
 
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hug2.gif Some people can't grow up I guess. The last time I got comments about my looks was in middle school, mean girl stuff. We also lived in a neighborhood then where we would get catcalls and we were all around 9 to 12 years old and these men were like in their 40s. Gross.

 

My exercise of choice is hiking and people are always polite on the trails. Can you drive to another neighborhood like pp suggested? 

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#7 of 19 Old 08-23-2012, 10:10 AM
 
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Sorry that happened to you greensad.gif it's such a disheartening thing to experience. I can't think of a time when I've been insulted while running, thank goodness, but one day I was walking with DP pushing DS in a stroller, when some jerk yelled out the window of his car, "bitch has a big ass!" then drove off laughing with his stupid friends. It was so hurtful and embarrassing, I actually cried. I do kinda have a big butt, and I've never thought of that as a freakish or overly negative thing- and who knows, in his lowlife mind he thought it was a compliment(??)... It was mostly the idea that I started that day as a mommy and a wife on a nice stroll with my sweetie, until this person demoted me to a "bitch" who's purpose is to be ogled, sexually objectified, and publicly humiliated. Such a gross feeling.

Good luck with your continued training. I wish these idiots would grow up, and I hope we can learn to let that stuff roll off better...
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#8 of 19 Old 08-24-2012, 08:54 AM
 
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Oh I'm so sorry.  It's so unsettling to feel unsafe exercising.  When people do things like that it always make me sad to think of what kind of parenting they had.

 

How are your same routes at a different time of day?  I ask because this Summer I have been running in the morning to avoid the heat but a side effect is that I see mostly other moms with strollers or little old ladies walking little dogs.  The hecklers must all still be asleep!

 

Other ideas I used waaaaay back when I was training for a marathon:  borrow a dog to run with, run with buddies (I had friends/family take shifts on my long runs so I had company the whole way), have someone bike your runs with you, keep your phone with you for peace of mind, (as others said) run on bike trails or hiking trails instead of urban, do other races as training runs.  I have a friend who carries pepper spray on her runs.  It's sad to change what we are doing in response to jerks and I'm not suggesting that you have to; but I hope you can finding training that feels safe and works for you. 

 

You'll rock your marathon!
 

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#9 of 19 Old 08-24-2012, 10:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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That is a lot of very good advice, thank you snuggly. I really appreciate all of those tactics. :)


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#10 of 19 Old 08-27-2012, 06:29 PM
 
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Girl. You are 40 days (I think that's right now) away from running a marathon. Think about that! Not many of us can say that, myself included. So you've got to ask yourself, would it be more damaging to your spirit to allow these horrible boars inside your head and to change your training just forty days out from the race, or to risk going out and training like you always have, and risk hearing insults that might not happen every run? In the short term, you might be tempted to say the latter would be more detrimental. But in the long run (OMG PUN SO INTENDED), you'll likely be happier if you decide to say "Screw you guys, I'm about to rock this MARATHON." 

 

You mentioned you took your headphones out for that run. Well I just might suggest putting them right back in, putting on some empowering music, and hitting the road. 

 

Isn't it weird that a lot of people resent "lumpy" (I'm using your word) people when they work out? These are the same people who shame people for being "fat." So they shame you if you're "fat," but then they shame you if you work out. It makes no sense. I have been called those same names on runs, people have honked at red lights to scare me (spoiler alert: it totally worked), seen a man expose himself...running "in the wild" can be nuts if your wild kingdom is a city. I am so sorry this happened to you, but I'm just so in awe of your marathon training. I hope you realize how big of a deal that is. 

 

Keep your chin up, girl, and keep on keepin' on! CONGRATS on your training blowkiss.gif


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#11 of 19 Old 09-10-2012, 07:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IntownDoula View Post

Girl. You are 40 days (I think that's right now) away from running a marathon. Think about that! Not many of us can say that, myself included. So you've got to ask yourself, would it be more damaging to your spirit to allow these horrible boars inside your head and to change your training just forty days out from the race, or to risk going out and training like you always have, and risk hearing insults that might not happen every run? In the short term, you might be tempted to say the latter would be more detrimental. But in the long run (OMG PUN SO INTENDED), you'll likely be happier if you decide to say "Screw you guys, I'm about to rock this MARATHON." 

 

You mentioned you took your headphones out for that run. Well I just might suggest putting them right back in, putting on some empowering music, and hitting the road. 

 

Isn't it weird that a lot of people resent "lumpy" (I'm using your word) people when they work out? These are the same people who shame people for being "fat." So they shame you if you're "fat," but then they shame you if you work out. It makes no sense. I have been called those same names on runs, people have honked at red lights to scare me (spoiler alert: it totally worked), seen a man expose himself...running "in the wild" can be nuts if your wild kingdom is a city. I am so sorry this happened to you, but I'm just so in awe of your marathon training. I hope you realize how big of a deal that is. 

 

Keep your chin up, girl, and keep on keepin' on! CONGRATS on your training blowkiss.gif

I couldn't agree more!  Rightkindofme, you are awesome, fit and beautiful!  I run a fair amount and ALWAYS carry pepper spray.  I do live in Montana, but we had a runner kidnapped from a small community earlier this year and it really hit home that those things can happen.  I don't want to be scared and quit doing it, but I will be aware and take steps to ensure my safety.  I also prefer early mornings and I take my dog if I'm not going too far and it's not going to be too hot.  
I am so sorry that those jerks did that.  That would be difficult to overcome, but if you can run a marathon...  you can do it!!!!  We have faith in you mama!!!!  Keep up the good work!

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#12 of 19 Old 09-10-2012, 08:22 PM
 
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I taught my daughter that Bitch was short for

Boys
I'm
Taking
Control
Here


Keep up the great work! Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.
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#13 of 19 Old 09-11-2012, 08:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you! I have 26 days to go. I have been leaving my house at 5am. Only very civilized people or homeless people are out and the homeless people like me because I'm a soft touch and I see them a lot.

I was out running the other day and I came upon a bunch of cops at a crime scene twiddling their thumbs. I stopped and asked what I should do about the kids on bikes because my first choice of ways to handle it is to run with a stick that I will shove through their wheels. I have been in a lot of fights. I'm not afraid of pain. He laughed and told me to start by carrying my phone in my hand on video mode. What they are doing isn't technically illegal and if I start a fight because I feel terrorized I will need proof that they started things or I'll be in big trouble.

I don't know that I would actually start a fight. I'm kind of old and I try to be less impulsive. It felt good to flat out tell a police officer that it is happening and I plan to defend myself. He didn't tell me not to. He said the video will do a lot more good for me. But he didn't tell me to shut up and take it. I think that was one of the most positive police interactions of my entire life.

I need to start martial arts. God I want to hit people.

My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

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#14 of 19 Old 09-18-2012, 06:01 AM
 
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I had that problem, bigger problem, when they shout your name... Along with fat... or they wistle and try and trying to get attention

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#15 of 19 Old 09-18-2012, 06:53 AM
 
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I just get oggled... mostly from cars... generally pretty overtly (I can't figure out why they can't manage to at least be discrete, but maybe some are?).  I find it creepy, but I'm definitely glad no one's yelling insults.  That sounds scary!


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#16 of 19 Old 09-20-2012, 09:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I haven't had an issue again in a while. The marathon is 16 days away.


My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

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#17 of 19 Old 09-25-2012, 01:03 PM
 
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Hooray, that is so amazing to be doing a marathon!

 

I think it is frequently a problem that women have. Almost every woman I know is, or has been, harassed at some point when out running. It is screwed up for so many reasons, but I'm glad you've powered through it and haven't let it stop you from doing whatever you want to. I don't usually get much attention when I'm out running, and even when I do it isn't usually threatening, but it still annoys me. Even if its just a whistle or something it will bother me some, because then I become preoccupied with what I look like and I hate that. I'm running for my own health and enjoyment, so it pisses me off when random men think I'm doing it for their pleasure or that I even give a single shit about what they think. Grr. 

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#18 of 19 Old 12-20-2012, 07:52 AM
 
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Honestly, guys are idiots sometimes....and I have also had to deal with the comments...truth be told, they were probably happening when you couldn't hear them (with your ear phones in), so maybe you should just continue to run where you want (during the day to feel safer) and screw what they have to say. If you can't hear it, then it doesn't affect you.  I'm sure they will eventually stop. I had to stop running because of some severe back pain issues I'm dealing with, to the point of having to wear back shoes, but I have been where you are....and I found the best approach was not to let it bother or phase you at all.  Just go on about your business, like I said...if you didn't forget your ear phones that day, you wouldn't have heard any of there negative talk anyway!

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#19 of 19 Old 12-21-2012, 04:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you. I finished the marathon so I haven't been running as steadily. I've been making my husband go with me and thats nice.

My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

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